The 10 Most Dramatic Bravo Feuds Ever

During this quarantine, I’ve been watching a lot of Bravo. Okay, I’m always watching a lot of Bravo, but with no meaningful plans for the last two months, my streaming habits have been off the charts. From Real Housewives to Vanderpump Rules to the million other Bravo shows that always bring the drama, there’s just so much good material. Whether you’re discovering these shows for the first time or watching for the millionth, there are certain moments that never get old.

I’m a messy bitch who lives for drama, and luckily, so are all the cast members on these shows. In case you need ideas about what to watch, here are some of the most dramatic feuds that we’ve watched over the years. From drawn-out messiness to explosive reunions, these feuds always deliver.

Bethenny Frankel vs. Jill Zarin

In the first two seasons of RHONY, Bethenny and Jill were the first iconic Real Housewives BFFs. Jill was like a mentor to Bethenny, who was kind of a scrappy underdog at the time. But the dynamic changed before season 3, when Bethenny’s business took off, and Jill felt threatened. After Bethenny left Jill a voicemail telling her to “get a hobby,” things were never the same. Despite the rest of the cast trying to bring them together, they fought constantly during season three, and then Bethenny left the show. They didn’t reunite until years later, when Bethenny set aside the drama to attend the funeral for Jill’s husband. It was a tender moment, but they’re still not close, and I doubt they ever will be.

Kristen Doute vs. Stassi Schroeder

If you’re up to date on Vanderpump Rulesyou know that Kristen and Stassi have recently fallen out over Kristen’s never-ending breakup with Carter. But way before Carter ever came in the picture, Kristen and Stassi were already in an epic feud. The best friends butted heads in season two, over rumors that Kristen banged Jax, who used to date Stassi. Kristen denied the rumors for months, even after Jax admitted it happened, but she finally came clean to Stassi. As you can see in the above GIF, it didn’t go well for Kristen. Somehow, these two made up and remained friends for years after this incident, but now, in season 8, things have taken a turn for the worse. Stassi has said Kristen isn’t invited to her wedding, and I don’t really know how you come back from that.

Phaedra Parks vs. Kandi Burruss

There have been hundreds of petty arguments on Bravo shows over the years, but the RHOA feud between Kandi and Phaedra got a little too deep. These two were best friends for years, but after hitting a rough patch, sh*t hit the fan in season nine. Throughout the season, the cast dealt with the fallout surround a rumor that Kandi and her husband tried to drug and sexually assault fellow housewife Porsha Williams. Porsha brought the rumor to the table, but during the season, she never revealed the source. But at the reunion, she exposed Phaedra for making up the story, and it was one of the most shocking moments in Real Housewives history. Phaedra was fired from the show for this, and obviously Kandi isn’t friends with her anymore.

Kim Richards vs. Lisa Rinna

From the moment Lisa Rinna joined the RHOBH cast in season five, she and Kim Richards didn’t click. Things got off to a rough start when Lisa questioned Kim’s sobriety, and they didn’t get better from there. That season, they got into it on the Amsterdam trip, in what is one of the more iconic fights in Bravo history. Kim threatened to spill tea about Lisa’s husband, and in turn, Lisa smashed a wine glass on the table. Ugh, it never gets old.

Though Kim left the show after that season, things got reignited in a major way at the season seven reunion. Earlier in the year, Lisa gave Kim a large stuffed bunny as a gift for her new grandson. At the reunion, Kim gave the bunny back to Rinna, saying she “didn’t feel like it had good energy.” Lisa Rinna’s single tear rolling down her cheek is a huge mood, and Kyle looks like she would rather crawl out of her skin than sit through this awkwardness. These two finally put their past behind them when Kim appeared on season nine, but I don’t think they’ll ever be best friends.

Thomas Ravenel vs. Kathryn Dennis

I wasn’t going to include exes on this list because that feels like a different category, but I had to make an exception. For the first five seasons of Southern Charm, we followed the saga of Thomas and Kathryn’s relationship, and watched as he f*cked her over time and time again. Kathryn’s erratic behavior didn’t help things, and it got to the point where you knew things were going to explode any time they were together. And in season five, Thomas’ new girlfriend Ashley (a living nightmare of a person) only made things worse. Ultimately, Thomas got fired from the show over disturbing sexual assault allegations, and Kathryn has gotten her sh*t together and gotten custody of their kids, so it’s safe to say that she won this war.

Monique Samuels vs. Candiace Dillard

I firmly believe that The Real Housewives of Potomac is the most underrated show on Bravo, and feuds like this are why everyone should be watching. As the two newer members of the cast, Monique and Candiace were friends at first, but that just wasn’t meant to last. Candiace got mad at Monique over her friendship with Ashley Darby, and they clashed at the hoedown party last season. Honestly, just put “DRAG ME, MONIQUE” on my grave. Season five has sadly been pushed back to later this summer, but during filming, these two got in an epic physical altercation that resulted in Monique getting charged with assault, so I can’t wait to see how that plays out.

Danielle Staub vs. Everyone

Danielle Staub is probably the most villainous figure in all of Real Housewives, so it makes sense that she’s had trouble keeping her friendships intact over the years. Throughout the second season, the whole cast couldn’t even be in the same room because everyone hated Danielle so much. She left the show after that, because you can’t really be in an ensemble cast if no one else in the ensemble will even film with you.

