STOP THE PRESSES!!! I don’t actually know what that means, but it sounds very official, and this is extremely official breaking news, as you can tell from my numerous exclamation points. Wendy’s, home of the square burger, will now be home of the SpongeBob SQUAREpants burger!! Yes, an internal memo leaked by an alleged (don’t sue me) Wendy’s employee revealed that the creepy girl-mascot chain is partnering with Paramount Pictures to release the Krabby Patty on October 8, 2024. Literally debating breaking my decade of vegetarianism for this one, guys. (Is the Krabby Patty vegan? Asking for a friend.)
Why is Wendy’s releasing a SpongeBob burger?
SpongeBob Squarepants is celebrating its 25th anniversary this year, and there is a fourth theatrical film, The SpongeBob Movie: Search for Squarepants, set to open in theaters on December 29, 2025. Our friends from Bikini Bottom have already graced the big screen in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004), The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (2015), and the COVID-buried The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run (2020). There was also a spinoff called Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie, which was released straight to Netflix and stayed number 1 for two straight weeks – I def helped with that.
To celebrate the anniversary of this classic cartoon, Wendy’s and Paramount are teaming up to launch a new menu item: the Krabby Patty. This is obviously the sandwich of preference in Bikini Bottom, and more specifically at The Krab, where our titular sponge and his frenemy Squidward work.
What Is A Krabby Patty Made Of
So there are two reasons for the surprise of this writer and countless other fans of the successful cartoon. Firstly, Paramount managed to get their hands on the Krabby Patty formula, which Plankton spent 14+ seasons trying to get his hands on. No one but Mr Krabs is supposed to know this formula, so I guess he gave into capitalism and sold to Wendy’s *sigh*.
The second surprise is that Wendy’s is creating the Krabby Patty because… well, it’s round? Wendy’s is known for their statement square burger on a round burger bun. It makes no fucking sense, sorry!!! Americans get really testy about this, but from a simple maths (as that’s all I can do) perspective, it is silly!! Is the meat reaching past the bread??? Meanwhile, the Krabby Patty is a circular patty on a circular bun. Square pants but no square patties; that’s the rule in Bikini Bottom, I suppose. Wendy’s has claimed it is so customers can see the quality of the beef hanging over the bun. More recently, they claimed you can fit more square hamburgers on a single grill than round ones.
Is Wendy’s going to cut the corners of this patty? Is the Krabby Patty going to be forced to conform to their impractical imperial measurements of capitalism? The people need to know!!!
As for the contents of this new meal, Wendy’s is smart enough not to spread the secret formula around, but the memo did include the meal deal. The Wendy’s Krabby Patty will be a “premium cheeseburger” with “fresh produce and a secret Krabby Patty sauce,” the memo says. It will be served with medium fries and a Pineapple Under the Sea Frosty — aka vanilla frosty with Pineapple Mango purée.
I gotta say this isn’t very authentic of them (not very mindful, not very demure of Wendy’s). Where would Mr. Krabs get beef under the sea? Cows can’t swim!!! — right?
In the show, the iconic Krabby Patty is made out of seaweed buns, deep-sea produce, and a patty of mysterious makings. NO BEEF HERE, AND ESPECIALLY NO SQUARE BUNS. I recommend Wendy’s break 55 years of tradition for this round patty, or the people will riot, I warn you! We ride at dawn for round patties!
What do the people have to say about it?
Well, obviously, Wendy’s and Paramount are denying everything, There’s a big surprise there. Wendy’s released a statement after the memo went viral, which read, “While we can’t confirm what’s coming down Wendy’s innovation pipeline, we can share that we’re always looking to bring fans new menu items inspired by our fans’ cravings. We will be sure to keep you in the loop when we have more news to share,” the statement read.
We are hopeful but cautious as we await further news. In the meantime, I’ll slowly start introducing meat into my diet in preparation for this life-changing moment. Wish me and my plumbing system good luck!!
