Can ‘Vanderpump Rules’ Survive The Latest SURver Drama?

Coming off of season eight of Vanderpump Rules, it’s fair to say that the future of the show is more than a little uncertain. The show has almost always filmed during the summer months, but with the ongoing pandemic shuttering the restaurants at the center of the show, that timeline obviously wasn’t going to work. We still don’t know when filming for a ninth season will commence, but more than that, we don’t even know who will be on the ninth season, or how the show will move forward after the extreme controversy of the past few months. (Or if it should move forward, depending on who you ask.)

As we all know by now, season nine, if it goes forward, won’t feature Max, Brett, Stassi, or Kristen, who were all dropped from the show in June following renewed attention on their past problematic behavior. That controversy feels like it was a year ago, but there’s never a dull moment with the Vanderpump crew, and now there’s fresh controversy surrounding another one of last season’s newbies, Danica Dow. On the show, Danica, an assistant manager, was dating SUR bartender Brett Willis (different Brett), and throughout the season, there were numerous references to the couple getting in major fights and arguments. At one point, Danica was even suspended from SUR for fighting with Brett at the restaurant.

They’ve since broken up, and their tumultuous relationship is now playing out in the legal system. Earlier this month, Danica received a restraining order against Brett, after she claimed that he “broke into her home and cut up her clothes.” But Brett quickly filed his own restraining order against Danica, and his version of the events are drastically different than Danica’s. In his filing, obtained by TMZ, he says that Danica “was pissed he wouldn’t clean his dish until after a 90 Day Fiancé episode ended,” and she ultimately grabbed his neck, “digging her nails deep and pulling hard enough to scratch off some skin.” He also alleged that another similar attack happened several months prior, and she also bit his arm, drawing blood. Brett’s restraining order was granted, and they’re now required to stay 10 feet away from each other when they’re working together at Pump (which is open for outdoor dining), and 100 yards otherwise. Yup, they still work together, which doesn’t sound unsafe at all.

Perez Hilton recently published a photo of the alleged bite mark that Danica left on Brett’s arm, and it looks f*cking serious. Obviously, these two should not be around each other, but Danica’s abusive behavior could, and should, cost her a spot on Vanderpump Rules. We’ve already seen flashes of Danica’s aggressive tendencies on the show, like at the TomTom anniversary party, where Lisa kicked her out after she got into a fight with Vegas Scheana Karrah. According to Perez’s source, given the recent developments, many of the VPR cast members “do not feel comfortable around Danica,” saying that she has “anger issues.” On a show like this, there’s a fine line between being messy in a fun way and being a toxic liability, and it seems likely that Danica falls into the latter category. Vanderpump Rules already has a complicated history of giving a platform to abusers and all-around problematic people, so hopefully the decision-makers avoid going down that path this time.

Okay, so Danica’s future on the show is uncertain, but is season nine even happening? Pump and TomTom are now open for outdoor dining, but SUR is still closed completely, and it’s unclear when that will change. But Lisa Vanderpump recently spoke to Entertainment Tonightand though she said timing is up in the air, another season is definitely happening. She confirmed that “there are new cast members,” and that we can expect more diversity in the cast. According to her, the main reason the cast has been almost exclusively white is because her BIPOC employees just aren’t interested in being on camera. She said that “our companies are like the United Nations” but that “it’s really up to people that want to be front and center.” Uh… okay, sure.

Lisa also told ET that if it were up to her, Stassi and Kristen would still be on the show. She said that she is “not into just kind of getting rid of people, because they get it wrong,” and that she wishes they had a second chance on the show to “have a better understanding of where they went wrong.” Well, sadly for them, they won’t have the reality TV paycheck, but hopefully they’re still just as committed to owning their sh*t.

Moving down the list, Scheana Shay has been making big moves this summer. Last month, she announced on Twitter that she was moving to San Diego with her boyfriend Brock, which naturally raised a lot of questions about her future on Vanderpump Rules. Thankfully, she quickly cleared up our concerns, clarifying that the move makes sense now because she doesn’t have a reason to be paying rent in LA, but she’ll definitely come back once “work opens”, which is obviously code for “once I’m getting paid to pretend to work on camera.”

Honestly, good for Scheana. She seems happier in San Diego anyway, and at this point, she has enough money that she can just get an apartment in LA for the four months out of the year that she actually needs to be in LA for filming. (I just Googled condos in San Diego, and sadly, I am not rich enough to do this. Maybe by next pandemic!)

As for Jax Taylor, for a minute there, it really seemed like he was going to be fired along with Stassi and Kristen, but somehow it appears he weathered the storm. Last month, an “insider” told Us Weekly that Jax “definitely plans to return” for the upcoming ninth season. Great. Who wants this? Jax has spent his summer between LA and Kentucky, where he and Brittany hung out with Kristen and Summer House alum Stephen McGee. Sounds fun. Jax also recently posted his negative COVID results on Twitter, sharing that he has “piece” of mind now.

So, where does all of this information leave us when it comes to a ninth season of Vanderpump Rules? We’ll definitely be seeing Scheana and Jax, and we’ll hopefully be seeing more of this diversity that Lisa is bragging about. We definitely won’t be seeing Stassi, Kristen, Max, or Brett, and it seems pretty unlikely that they’ll risk having Danica around for another season. And of course, we have no f*cking clue when any of this will actually be happening. Isn’t 2020 fun?!

