UPDATE: On Tuesday, it was reported by Variety that Stassi and Kristen have been fired from Vanderpump Rules, along with Brett and Max. According to a statement from Bravo, “Bravo and Evolution Media confirmed today that Stassi Schroeder, Kristen Doute, Max Boyens and Brett Caprioni will not be returning to Vanderpump Rules.” On Monday, Stassi’s agency and PR firm both confirmed they will no longer be working with her.
Last week, we saw Lea Michele get called out by her Black costars for her problematic, racist behavior, and her subsequent non-apology. But racism certainly isn’t confined to the Glee set, and with the tide of anti-racism that’s growing right now, I’m sure there will be more stories like this in the coming days and weeks. In fact, one old story about Vanderpump Rules has gotten renewed attention over the past week, and it’s about time: Faith Stowers reminded Bravo fans of Kristen and Stassi’s racist behavior towards her, and now Stassi and Kristen are facing backlash and consequences for their actions.
Throughout its eight-season run, diversity in the Vanderpump Rules cast has ranged from slim to none, with most seasons landing at none. Faith Stowers, a Black woman, was brought on as a recurring cast member in the fourth season, but her contract wasn’t renewed, and there hasn’t been a woman of color on the show since. Faith famously reappeared in season five, during the cheating scandal with Jax, but she was never able to tell her side of the story, and she’s said producers refused to pay her to appear at the reunion that season.
It was around this time that Kristen Doute and Stassi Schroeder went on a gross public smear campaign against Faith. On a 2018 episode of the Bitch Bible podcast, Stassi told a story about her and Kristen calling the cops on Faith. They had seen a Daily Mail article about a woman wanted for robbery, who they said looked just like Faith (she didn’t). Stassi excitedly described her and Kristen’s amateur detective work, which included screenshotting surveillance footage and checking tattoo placement in photos. They then proceeded to repeatedly call both the regular police AND the military police (Faith is a veteran) to report her, even after the police didn’t take their reports seriously. If that sounds too cruel and outrageous to be true, it’s not. At the time I’m writing this, Kristen hasn’t even deleted her tweets about it:
hey tweeties, doesn’t this ex #pumprules thief look familiar?
someone put her on mtv & gave her a platform for press. I didn’t wanna go there but I’m going there. https://t.co/4682a7jyzG
— kristen doute 🦒🤟🏽 (@kristendoute) April 26, 2018
and she’s wearing Logan’s jacket!
PS it was his favesies and he would really like it back. https://t.co/SnxmJdcHIo
— kristen doute 🦒🤟🏽 (@kristendoute) April 26, 2018
Stassi had A LOT to say about Faith during this podcast interview: she said Faith was “homeless” during filming for Vanderpump Rules, and accused her of stealing Jax Taylor’s car (with seemingly no evidence). She also said that Lala Kent used to “plant things in her apartment to see if Faith stole it.” Basically, they made Faith’s life a living hell, and not only did they not think what they were doing was completely wrong, they had no problem publicly boasting about it.
At the time, Faith threatened to file a lawsuit against Stassi for what she said on the podcast, but it’s unclear what ultimately came of that. But on an Instagram Live last week, Faith talked about her time on the show, and how poorly her fellow cast members treated her. She specifically brought up the police incident with Kristen and Stassi, saying that having the cops called on her was what “made me really want to run for the hills.” She said she was “invited” to come back on the show after that, but declined. Given the abhorrent treatment she received from her fellow castmates, I don’t blame her.
While this story has always been incredibly f*cked up in general, it’s particularly awful in the context of the relationship between the Black community and police. Calling the cops is never something that should be taken lightly, but if you call them on a Black person, you are quite literally putting their life at risk (looking at you, Amy Cooper and Svitlana Flom). Stassi and Kristen acted like total Karens when they called the police on Faith based on a few hunches. Also alarming is how they bragged what they did (Stassi said on the now-deleted Bitch Bible episode, “We are like, we just solved a f*cking crime”), and Kristen went so far as to try to send her Twitter followers after Faith.
After Faith’s IG Live last week, Kristen and Stassi started getting a lot of heat on social media, and someone even made an “Accountability for Stassi” Instagram page. For Stassi specifically, this isn’t her only brush with being highly problematic. Back in 2017, Stassi talked about the #OscarsSoWhite controversy, a response to all 20 acting nominees being white, on her podcast, saying that she was “really sick of everyone making everything about race,” adding that she didn’t understand why it was “always just about African Americans.” In 2018, she got criticized for an Instagram story where she described her outfit as “Nazi chic.” In the same photo, she labeled Kristen and her friend Rachael’s outfits “Tupac chic” and “criminal chic,” which also seem problematic. Stassi took down the photo and re-uploaded it with a different label for herself, but she should have just quit while she was behind.