Danielle returned to the show in season eight, thanks to her friendship with Margaret (and her newfound friendship with Teresa), and she was quickly causing problems again. After pissing everyone off during her disastrous wedding weekend, and sending Margaret to the hospital after a physical altercation, her days on the show were numbered. After she ruined her one remaining friendship with Teresa at the end of season 10, she “retired” from the show, which is a nice way of saying she’ll never be asked back. It’s probably for the best.

Porsha Williams vs. Kenya Moore

In her time on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kenya Moore has feuded with pretty much everyone. She’s one of the messiest people on the planet, so drama tends to follow her. And we love her for it! When she and Porsha joined the show in season five, they clashed immediately. Porsha didn’t care about Kenya’s Miss USA title, and it bothered Kenya to no end. After two seasons of riveting back-and-forth (“bye ashy!”), things came to a head at the season six reunion, when Kenya’s megaphone-fueled provocations led Porsha to literally drag Kenya off the couch. As a result, Porsha was demoted for a season, props were banned from reunions, and we got a truly iconic TV moment.

James Kennedy vs. Katie Maloney

James Kennedy has always been a polarizing figure on Vanderpump Rules, and he’s feuded with pretty much everyone at one point or another. Kristen has hated him ever since their breakup, and Jax seems to hate him for no real reason, but his drama with Katie was really the final nail in the coffin for his chances with the core friend group. Last season, after he made body shaming comments about Katie, she got him fired from DJing at SUR, and he’s barely been a part of the group since then. James getting sober has definitely helped him make better choices this season, but I’m not sure Katie and her clique will ever give him the time of day again.

Tamra Judge vs. Alexis Bellino

The Real Housewives of Orange County is the show that started it all, and there have been countless fights, feuds, and arguments over the past 14 seasons. But one of my favorites—and I feel one of the most underrated—is the feud between Tamra and Alexis. Tamra’s “Jesus Jugs” line is an all-time winner, and she nearly got sued for it. The next season, their drama continued, when Tamra kicked Alexis out of her fitness studio, prompting Alexis to claim that she had to go on Xanax because of Tamra’s bullying. It’s like a soap opera, but better. Tamra also claimed that Alexis dropped her kids in the pool while they were strapped to a stroller, which I’m not sure we ever found out was true or not? I love mess.

Which Bravo feud do you think is the most iconic? There are so many good ones, and each of them is memorable for a different reason. I could talk about this forever, so please let me know in the comments.

Images: Giphy; Sam Aronov / Shutterstock.com; Bravo / YouTube

You Won’t Believe How Many Celebrities Know Doc Antle

If there’s only one thing this country can agree on right now, it’s that we’re all obsessed with Tiger King. Oh, that and stained sweatpants are officially business casual, so I guess we can agree on two things. Look at 2020 bringing us together! Now, there’s a lot to talk about with Tiger King. Obviously Carole Baskin fed her second husband to the tigers, even OJ agrees, and he’s hesitant to call anyone a murderer even when he did it in the face of overwhelming evidence. And obviously, we could talk about the music videos, and the haircuts, and the throuple, and the murder-for-hire plot, but we’ve already done that. What I’d like to talk about today is Bhagavan “Doc” Antle. Yes, that sex-cult leading, Steve Martin in Baby Mama-looking motherf*cker that was actually born Kevin. The whole time I was watching Tiger King, I couldn’t believe that places like his existed and that there were so many psychos in America hoarding and breeding big cats. But it turns out, Doc Antle is super popular, and not just with regular people that are stupid enough to put their head inside a liger’s mouth. He’s popular with celebrities that are that stupid, too! So, without further ado, let’s take a look at all the celebrities that Doc Antle knows. 

Britney Spears 

Call the police. pic.twitter.com/RYjUl8layu

— Ξvan Ross Katz (@evanrosskatz) March 30, 2020

By now you’ve surely seen this image floating around the internet. Doc Antle did indeed provide the animals for Britney’s epic 2001 VMAs “I’m a Slave 4 U” performance. Do we think that performance is what inspired Doc to get some sex slaves of his own? If that performance wasn’t convincing enough, I don’t know what would be.

Beyoncé

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Throwback to when @beyonce visited us! Feeding tiger cubs with the help of, @docantle & Vali the Chimp❗️🐯🙈♥️ Tap the link in our bio to visit the animal ambassadors at the Myrtle Beach Safari!

A post shared by Myrtle Beach Safari (@myrtlebeachsafari) on

You guys, BEYONCÉ has been to Doc Antle’s “safari” in Myrtle Beach. This woman, who does not let herself get photographed or filmed ANYWHERE without her consent, let someone take a picture of her with animals that have been kept in captivity their entire life for the sole purpose of making their owner a rich and famous man. Lol. Doc probably led that cub right to the gas chamber after it met Beyoncé, knowing it could die happy having met her. 

Logan Paul

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@loganpaul helping us spread the message….Save The Tiger, Save The World❗️🐯 The tiger stands as the last great sentinel of the forest, if we lose the tiger we will lose a piece of ourselves forever. But if we save the Tiger we could save the world, in order for the tiger to survive it needs clean clear skies, pristine lakes and rivers, wide open spaces, plentiful prey animals, and most importantly it needs you, people who care! Therefore if we save the Tiger, we save the world.