 

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Images:Chris Haston/Bravo; scheana, mrjaxtaylor / Twitter

Dorit Kemsley Told Us Why ‘RHOBH’ Is ‘Stronger’ Without Lisa Vanderpump

When Lisa Vanderpump essentially ghosted The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills halfway through season nine, it felt like a pivotal moment in the show’s history. With an OG gone, and most of the drama out the door behind her, would the group crumble, or come back even stronger? Well, I’m happy to report that thus far, season 10 has been a major return to form, after a few seasons that struggled to hold viewers’ attention. This week, we sat down with RHOBH star Dorit Kemsley on the Mention It All Podcastand she shared her thoughts on Lisa’s exit, and why things have really clicked this season.

Going into the current season, Dorit says that “none of us really knew what to expect, because Lisa has always been there—she’s one of the originals.” But once filming got going, things progressed naturally. “There was so much going on that it didn’t feel like there was a missing part,” Dorit says, adding, “none of us probably thought it would’ve been that easy of a transition, but it really was.” Dorit credits this smooth transition with the fact that “the core group has definitely gotten stronger and tighter.” She’s now in her fourth season on the show, and she feels “comfortable and confident” around her fellow cast members, despite acknowledging that “you wouldn’t guess that in some of the episodes.” She also credits this season’s two new cast members, Garcelle Beauvais and Sutton Stracke, for “really making it fresh.”

While the show hasn’t suffered from Lisa Vanderpump’s departure, Dorit is still working through the loss of her long-standing friendship with her former costar. “As far as our relationship, sadly, we haven’t spoken. And that’s not because I haven’t wanted to, or haven’t made attempts, but we haven’t spoken since last season. So there really isn’t a relationship.” While Dorit still says she’s hopeful for a future with Lisa, she’s “not stopping life and waiting for it to happen.”

Though Dorit is positive about her relationships with the other women on the show, there are obviously some rough waters ahead on this season. When asked what we can still look forward to seeing, Dorit kept it vague, just saying, “There’s obviously drama. And then the drama gets bigger. And bigger. And then bigger. And then there’s a few bombs, so there’s a lot to look forward to.” Buckle up your seatbelts, because things are about to get messy.

To hear our full interview with Dorit Kemsley, check out the latest episode of the Mention It All Podcast:

Images: Eugene Powers / Shutterstock.com

Scheana Deserves Better Than Her Treatment On ‘Vanderpump Rules’

Living in quarantine during coronavirus has us doing things we never thought we would: justifying our cleanest pair of joggers as formalwear, going without showering for days on end, and, god help us, confronting the horror that is our front-facing camera for the sake of human interaction. It’s hard not to feel like we’re living in the Upside Down. Watching this season of Vanderpump Rules is no exception. After years of happily laughing at Scheana’s scheananigans (sorry, had to), something shifted this season. Once hilarious, the constant jabs at her now just feel cruel. I never thought this would happen, but Scheana needs a champion, and I volunteer as tribute.

The Show Wouldn’t Exist Without Her

I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge our herstory. Had Scheana not had an ill-advised affair with Brandi Glanville’s ex-husband, we’d lack the crucial link that allowed Vanderpump Rules to spin off seamlessly from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Most people would be reluctant to openly own their role as mistress in an extramarital affair on national television. Scheana not only did this, but she took the heat (being called a “homewrecker” by Stassi seemingly every episode of season 1) and humiliation (never forget her gray tooth) with grace. She’s been carrying the show on her back ever since and has given us some of the most memorable storylines. Who can forget her quinceañera wedding featuring the iconic crop top wedding dress? Or her proclamation that Rob can hang a TV on the wall in under seven minutes? She’s also the only main cast member regularly interacting with the new sentient globs of hair gel cast members. She does all of this without complaint and laughs right along with us at her cringiest moments.

She’s Getting A Misogynistic Edit

Speaking of cringe, the editors have been portraying Scheana as f*ckboy man-hungry for several seasons since her divorce. And for a while it was pretty on point and funny, mostly because the editors were using Scheana’s own words to troll her. This season, new cast members like Max and Brett are piling on, and it’s no longer fun. It’s one thing to string together a masterful, symphonic compilation of the 97 times Scheana uttered the word “Rob” in season 6. But to allow two indistinguishable greaseballs who just arrived on the scene and have zero credibility to openly disrespect her on camera and call her “boy crazy” and “middle-aged” is a bridge too far. Off camera, Lisa has joined in and called her “desperate”, and an episode of Watch What Happens Live featured a “Desperate-O-Meter” to measure this alongside various clips of Scheana interacting with men. Meanwhile, Max goes from banging Scheana to Dayna to Vegas Baby Scheana in a matter of weeks and is now being inexplicably included in scenes with main cast members. It be ya own editors, which brings me to my next point.

She’s Being Portrayed As One-Dimensional

No one is denying that Scheana enjoys male attention and is clearly looking for a serious relationship, despite her claims otherwise. But that’s just one part of her and, unfortunately, it’s the only side of her the editors are allowing us to see. Throughout this season she’s brought up her egg freezing process and subsequent surgery, yet it’s constantly being minimized and reduced to a punchline. Her fellow castmates either barely acknowledge or ignore the subject when she brings it up. I can’t say I’m totally shocked, as self-involvement seems to be a prerequisite for getting cast on this show, but why aren’t the editors exploring this storyline a bit further? It’s incredibly relevant and relatable, as more and more women are delaying starting a family. And let’s not pretend we don’t have room for it in this trash heap of a season. If there’s airtime for LVP to hide her bra in Schwartz’s luggage, a funeral for a lizard who died by negligent homicide, and 12 episodes dedicated to Jax and Brittany’s Kentucky Fried Wedding, we could’ve delved into Scheana’s fertility journey a bit more. Then again, letting viewers see her as a complex woman balancing her dating life with her desire to one day have a family wouldn’t fit the narrative of Scheana as desperate psycho.