So far, two of Stassi’s podcast sponsors, Ritual and Billie, confirmed to Page Six that they will no longer be working with her after learning of this situation. In addition, Glamour Magazine, which was running a bridal column by Stassi, told Page Six that they have “no plans to continue at this time.”
After keeping quiet about the situation for several days, Stassi and Kristen both spoke out on Sunday, posting written statements on Instagram within minutes of each other. Their apologies aren’t identical, but it definitely feels like they were written looked over by the same crisis PR team. Here’s Stassi’s:
View this post on Instagram
First things first: as a white person, these apologies are not mine to accept. But given that we are all learning, and it’s not the job of Black people to educate us, I wanted to try to unpack their apologies so we can all do better.
Stassi addresses Faith directly, and specifies that she does not expect forgiveness; she apologizes for what she did, not for how Faith felt as a result; and she vows to work to do better in the future. Overall, this is better than, say, Lea Michele’s “perceived” bullsh*t, but there are still a few issues, one being that if she didn’t apologize to Faith in person, this is performative. Another thing: Stassi starts her statement by acknowledging the “racially insensitive comments” that have resurfaced. But this situation went much further than comments, it was really about behavior.
And here’s Kristen’s:
View this post on Instagram
Doute keeps it a bit more to the point, also apologizing directly to Faith and promising to learn and do better. But one part of her post stuck out to me as not quite right: “Although, my actions were not racially driven…” We’re all learning right now, and one thing that’s important to understand is the concept of implicit bias. Racism isn’t just KKK rallies and white supremacist Twitter trolls. Racial prejudice is all around of us, and our society teaches us racial bias in ways we don’t even realize.
Another thing that bothers me in general about these statements is the vague suggestion that all of this happened a long time ago, and that Kristen and Stassi have learned since then. But this didn’t happen a long time ago, it happened in 2018. By any measure, that is RECENT. Not only were Stassi and Kristen adults at the time (Kristen was 35 when she sent those tweets), they were already famous people with platforms and hundreds of thousands of followers. Of course, I hope they really are as dedicated to learning and doing better as they say, but it’s worrying that they thought this was okay just two years ago.
Should Kristen and Stassi be held accountable for their actions? Absolutely. Whether that means losing sponsors or getting fired from Vanderpump Rules, who knows, but they need to know that what they did was not okay. Apologizing is the place to start, but they still need to show actual progress.
Images: DFree / Shutterstock.com; kristendoute / Twitter; omfgrealitytv2, stassischroeder, kristendoute / Instagram
On this week’s season finale of Vanderpump Rules, we were left with an emotional look at the journey we’ve all taken over the past eight years. We’ve been through a lot with this chaotic group, and this has been an intense season to say the least. This week on the Mention It All Podcast, we chatted with Vanderpump Rules OG Kristen Doute about her relationships, her thoughts on the where the show is at now, and her brand new book, which comes out next month.
Over the course of season 8, we’ve watched Kristen’s bonds with Katie and Stassi disintegrate, all while she struggles to figure out wtf to do about Carter. To put it simply, Doute said, “this season really sucked.” She continued, saying that in her friendships with Katie and Stassi, as well as her relationship with Carter, “we just couldn’t get it back.” Things with the Witches of Weho are still rough, but Kristen told us that she and Carter were “immediately done for good” after filming ended last year, and that she’s much happier now. (Check out her new boyfriend on Instagram if you want proof.)
Adding to an already difficult summer for Kristen was the arrival of a whole new set of cast members. From a viewer’s perspective, it seemed like the cast wasn’t very well integrated, and Kristen has no problem making her thoughts known. On top everything going on, she said, “we had 55 new cast members who I didn’t care about. I just didn’t care enough to get to know a lot of people that were thrown into my life when I had all these momentous moments going on.”
Speaking of momentous moments, Kristen can still appreciate her time on Vanderpump Rules, despite going through some particularly rough stuff in the past year. Asked what she enjoys looking back on most, she said, “it’s all the fun moments. Just being in friend-love with each other. That’s why the last few minutes were so gut-wrenching. Watching those montages and those flashbacks, it was really sad but also so wonderful.” Damn, why am I crying in the club right now?
But even though we all cried (no? just me?) at the season finale, we’ve still got a Zoom reunion to look forward to, and Kristen promises that it will be top-notch: “there were some tears, there was definitely a lot of yelling… it was interesting.” Specifically, she teases that there’s “a little nugget of truth” that becomes public, and it sounds like whatever it is will cause some major fallout in the group. Count me in.