A post shared by Myrtle Beach Safari (@myrtlebeachsafari) on

Well OF COURSE a problematic YouTuber would hit up a problematic zoo. I mean, when you film a dead body in a suicide forest and make jokes about it, everything else must seem harmless. He really is the best celebrity ambassador for the Myrtle Beach Safari. It’s like Jennifer Lawrence and Dior, Serena Williams and Nike, George Clooney and Nespresso, Logan Paul and the site of an alleged sex cult and tiger cub euthanizing. What a perfect match! 

Floyd Mayweather

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Thank you for your support❗️♥️🥊🐯 #Repost @floydmayweather ・・・ @myrtlebeachsafari photo credit: @nickb_photos #CHEETAH

A post shared by Myrtle Beach Safari (@myrtlebeachsafari) on

Look, I don’t pretend to know much about boxing. The only thing I’ll pay to view is the latest Jane Austen adaptation (what up, Emma!). But, apparently this dude is really famous, and must have seen that Mike Tyson had a tiger in The Hangover and thought it was a requirement. 

Naomie Olindo

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Tiger King was an eye-opener for all. #CommentsByCelebs

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Naomie is from Southern Charm on Bravo and if you’re not watching, you should be. Naomie is being dragged on the internet for hitting up the Myrtle Beach Safari (which is fair), but to give her some credit she did apologize and said she didn’t realize how much harm she was doing. That’s more than most of these celebs have said about it. Oh, and turns out the picture she’s getting shamed for is in Thailand (still not cool). If you want to see the one from the Myrtle Beach Safari, it’s here.

Marquise Goodwin

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💰1,000,000🏆 💥WINNER💥@marquisegoodwin with @kodyantle and I and tiger Man Durg. Congratulations on the win ✌🏻❤️ Marquise Goodwin pursued his Olympic dream three years ago. On Saturday, the 49ers wide receiver was celebrating winning a different kind of gold. Goodwin defeated Panthers defensive back Donte Jackson — and earned the $1 million prize — in the final of the inaugural 40 Yards of Gold pay-per-view event in Sunrise, Fla. Goodwin edged Jackson at the tape by five one-hundredths of a second❗️🎥 @nickb_photos

A post shared by Dr. Bhagavan Antle (@docantle) on

Marquise Goodwin plays for the San Francisco 49ers and even competed in the long jump in the 2012 Olympics. That’s cool Marquise, but I don’t think even you could jump far enough if that tiger decided he had an insatiable taste for human flesh. On Marquise’s own Instagram account he posted a picture with his wife and the tiger, but since he posted it after the show came out, which means he clearly doesn’t care that he participated in animal abuse, I’m showing you guys the one of him in the water with two freaks. Enjoy!

Drew Barrymore & Annie Leibowitz

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Beauty and the Beast. Photo series we did with @drewbarrymore with photographer extraordinaire @AnnieLeibowitz and our lovely lion Aslan for @voguemagazine Challenges Humans are pushing African lions out of their habitats. This cat’s populations are steadily decreasing in the wild. In just two decades, Africa’s population has decreased 43 percent and it is estimated that as few as 23,000 remain. One of the main causes is the alarming rate at which they are losing their habitats due to expanding human populations and the resulting growth of agriculture, settlements, and roads. Human-wildlife conflict is also a major threat to lions. Due to habitat loss, lions are being forced into closer quarters with humans. This, coupled with decrease in their natural prey, causes them to attack livestock. In turn, farmers oftentimes retaliate and kill these majestic big cats. They are hunted by humans. Lions are being killed in rituals of bravery, as hunting trophies, and for their perceived medicinal and magical powers. #savethelionsaveafrica

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I feel a little bad for the celebrities that worked with Doc Antle and his animals, because they most likely didn’t have a choice in the matter. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to feature them here. Hi Drew! This was bad! But Annie, you probably hired him. FOR SHAME. At least you got that money shot though, right?

Bobby Flay

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#valithechimp meets #bobbyflay at #MyrtleBeachSafari for the support of the #RareSpeciesFund #WildLivesMatter #TouchTheWildSaveTheWild #chimp #chimpanzee #monkey

A post shared by Dr. Bhagavan Antle (@docantle) on

Even celebrity chefs are not immune to the charms of a baby chimp, it seems. They may be cute, Bobby, but they can still rip your face off. And you need that face for tasting the menu at Bobby’s Burger Palace! I’ll only get one if it has your stamp of approval. Be more careful. 

Rory from ‘Single Parents’

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THE message with @devintrey08 child star Devin Trey Campbell is ET's newest kid correspondent! The 10-year-old star of TV show “Single Parents” is working with ET on the red carpet at the upcoming 2019 Kids' Choice Awards.

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Poppy would never take Rory here! But Angie totally would, without approval. If you know, you know. 