I love a good troll as much as the next Bravo fan, but Scheana’s treatment of late goes far beyond the fun shade we enjoy as viewers of Vanderpump Rules. It’s also tired at this point. She’s been the punching bag on this show for far too long, and it’s time we give her the respect she deserves. A couple of seasons ago I could have never imagined coming to Scheana’s defense, but hashtag it’s all happening.

Images: DFree / Shutterstock.com; Tenor (3)

‘Vanderpump Rules’ Recap: Sweet As Silver

Greetings, children of the quarn, and come join me for the latest Vanderpump Rules recap. Truthfully, the only thing I remember about last week was how unintentionally hilarious Charli was. Judging by her Instagram follower count and her typical allotted amount of screen time per episode, she is pitifully underrated. Like, not to brag (but kind of to brag) but how do I, a certified jackass who just subtweets my Hinge dates and posts screenshots of those tweets to Instagram, have more followers than a regulation hottie on a hit TV show? I will try to not let this go to my head.

Narrator: She would, in fact, immediately let it go to her head.

It’s only been like, three episodes since Jax and Brittany’s wedding, and we’re already back on the wedding train with Katie and Tom’s fake Vegas wedding. Stassi and Sandoval are officiating the wedding together, because I guess Katie and Schwartz really do not want to be legally married. Just kidding, I’m sure Sandoval, at least, will get all the proper licensing. Stassi will probably just find a way to not really do her job and make it about her.

Seeing Danica, Scheana, and Charli go to an outdoor bar and order Aperol spritzes is giving me physical pangs of grief. I too remember those days!! Scheana’s not going to Katie and Tom’s wedding because she’s getting her eggs retrieved, and not because she wasn’t invited. Phew, I honestly wasn’t sure.

Meanwhile, at TomTom, Brett is telling Max that he made out with Dayna but it was only because he downed three fruity drinks right in a row and he never has carbs or alcohol! He definitely doesn’t like Dayna at all. This is shady.

Charli is once again the underrated MVP of this entire show with this quote: “To men in LA, vaginas don’t have a face.” New York is the same, in case anyone was wondering. Or is the problem just… men? More on this at 8.

Gonna be honest with you guys, I like, scrolled through Instagram for five solid minutes of Lisa pretending to buy shoes and everyone arriving in Vegas. I just watched McMillions yesterday and now I’m triggered by any and all B-roll footage.

Unfortunately for Dayna, she has been left at SUR to polish glasses—as if she would have been invited to Vegas in the first place. Scheana comes up to Dayna to tell her, once again, that she’s freezing her eggs. The thing is, I could easily make a joke about how it’s like… Nobody: Scheana: I’m freezing my eggs, but the saddest part is that still nobody ever listens to her. 

Over in Vegas, Lala and Randall are talking in bed, and wow, they look really good here.

randall 90 day fiancé meme

As Schwartz is unpacking, he pulls out a bra that is definitely not Katie’s, that just “happened” to end up in his suitcase. It is… pretty dark to watch Schwartz try to jokingly-not-jokingly gaslight Katie that it is, in fact, her bra, only to slink away when that doesn’t work, muttering, “I’m so f*cked.” Ohhh boy. This is not gonna be good.

Also in Vegas, not at all prompted by producers, Beau calls Stassi’s dad to ask his permission to marry her. Beau is sweating like a whore in church and stammering like… a whore confessing in church? I don’t know, I don’t go to church!

Things I did not need to know: Raquel is turned on by James’s sobriety. Yea, I’m not surprised that James is better at sex when he doesn’t have constant whiskey dick. Let’s move on.

Scheana’s doppelgänger waitress is crazy, but what’s even crazier is Stassi trying to flex like she doesn’t remember the name of Scheana’s song. She calls it “Sweet as Silver,” and like, bitch, we all know you know it’s “Good as Gold.” First of all, you heard it nonstop in the Pride parade. 44 donkey kicks to the ear, remember? Also, it is a bop, so put some goddamn respect on Scheana’s name.

It’s pretty wild that Schwartz is going to insist that he has nothing to hide vis-à-vis the bra situation, when we all saw him black out in Mexico and end up in a totally different resort. Just saying, it’s completely within the realm of possibility. But then we learn that Lisa put her underwear in there accidentally but also as a prank? I am confused, but honestly not upset with this turn of events.

Ariana’s reaction to the giant bottle of Casamigos is everything.

Ariana Vanderpump Rules

Bootleg Scheana continues to trip even Max and Lisa out, and predictably, she’s flirting with Max too. Is this a glitch in the Matrix, or do they just go to the same botox doctor? Where is Charli for a hilarious yet true quote about all the women in LA?

I’m also going to go out on a limb here and say that Max doesn’t get to dump Dayna/refuse to take her back and then try to forbid Brett from seeing her under the guise that he “has feelings” for her. Max is like, “if I can’t use Dayna for my storyline, no one can!” 

Dayna and Danica are hanging out and she’s wearing some crazy sweatshirt with a chain situation. I love that they’re talking about the “magical website” where Danica shops that is definitely like, Fashion Nova.

I also love Danica trying to explain why Dayna and Brett aren’t a good match, in earnest, because Dayna is a Leo and Brett is a Pisces and “those two just don’t mix.” And then she makes an off-the-cuff remark about how two of her exes have restraining orders against her? Okay, one, who let her on this show? But also, like, who is only letting her have a minimal part in this show? This is a huge missed opportunity. We need more Danica content.

Katie and Schwartz’s fake wedding is pretty fun, and this is the best Katie has never looked. But um, super yikes that Stassi used her friend’s second wedding to sh*t on Beau for not proposing. I need to say it again because I’m not over it: yikes. Girl, get a grip.

