Sunday night was the 62nd Grammy Awards, and of course, there were some interesting looks on the red carpet. Sandwiched in the middle of the Golden Globes and the Oscars, the Grammys red carpet basically has no rules, and runs the gamut from the most gorgeous gowns you’ve ever seen, to Lewis Capaldi looking like he desperately needs a shower. So of course, we’re breaking down the best and worst looks from the night, and my god, were there some worst looks. Feel free to disagree in the comments, unless you didn’t like Lizzo’s dress, in which case you’re just wrong.
We all know at this point that Lizzo can basically do no wrong, but I don’t know if she’s ever looked quite this right. She ditched her tiny purse in favor of the most stunning white Versace gown I’ve ever seen. She had a huge 2019, and yeah, she’s not going anywhere.
Worst: Dua Lipa
Her bangs were like the two scene girls from your high school having a get together on her forehead. She honestly looks good, but this entire outfit/glam combo is giving me flashbacks to every girl that was a bully in the 90s.
Best: Ariana Grande
Ariana literally floated to the red carpet on the cloud that is her dress. This is really the perfect outfit, because when you want to pass out at the end of the night, your dress can be your comforter and bed all in one. Also, I should really be sick of that ponytail by now, but it just looks so good.
Worst: Alessandra Ambrosio
Listen, I have totally been there when I can’t decide between wearing shorts or a dress, black or white, but what most of us would do is just try everything on in our closet and leave our room as a nuclear war zone before choosing the first outfit we tried on, NOT somehow try to mix all possible clothing options.
Best: The Jonas Brothers
Okay, I’ll say it. The Jonas Brothers are hot. Even Kevin. They all looked great, and did a good job of looking like they go together without being matchy-matchy. Personally, I never really had a Jonas Brothers phase in 2008, but 2020 might finally be the time. It was bound to happen sooner or later.
Worst: Lana Del Rey
Lana Del Rey said in an interview that she bought her dress at the mall last week, and this tracks! I hate to say it, but she looks like the chaperone at a high school prom. You know, when the teachers have to dress up, but you know they don’t really want to be there. Girl, I know you sing about snorting cocaine off dicks! Liven it up!
Best: Lil Nas X
Somehow I’m not sick of the glam cowboy aesthetic yet, and Lil Nax X turned it up to 11 with this neon pink, bondage-inspired take on the “Old Town Road” vibe. This whole look is extra as f*ck, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Worst: Chrissy Teigen
Do we love Chrissy? Of course. Do we love this orange dress that looks like a cheap version of something Beyoncé probably wore in 2015? Not so much. Chrissy tweeted that she found her Grammys dress just 24 hours before the ceremony, and like… yeah. You can tell.
Best: Tyler, the Creator
Drag me in the comments all you want, I don’t care!! Tyler, the Creator had a huge night, winning Best Rap Album, and he brought his signature style to the red carpet. This look probably wouldn’t work on anyone else in the world, but Tyler looks so fun. And the best part is that, in the suitcase, he actually has the outfit that he wore later in the night to accept his award. We love an icon who packs light.
YG showed up to the Grammys in my cardigan from Wet Seal in 2008 and nothing else. Did I do that in middle school when I wanted to dress sexy but not have my mom yell at me? Sure. Would I do it on a red carpet? …Maybe, but that’s not the point.
Okay, how did she show up wearing the actual tapestry off my wall and still end up looking this good? For real though, the print of this kimono is absolutely stunning, and the hair and accessories complete the look perfectly. God, she looks so f*cking cool.
Worst: Joy Villa
Good god, get this bitch outta here. Every single year Joy Villa (still don’t know who she is, really, and I’m not gonna look it up) shows up in some clickbaity Trump dress. And every year we play right into the narrative she wants by talking about it. Bye bitch.
IDK: Billie Eilish
Look, I can’t decide if I love or I hate this. I feel like if it was anyone else, I would hate it. But this is kind of her aesthetic? If nothing else, I can say that her head-to-toe Gucci look made me feel incredibly poor. With Billie sweeping the big four awards, we saw a lot of this look throughout the night, and whether it’s good or bad, it’s certainly memorable.
