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Super Cute, Sexy Excuses To Cancel Plans If Your Stomach Is Trying To Kill You

You’re in your cutest fit, ready to head out the door and meet the one non-creep you found on Hinge (congrats, btw!). Then it happens. Your stomach starts cramping, sweat drips down your forehead, and you get that all-too-familiar feeling that you’ve gotta go number 2 NOW!! And this isn’t a quick dump-and-go situation. Nope, you know you and your toilet seat are about to get very acquainted for the next few hours. This isn’t an “I’ll be late” text but a “Sorry, I can’t make it” situation.

In a perfect world, you could just say, “Hey! I have to shit myself, so let’s reschedule.” But let’s be honest. You’re probably not going to hear from the Hinge guy again (and your text might go viral). You need a really good excuse to get you out of your plans without ruining the possibility of future ones. I mean, who wants to miss out on the potential love of their life because of some tummy issues?

So, if you want to keep it cute, here are some excuses to cancel your plans when you have a bathroom emergency. Good luck, babe!

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Super Cute, Sexy Excuses To Cancel Plans If You Have A Tummy Ache 

“I need to take a mental health day.”

Do you know the mental toll a stomach ache takes on you? This excuse isn’t even a lie.  

“I have to work late.”

This one is a classic that is totally believable. It makes it easier to reschedule — just make sure to come prepared next time with an anecdote about how much you hate work. 

“My horoscope said danger would find me if I left my house.”

No one can argue with the stars. 

“I have to celebrate this obscure religious holiday you don’t know about.”

Try to be as vague as possible. The less they know about your religious affiliation, the easier this excuse is to pull off. 

“I have a slight fever.”

Nothing crazy! Like 99 degrees or something. Enough to stay home, but not bad enough for him to picture you on the toilet crying. Hot!

“I just made a huge investment move, and I need to stay home to see how it pans out.”

Don’t answer any follow-up questions. It’s confidential, but you’ll make a lot of money. But not enough money that you have to pay for the next date. You’re a girl in STEM!!

“I hurt myself working out.”

A gym girlie? Very cute. Tell him you work out and get out of plans simultaneously — win-win.

“I need to take care of my pet.”

Even though your cat couldn’t give two shits about you being home or not, who says you can’t use them as an excuse?

“I have an urgent call with China.”

An international call came up that you have to deal with. You’re a Big Deal Businessperson! Ugh, being important is so hard.

Enjoy that call with your client, Mr. Porcelain Bowl.

Syeda Khaula Saad
Syeda Khaula Saad
Syeda Khaula Saad is a sex & dating writer at Betches despite not remembering the last time she was in a relationship. Just take her word for it.