Hayden Panettiere

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That one day #haydenpanettiere came and chewed on #valithechimps ear at #MyrtleBeachSafari for the support of the #RareSpeciesFund #WildLivesMatter #jungleislandmiami @haydenpanettier @official_haydenpanettiere @haydenpanettierefans

A post shared by Dr. Bhagavan Antle (@docantle) on

None of this was a good idea, Hayden, but especially not the part where you put the chimp’s ear in your mouth. I’m gonna need you to take a time out and think about what you did. 

Jay Leno

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#tbt to one of my many appearances on the @tonightshow_net with Jay Leno @_the_real_jay_leno_ and @kate.winslet.official on the show with some tigers and a giant liger 2002ish. . . . . . . . . . #AtMyrtleBeachSafari for the support of the #RareSpeciesFund #WildLivesMatter #TouchTheWildSaveTheWild #tiger #tigercub #savethetigersavetheworld

A post shared by Dr. Bhagavan Antle (@docantle) on

We all know about this one because we did see Doc rewatching this footage on Tiger King. And look, I’m not going to drag Kate Winslet into this because it’s not like she gets to choose who is on Leno the same night as she is, but also she did marry a man who legally changed his name to Ned Rocknroll, so her judgment is skewed at best. So maybe she is cool with animal captivity. As long as those tigers have a cool name! 

This list of celebrities is actually only a small snapshot of all the ones that have known and worked with Doc Antle through the years, I just thought a list of 30 people might get tedious. I beg of you to go through his Instagram, which is a treasure trove of information and atrocities. Enjoy! 

Images: Netflix; evanrosskatz/Twitter; myrtlebeachsafari (3), docantle (6), commentsbybravo/Instagram 

Is It Time For ‘Southern Charm’ To End?

When it debuted in 2014, Southern Charm captivated Bravo viewers with its breezy Charleston backdrop and dynamic cast. But in recent years, the show has started to lose its luster, particularly with its continued indulgence of seriously toxic men. It seems that the powers that be at Bravo are also ambivalent about the show, as rumors swirl that production on season 7 has been delayed in an attempt to breathe new life into the stagnant franchise. But should they even bother? Unless some serious changes are made, my inclination is no, for several reasons.

TRav Continues To Dominate The Conversation

I’ll admit that when the show premiered, I enjoyed watching Thomas Ravenel. Despite being old enough to be the grandfather father of several of his castmates, there was something endearing about him, especially in his tearful breakup with Kathryn at the end of season 1. At the time they seemed like two star-crossed lovers, and it was genuinely heartwarming to learn that not only did they get back together, they had a baby after filming on season 1 wrapped. Of course, as the seasons went on it became very clear that Thomas was a veritable monster. We started to see firsthand his emotional abuse of Kathryn and his manipulation of both the press and the rest of the cast in a devious crusade to destroy Kathryn’s reputation and force her to lose custody of their two children. As if that weren’t disgusting enough, he was also arrested for sexual assault and battery.

Despite being removed from the cast, Thomas was implicated in virtually every major storyline in season 6 with the focus on his custody battle with Kathryn, the return of his whackjob on-again, off-again escort girlfriend Ashley, and even the casting of his family friend Eliza Limehouse, with that connection being touted several times throughout the season. This obsession with Thomas-adjacent plot points makes it seem like Bravo is afraid they can’t put together a successful show without Thomas somehow being involved. The rumors confirm this, with sources alleging that production approached Thomas’ cousin to join the cast for the upcoming season. Even Kathryn is seemingly buying into this idea, with a recent Instagram she put up with her estranged ex that suggests they might be back together. While I hope for her sake that it’s nothing more than a publicity stunt, if the show depends on a problematic and toxic cast member for its survival, this seems like a sign that Southern Charm may not be long for this world.

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I’m nobody’s Bond girl!

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The Men Still Suck

Even putting TRav aside, my many qualms with the men on Southern Charm are well-documented. I won’t wax poetic on the varying degrees of their suckage here, but instead I’m most concerned with the lack of evolution we’ve seen with any of the men on this show. The most successful and compelling reality stars are the ones who evolve season after season and show us new sides of themselves. Sometimes this involves real growth, other times they regress, but the point is that there’s a general forward momentum that keeps viewers interested. The men on Southern Charm, if you can even call them that, have shown little to no growth over the course of six seasons. Shep, once an affable goofball, has transformed into a misogynistic emblem for white male privilege. Whitney continues to be creepy, and Craig, though adorable, seems content to push pillows and sleep ‘til noon for as long as he can ride this reality TV wave the foreseeable future. Austen’s never really been more than Shep Jr. until Madison came on the scene last season. Their dynamic added some spice, but not enough that I want to have my eyes and ears assaulted with more cries of “MAAAHDISEHHHN!” and a side of Austen’s half-mast boner next season.

The Rest Of The Cast Is Boring

So who does that leave us with? Cameran was fun the first few seasons as our resident narrator and f*ckboy-wrangler, but she hasn’t brought much else to the table throughout her tenure on the show. She’s always removed from the drama and seems to think palling around with Shep & co. while eating various fried foods passes for a legitimate storyline season after season. Her attempts to document her struggles as a new parent also fell flat last season. We watch reality TV to escape the more mundane aspects of our lives and to see something aspirational, not to watch someone whose challenges look much like our own. It’s great to be nice and normal, but like I’ve said before, well-adjusted people have no place on reality television. Chelsea, though sweet, is cut from a similar cloth as Cameran and has done little to hold my interest as a viewer. Eliza initially seemed like a potential new villain, but turned out to be a total non-entity last season. Naomie seems almost passive in her new relationship and did little to engage viewers either. Kathryn’s fascinating, but inconsistent, and if she’s really back with Thomas, the last thing any of us need to see is a vulnerable woman falling back into the arms of a sociopathic ex. You does it much better anyway.

