2020, amirite? That’s it, that’s the article.
I’m kidding! But seriously, have all years just gotten progressively worse, or does it only feel this way because of the 24-hour news cycle and advent of social media making it impossible to escape or stop talking about the bad news? Or is this the inevitable byproduct of capitalism, racism, environmental injustice, and fascism going unchecked and reaching a boiling point? Too deep for this article? Too deep for this article. If you thought the “Trump is going to tweet us into WWIII” phase of 2020 felt like forever ago, allow me to send you off the deep end by taking it a step further and reminiscing on huge cultural events that seem like they happened in another lifetime, but in fact, only took place in 2019. Get ready to go off a proverbial cliff.
Jordyn Woods Went On Red Table Talk
I remember it like it was both yesterday and 17 years ago: we were all in the office (a physical office, can you imagine?), gathered around the flat-screen TV, watching Jordyn Woods go on Red Table Talk with Jada Pinkett Smith to discuss her alleged tryst with Tristan Thompson. It was the kiss heard ’round the world: Jordyn, BFF of Kylie Jenner, smooching the baby daddy and ex of Kylie’s sister? It was a wild time. The memes. The jokes. The memes again. I miss it more than I miss some of my actual friends whom I haven’t seen in months.
Colton Jumped The Fence
Back when Colton Underwood was merely boring and not f*cking scary, we all waited with bated breath for the night he would finally vault himself over a fence in order to chase down the love of his life, Cassie Randolph. In retrospect, perhaps that should have been a sign this man did not exactly have a healthy attachment style. Anyway! Back in March 2019, The Bachelor viewers finally saw that long-awaited fence jump that Chris Harrison had been teasing out all season. Can’t believe we were actually looking forward to this at one point in our lives. But if I could somehow fence jump myself out of this universe, I definitely would.
Area 51 Raid
What I wouldn’t give for aliens to come to abduct me right now and take me away from this hellscape, tbh. This time last year, thousands of people RSVP’d to a Facebook event expressing their intent to storm Area 51. Nobody really did, because the event was made as a joke—although a few people did show up. What happened to them? Has anyone followed up or were they just wiped away from existence by the government? Anyway, looking back on it, I think we should have just gone for it and raided Area 51. Honestly, it’s not too late! Whatever could happen surely can’t make things any worse, right?
Justin & Hailey’s Wedding
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1 year ago we had the best wedding. Wish I could live this day over and over 🤍🕊
It feels like these two have been married for decades, what with their constant Instagram PDA and general parent-like wardrobe aesthetic, but you would be wrong in thinking this marriage has been on the books for that long. That’s right, friends, Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin only actually had their wedding in September 2019 (though they did have a courthouse wedding exactly one year before that, in 2018). When time is a complete social construct, it’s easy to forget that I have cans of black beans in my pantry that are older than this marriage.
College Admissions Scandal
Ah yes, remember a time when rich people would actually be punished for their crimes? It was not actually so long ago, merely the faraway time of 2019, when Lori Loughlin, Felicity Huffman, et. al. got busted for participating in an elaborate (and if you ask me, stupid) scheme to get their kids admitted to colleges under false pretenses. The charges were made public in March of 2019 and the sting was called Operation Varsity Blues. We got so much from this, including Olivia Jade’s fake rowing pictures, Lori Loughlin’s every attempt to justify her very much illegal actions, Felicity Huffman’s joke of a jail sentence, and probably the inevitable Netflix and Hulu documentaries. Do you think Olivia Jade will play herself in the fictionalized adaptation for HBO?
Bradley & Gaga’s Oscars Performance
Okay, to be fair, A Star Is Born was big in 2018 technically, since The Oscars take place in February. But still, who else can barely remember a time when you could have 100 people in a room, regardless of whether or not 99 of those people believe in you? I shudder at the thought now. As does the time Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga basically had sex on stage with their eyes while performing the breakout hit from the movie they starred in together. It feels like 5 years ago, but it was really more like one and a half.
Series Finale of ‘Game of Thrones’
Yeah, the series finale of Game of Thrones completely sucked, but you know what’s even worse? The series finale of American democracy. I really wish the biggest thing we had to complain about was investing years in a TV show that completely sh*t the bed on its ending. Even though Game of Thrones only ended in May 2019, I for one have enjoyed this extremely blissful period in which I stopped having to pretend like I cared at all. Honestly, I wish it had ended sooner.
Miley Cyrus & Liam Hemsworth’s Divorce
…And Miley’s subsequent Hot Girl Summer journey. We have yet to see anything like the utter messiness of Miley and Liam getting divorced after basically pulling a decade-long “will-they-won’t-they” on the general public, and then Miley gallivanting around Italy with Kaitlynn Carter, who had just divorced from her ex, Brody Jenner. It was a media circus that we were all living for. Ugh, those were fun times.