To hear the full interview with Kristen Doute, check out the latest episode of the Mention It All Podcast:
Images: Featureflash Photo Agency / Shutterstock.com
I simply must be honest with you all, I feel as though I’m going soft. I know that the general temperature of Reddit, Bravo Facebook groups, and my esteemed colleague and Bravo expert Dylan Hafer seems to be that this season of Vanderpump Rules is trash. But honestly? I find myself liking it. Sure, the subplot between Dayna and whichever TomTom server she’s chosen that week is fake AF. Sure, we don’t care about Jax and Brittany’s wedding. But you know what I cared about even less? The emotional abuse cycle of Jax cheating on Brittany and generally treating her like sh*t and then gaslighting her for being upset about it. Katie and Tom’s Bubba circle-jerk. Lala going on and on about how she likes to please “her man”.
For all its flaws, Vanderpump Rules could certainly be a lot worse this season. Just remember that, lest we piss off the Bravo gods with our complaining, and they give us three more seasons of Dayna pretending to be interested in Brett or Max. The reality is, this show is too far gone to ever return to its days when the producers would literally sit back and watch these degenerates tear each other to shreds. The show’s too big now, and (some of) the cast are at least a little conscious of their public perception.
So with that honors thesis out of the way, let’s get into this week’s episode.
The episode kicks off with Dayna and Brett at a fake bartending school, where they are being taught how to mix drinks by a 12-year-old. (Or at least, he looks like one.) Which is oddly fitting considering Dayna says that being a bartender is “in her blood” since her mom was a bartender who taught her to make dirty martinis when she was eight years old. I mean, something is in her blood—I’m just not sure it’s bartending.
Apparently Schwartz really did lose the marriage certificate again, but not to worry—the Vegas chapels probably know that everyone getting married on their premises and can no longer hold onto their dignity, let alone a piece of paper, so they sent it in on their behalf. Honestly, though, I stand by my sentiment that I would take two failed marriage certificates as a sign from the Universe not to go through with it.
Stassi’s still taking jabs at Beau because he hasn’t proposed yet. Stassi is also mad at Kristen because, basically, Kristen still wants to be Beau’s number one, not considering that that would be wildly inappropriate considering 1) Beau is now dating her good friend, and 2) Kristen has f*cked Stassi’s ex before. Can you wonder why Beau would be extra cautious around Kristen? It’s so Stassi doesn’t, to quote Lala, “pop him”.
Kristen says that she, Stassi, and Kristen built their wine company “from the ground up.” Ah yes, the American Dream! Building a wine company from nothing but the backs of your Instagram followings that were in turn built off the backs of you being cast on a wildly successful reality TV show! Pretty sure that’s what my grandparents left Italy for.
Actually, remember what I said about how this season is a bit of fresh air from the past season’s regurgitated drama? I take it all back because Scheana’s talking to Lisa about her egg retrieval, once again insisting how she’s “not looking for a relationship” and “just having fun being single” and whatever party line she’s been toting out since the last season ended and she got mocked by the whole internet for how she behaved with Adam. Why don’t I buy what Scheana’s trying to sell me? Is it because I’m judging her on past behavior too much and assuming people are incapable of change? Or is it because the lady truly doth protest too much?
Whatever the reason, Lisa isn’t buying it either, and I can at least be comforted knowing I’m not alone. And the fact that it took Lisa straight-up saying to Scheana’s face that she thinks she’s full of sh*t to get her to admit that her revolving door of men have actually f*cked her up, kind of proves that I was right all along. Vindication!
Between Scheana being upset that her booty calls have not called to check in on her after her egg retrieval surgery and the fact that she busted her knee open after razor scootering, I’ve gotta say, it feels like Old Scheana is back. Is her tooth still gray? Give it one more episode and we’ll get the chunky glasses back. Damn, I forgot how entertaining that Scheana was. I’m actually surprised she’s not walking around on crutches right now.
Scheana tells Dayna that she saw a psychic, and she hired that psychic to have Dayna’s mom come through for her birthday. Oh wow that is so wildly inappropriate that I can’t help but crack up to myself.
Dayna: You’ve never lost a parent
Scheana: I know, but my mom has.
Scheana… my god… you are so stupid. Her need to constantly relate everything back to herself is almost pathological.
This really brings me back to the days when Scheana would needle Shay, a known opioid addict, into drinking because she didn’t want to be married to someone who couldn’t have a few drinks with her.
And even better? Scheana was going to spring this psychic on Dayna THAT VERY SECOND. And she tries to play it off to Dayna like “omg no she’s totally not waiting outside your apartment, I wasn’t going to just have her knock on your door, omg lol can you imagine? Hahaha” but then she proceeds to shut the psychic down… OUTSIDE OF DAYNA’S APARTMENT. Lol, I don’t know if Scheana is truly the most insensitive person alive, or if the producers put her up to this and did her extremely dirty. Listening to her try to play the semantics game that she didn’t have the psychic outside waiting (she was only technically on her way to Dayna’s apartment at the time Dayna asked if she was going to knock on her door) is leading me to believe the former.