Unless Bravo can shake its TRav obsession and add some fresh blood to the mix, I’m not sure how much longer Southern Charm can last. They took a step in the right direction with casting Madison, who was dynamic and unafraid to stand up to Shep last season, but she can’t carry the show on her own. Adding other new faces might be just what this franchise needs to stay afloat. It’s a strategy that seems to be working well on this season on Vanderpump Rules, despite some questionable new choices. Whether Bravo and the cast can get the show back on track this season remains to be seen, but here’s hoping these Southerners can once again turn on the charm.

Images: Heidi Gutman/Bravo; Giphy (1); kathryndennis / Instagram; Tenor (2)

What’s Wrong With The Men On ‘Southern Charm’?

Southern Charm is one of my favorite Bravo shows, and I was really excited for season 6 after a spectacular season 5, where all the women seemingly banded together to take down the “good ole boys” club that pervades Charleston and the mindsets of the men there. It was an exciting time to be watching—the #MeToo movement was igniting, and for a brief moment it felt like there would finally be a reckoning for some of the more toxic men on the show. To some extent, there has been, with Thomas’ arrest and removal from the cast, but you wouldn’t know it by watching this season. The camaraderie between the women is not quite the same as it was last season, and the only woman bold enough to call out the men’s more problematic behavior is being portrayed as a pseudo-villainess. How did we get here, and are there any good men on Southern Charm?

Thomas

Although Thomas is no longer a cast member, his presence still lingers with the aftermath of his arrest for sexual assault and battery, and Kathryn’s struggle to maintain custody of their two children together. The two met when Kathryn was 21 and still in college, and Thomas was 51. I have no problem with an age gap, but a middle-aged man pursuing a relationship with a woman barely old enough to drink feels predatory and manipulative. And by Kathryn’s account, their relationship was emotionally abusive—she told People that when they started dating, “I just did what he said and took on his opinions and feelings as my own.” She also said that when their relationship started to deteriorate, she and her daughter were forced to live in the basement of Thomas’ plantation, where she felt “sad, scary, lonely, confused, quarantined and isolated.”

When Kathryn and Thomas were on the outs in seasons 2 and 3, she was a veritable pariah and excluded from just about every social function by everyone except Craig. Instead of trying to understand her perspective, she was written off by the others as gold-digging, crazy drug addict (after testing positive for marijuana, of all things) and completely disregarded in favor of a cocaine-using felon and disgraced politician whose attempts at speaking French would make the Seine run dry. Only after the sexual assault allegations against Thomas came out did cast members like Cameran and Patricia turn their backs on him and warm to Kathryn. And to that I say:

Shep

This has been a revealing season for Shep. Up until now, Shep has largely gotten away with his more problematic behavior. His attempt to grab and kiss Chelsea in season 4 was largely glossed over by the rest of the cast and referred to as an “incident” by Bravo instead of the assault that it was. The rest of the cast seems to regard his clear problem with alcohol and inability to commit to a woman or a vocation as the amusing quirks of a goofy man-child rather than glaring red flags. Interestingly, the arrival of Madison this season has exposed a lot of Shep’s more toxic tendencies. He refers to Madison as a “white trash hairstylist” despite Shep never having worked a day in his life. He shames her for sleeping with someone in retaliation after catching Austen in the middle of a threesome. Where was this outrage when he heard that Austen cheated with two other women?

After balking at Madison’s admittedly inappropriate revelation about him and Danni, Shep responds by DOING THE EXACT SAME THING and telling Cameran that Austen is a “sexual deviant” because he and Madison have done “butt stuff” together. It’s unclear what exactly he is referring to, but either party being on the receiving end of said “butt stuff” is hardly sexual deviance in this day and age. You know what is sexually deviant? Sleeping with someone you call a friend and definitely allegedly giving her chlamydia. Say what you want about Madison, but I can’t help but respect her for going toe-to-toe with the resident bully of the franchise. Shep has continued his one-man white privilege parade off-camera by recently posting a story to his Instagram where he openly mocked a visibly embarrassed homeless woman collecting cans. It’s revolting enough that he found this woman’s situation humorous. But to taunt and expose her to his hundreds of thousands of followers is appallingly callous, not to mention willfully ignorant. Gosh, I can’t imagine how he is still single!