Again, let me know what you thought in the comments, but if I see any Lizzo slander, I’m burning this f*cking website down. See you in two weeks for the Oscars!
Images: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin, Steve Granitz, Amy Sussman / Getty Images
As the decade draws to a close, it’s interesting to stop and take a look at which celebrities we’ve spent the last 10 years talking
sh*t about. While some stars have maintained their A-list status since 2010, and others have faded into the background (Leona Lewis, if you’re reading this, I still want the world for you), a whole new crop of celebs have risen to the top, and it’s time that we take a minute to give them some recognition. Considering all I’ve done this decade has been move out of my parents’ house and stopped thinking side bangs looked good, these celebs’ rise to fame is truly impressive. Whether their status has changed because of music, marriage, or a lot of fillers lip kits, not everyone makes it like these people, so here are the biggest celebrity glowups of the decade. You’re doing amazing, sweeties.
Every time I see a photo of Meghan Markle as a briefcase model on Deal Or No Deal, it leaves me just a little bit speechless. Without a doubt, she pulled off one of the most impressive glowups in human history, going from nameless hot girl on a game show, to leading actress on a basic cable show that only your mom watched, to bagging one of the world’s most eligible bachelors. In 2019, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex is without a doubt one of the most famous people in the world, a fate that no one could have predicted at the beginning of the decade. She’s also brought her fair share of drama to the royal family, from her clown of a father, to endless tabloid rumors that she and Kate hate each other. But amidst all the chaos, she’s somehow managed to be more open than ever about the struggles that come with her public position. I know she’s not like, a literal queen, but she’s pretty much a queen. Honestly, the only thing keeping me going these days is the knowledge that Meghan got engaged to Prince Harry at 36 years old.
To be honest, I could have included any of the Kardashian-Jenners on this list, because they’ve all had massive decades. But really, Kylie has had the most remarkable transformation, both physically and fame-wise. When the decade began, she was just 12 years old, and her main claim to fame was annoying her older sisters on KUWTK. Since then, she’s launched a cosmetics empire, become a literal billionaire, had a baby, and low-key gotten an entirely new face and body. Her accomplishments never fail to make me feel like I’m doing nothing with my life. Also, she gave us the Rise and Shine meme, and for that I’m forever grateful.
There have been a lot of impressive glowups in the last decade, but there’s no arguing that Lizzo has had THE glowup of the decade, and that’s because she was not super well known until like, 2018. After spending most of the decade hustling to get her music heard, Lizzo blew the f*ck up this year, and now she’s basically impossible to escape. She shuts down every award show, dating app bios are littered with references to her songs, and even your mom loves her. Just ask her! Funny enough, her two biggest songs this year—”Truth Hurts” and “Good As Hell”—were actually released in 2017 and 2016, respectively, but people finally found them, and the rest is history.
Chrissy Teigen wasn’t always the relatable social media icon she is now. Back in 2010, she made her first appearance in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, and was named Rookie of the Year. The Swimsuit Issue was her biggest claim to fame for a long time, and she eventually made it on the cover in 2014. But more importantly, she married John Legend in 2013, and since then, they’ve become one of the most perfect celebrity couples. She’s also built an impressive career as a TV host, author, and social media personality. I’m mostly just mad because she’s living proof that you actually can be hot, funny, and nice, which honestly isn’t fair and is a major issue I’m tackling with my therapist. But whatever.
Back in 2013, my friend and I went to Taylor Swift’s Red Tour, just barely making it to our seats before the opener started. That opener was none other than Ed Sheeran, who serenaded the half-empty arena with his early songs like “The A Team” and “Lego House.” Suffice it to say, Ed Sheeran no longer plays to half-empty arenas before someone else’s show. Whether you love him or not, he’s become one of the biggest stars in music, racking up an impressive list of hits and collaborators. His career achievements now include number-one songs, albums, and the highest-grossing concert tour in history. Though he’s currently on an 18-month hiatus from music, he’s got millions of fans who will be waiting when he gets back, which is more than any of us can say of our dramatic social media breaks.
Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin meeting for the first time in 2009 😍 pic.twitter.com/NwwEcndDSY
— 234Star.com (@234star_) July 8, 2018
I get bored easily, but I will never, ever get tired of watching this video of Hailey Baldwin’s dad introducing her to Justin Bieber in 2009. It just does not get old. Of course, Hailey grew up in the years that followed, becoming a successful model in her own right. But her whole world (and career) got turned upside down when she and Justin Bieber got married last year after a whirlwind romance, which has given me the motivation I need to continue making burner Instagram accounts in order to slide into Noah Centineo’s DMs. This year, Hailey and Justin celebrated with a true A-list wedding, which I’m still angry that I wasn’t invited to. Safe to say that Hailey Bieber has finally broken out of being known as Alec Baldwin’s brother’s daughter, and honestly, good for her.
Until like, two years ago, you probably didn’t know about Cardi B at all, and if you did, she was that girl from Love & Hip Hop: New York who was funny on Twitter.With the success of her song “Bodak Yellow” in 2017, her profile skyrocketed, and she quickly became one of the most successful female rappers ever. She followed up her breakout hit with a massively successful album, a marriage to fellow hip-hop royalty Offset, and a baby. With her unfiltered personality and her steady stream of bangers, it’s no shock that Cardi has become one of the biggest stars in the world. Sure, she can be messy sometimes, but there’s no denying she’s an icon.
Who was the biggest glowup of the decade for you? And have you got any early predictions on who’s going to be huge in 2020? Let me know in the comments!
Images: Giphy (4); 234star_ / Twitter; thirdwheeldpodcast, lizzobeeating / Instagram
In 2019, liking Lizzo is about as much of a personality trait as loving dogs or claiming cheese is the glue that holds your life together—which is to say that it’s not at all a personality trait and just a widely accepted thing people like. Now, I am not suggesting that Lizzo isn’t amazing, because she is. Her music is wonderful and she deserves every bit of success coming to her right now. Lizzo has blown up in the past year and is pretty universally liked, as evidenced by the fact that her songs are in just about every commercial on air right now, she has 6.2 million followers on Instagram, and her shows sell out immediately. “Who could not like Lizzo?” I have often thought to myself. Apparently, over 9,000 people on Twitter as I am currently writing this, because #LizzoIsOverParty is currently trending. Uh oh, what has she done?
Now, as amazing as Lizzo is, she has not been a stranger to controversy since her ascent to fame. Azealia Banks called her a “millennial mammy” and accused her of making a fool of herself for a white audience. Then again, I give about as much credence to Azealia Banks’s criticisms of other artists as I do to the girls in my high school on Facebook claiming essential oils will cure cancer. That said, in October, Lizzo was accused of plagiarism for her opening line in “Truth Hurts”: “I just took a DNA test, turns out / I’m 100% that bitch”. According to Rolling Stone, “Justin and Jeremiah Raisen claimed that in April 2017 they took part in a writing session with Lizzo, Jesse Saint John and Yves Rothman, during which they all wrote a song called ‘Healthy’ that contained the memorable line”. While Lizzo denied those plagiarism claims, she did acknowledge that Mina Lioness gave the inspiration for the DNA test line, and Lizzo has since officially credited Lioness as a songwriter on “Truth Hurts”.
But the #LizzoIsOverParty drama has nothing to do with “Truth Hurts”. It actually is about another Lizzo song, “Good As Hell”. And let me tell you right off the bat before you get mad at me in the comments section: it is f*cking stupid.
It all started when Lizzo released a remix of “Good As Hell” featuring Ariana Grande. The remix is… fine, but it’s not exactly the female anthem many people thought it would be. (In other words, it’s no “Bang Bang”.) And this is where the drama comes in: “Good As Hell” was on the Billboard charts for 25 weeks, and is currently at #2. That’s good as hell, right? Well, not for Ariana Grande fans, who are salty that Ariana is not listed on the charts, and are calling for Lizzo’s cancelation.