Brett, Dayna, James, and Raquel are on the weirdest double date ever. Brett stumbles through a half-assed garden metaphor and then talks about how he….. has a fetish to drink his mom’s breast milk? Sorry, but that’s what I heard, guys.

Dayna remarks that Lisa “has a phat pussy”, and can we not with the Lala energy? I’m going to crawl into my own belly button like Stimpy in that one harrowing episode of Ren & Stimpy. 

The next morning, Stassi calls room service in a fake British accent. I would knock it, but I’m about to be doing that with telemarketers in about a week just to get my kicks. 

Unsurprisingly, Max f*cked Bootleg Scheana. You know what we call that? Brand loyalty.

The next day, the Bubbas are extremely hungover, and it’s the moment of truth to see if Tom was able to hang onto his marriage certificate…. Again. He did lose it, and I gotta say, this is on Katie this time for trusting him with it again. 

Schwartz: Even without the piece of paper, we’re still legally married.
Katie: Actually that paper is like, the only thing that guarantees we are legally married.

Honestly guys, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Look at it this way: if you never get legally married, then you don’t have to deal with (or pay for) a divorce!

If you want more Vanderpump Rules content, check out our video with Kristen Doute from the Betches Instathon:

Images: runningdreamz / Twitter; Bravo

‘Vanderpump Rules’s Danica Called Out Stassi On Twitter

As much as I hate to admit it, this season of Vanderpump Rules has been disappointing. We had to sit through nearly a dozen episodes dedicated mostly to Jax and Brittany’s nightmare fairytale wedding, and things haven’t gotten much more interesting in the weeks since. But just because the actual episodes have been slow doesn’t mean there’s not some interesting drama playing out in real life—or, because we’re all quarantined, playing out on social media.

Last Friday, Stassi Schroeder tweeted a joke about how she would willingly go back to being a waitress at SUR if it meant the quarantine would be over. If you watch the show, you know that Stassi never actually liked working at SUR, so this is a pretty big statement for her.

I’m willing to go back to waitressing at SUR for this quarantine to be over. Honestly— at this point, I’d pay to put on that SUR dress and clock in.

— Stassi Schroeder (@stassi) April 10, 2020

Stassi obviously meant it as a joke, and plenty of people found it funny, including SUR manager Peter Madrigal, who responded to Stassi with a shift assignment. But not everyone appreciated Stassi’s joke. Danica Dow, a SURver who is new to Vanderpump Rules this season, called Stassi out for being tone-deaf. She noted that due to the closure, SUR employees have had to file for unemployment, and Stassi is “insensitively cracking jokes” while the Toms are raising money for their employees (more on that in a minute).

While Tom & Tom are raising money for their employees, you’re kind of insulting this pandemic that has left everyone at sur having to file for unemployment. Everyone at sur is struggling while you’re insensitively cracking jokes & sitting pretty in your new house smh.

— Danica (@Danicadowww) April 11, 2020

While I wasn’t immediately offended by Stassi’s tweet, Danica definitely has a point. Though COVID-19 has affected everyone—Stassi even had to postpone her tour—it’s not quite the same. She’ll probably be just fine, while all of the people who actually work at SUR (they’re not all TV stars) are struggling, and would probably love to be able to go back to work right now.

Some people replied calling Danica thirsty or jealous, but even if that’s true, she’s not wrong about the situation at SUR. According to some reports, Lisa Vanderpump and the other owners aren’t doing anything to help out their restaurant employees right now, which is really disappointing. Lisa even told Andy Cohen that “they’re all on unemployment.” I don’t know the details of her finances, but if she’s anywhere near as rich as she comes across on the show, paying some bartenders seems like the least she could do. Lisa, what’s up?

But who here is actually doing the right thing? Tom and Tom! As much as Tom Schwartz is on my sh*t list right now on the show, he and Tom Sandoval are at least trying to do something good for their employees. The Toms are together during quarantine, and they joined Cameo to raise money for the TomTom staff. 100% of the money they earn from Cameo goes to the employees, and they’re matching everything up to $10,000. I’m not expecting these people to be writing million-dollar checks, but this feels like they’re really doing what they can.

 

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Millions of people in the restaurant industry are out of work bc of #covıd19 including our @tomtom Family, @twschwa and I are donating 100% of our earnings from cameo to our TomTom Staff & matching the amount up to $10,000!! Book ur @cameo today and get a personalized message from the #2toms !! -❤️LINK IN BIO ❤️-Thank u so much everyone! Stay safe! We love u! #pumprules

A post shared by Tom Sandoval (@tomsandoval1) on

In Tom Sandoval’s comments, someone tried to come for him for not just paying his employees normally. Tom, who is an angel on earth, responded that “as a 5% owner, this what I can do.” Okay, we stan. As we all know, Tom and Tom are not actually the majority owners here—that’s Lisa Vanderpump! This response from Tom feels like both an actual explanation and some subtle shade at Lisa, and she kinda deserves it.

So what does this all boil down to? Right now is an extremely tough time for people in service industries, and it’s sad that more employers (especially those with money) aren’t helping their staff out. So Stassi’s joke was probably in poor taste, and Danica wasn’t wrong to point that out, but the real issue here is that Lisa Vanderpump could probably be doing more to help her employees. Thankfully, Tom and Tom are doing what they can, but it’s just not enough. All I know is that when this is all over, I’m going to SUR, and I will be tipping generously to thank these people for all they’ve given us. It’s the least I can do!

