The phrase “Dream Team” gets thrown around a little too often. Whether it’s someone referring to a bagel and iced coffee combo or when your coworkers talk about their trivia team that came in third, it’s been a little overused. The only time in recent history that it was beyond appropriate, perhaps even understated? When referring to the new Little Women film adaptation.
Directed and written by Greta Gerwig, actual genius and force behind Lady Bird and Frances Ha, this film was immediately considered to be a Film Du Jour. On top of that, you have top female producers behind it and… a cast that is essentially Fantasy Football but for the Oscars: Saoirse Ronan, Emma Watson, Laura Dern, Timothee Chalamet and yeah, Meryl Streep. An aggressively white period piece with quirky mainstream talent is usually the definition of Oscar bait. Which is why so many people are confused as to why it’s barely making any buzz in the award circuit this for? Oh yeah, men.
The film’s big name producer Amy Pascal told Vanity Fair that male critics and awards voters don’t appear interested in a female-fronted film that tells the dynamic coming-of-age stories of a brilliant case of women.
According to Vanity Fair: “RSVPs for the first screening in October, as well as many others that Sony Pictures hosted around Los Angeles in recent weeks, were skewed about two to one in favor of women.”
“I don’t think that came to the screenings in droves, let me put it that way,” Pascal told the outlet. “And I’m not sure when they got their DVDs that they watched them.” She also noted she believes the skewed audience is more “unconscious bias” than “a malicious rejection,”
While women are mainly showing up for the screenings, men still dominate voting membership for major awards, though organizations are making progress towards gender parity.
It’s unfortunately not shocking that men aren’t flocking to this “coming-of-age period drama” because unfortunately John Wick is in zero scenes. Additionally, the title is a combination of two of their least favorite words: Little (unlike their penis, they swear) and Women. And no, this isn’t an Elizabeth Banks defending Charlies Angels like reasoning, but it sounds like they quite literally just aren’t showing up.
The snubbing has already begun with the Screen Actors Guild Awards COMPLETELY shutting out the film, which has a 97% Rotten Tomatoes score. (Don’t worry, they of course nominated The Irishman five times). The Golden Globes only gave the film two noms: Best Original Score and Best Actress for Saoirse. Naturally, when you see Saoirse’s name you immediately just write “Award Nominee” (which makes it very awkward for her at Starbucks) so her recognition was a given, but for the rest of this team to be snubbed is a bad sign for the Oscars—and just a harsh reality check about women-driven films.
Pascal also noted that “Queen & Slim” which was directed by Melina Matsoukas and features police violence against an African American couple, has also been ignored by the awards.
“I think it’s kind of the same thing. It’s a different bias,” Pascal told Vanity Fair. “, These kinds of stories are important to me, and these kinds of stories are less important to me.”
Tracy Letts, one of the actors in Little Women, is tired of this (rightfully so), telling Vanity Fair that he “can’t believe we’re still having this f*cking discussion where movies by men, and about men, and for men are considered default movies. And women’s movies fall into this separate and unequal category It’s absurd.”
See, men, it’s not hard to make us swoon for you, just say that you believe things should be equally respected And I mean, Oscar nominations haven’t been released yet, and on top of that the film hasn’t even come out for the public, so hopefully the Oscar’s end up making up for these snubs (which, is an lol considering their history) or at least public opinion can sway people’s minds about this movie about a beautiful, important story.
I think I’ve established, pretty vehemently actually, that I’m skeptical of everything that celebrities do. Yes, I still bring screenshots of their hair to my stylist, yes I still buy their sunglasses collaborations using their 20% discount codes, and yes, I monitor their social media accounts more closely than I do my friends and family members. But that doesn’t mean I’m so easily fooled! Only sometimes! And the one thing I will truly never believe is that any of their relationships are real. These people get paid to pretend! It’s easy for them! And I’m not just basing this on the fact that I personally can’t fathom why a rising actress would marry a Scientologist that jumps on couches, this is actually just a fact. Celebrities and publicists have even admitted to it. There are many reasons celebrity couples fake their relationships, whether it be for publicity, to keep a secret about themselves, or to horrify me with their fake kisses, the possibilities are endless! So let me tell you about my favorite couples that I BELIEVE (is that language cool, legal?) are faking it.
1. Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello
So I think we all know by now that this one’s fake, right? We wrote about it extensively this past summer, as did anyone with eyeballs and the slightest hint of a pulse. Seriously, even the comatose were waxing poetic on the subject. So what’s the deal? Well, Camila and her boyfriend, dating coach Matthew Hussey (yes, apparently that’s a thing), broke up in June. Then, Camila and Shawn released “Señorita,” made a sexy music video, and bam! people thought they were together. They started teasing fans, until finally we got some aquatic makeout shots that I now see in my nightmares.
To me, it’s obvious this relationship is for publicity. I’m just saying, do not trust them!
^^Yes, this definitely helped your case.
2. Timothée Chalamet & Lily-Rose Depp
On to our second-worst fake kissers of the bunch. Timothée is a rising star who did something scandalous with a peach in a movie, I think? Unclear, since all I really watch is To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before on repeat, but I think I definitely heard something about a fruit. Lily-Rose Depp is the daughter of a middle-aged man who dresses like a pirate and appears to have anger issues, among many other things. Oh, and he’s Johnny Depp, if that wasn’t clear. Timothée and Lily-Rose have been rumored to be dating a while, but now they’re in a movie, The King, together.
The movie premiered in Venice in September, and the two seemed normal. AND THEN. We get photos like this! (scroll, pls).
Is this just how the kids are kissing these days? Maybe I’m the weird one? I mean, when I was 18 we were still waiting for Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince THE BOOK to come out, so it’s been a while. (Yes, I do have an extensive anti-aging routine, thank you for your concern). Also, these pictures are clearly staged. Paparazzi do not get this close to celebrities on private property unless it’s sanctioned by the celebrity. And why would anyone WANT pictures like this out? For the publicity! I bet you all want to see The King, now, don’t you? See, it’s already working. Wake up, sheeple!!
3. Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson
Look, Kristen seems to be someone who is passionate in relationships! We all saw those cheating photos with Rupert Sanders. Obviously into each other. And she is all over her girlfriends these days! But when she was with Rob, did you ever see someone look more miserable in their life? And she’s an actress! It is her job to conceal her emotions and mask them with different ones! And yet the only emotion she could summon up with Rob was “bitter teenager forced to eat dinner with her mother’s new boyfriend.” And he was no better. The only vibes he was giving off were “I just ate something that disagreed with me and there’s no bathroom in sight.” True love? I don’t think so. Again, this seemed like a plot to get attention for the Twilight films, and their fanbase ate that sh*t right up, ponied up a ton of money for the movies, and some even maintain TO THIS DAY that Robsten is a secret couple.
^^breakup footage
4. Taylor Swift & Tom Hiddleston
Again, and this is all my opinion if anyone on Taylor Swift’s team is reading this… Staged, staged, staged. No self-respecting man not in it for the fame and power would wear a tank that says “I Heart TS” out in public if he wasn’t getting something really good out of it. Like, more-press-than-he-could-ever-dream-of kind of good. Yeah, Tom was famous before he dated Taylor, but like, famous with nerds, not famous-famous. This helped him get famous-famous, but in return he had to pay with his dignity. I think he may regret it. (Taylor Swift™ No copyright infringement intended. Property of TAS LLC Management 2019©)
^^never forget
And there you have it, my favorite ALLEGED fake couples! Did I miss anyone you guys are convinced are faking it? I’m all ears for your theories. Go!
Images: Shutterstock.com; giphy (2), shawnmendes, enews / Instagram