Ummmm It might just be me but I really don’t think “BUTT STUFF”equals sexual deviancy and Is Shep not drinking because he is still on anabiotic’s from the chlamydia I’m confused

— Brandi Glanville (@BrandiGlanville) August 8, 2019

Whitney

Whitney first pinged my creep radar in season 1 when he slept with Kathryn and told her to keep it a secret, only to reveal it later to Thomas without consulting her. Since then, Whitney and Kathryn’s relationship has been rocky, and Whitney has gone out of his way to sabotage her relationship with Thomas and malign her character. During season 2, Whitney convinces Thomas to film campaign videos with Kathryn’s sorority sisters that could easily have passed for Cialis commercials, and Kathryn reveals during the group’s trip to Jekyll Island that Whitney took Thomas to a strip club when she was 9 months pregnant with their child. Whitney’s obsessive insertion of himself into Thomas and Kathryn’s relationship looks a lot like Shep’s current involvement in Austen and Madison’s relationship. Is Shep so focused on what’s going on between Madison and Austen because he, like Whitney, is actually the one feeling butthurt? When we find out this season that Kathryn and Whitney have recently slept together, Whitney bizarrely denies it and attempts to gaslight her by saying, “We have a different interpretation of events.” I’m not sure how Kathryn can misinterpret your middle-aged penis struggling to find its way into her vagina, but okay, Whit.

Austen

We can now proceed to the f*ckboy portion of this article. Austen was first introduced to us in season 4 as a younger and marginally more attractive version of Shep. His behavior following the cooling off of his “relationship” with Chelsea and subsequent relationship with Madison support the comparison. He proceeded to suggest to all of his Instagram followers that Chelsea has no sex drive as well as talk badly about her to Madison, as all classy men do. When his girlfriend catches him in the aftermath of a threesome (I’m convinced hell is a persistent loop of him screaming “MAAADISEHHHN!”), he proceeds to call her “a crazy person” and threatens to physically remove her from his home. After all, it’s easier to deflect and question a woman’s sanity than to take ownership for the misdeeds that are making her so “crazy” in the first place. #JusticeForVictoria Even when he isn’t the target of criticism, Austen is reluctant to side with women. When Naomie and Chelsea rightfully called out human hemorrhoid J.D. for his philandering and grifting last season, Austen claimed he needed more proof than the claims of his friends, one of whom got her information from J.D.’s wife.

Craig

Oh, Craigy. Our favorite pillow artisan is by far the least toxic of the bunch, and he should be commended for his fierce defense of Kathryn for many seasons, but he is not completely innocent either. He lied to the entire group about graduating from law school and passing the bar, and when Naomie directly questioned him about his desire to be a lawyer, he responded by telling her she was acting dumb. I agree that at times her approach was a bit mean, but Naomie’s concerns about Craig’s ambition and general life direction were not unfounded. Two seasons later we are still watching him struggle to get his fledgling pillow business off the ground and wake up before noon, yet Naomie was deemed a bitch for having the audacity to challenge her poor, innocent boyfriend. Even after she has clearly moved on, Craig continues to disrespect her by telling anyone who will listen that she still has feelings for him despite Naomie seeming genuinely happy in her new relationship (however we may feel about Metul).

It’d be a cop-out and a vast oversimplification to attribute the toxic behavior of the men on Southern Charm solely to Southern culture. Though that’s certainly a factor, it’s a symptom of a larger and more insidious disease in our society. When we allow boys to be boys unchecked and without any accountability, we breed a sense of entitlement where, given enough time, money or even fame, a Craig or an Austen might become a Shep or a Thomas. Until we do, men like these Southerners will keep passing for gentlemen.

Images: Bravo; Giphy (2); BrandiGlanville / Twitter

This ‘Southern Charm’ Facetune Fail Is A Major Yikes

As you’ve probably noticed, lately there have been more and more Instagram Photoshop fails that need to be called out. Holly does a great job with the Photoshop Fail of the Week, but I couldn’t resist doing my own little photo editing roast today. I may not be a trained graphic designer, but it doesn’t take an expert to realize that something is very wrong with the picture here.

Today’s culprit: Madison LeCroy of Bravo’s Southern Charm. Madison is new to the show this season, and she was brought on as Austen Kroll’s girlfriend. It’s unclear at the moment if they’re still together, but it is clear that Madison is in a serious relationship with Facetune. Here’s the photo in question:

View this post on Instagram

Femme fatale ?

A post shared by Madison LeCroy (@madison.lecroy) on

I have many questions, but first I’d like to ask where her organs are?? Looking at this photo, I have to say I’m impressed, for a couple reasons. First of all, I’m impressed that she had the balls to post this photo, given that she looks like she has the actual body proportions of a Barbie doll. Most people wouldn’t even try to get away with this.

But I also have to give her credit for doing a pretty good job with the straight lines in the background. Everything on the right side of the photo looks pretty even and straight, but then I took a closer look at the wall behind her.

The lines between those top two stones are perfectly straight, but the next one down angles up toward Madison’s body. It would be one thing if the stones were irregularly shaped, but if you look at the area around her waist and butt, the stones actually seem to…disappear? Rather than a thin line of grout and then another stone, there’s just this weird black buffer area between her body and the rest of the wall.

I’m not a stone mason, but I feel like this isn’t how stone walls are built? Honestly, if I just saw this picture from the waist down, I might not have noticed anything was wrong, but the dead giveaway here is that her head and shoulders look twice as big as her hips. That’s not how bodies work!

I wasn’t the only person to notice the, um, irregularities in Madison’s photo, and people quickly started to troll her in the comment section. Sadly, she turned off the comments, so all of these wonderful bits of shade are gone, but she left up the photo because why not? She obviously thinks she looks hot, so whatever.