Did it cost you so much to credit Ariana? you are sick with the charts
— Mario (@MarioVz16) November 4, 2019
I guess the first thing I should point out is that there is no money to be made in the Billboard charts—the Hot 100 simply ranks songs based on sales (physical and digital), radio play, and online streaming. It would not “cost” anything for Lizzo to credit Ariana, because she is already credited on the remix… but also, there is no monetary gain to be made by simply being listed on the Billboard charts anyway. But, now, here’s the thing. The reason Ariana Grande isn’t listed on the charts is, you guessed it, because the version featuring her is not the version that is charting. The original version, the one without Ariana, is. It’s actually very simple. But it hasn’t stopped Ariana stans from going off on Twitter and saying some dumb things.
Wait so ppl mad that Ari isn’t credited on “Good as Hell”??
Isn’t Ari only on the remix? And isn’t the original the one on the charts?
Why would Ari be credited on the original?
And why get mad at Lizzo when it’s Billboard who published it?#LizzoIsOverParty
— Christian 🌉 (@_xtians) November 4, 2019
Why are you cancelling Lizzo for a version Ariana isn’t even on #LizzoIsOverParty
— Allison the Disney Diva (@Daviesallison1A) November 4, 2019
There is now a battle between Lizzo fans/people with an actual brain, and Ariana Grande stans. And somehow, Kpop fans have also gotten thrown into the mix, for no other reason that I can tell, other than the fact that a lot of KPop fans are hijacking this trending hashtag with Kpop gifs. Why? I have really no idea. The youth is exhausting.
After a thorough investigation, it is with great pleasure that I report to you that Lizzo is decidedly not canceled, and Ariana Grande’s fans need to take about 1,000 chill pills and leave Lizzo alone. This has nothing to do with Ariana Grande, and plus, Ariana has had her fair share of commercial success; one song on the Billboard Hot 100 that she was featured on is not hurting her bottom line. Truthfully, I feel slightly foolish that I, a grown-ass adult, have dedicated a good hour of my time investigating the stupidity and naivete of actual children. But I can’t take it back now, so neither can you!
Images: Getty Images, Daviesallison1A, _xtians, MarioVz16 / Twitter
Now, before you all come for me… Is Hustlers an amazing film? Yes. I mean, I’m a gay man who’s obsessed with Cardi B, Lizzo, and J.Lo, so Hustlers could literally be a piece of sh*t spread on toast and I would still convince everyone I know to see it. Fortunately, it’s not sh*t spread on toast, but delicious avocado toast topped with perfectly ripened heirloom tomatoes, a gloriously poached egg, and a beautiful sriracha drizzle—but does avocado toast deserve an Oscar? I mean, does Hustlers deserve an Oscar? The reviews have been excellent, with rogerebert.com saying it’s J.Lo’s best work since 1997’s Selena. The Hollywood Reporter called it J.Lo’s best film to date, and Hollywood superwoman Shonda Rhimes tweeted that she only leaves her house for a movie every five years, and Hustlers is the one. For all intents and purposes, this movie is screaming “give me an Oscar,” so what’s the f*cking issue? Well, as it turns out, the woman who lived the real-life story has a major issue with it, and fittingly, like the bad bitch she’s portrayed as in the film, she’s not going down without a fight.
The film, directed by actor/writer/director Lorene Scafaria, has grossed $62 Million, tripling its budget in only 10 days, which is like…a really good ROI. (That means Return On Investment, which means that one class I actually showed up to in college did teach me something.) The premiere at the Toronto Film Festival was apparently iconic, with a 2,500-person standing ovation and guests immediately whispering that J.Lo deserved an Oscar for her performance as Ramona, the queen-pin of the strip club turned queen-pin of drugging and robbing men.
The movie tells the multi-year story of J.Lo’s character, Ramona, and Constance Wu’s character, Destiny going from making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year stripping in Manhattan before the 2008 financial crisis to drugging men and maxing out their credit cards in 2013. Cardi B essentially plays herself, with only a few brief scenes, including one of her grabbing Destiny’s hair and calling her a bitch for accidentally trying to take one of her clients on her first day, which was amazing, and something I’ve done to coworkers while serving tables before. Lizzo appears even less than Cardi, but somehow manages to sneak her famous flute playing into her scene, and Keke Palmer and Lili Reinhart both are great in their roles as underling members of Ramona’s crew. One scene in particular, with a half-naked and six-inch-heeled Keke Palmer running through a parking garage screaming, had me laughing out loud, and Lili’s character’s nervous puking adds a welcome lightness to some otherwise dark scenes.