Images: Featureflash Photo Agency / Shutterstock.com; stassi, danicadowww / Twitter; tomsandoval1 / Instagram

Lisa Vanderpump’s Foundation Is Being Sued For Sexual Harassment, And The Details Are Gross

I think pretty much everyone wants January to be over at this point, but that’s probably especially true for Lisa Vanderpump. Just a couple weeks ago, both of the new men in the Vanderpump Rules cast had their racist tweets exposed, casting an icky vibe across the new season. It remains to be seen what happens with those Pump Rules clowns (fire their asses!), but they haven’t had any confessional interviews in the last two episodes, so it seems like the editors are doing their best to cut down their screen time. But as if that wasn’t enough, now Lisa Vanderpump also has a sexual harassment lawsuit to deal with. It’s a dark time in West Hollywood.

The new lawsuit stems from Lisa’s Vanderpump Dog Foundation, which we’ve seen highlighted in recent seasons of both Vanderpump Rules and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. In the legal documents obtained by Radar Online (why is it always Radar Online?), a former Vanderpump Dogs groomer alleges that she was subject to “unlawful harassment based on sex, gender, and sexual orientation” from her manager, Martin Duarte. The employee, Damiana Guzman, was employed at Vanderpump Dogs for approximately two months last summer, and she says in the suit that the harassment lasted pretty much the whole time, ultimately leading her to resign.

The details of the harassment outlined in the court documents are… pretty shocking. Guzman alleges that Duarte referred to her as both a “skinny no-ass fool” and a “flat-ass bitch,” and also told Guzman he didn’t understand how her girlfriend wanted to be with her because “she had no ass.” Yikes yikes yikes. Obviously, this kind of thing is 100% not okay for a manager to say to an employee, or like, for anyone to say, ever. But also, why was this dude so fixated on her ass? This is so weirdly specific and gross.

Unsurprisingly, Duarte’s insults went hand in hand with unwanted sexual advances, because of course they did. The documents allege that Duarte, “who was aware of Plaintiff’s sexual orientation, told her that he could turn her straight and that she had not found the right man on numerous occasions. He also claimed that he turned the mother of his child straight.” Oh my god, so this guy is both trash AND woefully misinformed on how sexual orientation works. What a winning combo! Seriously, f*ck this guy.

But while the sh*tty behavior of one man is bad, Guzman’s description of Vanderpump Dogs’ reaction to her complaints is even more unsettling. According to the lawsuit, when she reported the harassment to upper management, “they failed to take any meaningful action,” so she felt she had no choice but to resign. Ugh, this makes me so mad. It’s no secret at this point that sexual misconduct is an issue in countless work environments, but it’s deeply disappointing that people in power are still doing nothing about it. None of the higher-ups are named, so I’m assuming they’re not people we know from the shows, but either way, this is very bad.

It’s important to note that, while Lisa Vanderpump is the public face of Vanderpump Dogs, she’s not named in this lawsuit. I’m guessing she didn’t actually know about this situation while it was happening, but it’s still a pretty terrible look for her, especially because she prides herself on being a huge LGBTQ ally. Between her less-than-satisfying response to the recent racist tweet situation and this lawsuit, she really needs to get her employees’ sh*t together.

Another interesting aspect to this story is what it could mean for Lisa’s future TV prospects. Since she left RHOBH last year, there’s been speculation that there could be a Vanderpump Dogs spin-off in the near future, which would theoretically focus on both Lisa her employees at the foundation. I’ve never been thrilled about this idea, but I want this even less if this is the kind of thing that goes on behind the scenes at Vanderpump Dogs. If I want to see toxic men being sh*tty to their female coworkers, I could just go back and rewatch all eight seasons of Vanderpump Rules, or the current season of Below Deck (which is a YIKES). So far, there hasn’t been any official confirmation that a Vanderpump Dogs show is happening, so I kind of hope it’s just a rumor that never ends up coming to be.

It’s unclear if Martin Duarte is still working at Vanderpump Dogs, but if he is, I’m sure Lisa will put out a statement soon about how he’s a great guy who made bad decisions and he just needs a second chance. Or she’ll just say nothing and hope this all goes away. Probably the latter. God, what a mess.

Images: Shutterstock

Turns Out The New Guys On ‘Vanderpump Rules’ Are Racist Assholes

Well, I knew there was something I didn’t like about the new guys, Max and Brett, on Vanderpump Rules this season, but I just thought it was the way they talk about women, or the fact that they both look like bootleg versions of each other. Both of those were valid enough reasons to not like them, but even worse, it turns out they’re both racist trash! I’m not really surprised, but I am disappointed.

Earlier this week, screenshots surfaced of many racist tweets that TomTom general manager, Max Boyens, posted in 2012, when he was roughly 19 years old. He uses the N-word in many of the tweets, specifically calling it his “favorite word.” After getting put on blast by the entire internet, he apologized in a statement to Us Weekly on Thursday, saying “I want to sincerely apologize for what I tweeted in 2012 — it was wrong on every level. It is not a representation of who I am. I am shocked I ever tweeted that — and I am disgusted and embarrassed — I am truly sorry.”

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Ladies and gentlemen, Max, the new guy, from Vanderpump Rules. (Added the Scheana tweet for reference).

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Okay, yeah, I’m not impressed by this apology. To say it’s wrong, and that you’re disgusted and embarrassed—great, you should be. But for Max to say he’s “shocked” he ever tweeted that feels like a blatant lie. Like, he didn’t just tweet a song lyric or something that he shouldn’t have, he used the word time after time, in a way that was clearly meant to be derogatory. Even if it was a long time ago, I don’t really buy that he’s sooooo shocked at his own behavior. You were the one who made the tweets!

