Being The “Chill Girl” Won’t Save Your Relationship, Trust Me

Ladies, we’ve been tricked. We’ve been told our entire lives through movies and TV shows that being the cool, “chill” girl is what would take us farthest in life. We’ve been conditioned to believe that being laid back is what’s key to having men love us and staying in relationships with us. Well, I’m here to tell you that all of that is pure and utter bullshit, and that being the “chill” girl will do nothing for you except leave you with knots in your chest and full of thousands of words you wish you said.

Who Is A Chill Girl?

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Now who exactly is a chill girl? We’re taught that it’s someone who doesn’t make a huge fuss about things, checks out other girls with their partners, doesn’t care about their boyfriend going to strip clubs, and who doesn’t make a big deal out of being jealous over “the little things.” A chill girl is just that — so chill that nothing can phase her. And for a long time I bought into that. I held my tongue and pretended to brush over things that upset me because I didn’t want to seem like I wasn’t “chill.” And I have to tell you, looking back, all that’s done for me is give me acid reflux.

The Idea Of A “Chill” Girl Is A Scam

We are humans with emotions and we react to things with those emotions. And I’m going to let you in on another little secret: Shitty men will be shitty either way, whether or not you tell them how you really feel. Men who aren’t interested in dating you or treating you right will not be swayed into doing the opposite if you just create a facade of being someone who doesn’t care either way. In fact, you’re just making it easier for them to be shitty. But when you fully embrace the fact that, hey, you actually give a shit about things and some things bother you — you open up a whole new world of possibilities for yourself.

I’ll be real with you: Being un-chill does scare men away — but that is absolutely a good thing. Any man who thinks your emotions aren’t valid or that they’re too big isn’t a man you want around yourself anyway. And I know that’s a hard pill to swallow, but I say this because I’ve been there. I used to think that if I just pretended things didn’t upset me and tried to be as easy-going as possible, that I could maintain the relationship. But all that does is give the man who’s disrespecting you the ability to not be bothered about, all while you continuously do mental gymnastics just to make it seem like you’re okay.

My advice to you? Chew him out, send that paragraph, get whatever you need to off your chest. I have never once regretted giving a man a piece of my mind, but you know what I’ve regretted every single time? Keeping my mouth shut to “be the bigger person.” I am not fucking chill and I am totally okay with it — and I suggest you be too.