Remember when masturbation was supposed to be the ultimate act of self-care? You, your hand (or your toy of choice), and an evening of uninterrupted pleasure. These days, it feels like we’re treating it less like a steamy rendezvous with ourselves and more like checking another box on our daily wellness tracker — right after “drink water” and “hit 10K steps.” And honestly? Hustle culture might be to blame.
We’ve turned our vibrators into productivity tools, aiming for efficiency over ecstasy — because why luxuriate in foreplay when you can climax in 90 seconds flat and get back to your email inbox? But in our race to orgasm, are we actually enjoying ourselves… or just getting it over with?
How Has Hustle Culture Infiltrated How We View Pleasure?
Licensed sexologist and relationship expert Sofie Roos thinks masturbation has become just another box to tick off in our daily grind. And she low-key blames air-wave vibrators — ruh roh, don’t tell Big Vibe.
“They’ve become a way to make masturbation something you can do as effectively as possible by making you orgasm as fast as possible, where orgasm is the end goal rather than having an intimate and relaxing time where you forget about everything but your pleasure,” Sofie says.
“It makes me wonder if the majority use the vibrator because they genuinely love it, or because they want to ‘get it over with’ as quickly as they can with minimal effort,” she continues. “It’s a bit sad. Can’t we slow down and enjoy ourselves without feeling like we need to optimize this moment so we have more time for other things?”
Basically, we’re shopping for vibrators the way we shop for Dyson vacuums — high-performance machines that get the job done fast, not necessarily better.
Dr. Tara, intimacy and relationships expert and co-host of Celebs Go Dating, ties this to hustle culture’s impact on our sex lives. “It’s why people rush to orgasm whether they’re having sex or masturbating,” she explains. “It’s why a lot of people don’t spend that much time on foreplay.”
We’ve learned (slowly) not to skip foreplay with partners — but why do we skip it with ourselves? Why are we taking the straight man approach to masturbation? No atmosphere, no sensuality, no buildup — just vibrator to clit. It’s giving “just stick it in.”
Is It Wrong For Masturbation To Become A Habit?
According to Sofie, not necessarily. Masturbating regularly is always a slay. But she warns that over time, it can lead to a self-pleasure rut and feed into hustle culture’s “get in, get out” mentality.
“You tend to get a more dynamic, sexy, and interesting sex life with yourself if you sometimes switch up the way you masturbate—let it take longer, do things you normally don’t do,” Sofie says. “It’s also a way to get to know your sexuality better by finding new kinds of stimulation you enjoy.”
Frequency isn’t the problem—it’s the autopilot approach that is.
What Role Should Masturbation Play In Our Busy Lives?
When life gets hectic, pleasure is often the first thing to go. But instead of treating it like a nice-to-have, we should be prioritizing it alongside other wellness habits—because self-pleasure improves physical health, sleep, mental well-being, and yes, delivers that post-O glow.
“It’s a self-love and self-care practice,” Dr. Tara explains. “You take care of your physical and mental health. You should take care of your sexual health too. It’s a big facet of your personal life and self-esteem.”
Masturbation is basically your brain’s little happiness cheat code — hello, all those feel-good endorphins and stress-melting vibes. It’s also the easiest (and sexiest) way to get better sleep without popping any weird pills. Plus, getting to know your own body means you can boss up your sex life — solo and partnered.
How Can We Reconnect With Self-Pleasure?
Dr. Tara recommends mindful masturbation: giving yourself time and pleasure without any pressure to orgasm. Focus on connecting your mind and body, and really feeling every sensation. She also suggests sexual meditation—like regular meditation, but centered on sexual thoughts and feelings.
Here are some ways to slow down and channel “The Giver” in your solo sessions:
Prioritize it
Sofie’s top tip: stop treating masturbation as a quick reset, and start treating it as quality time with yourself. That might mean going to bed earlier, blocking off time, or making it a non-negotiable.
Have more than one sex toy
If you can have three pairs of black boots, you can have three vibrators. Rotate between different types—clit suckers, bullet vibrators, wand vibrators, g-spot vibrators, finger vibrators—like you rotate your roster.
Start away from the South Pole
I’m not saying ignore the clit like a man in his early twenties, but don’t rush to it.
“Tease yourself by touching other parts of the body first—nipples, your neck, even around the anus—before building up to the ‘main moment,’” Sofie suggests.
Set the mood
Light the damn candle. Wear the lingerie. Spray the nice perfume. Fresh sheets, sexy playlist—go full production. And remember: many toys are waterproof, so the bathroom’s fair game.
Build it up
Don’t go straight to max power. Slowly increase intensity, take breaks, switch toys or techniques, and actually feel your body.
Daylight this O
Okay, controversial opinion, but I love an afternooner, whether that’s with a partner or on my own. Take 30 minutes mid-day or set your morning alarm earlier. Stop saving it for the last thing at night when you’re already exhausted.
Switching positions like Ariana
Real ones know how elite it is to be fingered in doggie-style position, so why wouldn’t you bring this energy to your solo sessions? If you love a certain sex position with a partner, try it solo—with a toy or your hand. Variety = excitement.
Lube it up
Lube isn’t just for partner play or “dry days.” It can completely change the feel of solo time. Splurge on Ples’Jour silicone lube or keep it cute and affordable with Smile Makers’ Generous Gel.
Get turned on first
With habitual self-pleasure, we whip out our trusty tool and get in the mood through it. But what if we got the spark first, and brought in our vibrator as the solution? Watch some ethical porn, read some sexy stories, dirty text with a situationship, whatever floats your boat. Rub yourself over your clothing like a naughty teenager, and once you’re rearing to go, then bring in a toy.