On Thursday afternoon, Radar Online reported that a source confirmed Max will be fired from Vanderpump Rules for his tweets. According to the source, “Lisa Vanderpump doesn’t tolerate any racism or anything negative for that matter, so it won’t matter he filmed the show. If she says he’s gone, he’s gone.” I’m not sure whether this means they’ll make some effort to cut Max out of the current season, which has already finished filming, or if he just won’t be back in the future, but either way, it’s what he deserves.

But then, just hours after Max apologized for his tweets, this story got even crazier, when fellow VPR newbie Brett Caprioni ALSO got exposed for his racist tweets. Just like his buddy Max, he loved the N-word too, using it in over a dozen tweets from as recently as 2013. Screenshots from his account also included several sexist tweets talking about women’s bodies and clothing choices, including one with the hashtag #womensuck. Wow, these men are garbage!! Where do they find them??

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It has been brought to my attention that the other new guy on Vanderpump Rules (Brett) is also a trash human.

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Brett apologized for his tweets via his Instagram story, saying “I want to express my deepest apologies for the insensitive, ignorant, and hurtful comments I made. I am incredibly ashamed and accept full responsibility, and acknowledge that this language was as unacceptable then as it is now. Please know that I have learned and grown since then and would never use this language today. From the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry.” Ugh, I’m just annoyed with this whole thing.

Truly, it’s shocking that the Vanderpump Rules producers could find two new men who are even worse humans than anyone else already on the show. Like, does Bravo really not vet these people at all? The show won’t really be losing anything if Max and Brett are fired, but this could have been easily avoided in the first place. Also, how were both Max and Brett dumb enough to think that these tweets wouldn’t be found? Everyone should know by now that if you’re going on a TV show, you should go through your old tweets first.

On Friday, Lisa Vanderpump spoke out on these two idiots in a statement to Us Weekly:

“I do not condone any of the heinous comments made in the past by Max and Brett and I am glad they understand the severity of their offenses and have shown utmost remorse and contrition. I embrace a community of diversity and do not tolerate bigotry of any form within my workplace.”

Ok, I’m not sure that the Vanderpump Rules cast is a great example of embracing diversity (#JusticeForFaith #AndBillieLee), but whatever. Lisa also said that Max and Brett are “appropriately ashamed of their past obnoxious teenage arrogance and casual use of unacceptable terms.”

Wait wait wait. Is it just me, or is Lisa kind of trying to downplay what’s actually happening here? Using racial slurs time after time on a public platform isn’t “obnoxious teenage arrogance”—it’s racism, plain and simple. Also, while Max was 19 at the time he made the tweets, Brett was around 24—in other words, both were old enough to know better. While Lisa obviously isn’t condoning what they actually said, it still feels like she’s kind of making excuses for them, and I’m not here for that.

She finished, saying “While both have now matured as adults, they have shown remorse for their prior reckless defamatory statements. I do sincerely believe both have learned the power and impact words can have, and I have every hope this will be a lifelong lesson for them as we move into this new decade.”

Yeah, I do not love anything about this statement. Is Lisa Vanderpump trying to save face because she knows we’re going to be watching Max and Brett for the next 18 weeks? Does she have some reason to root for Max and Brett that we don’t know about? She seems really adamant that these dumb-ass men are SO sorry and have learned SO much and are SO ashamed, and it almost makes it feel like she’s covering for them.

Maybe I’m reading too much into Lisa Vanderpump’s words, but either way, I think we can all agree that Max and Brett are trash. I never thought I’d be saying this, but I might have to be team Scheana for the rest of the season? She might be delusional, but these men are absolute clowns.

Images: Bravo

‘Vanderpump Rules’ Recap: We’re In The Twilight Zone

And we’re back with another recap of everyone’s favorite reality show! No, not The Bachelor, the other show consisting of fame-hungry people looking for love in a hopeless place. In this case, that hopeless place is not a mansion in LA, but a series of identical houses in LA their own souls. Kidding, sort of! 

Last week, we met some of the newbies, Scheana acted thirsty, Lala invented a new Oscar contender, and Kristen lost her composure. It doesn’t sound all that different from anything else that’s happened in VPR seasons 1-7, but I promise it was actually exciting. Speaking of exciting, thank you all for the kind DMs! They warmed my cold heart—but not so much that I’m not prepared to be vicious in this recap. When I end up in hell for these, at least I can say I had selfless intentions because I’m doing it for you. Also, party in hell, you’re all invited.

This week, we begin at Jax and Brittany’s house, where Brittany is getting her Glamsquad done and Lala, Stassi, and their friend Courtney (hi, Courtney!) help her with a boudoir shoot for the wedding. I’m impressed Brittany initially pronounced boudoir correctly… only to immediately butcher it. It’s not “beau door”, you had it right the first time! Also, nothing has changed my life for the better more than knowing Brittany has a lower back tattoo of a fleur de lis.

Apparently Jax and Brittany are having a joint bachelor/bachelorette party (a trend worse than the beer cheese to emerge from this show, why do people do this?) and the big question is if Carter will manage to mooch his way into one more trip with Kristen. For her sanity, let’s hope not. For my entertainment, let’s. 

At Villa Rosa, Brett comes over to train Lisa. As in personal train. As in instruct Lisa on some sit-ups while he sh*t talks Scheana. However, Brett says probably the most accurate statement about Scheana since Schwartz called her a bootleg Kardashian: “I made out with Scheana once for two seconds in her kitchen and you would think that I got down on one knee and got her a six-carat ring.”