The U.S. Women’s Soccer Team Won The World Cup
Jesus f*cking Christ, look at how much can change in a year. In July 2019, the U.S. Women’s Soccer team won the 2019 FIFA World Cup, and we were all “girl power!” and “goals!” and “Megan Rapinoe is bae “. Now, we’re all “Make The Handmaid’s Tale fictional again” and “please don’t confirm a Supreme Court Justice who basically walked straight out of Gilead” and “should I get an IUD?”
Trump Was Impeached
Yeah, that only happened in December 2019. And thank goodness it taught him a much-needed lesson on not overstepping your power, denouncing white supremacists, and gracefully conceding should he lose the general election come November. Oh, wait.
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Images: DFree / Shutterstock.com; Giphy; haileybieber, mileycyrus / Instagram; Ed Herrera / Getty Images
Look, we’re all bored and depressed right now. And as we all know, the best cure for boredom and depression is diving into ridiculous, years-old internet conspiracy theories. And today, we have a very interesting theory to unpack. It’s like chicken soup for the casual conspiracy theorists’s soul. Lady Gaga’s long-awaited sixth album is coming out this week, so it makes sense that people are talking about her. But they’re not just talking about her new collab with Ariana Grande. Today, I was perusing the Not Another True Crime Facebook group, where I saw a Twitter thread documenting a wild theory involving Gaga, another rising pop star, and… a murder? Let’s get into it.
We’ve all heard of Lady Gaga, but have you ever heard of Lina Morgana? Probably not. In the late 2000s, Lina Morgana was an up-and-coming singer/songwriter, with lots of original songs, creative music videos, and a publishing deal with Sony Music. In 2007, Lina was introduced to Stefani Germanotta (the future Lady Gaga), who was a total nobody at the time, and Stefani soon started singing backup for Lina and writing songs with her.
In 2007, producer Rob Fusari introduced Stefani Germanotta to his artist Lina Morgana. Stefani became Lina’s co-writer & back up singer. pic.twitter.com/cgbM62f2Zr
— virgo (@allmenaintshit) May 15, 2017
The next year, everything changed. In August 2008, Lady Gaga released her debut album The Fame, which included major hits like “Poker Face” and “Just Dance.” She was an overnight success. And while Lina Morgana was still working toward success, she never became a household name. That November, Lina Morgana tragically took her own life when she jumped off a building in New York.
It’s heartbreaking that Lina never got to be known by the world before she passed away, but according to those who knew her, Lina’s music and looks lived on—because Lady Gaga stole them. Looking at side-by-side photos, there’s no question that many of Gaga’s early costumes, sets, and concepts from performances and music videos are quite similar to Lina’s, and it’s been noted that Gaga’s whole look was different before she met Lina.
— virgo (@allmenaintshit) May 15, 2017
This Twitter thread from 2017 includes dozens of photo comparisons between Lady Gaga and Lina Morgana, ranging from similar hairstyles to music video shots that look nearly identical. Artistic expression is subjective, and the line between inspiration and theft can be blurry, but some of these examples are hard to ignore, especially given Gaga’s alleged relationship with Lina before her death.
And while Lady Gaga has never commented publicly on Morgana’s death, Morgana’s family has had no issue bringing up the connection between the two. Her mother told The New York Post that “every other word says is from Lina,” and accused Gaga of acting like she experienced the same tough childhood as Morgana. Lina’s former boyfriend agreed, telling the Post that when he saw Gaga’s new look, “It was the same style, the same look, the same music, the same voice, the same jaw line” as Lina, adding, “It was like looking at a ghost.”
While Gaga has never spoken about Morgana’s death… Lina Morgana’s mom, boyfriend, & even Fusari have spoken out about Gaga copying Morgana pic.twitter.com/BIHZd4B3gq
— virgo (@allmenaintshit) May 15, 2017
But besides some similar costumes and videos, what’s really at the root of this theory that makes it so crazy? Well, over the years, a favorite theory on internet forums and message boards has been that Lady Gaga is actually to blame for Morgana’s death. Specifically, some say that Gaga pushed her, while others have more complex theories that even include Illuminati involvement.
While there’s never been any real evidence of psychic Illuminati mind tricks—and Lady Gaga was apparently in Los Angeles when Lina died—Morgana’s family seems to think there was more to the story than suicide. In a note posted to a tribute website for Lina, her aunt Tatyana said that “we, Lina’s family, do not believe that she had an intention to die. We, as a family, do not believe that Lina committed suicide.” She didn’t mention Lady Gaga or offer any other theory, but clearly the family feels something isn’t right.
