If you’ve been following the news, you’d know that Hurricane Milton is only hours away from touching land and it’s set to be one of the most dangerous and powerful storms Florida and that area of the world has seen in about a century. It’s a category 4 (previously 5) hurricane — a.k.a. a deadly storm that officials are desperately begging people to evacuate from. Seriously, Florida authorities are not playing around, issuing warnings like “evacuate or die,” which feels very dramatic… except that, yeah, it’s true.
But one person who seems to have missed all the “get out now” memos? Your fave (I say “your,” because she’s definitely not my fave) messy influencer and self-proclaimed scammer, Caroline Calloway. Yep, while normal humans are boarding up windows, gassing up their cars, and fleeing for their lives, Caroline is out here tweeting through it and sharing IG stories.
I have champagne and four generations of Floridians in my veins. It’ll be fine.
— ◥◤Caroline Calloway (@carolinecaloway) October 9, 2024
Caroline casually announced in a video earlier this week that she was probably “going to die,” because what else would you expect from someone who once sold “creative workshops” that never existed? Her Sarasota home is smack in the middle of a “mandatory evacuation zone” — Zone A, which is literally first in line for getting hit by this storm. And yet, she’s refusing to leave.
Her reasons? They’re not great. First, she can’t drive. Seriously. So to her, that rules out hopping in a car like the rest of Florida. To be fair, the chaos has shut down a lot of transportation. She also cites previous “evacuation trauma” as a reason for staying put. Apparently, the last time she evacuated to her mom’s house during Hurricane Ian, they were stuck in flooded streets without power or water for three days until the U.S. military stepped in. So yeah, not exactly a luxury vacay.
Trauma or not, staying in the direct path of a category 5 hurricane seems like a bold choice. And yet, Caroline is staying home with her cat, a bathtub full of “backup water” (which honestly sounds like a new Calloway-branded skincare line), and enough snacks to weather the storm. And while it would be easy to make some sort of joke about an “influencer survival guide,” this is actually too insane to make fun of.
The thing is, she knows that there is the potential that Milton could be lethal. In fact, she’s been blasting it on Twitter and Instagram like it’s part of her next book promo. “For more great advice, buy my second book! It’s called Elizabeth Wurtzel and Caroline Calloway’s Guide to Life. It’s about to come out if I survive! 😉 Cute!!!!! <3,” she tweeted. I’m truly at a loss for words.
Let’s not forget, this is the same woman who notoriously scammed her followers out of hundreds of dollars for events that never happened, sold a six-figure book deal that never materialized, and graced us all with a skincare line named Snake Oil. So, should we be surprised that she’s treating a deadly hurricane like another opportunity for internet clout? Absolutely not. But are we all still direly concerned? Oh yeah.
There’s a lot to be said here, especially because many people in Florida are actually unable to get out whether it’s because of financial limitations or the sheer fact that they don’t have the means to evacuate — and then there’s Caroline joking through the fact that she could seriously be hurt or even killed. All we can do is hope for the best for everyone — pray that this is just another scam by Caroline, and that she’s actually on her way out.