So have a good week, be careful with Facetune, and don’t hesitate to DM me with any egregious uses of photo editing you see on your timeline. It’s one of the causes I’m most passionate about. And Austen, if you’re single, please also don’t hesitate to slide into my DMs, just for research purposes.

Images: Madison.lecroy (3) / Instagram

The Shadiest Reality TV Hookups You Had No Idea Even Happened

I’ve always had a hard time remembering that reality stars don’t live in their own little world on my TV, ready and willing to embarrass themselves at the touch of my on-demand button. They are, in fact, real people out there bringing shame to their family name by blacking out, crapping their pants, and hooking up with inappropriate partners on national television. Now, instead of just sliding into the orifices DMs of former castmates of their own show *cough* Colton *cough*, many reality stars are branching out and swapping STDs with cast members of other reality shows. It’s like a Grey’s Anatomy/Private Practice crossover episode, except no one here is smart enough to be a doctor. If this is modern love, you can just send me straight to hell right now.

This all came to my attention last week when Nick Viall’s most suspiciously low-key Danielle, Danielle M, was cheated on by her boyfriend Paulie Calafiore from Big Brother with Cara Maria from The Challenge. Mind. Blown. We’ll get back to them in a minute. This relationship inspired me to take a look at what other reality stars are crossing the boundaries of their own shows and have hooked up with your favorite reality stars from other shows. This is a tangled web they’re all weaving, so settle in while I make a sad attempt to unravel this jumble of abandoned DNA and lies.

Danielle M/Paulie Calafiore/Cara Maria

First, I’d be remiss if I did not mention the multitude of adult men on reality TV named Pauly/ie. I’m now suspicious of grown men with this name. I’m not saying that means they are all going to be immature man-babies, but I’m not not saying that, you know?

So apparently this Paulie is from Big Brother, which I have never seen. I have enough of a reminder that big brother is watching me every single day when my deepest darkest thoughts that I’ve never confessed to a soul appear as an ad on my Instagram feed. But, I do know Paulie from the absolute dumpster fire that is Ex On The Beach, where it was revealed that he previously cheated on his girlfriend Lexi. What a charmer. Apparently Paulie has been dating Danielle M since January, and then was cast on The Challenge: The Final Reckoning, where he met Cara Maria and immediately lost all sense of human decency. He recently went on a Twitter rant claiming “For now I can’t be monogamous to one person, I’ve tried and it doesn’t work, I love women, I have a lot of female friends and sometimes I fall for multiple at a time for different reasons whether it’s the sex or the energy shared between the two of us. I try to be faithful but I can’t.” Paulie. You’re fucking canceled. 

 

Cory Wharton From The Challenge And Multiple Ladies Of Are You The One?

In this big, scary world that’s always changing, there is one thing we can always count on: if it walks and it talks, Cory Wharton will stick his dick in it. Not only has Cory hooked up with many ladies on his own show, The Challenge, but now he’s working his way through the castmates of Are You The One? like he’ll get a free T-shirt if he bones them all. I hope they have his size left when he’s done!

When Cory appeared on The Challenge: Vendettas last season, he brought along his new girlfriend, Alicia from Are You The One?. This all happened after Cory revealed that he had a baby, Ryder, with Cheyenne Floyd, also from Are You The One?. Cory’s Instagram is private because he’s safer about social media than he is about sex, so unfortunately we don’t have many pictures of him being a great dad. Sad!

But wait, the plot thickens. Cory showed up on Ex On The Beach, revealing that he and Alicia broke up—but don’t fret, because he quickly found comfort in Taylor’s vagina. When I last watched Ex On The Beach, Cory was debating going back to Alicia, and I guess we’ll never know what happens because I deleted that trash show from my DVR when I realized I was not a prisoner of war and didn’t actually have to be subjected to torture. If you’re still subjecting yourself to the on-screen version of waterboarding, hit me up in the comments and let me know how this one turns out for Cory.  

Shep Rose/Stacy London/Jaclyn Shuman

Do you all watch Southern Charm? I recently discovered how great it is after years of endlessly mocking the friend that one time had the gall to say I should try it. Sorry for damaging your emotional wellbeing for no reason, Nita! Send me a bill for your therapy sessions, and I will gladly take a look at it before I throw it in the trash. Anyway, Southern Charm is great. There’s gorgeous real estate, convicted felons who think they should run for national office, and Patricia, Queen of the South. And, of course, there is the real life Peter Pan without tights, Shep Rose. I’ve only watched the first two seasons, but boy do I have a crush on Shep circa 2016. If he has a girlfriend now, keep your damn mouth shut and let me have my dream.

Our boy Shep has had a few inter-show relationships, including one with Stacy London from What Not To Wear, aka my own personal Jesus. Cameran Eubanks claimed that Shep and Stacy made out in a bathroom, and while I may not support the location of this hookup because of germs, I fully support this duo. Stacy knows how to dress for her body, and she should go out there and get it. If only this relationship had lasted, I would maybe be willing to let go of my beloved Shep. But ONLY for Stacy.

Showing my newest New York friend @stacylondonreal the @palacehotelchs she's too polite to say it, but I suspect she thinks everything I own is What Not To Wear. #lovelustrun #whynotallthree ?