According to those who suspect some Gaga involvement in Morgana’s death, the music video for “Paparazzi” contains some important clues. First, there’s a newspaper in the video with the headline “LADY NO MORE GAGA,” which is supposed to sound similar to Lina Morgana. Sure. Later in the video, Gaga is pushed off a balcony and seriously injured, which supposedly connects to the theory of her pushing Lina off the roof. Furthermore, when performing “Paparazzi” at the 2009 VMAs, Lady Gaga depicted her own suicide.
A year after Lina Morgana “jumps” off of a building, Lady Gaga depicts herself being pushed off of a balcony in the “Paparazzi” video… pic.twitter.com/2Df3VyDQ6l
— virgo (@allmenaintshit) May 15, 2017
Personally, I’m not convinced by any of this. The song was written months before Lina Morgana’s death, and if Lady Gaga was really involved in a murder, I don’t think she’d be sprinkling clues in one of her singles. However, it does seem likely that Lady Gaga was pretty heavily influenced by Lina Morgana early in her career, and it feels conspicuous that she’s never publicly paid tribute to her. She’s talented and successful enough that it wouldn’t take anything away from her career to publicly acknowledge any influences.
So yeah, the murder part of this theory is a lot for me—it’s sad that the world never got to know Lina Morgana, but that doesn’t mean the Illuminati was involved. But either way, I had a good time reading about all of this nonsense, and now another hour of my day in quarantine has flown by, so it’s a win/win.
Images: Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com; allmenaintshit / Twitter
There are so many things to love about this time of year. The bottomless supply of baked goods, the wall-to-wall Hallmark Channel Christmas movies, the multiple consecutive days where you don’t have to change out of your pajamas, and finally, looking back on all the juicy breakups that happened throughout the year. I believe the phrase is “the best way to spread Christmas cheer is by recounting strangers’ personal pain loudly for all to hear,” no? Well, it certainly is for me. And this year, there were A LOT of celebrity breakups. So many, in fact, that Ryanne even had to talk me down from one when I INSISTED you would all care about the guy from This is Us divorcing his wife. You can thank her in the comments. But let’s take a look at the rest of the most dramatic celebrity breakups of 2019, and really get in the holiday spirit!
Khloé Kardashian & Tristan Thompson
I had really hoped that by the end of this decade we would have stopped talking about these people, but it seems that is not the case. In fact, two members of America’s First Family of Reality TV made it onto this list. The things I do for you guys. I still can’t believe this breakup was only this year, but it was indeed back in February when Jordyn Woods foolishly cut herself off from the Kardashian juvederm gravy train by making out with Tristan Thompson. Big mistake. Huge. She claimed (on Red Table Talk) that it was just a quick kiss on the lips, but that was enough to seal her fate. Kylie threw her out, onto the mean streets of the Hollywood Hills, left to fend for herself with nowhere else to go but a slightly smaller mansion. Poor baby!
This was the last straw for Khloé, who will tolerate her boyfriend motorboating models while she’s at home pregnant, but a goodbye kiss on the lips is OVER. THE. LINE. She also seemed to blame Jordyn for her breakup when we all know men are the ones responsible for where they put their d*cks.
Why are you lying @jordynwoods ?? If you’re going to try and save yourself by going public, INSTEAD OF CALLING ME PRIVATELY TO APOLOGIZE FIRST, at least be HONEST about your story. BTW, You ARE the reason my family broke up!
— Khloé (@khloekardashian) March 1, 2019
Maybe don’t pick a cheater next time, Khloé!
Kylie Jenner & Travis Scott
We might as well get on with the Kylie and Travis breakup, since we’re here. This relationship was a whirlwind. Kylie and Tyga broke up, and then she almost immediately got with Travis, and then she almost immediately got pregnant, because her mother was too busy selling her sister’s sex tape and building an empire to teach her youngest daughter about the birds and the bees. At the very least she could have showed her that tape! Alas, she did not, and here we are. Stormi was born in February 2018, less than a year after Kylie and Travis got together. Things seemed to be going well for a while, with Travis even telling Playboy that having a baby had not slowed down their sex life at all. Duh, Travis! You are still in the honeymoon stage! And you have nannies! I think a decrease in sex life happens because people are tired from the baby and also kind of sick of each other from being together so long. Two problems Travis and Kylie would not be encountering. But congrats on beating the odds!
But then, October came and Travis and Kylie announced they were on a break. Guess that sex life finally slowed down, huh? They still appear to be close, and although I wouldn’t count out a reconciliation, this really was the end of an era for Kylie. Thankfully she has those billion dollars to hold her close at night!