All in all, it’s a very good movie. J.Lo looks absolutely incredible, and one scene where men are tossing singles on her while she does a sultry pole dance to Fiona Apple’s “Criminal” had me questioning if my sexuality actually was a choice. Constance Wu is… fine, and Julia Stiles could be played by literally anyone (I’m sorry, but it’s true). I could have played Julia Stiles’ character, and the fact that I wasn’t even discussed during casting is a catastrophic overlook, but I didn’t let that influence my thinking while watching the film.
The thing about it is, at no time while watching did I think this movie was going to garner Oscar buzz, and I don’t really know how to feel about the fact that it has. Let me be very clear about something, I f*cking love J.Lo, and if she won an Oscar I would be crying before she got to the stage, but then again my favorite movies of all time are Sister Act and Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit, so like…who am I to be judging? After all, Bridesmaids scored nominations for Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy, Anthony Hopkins won the Oscar for only 16 minutes of screen time in Silence of the Lambs, and Anne Hathaway got her Oscar for a mere 15-minute choppy AF haircut in Les Miserables. So with the rules of what qualifies as Oscar-worthy clearly not set in stone, why not consider Hustlers? I suppose that pesky little fact that the person behind the story didn’t get paid for it to be told.
The movie is based on the 2015 New York Magazine article, “The Hustlers at Scores,” written by real-life New York Magazine journalist Jessica Pressler (played by the lackluster Julia Stiles). The movie is told through the narration of the article’s main character, Roselyn Keo, renamed Destiny and portrayed by Wu for the movie. J.Lo’s character, Ramona, is based on Samantha Barbash, aka Samantha Foxx, who is currently threatening a lawsuit against STX Entertainment, the studio behind Hustlers. Samantha says she was lowballed to sign away the rights to her story, and according to her lawyer, she “unequivocally rejected all offers to be included in the film.” She claims that J.Lo never spoke to her before or during filming the movie, and she is now writing her own book about her story.
Pressler’s article and the film actually seem to stick pretty close together, with some direct lines from the article used in the film, such as, “You can’t feel bad! If we don’t do it, somebody else will do it.”
My hesitation with fully believing the movie’s story comes from the troubling fact that we don’t quite know what about the article is true. Pressler wasn’t able to fact check a lot of what Roselyn, known as Rosie, told her when she was writing it. After beginning the article by saying “according to Rosie” several times, Pressler clarifies, “I say ‘according to Rosie’ because her family did not respond to interview requests, and because Rosie is an admitted liar with multiple pending felony charges. Still, she is occasionally prone to offering up indisputable truths.” While some of the story may be fabricated, some aspects must be true, because the fact remains that men really were drugged and robbed, with one Queens strip club bartender pleading guilty last year to being in cahoots in overcharging the credit cards of two men who were drugged by strippers.
Hustlers is told in a similar fashion to 2017’s Oscar-nominated I, Tonya, with the main character narrating her own rags-to-riches-back-to-rags story while establishing an emotional connection with the audience that goes beyond whatever shady sh*t they may have done. (By the way, Nancy Kerrigan still competed in the 1994 Olympics, so like…get the f*ck over it.) The difference, however, is that Samantha Barbash more than likely won’t be sitting in the audience as J.Lo’s guest at the Golden Globes as Tonya Harding did with Margot Robbie and Allison Janney. Allison ended up winning the Oscar for her portrayal of Tonya’s mother; Margot was nominated for best actress for her portrayal of Tonya, but lost to Frances McDormand.
So aside from the question of whether or not Hustlers deserves an Oscar for the remarkable story, the way it’s been told, and/or J.Lo and Constance Wu’s performances, the fact that the real-life subject of the story is unhappy remains, and this should not be brushed over. I suppose we’ll find out whether or not the Academy will take that into consideration come February. With that being said, I would let J.Lo use me as her own personal red carpet if she wanted to.