In a grim turn of events, Beau reveals to Lisa that he isn’t planning on having Kristen be present at Stassi’s engagement. If he really doesn’t invite her, he might as well enter the Witness Protection Program.
All the new people are at some club, and Dayna’s resorted to her flirting strategy of just showering Brett with compliments and blowing up his ego. If that’s what you need to get a man, I will forever be single, and I’m cool with that tbh.
Oh my god if I could buy an Emmy I would personally empty my bank account to give it to the producer who precipitated this exchange:
Brett: Where I’m from if you and your friend have sex with the same girl, it’s ok.
Producer: And where are you from?
Bretty: Jersey
That’s it, guys. We did it. End the episode here. It’s not going to get any better than this.
Even the new girls have already clued into the fact that Scheana never keeps the same story because she’s worried about looking bad. Damn, it only took them like, a few weeks? They really are smarter than the rest of the cast.
James and Lala are back in the studio, much to the dismay of… anyone with ears. They actually have a pretty productive conversation about sobriety. Also, does having a stress dream about having gotten f*cked up mean I have a drinking problem? Whatever, I’ve only had one today. One… shelf.
Finally we get some back alley action at SUR (not like that, get your mind out of the gutter) when Brett goes out to talk to Scheana. She’s salty that she’s been blowing up his phone and he didn’t text her back. Scheana! He does not have to answer every single one of your texts! He’s not your boyfriend.
Scheana definitely has a point that she shouldn’t bother with friendships in which she puts in all the effort. However, there’s no point in announcing to someone that you’re dropping them as a friend because they don’t put in effort. You just stop putting in the effort and let the friendship fade.
But then Brett tag teams Dayna in, and she’s not over the psychic. I wouldn’t be either, and I wouldn’t even try to be friends with someone that out of touch with reality. I know, I wouldn’t last a second on this show.
It says a lot that Kristen is physically helping set up the wine party and Stassi and Katie just waltz in and start drinking. But honestly… a mood.
This Us Weekly reporter is gonna be so pissed when she watches this season and realizes that Stassi, Katie, and Kristen lied to every single question she asked them in this interview. Lol.
Danica pitches a SUR vs. TomTom softball game, which will be a fun fake plotline later on in the season.
Also, Max comes up to Dayna to basically tell her that he’s pissed about the Brett thing, but they’re both “moving on” and “ready to be friends.” K, sure Jan.
This whole thing of Ariana and Lala talking about why they’re still friends with James does not interest me, so I’m just going to watch IG Stories.
Whoops, I watched Insta stories for too long and almost missed Stassi talking to Beau about how they’re going mausoleum shopping tomorrow (???) when he’s actually going to be popping the question next episode. But was it worth the constant complaining, Beau? WAS IT?? Because I don’t think it was. Stassi, once again, is talking about how she’s over Kristen as a friend. Beau asks her like, one follow-up question and she immediately starts crying.
Me:
Anyway, this is awkward because wine-drunk Kristen goes up to Beau to ask if they’re still friends. Beau actively tries to avoid saying he can’t be friends with her anymore because Stassi doesn’t like her, but Kristen pokes at it until he’s basically forced to admit the truth.
Stassi comes up and tries to pull rank that Beau is her boyfriend, and Kristen just says “this is inappropriate for a wine party” and walks away. Lol. This leads me to wonder what would be appropriate for a wine party? It’s a wine party. I feel like anything goes.
Stassi goes completely ballistic, and ah yes, this is Old Stassi. Damn, first Old Scheana, now Old Stassi? What an episode. Yeah, she’s back on her hive mind bullsh*t where nobody she associates with is allowed to be cool with anyone she doesn’t like. In fact, if you don’t wish ill upon whoever Stassi doesn’t like at the moment, you’re dead to her. Remember Lala circa… up until this past season when she gave them rides on the private jet? Beau, if you would so much as piss on Kristen if she were on fire, Stassi will torpedo your entire relationship.
Stassi gives Beau an ultimatum that he should either go home with her or Kristen. Bud, you might want to rethink that proposal tomorrow. Maybe you shouldn’t have lied to Stassi all summer, and then she wouldn’t have freaked out in a tornado of insecurity. Ya hate to see it!
Images: Bravo; Giphy
Well, I might perish from the coronavirus any day now, but still, I continue to write these recaps. (That’s a lie, I don’t even have a cold.) But if I do have to go into self-imposed quarantine, I guess that will give me much more time to write about our favorite band of servers! I suppose there’s a silver lining to everything.
Last week, everyone arrived in Kentucky for Jax and Brittany’s wedding week. Do you think after the wedding they’ll be like, “how could you do this (i.e. call me out for a legitimate wrongdoing), on the week after my wedding”? Actually, why am I even asking that question? Jax and Brittany are going to be with their wedding how most white women are with their babies: Oh, it’s only 26 months old!