Miley Cyrus & Liam Hemsworth
I’ve got to admit, this one hurts. I thought these two crazy kids might just make it. After meeting on the set of The Last Song *pause for audible sobbing* and dating on and off for over 10 years, they finally got married in December 2018. Then, by August, it was over. And that’s when it got messy. All of a sudden Miley was dating Kaitlynn Carter, the most annoying cast member on The Hills: New Beginnings, and Liam was walking around Australia looking like someone drowned his puppy. I haven’t seen anything sadder since we got my brother’s wedding photos back and it looked like my glass of champagne was my plus one in every single shot. (It was.)
THEN! Miley and Kaitlynn breakup (duh, she’s annoying!) and now Miley is with Cody Simpson. AND THEN!!! Miley got a tattoo that says “freedom” which is obviously throwing shade at Liam. A little dramatic, but okay.
But FINALLY! Liam is getting his head in the game and fighting back, recently posting a thirst trap. He looks hot, but we know you’re not that innocent, Liam. Even my grandmother knows what a thirst trap is.
Cole Sprouse & Lili Reinhart
This summer it was reported that Cole and Lili, aka the one sane spot in that bonkers fever dream known as Riverdale, broke up after two years of dating. OR DID THEY? This story was reported in July, but the day before they had been perfectly cordial at ComicCon. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t think “cordial” is the word I would use to describe myself post-breakup in my early 20s. Maybe “deranged” or “paralyzed by rage,” but definitely not cordial.
They never confirmed the breakup, and then, they started f*cking with us. Lili posted a picture of their magazine cover together saying “none of you know sh*t,” and Cole posted the same picture, with a caption I don’t understand but I can feel like I’m being mocked, you know?
If Cole and Lili broke up, or if they did not, it doesn’t matter now, because they’re back together! I don’t like being toyed with, but I will take it if it means that Bughead is forever.
Bradley Cooper & Irina Shayk
I heard you all sigh when you got to this one, but don’t act like I’m the only one here who cares about Bradley Cooper. He’s still hotter than most of the men in Hollywood even when he’s pretending to pee himself at the Grammys, okay? So, last year, Bradley wrote, directed, and starred in a little film called A Star is Born, maybe you heard of it? *pause for audible sobbing*. Sorry, that garage scene haunts me. Anyway, his co-star was the inimitable Lady Gaga, and boy did people want them to be a thing. And then, Gaga and her fiancé broke up, and she and Bradley performed at the Oscars, making everyone believe they were in love. Guys, THEY ARE ACTORS. THEY WERE ACTING.
With this kind of speculation, though, it was almost inevitable that Bradley and Irina were going to break up. In June they announced that they were separating, which is sad, but at least they did produce quite possibly the most adorable child of all time. Yes, I do follow celebrity baby Instagram accounts, and no I don’t want to talk about it. I would just like to stress, though, for all you believers that are still out there, he will never, ever, be getting with Lady Gaga. Because he’s obviously going to end up with Jennifer Garner, right? Where my Alias fans at??!
Hannah Brown & Jed Wyatt
And finally, we get to the biggest Bachelor Nation breakup of the year. I think this one can be summed up by saying “men ain’t sh*t,” but you probably want a little more explanation than that. Basically, Hannah picked the incredibly poor man’s Tim McGraw as the winner on her season of The Bachelorette. And then, after she picked him but before the season was finished airing, it was revealed that Jed had a girlfriend when he went on the show and he clearly was in it just to get famous. FOR SHAME, JED! Tim McGraw would never do something so nefarious. So, Hannah dumped him on After the Final Rose, and went on to win Dancing with the Stars, and in general be one of the best Bachelorettes that the franchise has ever produced. She scrubbed him from her Instagram, but he didn’t because he still needs her to keep him relevant, duh. It appears Jed has a new girlfriend, good for him! Just FYI sweetie, he didn’t write “I wanna be your Mr. Right” for you.
And there you have the most dramatic celebrity breakups of 2019. Count on even more Kardashians on next year’s list!
Images: khloekardashian, travisscott, liamhemsworth, winterstone, commentsbycelebs, lilireinhart, colesprouse, _itsleeas, jedwyatt/ Instagram; khloekardashian/Twitter
Being famous sounds like a lot of fun, but it’s not always all it’s made out to be. We’ve seen many celebrities speak out about the difficulties that come along with being in the public eye, and that’s obviously valid. From Amy Schumer saying that the Met Gala is “like a prison” to Sia literally wearing a wig that covers her face at all times, some celebrities just don’t love being celebrities. But even though these complaints are totally understandable, sometimes celebs talking about their lives being hard presents a perfect opportunity to troll them, and this is one of those times.