Images: Getty Images; Giphy (3)
Since Instagram first became popular several years ago, regular people and celebrities alike have put an insane amount of effort into keeping up their perfect grid. We all probably have about 42 editing apps on our phones, but it seems like we’re finally seeing a shift on Instagram. In 2019, people are finally focusing on authenticity over perfection, and certain celebrities are leading the charge.
The idea of the fake Instagram, or “finsta,” has been around for a few years, and it originated with regular people. Especially for young people concerned with their image, having a secondary (usually private) account is an easy to post more unfiltered content for close friends. But any good trend doesn’t stay hidden for long, and now celebrities are jumping on the finsta train. The concept of the finsta isn’t really new, but celebrities are now bringing the trend of secondary, less polished accounts to new and exciting places. I spoke with Charles Porch, Head of Global Creative Programs at Instagram, to learn about why the celebrity finsta is one of the most exciting things happening on the platform today, and how the trend signifies a larger shift in how we use Instagram.
While the celebrity finsta trend has picked up steam in 2019, some celebs have been more unfiltered on Instagram for a long time. Porch points to Cole Sprouse’s account @camera_duels as one of the earliest examples. For years, Cole has been taking pics of people taking pics of him, and the result is a hilarious behind the scenes look at what it feels like to be famous.
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Who would have thought, the mother with child, would have prioritized taking our picture over steadying her baby's carriage on a moving train? I did. I would have thought. Firstly, her child is too young for The Street Life of Shaq and Kobe, so we all know she was taking that picture for herself. Unless of course she was making a long term investment, banking on the baby enjoying the show when #it grows up. #ItsCalledInvesting. Trying to be sneaky, she made the number 1 rookie mistake, #Flash. My poor, helpless, innocent, virgin brother was caught in the middle of our duel. You can see the fear in his eyes and the determination in mine, both being trumped by the look of shame in hers. #cameraduels #BabyOnBoard #FamilyDrama #TheStreetLifeOfShaqAndKobe
With these unfiltered photos, Cole Sprouse manages to poke fun at himself in a way that’s both hilarious and unquestionably authentic. While many public figures are meticulous about their social media aesthetic, accounts like this are actually more entertaining to follow. According to Charles Porch, celebrity content like this “brings us closer to them, and makes us love them even more.”
While Cole Sprouse has never cared much about his Instagram aesthetic, we’ve recently seen some more unexpected celebrities branching out from their standard posts. Last month, Gigi Hadid hopped on the celebrity finsta train with an account dedicated to photos from her disposable camera. While her main feed is mostly flawless shots from runway shows and ad campaigns, her second account is unedited and off the cuff.
One of Charles Porch’s favorite examples of the celebrity finsta is Lizzo’s account for her flute. Lizzo has had a meteoric rise this year, and her DGAF attitude on social media is definitely part of the reason why. Her main account already feels authentic and unfiltered, so her finsta is pure comedy. Here’s her flute wearing the outfit that Lizzo wore to this year’s Met Gala.
Iconic. While some people will probably never hop on the celebrity finsta trend, Charles Porch sees it as a direct response to what’s happening in the current youth culture. Today’s teens have grown up with social media all around them, so they interact with Instagram and other platforms in a different way than millennials. Porch notes that many teens have multiple accounts to align with their various friend groups, and this is trickling down (or up?) to celebrities.
Porch has noticed that more and more, public figures are finding inspiration directly from regular people on Instagram, and this is more true with the finsta than anything else. With multiple accounts, celebs can “connect to different subcultures of fans, art, and causes” that are important to them. Porch says that secondary accounts are all about celebs “connecting directly to fans,” and that we finally get to “be part of the journey.” We all really want to feel closer to our favorite stars, and celebrity finsta accounts accomplish exactly that.
More than anything, Charles Porch stresses that “Instagram is a living, breathing platform,” so trends like the celebrity finsta are always coming and going. While Porch is confident that the celebrity finsta is here to stay for the foreseeable future, it’s far from the only IG trend that he’s excited about. He called 2019 the “Year of the Legends,” noting that famous actresses like Julia Roberts and Michelle Pfeiffer are finally making their way to the platform. Porch is also excited about the role that Instagram will play in the 2020 election, with political figures like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Elizabeth Warren utilizing the platform like never before.