A post shared by Shep Rose (@relationshep) on

Shep has also apparently hooked up with Jaclyn Shuman, a second-tier castmate on the poor man’s Vanderpump Rules, Summer House. All I really remember about Jaclyn is that she was a “fit model” which basically means her face isn’t weird enough to be an actual model but she’s starved herself to a point where they’ve rewarded her with a job. Next time at least save it for a Wirkus twin, Sheppie. They get top billing.

 

Well, that was exhausting and I’m just writing about these hookups. I can only imagine how tiring it all is for Cory. If you all know any other reality star relationships that I can stalk during work hours on my lunch break, do tell!

Images: Giphy (2); @relationshep/instagram

‘Southern Charm’s Thomas Ravenel Has A New Girlfriend Who’s Crazier Than Kathryn Dennis

A few weeks ago, we broke that Southern Charm’s Craig and Naomie were dunzo and it got us thinking: What the fuck is going to happen to our fave shit show other than Vanderpump Rules? Obvi they won’t be fighting anymore. Landon’s moved to Cali so that kills any chance of her obsessing over middle-aged rich dudes who act like they’re 17. Cam is having a baby, which is cool for Real Housewives but a little off-brand for Southern Charm tbh. And what else could happen with Thomas and Kathryn? We did the whole on again, off again thing. We did the whole drug use-turned-rehab-turned-custody battle thing. What else even is there? Well Thomas Ravenel has a new girlfriend aka there’s a famous Kathryn Calhoun Dennis psychotic breakdown in our future. All right, Southern Charm. I see you.

The lucky lady (lol jk) is Ashley Jacobs and apparently, the two of them met on Cinco De Mayo in Santa Barbara so like, they probs drunkenly hooked up after a few too many margs, but weren’t exclusive until now. Now she’s moved to Charleston to pursue her nursing career (cuz they don’t have nurses in Santa Barbara…?) and things are officially offish. Oh shit. Someone get me an APB on Kathryn, stat. Unfortunately for us, Ashley’s Insta is private so we can’t do too much stalking, but from what we can tell she’s like, really pretty. And actually has a job. And isn’t in her early 20s dating a dude that could be her grandpa. So the odds are in her favor in terms of me liking her more than Kat.

Thomas Ravenel Girlfriend

And while all of this was relatively easy to find, I’m no regular journalist. I’m Lisa Vanderbetch, for fuck’s sake, so I dug a little deeper. And it turns out, dis bish seems annoying af. If you look in the comments of T-Rav’s posts, Ashley replies to anyone who says anything about him moving on from his baby mama. Like, don’t you have patients to tend to or something to do instead of reading your bf’s Instagram comments? She’s also friends with Landon so, like, she at least has to suck a little. Seriously, check out this crazy:

Ashley Jacobs Instagram

Yeesh. Check out the all-caps. Check out the passive-aggressive use of emojis. I thought I wouldn’t say this post-2012, but this bitch cray.

As for whether or not she’ll be on the show, I’m assuming so, but nothing has been confirmed. She doesn’t have to be a full-time cast member or anything, I just need her and Kathryn to be in the same room one time. That’s all. You listening, Andy?

One Of The Main ‘Southern Charm’ Couples Broke Up

I don’t know if there’s going to be a new season of Southern Charm, the less hot, less interesting couple of Vanderpump Rules, because bad news just keeps coming. Last week it came out that Landon Clements isn’t returning to the show, and now this week, one of the main couples has broken up. It’s been confirmed that Craig Conover and Naomie Olindo are officially broken up, so I’m not sure who else is left to create drama on this show anymore.

Naomie confirmed the breakup in one of her Instagram comments (odd choice, but okay) earlier last week. Someone commented on one of Naomie’s pictures asking if she and Craig are still together. She replied, “unfortunately we are not. But we are still great friends”.

Naomie Olindo Craig Conover Break Up

“Great friends”? Sure, Jan. Given how much Naomie and Craig openly hated each other when they were actually dating, I’d be shocked if they speak anymore. Not that there’s anything wrong with that—I don’t speak to any of my exes (I just choose to occasionally shade them in my TV recaps instead #HealthyBoundaries). 

So now that Craig and Naomie are done and Landon won’t be thirsting over every guy within a five-foot radius, who’s going to bring the relationship drama? Austen and Chelsea were never that interesting, and Whitney and his random foreign hos rarely make it on camera. And I’m still not convinced Cameran’s husband exists, for what it’s worth. So who’s left? Just Thomas and Kathryn to carry the entire show? I mean, if we were dealing with old Kathryn, that could definitely work. But new-and-less-crazy-improved Kathryn leaves much to be desired in the drama department (although I commend her strides in the parenting and not-snorting-cocaine departments).

I’m just going to call it now: I see the end of Southern Charm on the horizon. Everyone (minus Shep) is growing up and moving onto better things, or in Shep’s case, getting their own spin-offs. With Southern Charm Savannah still going on for reasons that are unknown to me, and the new Southern Charm New Orleans, maybe Bravo is just trying to shift from the OG Southern Charm to the different spin-offs. Who knows. Maybe Thomas and Kathryn will get their own spin-off. Honestly, that I’d watch.