Brett knowing how many carats are in a diamond ring gave me vibes of:

last season prada shoes

No less than two seconds later he drops this other truth bomb: “I have to almost hold up a dictionary and let her know what ‘friend’ means.” Honestly, that would help. Have we ever tried this? Can we confirm the girl knows what the word “friends” means? 

Also, damn. I know I’m supposed to hate Brett, but I kind of like Brett. I like people who call it like it is, what can I say!

I love that while Katie, Stassi, Kristen, and Ariana have all moved on from waitressing, poor Scheana is still stuck training all the newbies. Guess that podcast isn’t doing too great. However, Scheana is taking it in stride by hazing the newbie Dayna by forcing her to polish all the glasses. Eh… I’ve heard worse hazing stories.

Scheana and Dayna rehash their drama, which Scheana claims stems from her thinking Max shouldn’t sleep with his staff, but we all know really stems from Max sleeping with anyone that isn’t her. Scheana says “date him, bang him, I don’t care”. Well that’s the biggest lie I’ve heard this episode. Then again it’s only been… *checks watch*… nine minutes.

Me, internally: 84 years

Lala invited James to the studio, which we all know is a huge step. She is there with that one recurring producer friend and her brother. Holy sh*t, Lala has a brother named Easton? I’m not well. What do we think his actual name is? Eric? Yeah, I bet it’s Eric.

It doesn’t actually seem like James contributed anything in the studio other than listening to Lala’s new song. But hey, you gotta force that drama somehow I guess.

Lala is trying to give James the hardcore benefit of the doubt and she’s like, “you’re a good guy even though you’ve done f*cked up sh*t” and James is like “what f*cked up sh*t?” Oh James. You of all people really should know, since the entire rest of the cast spent all of last season screaming an itemized list of your transgressions at your face. Even if you were blacked out, you still did those things. James and Lala squash their beef and Lala agrees to unblock James. In 2019, that’s the equivalent of a peace treaty between two world powers.

Oh Jesus Christ, in addition to Dayna there’s a Danica, who is also an assistant manager at SUR, who also looks identical to Dayna, just with slightly darker hair. So we’ve got Dayna/Danica and Brett/Max. Like, I know that diversity in terms of LGBTQ/POC representation is out of the question on this show, but could we just get diversity in the terms of… every single person not looking like bootleg versions of each other? 

Danica reveals that she brought two of her friends to TomTom and Max slept with both of them (at different times, he may be a d*ck but he’s not a total monster). She also says he’s a pathological liar and claimed he owned a part of TomTom. She, Ariana, and Scheana all laugh at Dayna, whom they are certain is being taken for a ride by Max (in more ways than one, hey-o!). Still, I don’t like this mean girls routine from Scheana, especially considering she gives the exact same googly eyes towards Max/Brett/every guy who’s breathed in her direction that she is making fun of Dayna for doing.

In true Scheana fashion, she told Max she went off her birth control less than a month after they started hooking up and got him an Apple Watch for THANKSGIVING. I know I went on a rant about the Apple Watch last episode but I didn’t realize it was a Thanksgiving gift. That is just way worse. Those are not even a thing! Brb, gonna go make a Catfish profile and slide into Scheana’s DMs. 

Oh boy, apparently Dayna does comedy. I’m immediately triggered. Let’s see how seriously Dayna takes stand-up comedy.

Also, Ariana wants to get back in at SUR (get more screen time). 

For Brittany’s bachelorette party, the girls are all wearing tacky wedding dresses. Scheana jokingly says that she should just wear her own, but like… actually tho.

In the meantime, the gang has coordinated an entire effort to ice Kristen out until she stops talking about Carter. Kristen and Lisa say yet another accurate statement of the week: Kristen desperately wants a real relationship but doesn’t have the capability or the tools to have that, because she can’t be by herself.

Look, I’m happy you guys are putting your brain cells together for once in your lives, but you’re really making it hard for me to make jokes rn!! Stop it with your common sense and accuracy!

And Katie APOLOGIZES FOR YELLING AT KRISTEN??? Am I watching the same show? Am I in an alternate universe where the Vanderpump Rules cast is like, logical and well-adjusted and contrite? 

what is happening

Sandoval also misses bartending at SUR (wants more screen time). Max clarifies that he didn’t lie about owning TomTom, he just referred to it as “his bar”. Whatever, that tracks. Let’s move on.

Jax and Brittany are shopping for wedding bands, and holy Jesus, her ring is huge. Jax says “Brittany likes to raise the budget and she thinks I don’t notice. We’re not Meghan Markle and whatever his name is. What is his name?” And I stan for this. Meghan has truly made it now that Jax Taylor knows who she is but not the f*cking Prince of England’s name. First step: the royal residence. Second step: the royal duties. Third step: the royal identity. She’s successfully tearing down it all systematically. We have no choice but to stan.

What the f*ck is up with Jax correctly assessing that now that Kristen isn’t Carter’s gravy train, he has to act all nice to Kristen. AND he asks what she’s getting out of the relationship if they’re not even sleeping together and he’s not even nice to her!!!!

That’s it. We’re in the Twilight Zone. There is no other explanation. Who are you smart body doubles, and what have you done with the cast of Vanderpump Rules (minus Tom and Ariana, who were already kinda smart to begin with)?

Back at SUR, Scheana apologizes to Dayna for being a bitch to her. And she’s like “there’s something that irks me about you… I can’t put my finger on it…. Definitely not that you’re dating the guy I wanted to date, no not that, it’s totally something else…” Sure, Jan. Sure.

Ariana shows up at SUR to try to talk to Lisa about getting her job back. Now, this wouldn’t be a big deal except for the fact that Ariana challenged Lisa last season, and Lisa views any sort of challenge as sh*t talking and a direct attack on her character. Damn, no wonder she likes Jax so much.