This week, we open up at Jax and Brittany’s rehearsal. Jax and Brittany start giving a speech, when a fake detective shows up, because this is not just an engagement party—it’s a fake murder mystery whodunit party.
We need to get Michael Scarn on this case.
After the game (which Lala nailed and Stassi overthought, to try to prove to everyone how much she really loves murder… somebody tell her real detectives know about Occam’s razor), Lala, Stassi, and Katie are talking sh*t about Kristen. Kristen comes over and says “what are you guys talking about?” and Lala, ever the G, says “you.” Kristen, trying to project self-confidence but failing miserably, says, “I love that.”
Kristen says Carter is her best friend, conveniently forgetting all the times he’s treated her like sh*t and screamed at her and whatever. And also forgetting her actual best friends, who are sitting two feet in front of her. And no, I didn’t have to recount Carter’s horribleness for myself, because the Bravo editors (who, tbh, are now going borderline overboard this season) have inserted a convenient little flashback to all the times Carter treated Kristen worse than I treat random people on the subway whom I know I’ll never see again.
Kristen tries to read everyone one by one. She says that Lala is a bitch, Stassi doesn’t care about anyone’s problems (I couldn’t actually hear what she said because Katie immediately started yelling “you’re an obnoxious bitch” over her), and Brittany comes running over to tell everyone to stop fighting.
At SUR, some random girl (Adriana?) asks Dayna what’s up with Max. They also show a flashback in which he compliments her, but solely her makeup/beauty routine. I’m just trying to get a guy who will notice my haircut, but ok. Adriana tells Dayna that she saw Max with a girl, and they seemed “friendly”. Adriana and Danica found the girl on Instagram (her name is Olivia), and she’s wearing a Pride shirt that Max gave her. Ah, giving a TomTom Pride shirt—the true marker of a serious relationship.
Shockingly, everyone ended up being right about Max. Ya hate to see it.
Two nights before Jax’s wedding, he is NOT going out, but staying in to like, ruminate on his life. Is this…. is this… growth?
Throwing in my favorite gif for good measure, even though we are about to see that it’s not really applicable here:
Kristen is now crying to Beau like “you’re my boy, Blue Beau”. Beau literally has to explain the concept to her that you can’t pay as much attention to your friends as you do to your significant others. Kristen’s crying that nobody ever calls her up to ask her if she’s okay, and it’s like the whole cast has just learned what us viewers have known since the dawn of this show: that every single person on it is self-absorbed as all f*ck.
Kristen really wants us all to throw her a pity parade because she can’t decide how she feels about Carter long enough to break up with him or get back together one way or the other. And to that I say:
You gotta love people who create their own problems and then get mad at everybody else for not coddling them through their self-imposed dilemmas. If I were friends with Kristen, I would have murdered her six episodes ago. (I’m a great friend, I swear! I’m very fun at brunch.)
Everyone except Jax is hungover the next day, and to be honest, “I did not mean to get that drunk last night” should just be emblazoned on Schwartz’s tombstone at this point.
Lala comes to Kristen and Scheana’s room, and Kristen just straight-up ignores Lala. Ironically, Kristen says of all her friends refusing to baby her, “I’m so tired of it.” Oh, you’re tired? I don’t even know any of you, and I’m f*cking exhausted.
Ewww, apparently Kristen will sh*t talk Stassi to Beau?
The funny thing to me is that Stassi is ready to be done with Kristen forever because she’s just now realizing she’s a psychopath. I guess it’s only ok when Kristen is flying girls in from Miami and punching James at weddings—in other words, when she’s only being a psycho in other people’s relationships, and it’s fun and dramatic. Not when it’s actually like, emotionally laborious.
We learn that Schwartz did the most Schwartzy thing ever and lost his own marriage license, meaning that Katie and Schwartz have not technically been married this entire time. Just throw out season 5, that was a complete waste of time.
Jax: But how do you do your taxes?
Schwartz: What are ta…. taxes?
I f*cking love that Katie trusted Schwartz with, like, the only actual important part of the wedding (making sure they are, ya know, legally married), and Schwartz could not even manage to keep track of one piece of paper. ONE. This is the ultimate “you had one job!”
Scheana’s lost her voice, probably from screaming ” IS MY BEST FRIEND!” to nobody who asked. They’re talking about James and Raquel and how James agreed to go to an AA meeting, and Lala agrees to reach out to James to talk to him about it. Can’t wait to see how little time it will take him to say something offensive to Lala and nuke that olive branch of friendship right into the ground.
Kristen’s moved on to Stassi’s mom, now that she’s officially tapped the Weho Sympathy Well. Just when you thought things couldn’t get any more bleak.
