For those of you who don’t consume five different media platforms before your morning dump, let me catch you up: Olly Murs (best known for his British charm and the song “Dance With Me Tonight”) recently went through an intense 12-week transformation ahead of a 33-date UK and Ireland tour. But it wasn’t his stamina that got people talking — it was the before-and-after photos of his body.
Before I get rawdogged by the comments, let me clarify: at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about your body. Your body is not for our intake. Your body is not for consumption — at least not in public. What matters for Olly Murs is how he feels about his body. This article isn’t here to say whether Olly looks better or worse now — whatever floats his boat. It’s to explain to men why, when asked which version of the singer looked better, the majority of women voted for the “before” pic, while men preferred the “after.”
Do you want to know why we choose au natural over glow-up? Betches spoke to Eloise Skinner, an author and psychotherapist, about the desirability of the dad bod.
Olly Murs Before And After
Two side-by-side pics were shared online: one showing Olly looking like a regular dad, the other featuring a shredded, gym-hardened torso. Women overwhelmingly expressed a preference for the “before” version.
“Amazing hard work well done, but I prefer the left pic.”
“Think dad bod looks better.”
“I prefer you as the before picture if truly honest.”
Meanwhile, men just declared his new look to be a “sick transformation, brotha!” Classic.
Doctoral psychology researcher William Costello reposted the photos on X with a poll to get to the bottom of the divide, and that’s when the internet exploded.
Almost 5,000 people voted. Of those, 42.6% were men who preferred the “after” pic, while only 7% of women agreed. On the flip side, 26.8% were women said they preferred the “before” pic, and 23.6% were men who did, too.
To girlmath for the numerically challenged: women were nearly three times more likely to prefer how Olly looked before his transformation. And men? Did not take this well. One guy shared the results with the caption, “Why are women lying about this? Like, what’s the actual cause?”
A feminist account reshared his post, along with the message, “I’m begging men to understand that we aren’t lying.” Another user chimed in, “It blows my mind that men cannot understand why we prefer the first photo.” One person boiled it down: “The male and female gaze are completely different.”
So, while I don’t believe it’s really up to us to decide if Olly is “improved,” I can explain why women might gravitate toward the “before” shot — and why that’s confusing for men. Buckle up.
Why Do Women Prefer The Before Picture?
Let’s start with the male gaze. The term was introduced by art critic John Berger to explain how art and media shape how we view reality.
“The ‘male gaze’ invokes the sexual politics of the gaze and suggests a sexualized way of looking that empowers men and objectifies women,” one academic explained in The Conversation. “In the male gaze, woman is visually positioned as an object of heterosexual male desire. Her feelings, thoughts, and own sexual drives are less important than her being framed by male desire.”
In contrast, the female gaze has gained traction in recent years. As a bisexual femme woman, I’m intimately familiar with this concept — and also mildly tormented by it. The female gaze isn’t just about objectifying men in return. It challenges the dominant narrative and instead emphasizes comfort, individuality, and authenticity.
Dressing for the female gaze? It’s about being cozy. Showing personality. Looking like yourself. Olly’s “before” pic gives off exactly that. He looks comfortable. He looks like he’s enjoying life, not chained to the gym. And as a soon-to-be father of two? That makes perfect sense — and is honestly a little sexy.
Another layer: many women have been conditioned to make themselves smaller. I know I’ve struggled with dating men who are physically smaller than me because it makes me hyper-aware of my own size. They rarely care, and I’m working on not caring either. But seeing a fuller-bodied guy — like Olly in the before pic — can feel like a relief. It reminds me that attraction isn’t a zero-sum game.
“There’s probably an association between the dad bod and other preferable traits for women — things like being friendly, safe, a good potential father figure, warm/intimate,” Skinner explains. “The dad bod might carry these associations because it portrays a less harsh image of masculinity, which can often be seen as less threatening.”
She adds, “Extremely chiseled men might signal priorities around appearance or fitness goals — which is great for them! But, those traits might not top the list of what women want in a partner. It might surprise men because they assume their appearance is the main selling point. But that perspective might not be shared by the person they’re trying to attract.”
As women, our bodies are dissected all the fucking time. That doesn’t mean we should dissect others, even celebs like Olly, but it does mean that we will offer empathy and consideration when we see a perfectly healthy and attractive figure.
Why Are Men So Mad About This?
Here’s the real kicker: the most fascinating part of this internet saga isn’t that women preferred the before pic (although, imagine the cuddles). It’s that men are so stunned by this. They cannot comprehend it.
Well, honey — you better start believing it.
I genuinely feel for men dealing with body image pressures. We’ve been living in that hell for decades. But the solution isn’t to spread the misery. It’s to opt out of the pressure altogether. Let’s not aim for equal-opportunity body shame — let’s aim to end it.
But here’s where it gets messy. The media has turned up the heat on male aesthetics. Where men once saw six-packs on covers of magazines specifically targeting bros, now that image is everywhere — from Hollywood rom-coms to deodorant commercials. Add in a constant parade of hot, size-zero women, and you’ve got a toxic double standard for everyone.
Skinner sympathizes with the reality check for men: “I think it could be disappointing to learn that your preferences aren’t shared by potential partners, especially if you feel you’ve worked so hard to get a particular aesthetic/fitness level. Hard for men in particular, maybe because cultural expectations encourage a certain look, but actual preferences amongst women might differ.”
Here’s what men need to hear: we are not asking for this. We’re not the ones demanding rock-hard abs and veiny forearms. You’re doing it for each other. The shredded body ideal isn’t a romantic strategy — it’s a tool of comparison, competition, and control.
What if we all took this as a wake-up call? What if men actually believed us when we said we’d love you with a belly? What if we all got to be the “before” picture if that’s what makes us happy? And if you want to be the “after” pic, that’s fine too — do it for you, not for the imaginary girlfriend in your head.
Personally, I’ve got leftover pasta calling my name. So yeah, I’m sticking with the before picture.