With viral reports that the Instagram aesthetic is dead, and continued testing with disabling the number of likes on posts, there’s no doubt that it’s an exciting time to be on Instagram. Things are always growing and changing, and the celebrity finsta will be an exciting trend to follow.
Imgaes: camera_duels, gisposable, sashabefluting / Instagram
Guys, I wish it hadn’t come to this. I wish I wasn’t writing an article about something called “The Bottle Cap Challenge,” but yesterday I called a friend’s new baby “alien-esque,” so I guess karma works quick, huh? So what is the Bottle Cap Challenge, other than a stain on our history, an assault on my eyeballs, and a dumpster fire to my brain? Why I’m glad you asked, since I’ve got to write 800 words on the subject. Allow me to ruin your life enlighten you.
According to PopSugar, The Bottle Cap Challenge was started by Taekwondo instructor and fighter Farabi Davletchin on June 25th. Fine, Farabi, you seem cool. And, if you had only stopped there, I wouldn’t have had to add you to my revenge spreadsheet. But this turned into a viral challenge, and that gains you automatic entrance onto my list. Sorry pal, I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them. (Fine, I also make them.) Since the Bottle Cap Challenge began, celebrities have been participating in it, and also challenging their friends/colleagues/people they want to embarrass. Should we take a look at the best of the bunch? And by best, I mean “the ones that elicited a very strong reaction in me.” Onward!
If I HAD to pick a favorite because some animal was threatening to rip the coffee IV out of my arm or something equally horrific, I’d have to pick Mariah Carey’s. There’s so much to like here. She’s wearing a sparkly waist trainer. She pretends to do some taekwondo moves in the beginning. It doesn’t work the first time. She proves to us that she’s STILL. GOT. IT. That voice! And, when it’s over, she runs away with a healthy mix of shame and satisfaction. That’s all I ask. Bow down.
I hate the KarJenners and nothing they do will ever please me, so if you’re a fan, you might want to put on the earmuffs right now. *Beginning rant* We know you’re rich, Kendall. We know you’re skinny, Kendall. We know you spend your days on jet skis instead of in darkened cubes surrounded by people who make sexist jokes that you’re forced to laugh at in order to get that raise you begged for, Kendall. WE KNOW. You don’t have to continue to shove it in our faces with everything you do, MY GOD. I’m not impressed. I’d only actually be impressed if she completed this challenge in the unfinished half of a friend’s basement after drinking straight vodka for 6 hours like the rest of us were doing at age 23. Only then. *End rant*
First of all, hi Lizzo, where’d you get that jumpsuit? Help a girl out. Second of all, FINALLY someone speaks the truth! No one is actually completing these challenges, right? Certainly not while on a jet ski *cough* Kendall *cough*. Sorry sweetie, truth hurts. GET IT??
#BottleCapChallenge #Glass @AviationGin pic.twitter.com/joM20RhUid
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 3, 2019
Ryan Reynolds gets a special mention here, because I appreciate his commitment to self-promotion. Did you guys know he owns a gin company? If you didn’t know, please see his 45-second commercial disguised as a viral challenge video. Does he successfully complete the challenge? I have no idea, because I lost interest in this one after 9 seconds, but now I am craving an ice cold G&T at 9 in the morning. Thanks, Ryan!
There’s no one cooler than Jason Statham. There just isn’t. He once used defibrillators on himself. He put shards of glass in his eye. He jumped off a high-rise building with only a raincoat as a parachute and broke both legs. The Bottle Cap Challenge? A cake walk. This is the only video I can mildly tolerate. Call me, Jason!
Did I miss any cool ones? KIDDING. They don’t exist. I hope you got your fill of the Bottle Cap Challenge, because this is the last you’ll hear of it from me. Fingers crossed it will pass quickly and we can all get back to watching our regularly scheduled YouTube makeup tutorials!
Images: mariahcarey, kendalljenner, lizzobeeating, jasonstatham/ Instagram; vancityreynolds/ Twitter
No matter how cynical you are, you’d have to be a sociopath not to have a soft spot for adorable children on the internet. I’m not talking about photos of random babies, because honestly not all babies are that cute. I’m talking about talented, adorable kids who love being on camera and are going viral. The latest viral sensation under five feet tall is Ivanah, a 6-year-old girl from South Africa who just loves to dance. Ugh, so pure. So adorable.