Speaking of Weho, Max goes over to Dayna’s apartment. The great thing about this scene is he probably thinks he’s getting laid, when we all know he’s walking into an ambush. *Rubs hands together excitedly like Mr. Burns*
Dayna starts off real subtle, like “is there anything you need to tell me?” Max obviously says no. Dayna’s like “so you’re not exclusively dating this girl?” And shows him her phone.
Max starts spinning in circles trying to make up excuses, being like “well, I dunno, she just moved to LA because I like, told her that would be cool and I’d be excited to hang out with her when she got here, how is it my fault that she moved to LA and is trying to hang out with me now?”
I’m f*cking impressed that Dayna had the strength to end their sh*t right then and there…. and then dipped his necklace in toilet water AND THEN KITTY LITTER before giving it back to him. Carrie Underwood called, she said she’s writing this into the remix of “Before He Cheats”.
Lisa ends up making Jax and Brittany’s wedding because her mother’s funeral ended up getting delayed. Jax and Lisa are having a heart-to-heart and whatever, and he starts choking up about not having any parents at his wedding. I think I speak for all of us when I say: BUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOUR MOM? The people demand the full story!
Meanwhile, Beau has joined a flash mob at the Pride parade. Or is it a zumba class? I’m unclear. Anyway, I would probably do the same thing if I were trapped in the same room as Kristen and she was cry-screaming at me.
At TomTom, Max is filling in James on the Dayna situation. He says everything would have been fine if everyone stayed out of their business, conveniently forgetting that if he hadn’t done anything, there would have been no business for anyone to get into. But sure, blame it on the women. Also, James doesn’t want to go to an AA meeting. Who’s shocked? Nobody? Bueller? Ok good, moving on.
Jax and Brittany come back from the party, have a whole conversation about how Jax is about to stop drinking because they are getting married in the morning, and then they both go, “Okay, let’s go party some more.” I know how this is going to end, and it’s with Schwartz going missing on the roof all day.
Brittany told everyone to bring onesies. Beau shows up in a full knight costume. Kristen is basically getting naked. She’s going to be realllly fun at the wedding!
I actually can’t believe they are partying this hard the night before the wedding. All I’d be doing would be taking a xanax and passing out at 9pm. Don’t you have to be up early for hair and makeup? Being hungover at my own wedding sounds like a waking nightmare.
Brittany: I hope Jax isn’t drinking right now
Cut to: Jax ladling mystery alcohol to the face. This is hurting even me.
Then we get a montage of Jax calling Brittany his best friend and partner in crime, which I suppose does track because he did steal those sunglasses that time in Hawaii.
It looks like next week will be Jax and Brittany’s wedding, and then we’ll finally be home free! …Until Lala’s wedding and Stassi’s engagement. But still, silver linings!
Images: Giphy (3), Tenor (2)
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Somebody tell Santa that he can cancel Christmas, because I’ve already gotten the perfect gift. Bravo just announced that Vanderpump Rules season 8 is scheduled to premiere on January 7, 2020 and I can’t imagine a better way to ring in a new decade than with an extra 10 pounds on my waistline and a middle-aged wait staff struggling to remember if they cheated on each other on my TV screen. And Bravo dropped the trailer on Friday! Andy Cohen, you’re too good to me. Based on what we know, it looks like this is going to be (to borrow a phrase from real life angel, Chris Harrison) the most dramatic season EVER. And I’m not basing this solely on the trailer—oh no, there has been sh*t going down during this off-season. We’re talking social media unfollows, vaguely negative comments, and people not showing up at parties. This is LEGIT. So, I’m going to gather up all this evidence, call myself Veronica Mars, and piece this season together for you.
The Witches Of WeHo Break Up
Rumors have been brewing (get it, because they’re witches? Sorry, I hate myself too) that Katie, Kristen, and Stassi have been having problems lately. Back in October, Stassi confirmed those rumors on her podcast by saying, “If taking a break from someone is a b*tch move and makes me nasty, then I don’t give a f*ck.” Wow. Way to sound like a passive-aggressive ex-girlfriend airing her grievances on Facebook, Stassi. Kristen also confirmed that they had a falling out, saying she doesn’t really know why it happened (classic Kristen, she was probably blacked out during the fight). Whatever happened, Kristen, I bet a hundred bucks you were chain smoking and calling someone the c-word when it went down!
In the trailer, we see a very brief snippet of a fight between the women. In it, Katie says that Kristen is being obnoxious. Fair. Kristen says Katie is being a b*tch. Also fair. To be honest, with personalities like that, it’s a miracle any of these people ever have friends.
It looks like some of the cast could be patching things up, though, because Brittany just posted an Insta story of a bunch of them on their way to the People’s Choice Awards, and Kristen was there.
It seems like Stassi may be the last holdout, because she wasn’t with them last night (she was in New York), and she hasn’t posted a picture with Kristen since July.
And is it just me or does that picture appear coerced for the sake of their wine business? Which leads me to my most important question, WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE WINE? I need answers, Andy. Mediocre Pinot Grigio is at stake!
