What Type Of Holiday Mom Are You? (Therapy Not Included)
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, except for every moment you have to spend in the presence of family. Just kidding, we’re all super grateful to those who gave us life (even though we didn’t really have a choice in the matter), and it’s not their fault that the festive season turns people into absolute monsters. Sometimes, it’s easier to confront the truth through fiction, so we’re going to unearth the terrors of holiday moms through our fave [and least fave] characters!!! Don’t be shy; tell us which holiday mom you are or which one you’ll be waiting to encounter back home. Is it too late to claim I have to work? No, I’m genuinely asking, is it?
Donna Berzatto in The Bear
I think many of us unearthed repressed family trauma during that Christmas episode of The Bear. After watching it, I had to sit in a dark room for a while. Donna Berzatto, played by the incredible Jamie Lee Curtis, is erm… accurate. Donna most notably insists on doing all the cooking and then has a breakdown. She is pretending to have her shit together, then having an epic meltdown before dessert is even served. She claims she will create a ten-course meal and then yells at everyone for asking too much of her. She has likely knocked over the Christmas tree twice before it’s time to take it down. She might claim she likes the gift her daughter-in-law bought her, but her expression clearly says otherwise. Don’t be surprised to see it sitting under the tree next year with a different name tag.
Karen in Love Actually
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SHE IS TOO GOOD. SHE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER. Karen is that mom who works tirelessly to make everyone else happy at Christmas. She is going above and beyond. She knows her daughter is desperate for an LED face mask like her fav influencers wear, so she bought one for her on Black Friday to surprise her. She makes three different dishes to suit everyone’s dietary requirements and doesn’t say a peep. She lets her dirtbag husband walk all over her. You’re a Karen if you handle all the gift shopping for your partner’s family without any help from them. You’re a Karen if you spend hours cooking an elaborate feast while said partner watches the game or socializes. You’re a Karen if you get everyone great gifts and end up with the same tired hand cream under the tree. Revolution time, my Karens, revolution!
Kevin’s mom in Home Alone
Negligent. That’s what she is — a negligent mother. I am not one to judge people’s parenting, but she didn’t realize she had left an entire child at home, not in the car, not in the airport, not in the plane. That is unacceptable, ma’am. This holiday mom is completely unaware of everything going on around her. She doesn’t know how many people are coming for Christmas dinner. She hasn’t done her Christmas shopping until the night before when she’s desperately looking up gift cards. She double-books New Year’s Eve without fail and then says, “Noooo, I’m the worst.” Kevin’s unnamed mom, you are the worst.
Carla in A Bad Moms Christmas
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The holiday season leaves some of us particularly frisky, and that can be said of Kathryn Hahn in A Bad Moms Christmas. Her storyline basically involves her trying to get it on with a very sexy Santa she met while waxing his downstairs. Yep. This holiday mom is desperate to get laid. Forget last-minute gift shopping, she’s going for a last-minute wax on Christmas Eve. If she’s single, she’s spending the office Christmas party on the PROWL. Her Christmas gifts are likely to vibrate and shouldn’t be opened near Gramps with his weak heart. No eggnog for this mom, she can’t risk bloating in her sexy Christmassy number, she’ll go straight for the hard stuff instead. Mrs.Claus role play, here she comes!!
Tipper in Happiest Season
You may know her simply as Harper’s mom, and that’s fine, as that is her entire personality for this film. She is Harper’s mom, who somehow doesn’t realize that Abby (Kristen Stewart) is more queer than the entire The L Word cast combined. She believes her daughter brought her orphan roommate home for the holidays?? She then believes Dan Levy is Abby’s ex-boyfriend — GIRL. This is the delulu holiday mom. The one that believes in her son’s weird business schemes or that her daughter has a boyfriend named Paul Mescal who unfortunately couldn’t join as he has to visit his family in Ireland (bummer!!!). She sees you reading ACOTAR, so she thinks you’ll appreciate a copy of Jane Eyre. She misses all of the loaded comments flying between various family members and just thinks it’s nice everyone has so much to say. Tipper’s mind is a nicer place to be this Christmas.
Lorelai Gilmore in Gilmore Girls
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Boundaries? Those don’t exist at Christmas, especially not in Stars Hollow— or your household! Lorelai is more bestie than mom and doesn’t see anything wrong with that. She expects everyone to dress up in matching pajamas and perhaps even sleep in the same bed — WE LOVE A CHRISTMAS EVE SLEEPOVER, RIGHT? She’s got her kids the best gift ever and needs to stare at them intensely as they open it. If they don’t immediately react with unparalleled joy, she’ll begin sobbing and saying she’s a “failure.” A weekend together for the holidays? No, she expects five working days minimum and doesn’t expect to do any work during those. If her kids ever need to go to their in-laws or have other plans for the holiday, she’ll sob hysterically down the phone until they change their minds.