Ivanah just started her social media accounts last month, and she already has 40,000 fans on Facebook, over 100,000 followers on Instagram. How?? Considering it took me six years to get to 1000 followers on Instagram, I’m honestly offended. Her aunt runs her account, and she’s doing a fabulous job, not that Ivanah needs much help. (Side bar: can I commission her aunt to run my Instagram too?) Here’s an example of the truly joyful content that Ivanah is putting out there:
I mean, how can you not love that? Aside from gaining tens of thousands of followers in just a few weeks, Ivanah has also impressed lots of famous people. One of Ivanah’s most recent videos shows her getting down to Lizzo’s “Juice,” (which like, same), and Lizzo reposted the video on her Twitter page:
Rare footage of me as a child ?? pic.twitter.com/ArnB5PVmc5
— |L I Z Z O| (@lizzo) June 7, 2019
Honestly, in 2019 there’s no bigger stamp of approval than from the queen Lizzo herself. She’s been on top of the game this year, so little Ivanah should feel very honored.
After Lizzo posted the video, Chris Evans (the best famous Chris, don’t @ me) was also obsessed with Ivanah.
This kid is cooler than I could ever hope to be. https://t.co/ZsDvdBxKts
— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) June 8, 2019
I mean, when Captain America says you’re cooler than him, you know you’ve made it. I think what makes Ivanah so perfect is that 1) she’s adorable, and 2) she’s young enough that it doesn’t feel like she’s trying too hard. She’s just a little girl who f*cking loves dancing, so it’s not like she’s trying to be on Dance Moms or something. But also if Ivanah was on Dance Moms, I’d probably start watching again…just saying.
In addition to Lizzo and Chris Evans, Jada Pinkett Smith posted a video of Ivanah on Instagram, saying that “this girl has life figured out.”
View this post on Instagram
This girl has life figured out! I’m bout to go find me some traffic right now … and dance! ? That parT! ・・・ Repost @ivanah.dancer ・・・ Doing what she loves Song: DjBBoy : Paga A Bebida Da Bela #dancer #havingfun #happinessiskey #cuties #dancing_is_life #blackbabies #chopdaily #chopdailykids #theellenshow
Will Smith also reposted this one, so I guess she’s doing okay. Head to Ivanah’s profile and smash that follow button, because it’ll probably make you a happier person.
Images: Ivanah.dancer (2), jadapinkettsmith / Instagram; lizzo, chrisevans / Twitter
If you read any of my music columns in the past (it’s okay, nobody did), then you’d know that, typically, most new singles get released on Fridays. I don’t know why; my friend who works in music PR told me it used to be Tuesdays and then for some reason they changed it to Fridays. That is way more annoying for me, but the plus side is that we get to go into the weekend every weekend with new bangers. Anyway, it doesn’t matter, because today (Wednesday) we are getting a new single from Charli XCX featuring Lizzo. It’s called “Blame It On Your Love”, and it is an anthem. Praise be. Friday has come early this week.
Charli XCX’s new single, “Blame It On Your Love,” features Lizzo, who—if you don’t know—is a flute player, body positive icon, and overall badass. We stan them both. Charli is basically synonymous with “catchy af pop music” at this point, and this new hit is no exception. If you listen to Charli already, you might notice that this new single is the main sample in “Track 10”, from her most recent Pop 2 mixtape. But now it’s been infused with some upbeat percussion and a new melody, twisted with new verses, and of course, a feature by Lizzo. The result is an infectious summer song that’s going to be stuck in your head all the time, if the past 15 minutes of me listening to it on repeat are any indication. I guarantee you will be playing this song when you meet a cute new person this summer at a rooftop or whatever and want to send them memes, but you’re not sure if you’re at that stage of your relationship yet—or whatever your summer love scenario ends up. being. *Hits play again*
Listen to “Blame It On Your Love” below, and catch Charli XCX at Governors Ball on June 2nd, and Lizzo on her Cuz I Love You tour.
Image: Ace Amir