On Thursday night, Lady Gaga tweeted out “Fame is prison.” I have no idea what she’s specifically going through right now, but obviously I hope she’s okay. Lady Gaga has spoken out about the pressures of celebrity in the past, saying on Twitter previously that being famous is isolating, and can be “very psychologically challenging.” Fair enough, but her specific tweet on Thursday was basically an invitation to be memed.
Fame is prison
— Lady Gaga (@ladygaga) October 25, 2019
Tons of people (including me) tweeted out jokes playing on Gaga’s tweet, but there was one that went above and beyond the rest. Watch as true crime icon Amanda Knox delivers one of the most expert trolls of all time.
I hear you, but…prison is prison. https://t.co/5cclYYZxk7
— Amanda Knox (@amandaknox) October 25, 2019
Y’all, I AM SCREAMING. This might be one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. In case you’re a little foggy on the details here, Amanda Knox was convicted of murdering her roommate while studying abroad in Italy in 2007, before later being acquitted in 2011. She spent nearly four years in an Italian prison, and has since spoken out publicly about her experience in a Netflix documentary and a memoir. Basically, Amanda Knox knows prison.
I don’t think Amanda Knox was actually trying to be shady toward Lady Gaga, but this was definitely a mic drop moment. I don’t think any of the other takes on Lady Gaga’s tweet are beating Amanda’s joke, but here’s mine, because why not?
when I go to the grocery store in my hometown and see seven people I know https://t.co/ePSQt1vJhu
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) October 25, 2019
If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go home early and rewatch the Amanda Knox documentary for the seventh time. Priorities!
After almost a year of speculation about whether Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper would get together, we can finally stop guessing. Things picked up steam when Lady Gaga broke off her engagement with Christian Carino in February, and we all remember the Oscars, when they were practically oozing horniness for each other. I really got my hopes up when Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk officially broke up earlier this summer, but it seems like it’s just not meant to be. Lady Gaga’s been spotted with a new man, and it ain’t Bradley Cooper.
On Sunday, Lady Gaga was seen at brunch in LA with Dan Horton, an audio engineer who has worked with Gaga, in addition to other top names in music like Ariana Grande and Justin Timberlake. Lucky for us, they ate outside, so there are lots of paparazzi photos of them together, including one in which they’re very clearly kissing. I’m really not a fan of the fact that they’re like, making out in the middle of a restaurant, but I’m glad that these photos exist.
Lady Gaga spotted kissing Dan Horton after Christian Carino breakup https://t.co/WbaoJUa3Jk pic.twitter.com/wPnuqWWPnc
— Page Six (@PageSix) July 31, 2019
It’s too soon to know if this is any kind of serious relationship, but dating an audio engineer would kind of make sense, since her ex-fiancé was a talent agent. Bradley Cooper is almost too obvious for Lady Gaga, and it seems like she prefers someone a little more under the radar. Dan Horton was involved in the audio work for her current Vegas residency show Enigma, so it makes sense that they might have struck up more of a relationship during that process. Despite all the rumors about Gaga and Bradley, this is the first time we’ve actually seen her out with a man since the end of her engagement, so I’m glad she seems to be doing well.
Also, in the photos of them leaving the restaurant, she was carrying the same ugly Celine bag that she was paid to put on her Instagram last fall. I’m not sure if this is intentional product placement in paparazzi photos, but I would love for Lady Gaga to buy a new purse.
Lady Gaga and audio engineer Dan Horton spotted kissing during brunch date in L.A. pic.twitter.com/YKQhwDmtOh
— Pop Crave (@PopCraveNet) July 30, 2019
And no, I’m not going to comment on her shorts, because I feel like they speak for themselves.
Sadly, Dan Horton’s Instagram is private, so there’s limited stalking we can do, but his ex-wife is more than happy to be a little messy for us. Her name is Autumn Guzzardi, and she’s a musical theatre actress currently in Rock of Ages Off-Broadway. Yesterday, she posted this photo of herself, and the caption is big messy-bitch-who-lives-for-drama energy. I’m obsessed.
“Poker Face”!!!
However you feel about a petty caption like this, it’s refreshing that someone’s willing to make a comment on the situation. You know Lady Gaga isn’t going to say anything about a potential new relationship, and Dan Horton doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who’s going to go talk to TMZ, so cheers to Autumn for saying something. Maybe I’ll go buy a ticket to Rock of Ages to support her. Okay, I’m not going to do that, but I still like her.
We’ll see if Lady Gaga keeps hanging out with Dan Horton, or if she’s in more of a casual place. I don’t really think of Lady Gaga as a casual dater, so it wouldn’t surprise me if this turns into something long-term. She’s been engaged twice, but has yet to make it down the aisle, and I really need to see what a Lady Gaga wedding looks like. This is the one thing that’s keeping me going anymore.
