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We Asked A Licensed Therapist Why TF Men Send Dick Pics

If you’ve ever interacted with a man, odds are that they’ve sent you an unsolicited dick pic. No seriously. In a survey of women (of all sexual identities) and gay and bisexual men, 91% of those who received dick pics said that they had been sent them unprovoked

Now I never got why men ever thought sending unwanted dick pics was ever a “cool” move. I hate to break to you, but unless I’m in love with you and you’ve already proven that your penis can make me see God, looking at a weirdly-angled shot of your dong is doing nothing for me. Actually, that’s a lie. It is doing something — it’s making me gag (and not in a good way). Opening my phone to see a man has sent me a picture of his penis unprovoked doesn’t just ruin my day; it makes me want to report you to the police.

I seldom try to understand men’s brains because they seem to be such frightening places, but I really could never understand why men do things like this (aside from the fact that they’re fucking awful). So, I decided to call in the help of an expert.

Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy, explains to Betches that there’s probably not one singular reason men feel the need to send pics of their junk to someone without their permission — it’s usually several different things.

woman looking at phone upset
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Do Men Send Dick Pics For Validation? 

Some men seek validation and have a genuine belief that whoever is on the receiving end is going to show admiration. “For instance, a man receiving compliments from someone might assume such positive feedback extends to explicit images,” Rachel says. Excuse me while I try to fathom the level of delusion this takes. 

Similarly, it could just be about seeking attention, Rachel explains. Getting a reaction out of someone feels good to them, and they know something like sending a picture of their genitals is bound to get some sort of reaction. 

Do Men Send Dick Pics For The Illusion Of Control?

In some cases, it’s just about making someone else feel smaller. “Others might use unsolicited pictures to assert power and control, intending to intimidate or dominate the recipient, driven by a desire for superiority,” she says. 

But a lot of it can also be chalked up to how much toxic hookup culture has rotted our brains.  “Impulsivity and the desire for immediate gratification often play a significant role, with little consideration for how it will be perceived,” Rachel says. “In certain social contexts, there’s a normalization of this behavior, fueled by misguided social norms in online dating or hookup cultures.”

Whether you don’t understand social cues, are looking for a compliment, or just a bad guy, take this blanket advice: do not send that unsolicited dick pic. Nobody wants it. And if I catch you on really bad day, I’m forwarding it to your mother. 

Syeda Khaula Saad
Syeda Khaula Saad
Syeda Khaula Saad is a sex & dating writer at Betches despite not remembering the last time she was in a relationship. Just take her word for it.