Scheana last episode: My divorce doesn’t define me
Scheana this episode: I would say I’m saving myself for marriage, but I’m divorced

Oh thank GODDDD Brett came in and made things interesting. He comes in with this ridiculous manipulation tactic to try to convince Scheana that the reason he doesn’t want anyone to know they hooked up (he says this on camera for the national television show on which he is a cast member) is to protect her and for her benefit. Scheana doesn’t believe a word Brett is saying—but not for the reasons you might expect i.e. he’s obviously ashamed of the hookup. No. Scheana’s reasoning is that Brett must be lying that he never had feelings for her because, get ready for this: he kissed her on the first night they met.

Girl.

Girl.

Girl.

*57 pages later*

Girl.

I think the delusion speaks for itself, but I’ll just say that if kissing someone on the first night you met them means you have feelings, then a lot more relationships would start at last call at college bars. 

Meanwhile, Ariana asks Lisa if she could come back once a week, and Lisa says she doesn’t understand because Ariana talked a bunch of sh*t about her. (See: my previous note re: challenging Lisa.) Ariana is still upset that Lisa treated Tom like he was incompetent and Lisa says “the best compliment I could give Tom is asking him to partner with me at my restaurant.” I mean, like, that’s a cop-out, but okay. This feud gets squashed real quick and turns into a “you’re a great woman” “no you’re a great woman” fest, and Lisa says she’s going to think about Ariana’s request. She’ll probably be back next episode. 

Ariana reveals she’s been super depressed lately and my girl has been suffering from imposter syndrome hard. She says kind of as a joke “maybe I need to be medicated” but I’m here to say, not as a joke (for once in my life), no shame boo. If that’s what you need to get better, then talk to a professional. 

Anyway, here for Ariana being open about mental health struggles. Wait, why am I crying in the club right now? (I call my couch the club.) Is this Vanderpump Rules or This Is Us? I did not sign up to feel emotions other than rage at Tuesdays at 9pm on Bravo!

I don’t have a comment for Dayna’s comment about Max entering her body other than to note that I said “ewwww” out loud for nobody but myself and God to hear.

Max expresses to Ariana and Lala that Scheana is acting jealous and crazy (my words, not his) and Lala says “well I think she peed on you.”

Me: surprisedLala: Like she marked her territory. She peed on you.

Damn, I thought that was about to go in a totally different direction. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t low-key disappointed.

We’re at Dayna’s comedy show, and look, I’m no stand-up comedian (I write all my jokes on Twitter like a true artiste) but Dayna’s first joke is about how people wear airpods so they can avoid talking to strangers. That’s it, that’s the joke. However, I’m here for the dead parent jokes, because I am morbid. Overall, verdict is: better than Kristen’s sketch comedy by miles.

Holy sh*t, Carter has a two-seater BMW that Kristen pays for? I really need to start dating the women on Vanderpump Rules. They have too much money to burn. Kristen/Scheana, just Venmo me @sara-f-carter! I’ll take your money but I’ll actually be nice to you!

Kristen doesn’t want to be the one to have to tell Carter that he can’t come to Miami, so Jax is like “f*ck it, I’ll do it.” I can’t wait, I hope Jax tells Carter he’s the worst guy in the group. You know it’s true!

Kristen: I’m not 100% sure I want to be together, but I’m not 100% sure I don’t want to be together

Please join me in my gigantic sigh, as Kristen acts like deciding whether or not to break up with someone who makes her miserable is like choosing between the red or blue wire when defusing a bomb. It’s truly not that complicated, or serious, or unique. It’s episode 2 and I’m sick of the wallowing already.

Oh my f*cking god, Jax tries to say that maybe, just maybe Carter is taking advantage of Kristen and keeping the cow because he’s getting the milk for free even though he doesn’t really give a sh*t about the cow. Kristen says “why can’t he just be upset because he loves me and doesn’t want to see our family torn apart?” Bitch, what family? Your two Yorkies or whatever little fluffball(s) you have running around? F*cking relax. That is not a family. Kristen seems like one of those people who would be writing into r/relationships like “My partner of 3 weeks and I have a wonderful relationship, I love him so much and we get along great, except for this one thing he does which is constantly put me down and threaten to kill me if I disagree with anything he says. Any advice on how I can stop being so sensitive?” That’s a deep cut for any of you redditors out there. 

Jax is actually SO funny with his rant like “get a job! Get him to pay his bills! Uber is hiring! Lyft is always hiring!” Damn. I know Jax is saying it, and I’ve been searching with a magnifying glass, but I cannot find a single lie in this statement. Everything I thought I knew has proven to be a lie.

Jax takes Carter aside and tells him to take a month break with the relationship. Carter is like “really? You really think that’s a good idea? How are we gonna see each other if I’m not living at her apartment rent-free?” (I paraphrase.) And JAX, of all people, has to be the one like “that’s the whole point, you don’t see each other.” 

Carter is like “why would I do that when it’s not what I want?” And, yeah, trying to convince a freeloader to look his own gift horse in the mouth and break up with that gift horse just out of consideration for that immature horse, because it’s the selfless and correct thing to do, is like hitting your head against a brick wall. 

Jax saying that Carter is manipulating Kristen when she’s vulnerable is the craziest sh*t I’ve ever heard. This is the upside-down. I’m unwell. Again, he’s not wrong, but I never thought I would hear Jax call someone else a manipulator. But maybe that’s what we need: the former biggest manipulator this show has seen to go head-to-sh*tty-beard with the current biggest manipulator on this show. This is going to end spectacularly. I can’t wait.

Images: Bravo; Giphy (5)