Jax And Sandoval Are Also Feuding
Back in August, E! News reported that Jax unfollowed a number of his co-stars, including Sandoval, Ariana, Kristen, and Scheana. This must have happened after his wedding to Brittany, because the Toms were co-best men at the event. So what is up between the old (very old, Jax is 40! Don’t think I’d forget to bring that up) friends?
In the trailer, we see a fight between the two men, with Sandoval screaming, asking if Jax even knows him at all. He’s near tears, with nary a dog in sight to dry them. It’s rough.
According to, once again, E! News, the fight was over Lance Bass (!!!!) officiating Jax and Brittany’s wedding. Apparently Tom and Ariana claimed Jax only picked Lance because he is a celebrity, and for some reason are taking issue with that. Well, first of all, who wouldn’t want a celebrity officiating their wedding? Second of all, it’s 2019, not 2001, so I think that the word “celebrity” is a little generous for Lance Bass. And third of all, let’s not act like you all aren’t after fame, mmkay. I say they rip off their chunky cardigans, fight it out in a parking lot, and move on.
The New People Bring The Cheating Drama
Since a lot of our OGs are pretty solidly coupled up (except Kristen *insert evil laugh*), it’s up to the new cast members to bring the cheating drama. Based on the preview, it looks like Dayna has drama with Max. He says he’s interested in her, but she seems to think he is exclusively dating someone else. Later in the preview, Max accuses Brett of having feelings for Dayna. Am I getting these people right? If I’m mixing them up, my apologies, but also can Bravo apologize for casting two dudes that look identical? It makes me thankful for the days of Sandoval’s Flock of Seagulls hairdo, because at least he couldn’t be confused with anyone except a time traveler from 1982.
I attempted to do some Instagram digging for you all and get some answers, but Brett exclusively posts pictures of himself in varying states of undress, and Dayna and Max appear to have kept their love lives off the platform. Gotta stay tight-lipped about those storylines to get a contract renewal, I guess!
^^Max and Brett together, so I guess they’re not actually the same person
Scheana Continues To Try To Be The Bachelorette
People write in asking Reality Steve if Scheana is going to be the Bachelorette as often as I tell myself “the diet starts tomorrow.” His answer is always a variation on “Hell no, I just snorted Sprite out of my nostrils in response,” but that’s not for lack of trying. Last season we saw Scheana attempt to recreate her Bachelorette fantasy with human Ken doll Robbie Hayes, which had about as much chemistry as a dog on a date with a lamp. And back in September, Bustle reported that she was getting cozy with DeMario Jackson, although they are both claiming they’re just friends.
Stop trying to make The Bachelorette happen, Scheana, it’s never going to happen! What I don’t understand is that she’s on a reality show now that she gets to be on EVERY season. Why does she desperately want to be on a show with an expiration date? Although, she was basically non-existent in this trailer, so perhaps it is time for her to look for another job…
There Are Way Too Many People On This Show
Okay, so this is less of a prediction and more of a fact, but I feel like Vanderpump Rules season 8 is truly a challenge to the show’s video editors, to see how many people they can squeeze into one credit sequence. So many cast members and yet still no Peter. When will he get his due? Justice for Peter!!
And that’s what’s going to happen on Season 8 based on the trailer, social media, and gossip! You’re welcome for my hard work, and I think we can all agree that if there’s one thing we know for SURE about this upcoming season, it’s that Brittany is my spirit animal.
Can’t wait for January!
Images: Giphy (2); issamaximillian, scheana/Instagram; Bravo
It was only a matter of time. The relationships on this season of Vanderpump Rules all seemed a little too stable. No one cheated on anyone else in front of an elderly patient. No one got a stripper pregnant in Vegas. Sure, Ariana and Lala had a drunken “moment” in the back of a car, but Sandoval seemed more turned on by that than anything else. High fives all around for girl-on-girl action! It truly seemed like these nearly middle-aged degenerates may have gotten their act together. Enter Kristen and Carter.
On Monday night’s episode of Vanderpump Rules, we were treated to some Crazy Kristen moments, the likes of which we have rarely seen since she screamed at her boss to “walk the f*ck away, now.” Ah, the good old days. And this week we must have hopped in our DeLorean because Kristen got blackout drunk and had a meltdown, 2015 style. While on a girls trip to Solvang (P.S. I am officially accepting rides here on a PJ, rich dudes where you at?) Kristen got wasted at a wine tasting, tripped over a table, ran away, yada, yada, yada, you read the recap, you know the drill. The girls were convinced Kristen was acting this way because her relationship with Carter is circling the drain. And now there are rumors flying that Kristen and Carter have broken up, but she claims they’re working on it. SO WHAT IS THE TRUTH?! My spidey senses say they’ve broken up, but let’s take a look at the evidence.