Monica in Friends
We all love Monica. She’s the person who remembers to reserve restaurants, keeps the group chat ignited and goes above and beyond. But while those people are helpful in day-to-day life, they become absolutely unbearable during the holidays. Monica has a schedule for each day of the holidays, with half-hour increments including “Gingerbread house competition,” “catch up over tea and cookies,” and “iron all wrapping paper for reuse.” She will spend the entire day panicking about cooking Christmas dinner and then spend the entire meal terrified someone will spill red wine on her special tablecloth — and she’s right to worry. She bought everyone’s gifts eleven months ago and spent double the Secret Santa budget.
Lily van der Woodsen in Gossip Girl
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Here’s the truth of the matter: you’re guaranteed a smashing Christmas spread at Serena’s mom’s house. You can expect truffle roast potatoes, slow-smoked parsnips, teppanyaki reindeer served at the table and more. But Lily will not enter the kitchen the entire day, nor will she even pretend to. That’s the difference between Lily and some other holiday moms on this list: she won’t pretend. Girlie can’t tell you how to work that oven, and she’s proud to admit it. Don’t expect a basic bitch stuffing at her dinner table; this one features caviar and lemon zest. Everything that could be done with extra pazzaz will be. Each year, her tree has a new color scheme, and all the gifts under the tree are fake so that they could be the right size and shape—don’t worry, everyone’s getting Macy’s gift cards.
Jones in Bridget Jones’ Diary
AKA the best Christmas film ever made, and I will not hear otherwise (unless we’re talking about Holidate…). While Bridget Jones is a total queen, her mom has got shit to answer for. Here’s the thing about holiday moms like Mrs. Jones (yes, she doesn’t have a first name, this adds to the character pack): they do mean well. She wants everyone to enjoy Christmas, but she just can’t help herself. You guessed it, we’re getting comments about our weight! She will raise her eyebrows and make a sound each time you reach for a serving platter, but then defensively insist that she “didn’t say anything!” She’ll load the table with delicious treats and cakes, but be shocked if you actually help yourself to anything. She’ll spend Christmas Day bemoaning all the food she ate but then brag about how well she fits into her new clothes.
Gloria Pritchett in Modern Family
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While Gloria is likely to be your favorite character on Modern Family, she might not be your favorite mom during the festive season, especially if she’s your MIL — ruh roh. Gloria’s sole mission is to outdo everyone else. She brought the most extravagant decorations, the most excessive gifts, and a feast to feed an entire college dorm. Not only that, but she will look fucking fabulous doing it. Every moment is a photo op for this holiday mom, and she won’t hesitate to post these candid snaps on Instagram. This holiday mom exists online first and offline second. #familytimeisthebesttime #allIwantforchristmasismyfamily #mommasboyisfinallyhome
Kirsten Cohen in The O.C.
Kirsten is the holiday mom who tells you to immediately invite anyone who doesn’t have plans for the holiday. Your roommate’s lab partner? Invite them! Your 70-year-old neighbor who doesn’t speak a word of English and can’t go anywhere without her four crusty white dogs? Invite her/them, she’ll think of a doggy-friendly menu! Your co-worker who just got dumped after walking in on his girlfriend engaging in a Santa costume orgy? Invite them, she’ll immediately remove all triggering Santa decorations. As a result, the table is always packed with random people who don’t know each other, and conversation can be a little stilted. But with enough booze, it’ll turn into one heck of a party, and trust me, Kirsten is pouring the booze freely. She also doesn’t really believe in gifts, and when you ask what to get her for Christmas, she smiles sweetly and says, “Everyone just getting along.” Best believe she’ll pull each person aside for a massive heart-to-heart and review of their relationship this year. Spotify Wrapped has got nothing on Kirsten Cohen.
Vivian Banks in The Fresh Prince of Bel Air
Last — but she’ll never be least in this household — we’ve got Vivian Banks. He might be the ‘Fresh Prince,’ but Aunt Viv is the QUEEN of every household. She knows what everyone needs this holiday season without them even asking. Your fave yogurt is already in the fridge, an extra blanket is next to the bed, and five brands of tampons are stocked in every bathroom. But you won’t be getting off easy with Viv. Any still attending college will get a full interrogation; she wants to know more than your major, and she needs a breakdown of every single class you are currently taking or plan to sign up for. If you’re in the sad world of employment, Viv will ask detailed questions about your job, career ambitions, and when you plan to go to the office for once. And if you’re single? Lord help you; there is not enough wine in this house. Girlie is asking the real questions, so start prepping your answers beforehand.
Fleurine Tideman