Images: Shutterstock; pagesix, popcravenet / Twitter; autumnguzzardi / Instagram
UPDATED 6/6 10:15pm: PEOPLE has confirmed that Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk have broken up after four years of dating. They are reportedly “amicably working out how to share custody of their daughter Lea De Seine.” Their representatives did not respond to PEOPLE for comment.
Someone call Lady Gaga, because it looks like she might finally get her shot at Bradley Cooper. In the past week, rumors have been swirling around the internet that Bradley Cooper’s relationship with Irina Shayk may be on the rocks, months after all the speculation during awards season.
On Monday, Page Six published a report that quoted a source reportedly close to the couple, who said “Things are not good. Neither one is happy. The relationship is hanging by a thread.” Ouch. According to that same source, their relationship was mainly hanging on because of their daughter.
Today, another source told E! News that Bradley and Irina have been experimenting with spending periods of time apart. The common thread between all of these sources is that their daughter, Lea De Seine, seems to be the main reason they’re still together. “They’ve spent time apart to test the waters and see if they are better off. They have a lot invested, and it’s very difficult to completely walk away from. They are trying out different arrangements and trying to find their way. They love their little girl dearly and that’s not going to change no matter what.”
Indeed, the couple generated some conversation last month, when Irina Shayk attended the Met Gala without Bradley. Obviously, she can do things by herself if she wants, but last year she and Bradley walked the red carpet together. It would be hard not to notice these things.
I mean, it’s tough to know how much these anonymous sources actually know about the situation, but it seems like there’s a consensus that things, like, are not great for Bradley and Irina right now. Before you go bringing up your Bradley/Gaga conspiracy theories, though, apparently the two of them haven’t seen each other since the Oscars, and Lady Gaga has nothing to do with their current issues.
In fact, this week is far from the first time there have been rumors about a potential breakup for Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk. Last October, Page Six also reported that they were experiencing issues, and Irina went on a trip to Ibiza without Bradley. Basically, it sounds like things haven’t been amazing between these two for a while now, and it’s really just a question of whether they’re going to stick it out for their daughter.
I won’t pretend to be an expert here, but I do have divorced parents, so I have some thoughts about this. If they’re really this unhappy, their daughter will be better off if they don’t stay together. She’s too young to remember anything now anyway, so why not just cut the cord before things get worse? Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk!!
For now, Lady Gaga is still focused on doing her show in Las Vegas, but I’m sure can sense in the air that there may be an opportunity coming for her to pounce on Bradley. We’re far from the shallow now!!!
Images: Shutterstock; irinashayk / Instagram; Giphy
Ah, the Met Gala. Every year, on the first Monday in May, the top names in fashion and entertainment gather to celebrate how rich and hot they are, and it’s always a treat. I mean, it’s technically a fundraiser, but we’re all here for the dresses. Year after year, the world’s best designers give us some serious couture looks based on whatever the theme is, and this year was no different. The thing is, this year’s theme (Camp: Notes on Fashion) was kind of an enigma. What exactly is camp? It’s hard to describe, but it’s basically an art that celebrates all things wild, over the top, ironic, and tacky. No, it doesn’t have anything to do with tie-dye or bonfires. Essentially, the only rule for this year’s red carpet was to not be boring. Sounds simple, but some of the stars had more trouble than you’d think (*cough* Kim Kardashian), and that’s mainly who made the worst end of the list. None of these people looked bad, per se, but the worst dressed mainly just bored us. Sadly, Rihanna was not in attendance, but even she did a better job than some of these snoozes. Here’s how everyone else did, for better or for worse.
Best: Lena Waithe
If you’re just learning about camp for the first time, the back of Lena Waithe’s blazer is a good place to start. Like so many things in pop culture today, the roots of what we now think of as “camp” can be traced back to black queer and drag culture, starting in the 1960s. Cultural movements grow and shift naturally through time, but it’s important to remember and pay tribute to those who came before us. For this important statement, Lena instantly had one of the best looks of the night.
Worst: Kim Kardashian
Kim is kind of the worst at the Met Gala in general because she always looks hot, but that’s not the point. She never pushes the boundaries. This year, she just walked straight out of her Vogue cover shoot and wore that exact look to the Met Gala. Seriously, just look at this sh*t:
For someone who does the most 364 days out of the year, I’ll never get why Kim chooses this day of all days to do less.
Best: Katy Perry
Whether you like Katy Perry or not, when it comes to camp, she understands the assignment. I mean, she’s spent 95% of her career dressed as various types of food, so this girl hasn’t met an over-the-top costume she doesn’t like. Most years at the Met Gala Katy looks like an idiot, but this year looking like an idiot was basically the theme, so she nailed it. She looks like Lumière from Beauty and the Beast had a major glow-up (pardon the pun), and I’m 100% here for it. I’m desperate to know how she went to the bathroom in this dress, or moved at all without impaling anyone, though. Beauty is pain!
Worst: Ashley Graham
For the last time, THE THEME IS CAMP. Do something crazy. The time to come in a Gucci logo dress, lookin’ like your grandma’s strawberry sucking candy, was not today. She looks gorgeous, and her body is obviously to die for, but that’s not the point. Where is the DRAMA? This was a swing and a miss.
Best: Lady Gaga
Usually Tom Sandoval is the one who takes a party theme the most seriously, but it was all about Gaga at the Met Gala. Honestly, I love all of these outfits, and I especially love the progression from “family dinner with your parents” to “night out with your girlfriends the second your parents drop you off at your friend’s.” My favorite look is probably the first one, because it reminds me of a couture comforter. But I think I’m going to start bringing a portable phone from 1987 everywhere.
Worst: Halsey
Look, Halsey is gorgeous and so talented, and I don’t hate what she’s wearing—in fact, I could easily see Taylor Swift copying it for the next awards show—but wearing a large skirt does not immediately mean you have successfully done camp. Halsey looks like Jafar put her under his spell, then dressed her. Hourglass sold separately, I assume.
Best: Billy Porter
Much like when he wore a tuxedo gown to the Oscars this year, Billy Porter proved again that he knows how to make a f*cking statement on a red carpet. I’m sure everyone else is kicking themselves that they didn’t think t0 be carried in by a crew of gorgeous men (me at all times), and the moment only got better when he revealed the huge gold wings on his outfit. Please make sure Billy is on the invite list for every red carpet until the end of time, because he’s the only thing keeping me awake for these things.
Worst: Kris Jenner
Kris, Kris, Kris.Kris Jenner managed to look weird even given this theme, which is kind of impressive. I know we all joke that she works harder than the devil, but nobody was working hard on this outfit. But maybe that was the problem. Was she so tired of everyone calling her the devil so she decided to dress as Glinda the Good Witch? This is truly upsetting. She looks like a cross between the Tooth Fairy and the Fairy Godmother, which I guess would make her the Fairy Godmomager. Also who did her spray tan, Tan Mom?
Best: Janelle Monáe
Janelle Monáe is a f*cking work of art who can do wrong, and this look is only further proof of that. She completely nailed the theme, and it doesn’t feel like she’s trying nearly as hard as a lot of these stars. It probably helps that this is basically an outfit she would wear to a normal event, but whatever. We stan.
Worst: Gisele Bündchen
Did Gisele Bündchen look stunning at the Met Gala? Of course Gisele Bündchen looked stunning at the Met Gala! That’s like asking if water is wet. But it doesn’t change the fact that I am B-O-R-E-D looking at this dress.From the pleating to the belt, this screams more “mother of the bride” than “Anna Wintour’s guest at the most exclusive event in existence.” Gisele was having a grand old time twirling on the red carpet, but she could’ve twirled while wearing something a lot more exciting! The only good thing about this dress is that it was made using sustainable methods by Dior, but like, couldn’t they have made Gisele a fun dress sustainably too?
Best: Cardi B
Cardi B looked like a period incarnate, but she actually lived up to the theme. She saw the top, went over it, and then back around to the bottom and over the top again. (Sorry I’ll see myself out.) But I really liked the monochromatic look, complete with the headpiece and jewels. I don’t watch Game of Thrones, so correct me if this joke is not accurate, but: she looked like the Red Wedding come to life.
Worst: Hailey Bieber
Where do I start? The Wet Seal reject of a dress? The visible whale tail? The overly aggressive spray tan? Or the fact that even given all this, the whole look still managed to bore me? I will give Hailey one bit of credit, and that is that I am completely in awe of that ponytail. Good for the ponytail. Now just ditch everything else about the look, and then we can talk.
Best: Kacey Musgraves
Is this technically campy? Sure, maybe, I honestly don’t even know anymore and I desperately need to go to sleep, but Kacey looks so goddamn good in this Barbie outfit. She already won the Grammys this year, and if there were awards given out at the Met Gala, she probably would’ve won one of those too. God, she’s so f*cking pretty.
Images: Sean Zanni / Getty Images (2); @lenawaithe, @thecut (3), @enews (6), @betches, @theebillyporter, @alarmfashion / Instagram
We’ve barely made a dent in 2019, and we’ve already had some major sh*t thrown at us. Aunt Becky is a hardened criminal facing jail time, A-Rod gave J.Lo an engagement ring big enough to make her forget the cheating rumors, and now Kim Kardashian is apparently going to become a lawyer without ever attending law school. And if that wasn’t enough to process, we’ve also had some major celebrity breakups of 2019. It turns out even celebrities just want someone to face their racist grandma with at the holidays, and then they want to drop them as soon as the honey baked ham goes cold.
Unfortunately for me, this does not apply to my crush who is currently cruising the Caribbean with his girlfriend and her family and probably enjoying the all-you-can-eat buffet or proposing or something equally horrifying. I’m totally handling it well, and not at all writing this article from my darkened room where my only companion is a bag of Doritos. But I digress. Let’s forget about my tragic reality, and instead take a look at the celebrities that have broken up so far this year, and TBH we’re lucky a few of them didn’t end in murder-suicide.
Emma Roberts and Evan Peters
You would think that the first time Emma was arrested for assaulting Evan these two would have broken up, but you’d be wrong. Young love is strong as sh*t you guys, hormones are no joke, and they clearly had a strong hold on Emma’s brain in her early days. The couple remained on and off for another SIX years after that, assaulting each other in private, I assume. They finally broke up in March of this year, and Emma immediately appeared out with Garrett Hedlund, who most recently played a sexy Special Forces dude in a Ben Affleck movie, which in my opinion is a major upgrade to the guy that played a nerd in Sleepover.
Lady Gaga and Christian Carino
So apparently Lady Gaga was engaged to her manager, Christian Carino, and they broke up right before the Oscars. Did literally anyone know about him? I’m sorry, she is LADY GAGA, singer, actress, dancer, mother monster, meat dress wearer, the great bambino, and I had to google his last name. I can not even picture his face. Does he even have a face? This all seems very off-balance to me. It’s definitely right that they broke up, because Gaga needs to be with someone more on her level, like say, Jesus Christ or Bradley Cooper. We all saw that mad chemistry in A Star is Born, unless you’re my mother and slept through the whole thing except the part where he pees himself at the Grammys, and you could cut that sexual tension with a knife. Now Bradley, just ditch that model girlfriend and abandon that adorable child of yours (she’s so young she won’t even remember you!) so that world can have the couple of our dreams. We deserve it.
Demi Lovato and Henry Levy
Demi Lovato and “fashion designer” Henry Levy broke up this March after dating for five months. I’m using air quotes here because I’m more familiar with Forever 21’s spring line than anything this man has ever created. I think this breakup is for the best; should Demi really have been dating only a few months after relapsing? I think they say if you’re in treatment for substance abuse you shouldn’t date someone for at least a year, and yes I did get that from a Sandra Bullock movie. I think it’s probably best she focus on her recovery anyway, because I need her to be happy and healthy so she can put out another banger like “Skyscraper”. Am I right?!
You got this, girl
Jeff Bezos and MacKenzie Bezos
I know you youths out there probably don’t care about this one, but come on, Jeff Bezos is the richest guy in the world, and he just ditched his wife to send “u up” texts to his mistress. Kidding, he actually texts her, “I love you, alive girl. I will show you with my body, and my lips and my eyes, very soon.” Excuse me while I go pour acid into my eyeballs. Needless to say, the couple finalized their divorce a few weeks ago, with MacKenzie receiving 25% of their Amazon stock.
Jeff Bezos is 55 years old, ladies, so I can confirm men do not, in fact, get better. At least MacKenzie has that $35.7 billion to keep her warm at night instead of his body, his lips, and his eyes. I think we’d all prefer that anyway.
Khloé Kardashian and Tristan Thompson
We all know Khloé and Tristan broke up. I’m sick of talking about them but I also didn’t want anyone in the comments to call me a moron for leaving them out. I’m emotionally fragile right now. So here they are! Tristan is a cheating cheater that cheats, and Khloé puts up with it only until she can get the most publicity out of the breakup. You can find many articles about it on this site alone, including the one I wrote, which is the only one I’m going to pimp out here because I’m the worst. You can’t say I’m not self-aware. Enjoy!
What’s been harder & more painful is being hurt by someone so close to me. Someone whom I love & treat like a little sister. But Jordyn is not to be blamed for the breakup of my family. This was Tristan’s fault.
— KoKo (@khloekardashian) March 2, 2019
Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth
Really, truly the most shocking of all. This weekend, we got the news that Miley and Liam are dunzo after less than a year of marriage, because we just can’t have nice things. Miley was then seen making out with Brody Jenner’s ex Kaitlynn Carter in Italy, because we really can’t have nice things.
So those are the major celebrity breakups of 2019. In the next three quarters of this year, prepare for many more breakups *cough* Emma and Garrett *cough* and I hope you’ll all pray that my crush and his girlfriend are also one of them. Thanks!
Images: Giphy (3); ddlovato/Instagram; khloekardashian/Twitter