Kristen appeared on Watch What Happens Live! after Monday night’s Vanderpump Rules, and a viewer doing the Lord’s work asked her about the status of her and Carter’s relationship. Kristen replied, “I bleed out for this show. I show every single second of everything for this show, so for this I’m just going to say we’re…figuring it out.” Yes, you do bleed for this show, Kristen. The audience thanks you for your donation. And for that blood you are rewarded with lucrative Instagram sponsorships and a T-shirt line that looks like it came from the Walmart bargain bin. You’re welcome! You may have also noticed that Kristen used her classic “poor me” routine to avoid giving an answer to the question.
Andy and I remain skeptical:
I’m convinced that by “figuring it out,” Kristen means that they’re figuring out how to lie about their breakup for the next few months until they are contractually permitted to reveal what we’ve all already known for a long time.
It’s also notable that Tuesday, February 19th was Kristen’s birthday. Happy Birthday, Kristen! I hope you finally receive the validation you’ve been searching for your entire life! Carter is still acting like they are together, posting this on her birthday:
Does anyone else get a “methinks the lady doth protest too much” vibe from this post? Like, c’mon Carter, you even love the crazy?! Like the crazy that punched James in the face at a wedding kind of crazy? I DON’T BELIEVE YOU. No one likes a black eye. And oh yeah, Kristen couldn’t even be bothered to like this post. Lolz Carter, looks like your last-ditch attempt to cling to relevancy is coming to an end. You might have to get a job like the rest of us peasants.
When I started writing this article, I thought that outlets were reporting that Kristen and Carter broke up because when I googled it, OK! Magazine popped up claiming “Kristen Doute & Brian Carter Call It Quits.” This is alarming for two reasons. First, if you click the link, the story is actually called “Have Kristen Doute & Brian Carter Called It Quits?” and literally just quotes Kristen’s WWHL appearance. Fake news! Second, Carter’s first name is Brian?! Did everyone else know this and I had no idea? It’s like that time I called a half-updo a zipback to my friends in college and they laughed in my face. My mom told me that was its name! The shame is still fresh.
So let’s be real. We all know that Kristen can take a relationship and beat it to within an inch of its life, so she and Carter very well could still be together. But based on her indifference to BRIAN and his gushy posts and the fact that she probably signed an NDA saying she couldn’t reveal major plot points on the show, I’m betting it’s over. Time to find a new sugar mama, Carter. I think I know someone, how fast can you hang a TV?
Images: NBCU; Giphy, Bravo, itsarealbeard/Instagram
When Kristen Doute’s nose isn’t deep in a mountain of Raquel’s pasta, it’s deeper in other people’s business. Since she finally settled down with a normal guy who doesn’t share a hair straightener with her, her only storyline on Vanderpump Rules is that she meddles in the lives of others. So it should come as no surprise to us that Kristen is on Twitter trumpeting who isn’t invited to Jax and Brittany’s wedding.
Okay, so:
James, Raquel, and Billie Lee are ? not invited to Brittany & Jax’s wedding.
Kisses,
Kristen #PumpRules— kristen doute ??? (@kristendoute) February 5, 2019
I saw this tweet and was immediately dubious that anyone, least of all Jax and Brittany, would ever tell Kristen anything confidential. However, there might be some truth to what she is claiming, if the Vanderpump Rules stars’ social media habits mean anything. Yes, I keep tabs on this. No, I don’t have a life. No further personal questions, please. As of a week or two ago, Kristen actually was following Billie Lee, but she unfollowed her since. (I know this because I had researched it for another article that never came to fruition.) Given that this cast has the emotional maturity of 15-year-olds, Kristen deciding to unfollow Billie Lee likely means something happened between the two of them. Billie Lee still follows Kristen, though, which could mean that she has no idea Kristen has beef. Or it could mean Billie doesn’t keep an obsessive list of who from the VPR cast follows whom. (She’s not better than me!)
What’s perhaps more significant is that Jax also unfollowed Billie Lee recently. We all know Jax is real quick with the unfollow, so presumably something sparked him to do this, even if it was something insignificant and dumb. But Brittany and Billie Lee still follow each other, which I think means that either they are cool, or if they’re not, Brittany is not as petty as Jax. Even if Jax does have an issue with Billie, Brittany’s the bride, so she probably has more of a say in who gets invited to the wedding. Then again, Jax controls Brittany’s every move, sooo… Billie might be excluded from this narrative.
Let’s move on to Raquel and James. Not so surprisingly, Raquel and James don’t follow anyone from the cast and the cast doesn’t follow them back. Last night on WWHL, James admitted that he doesn’t expect to be invited to either Brittany or Lala’s wedding. Makes sense, given everything we’ve seen on the show so far, and I’ve got to respect James for being self-aware and not trying to pull a Kristen.
What is shocking is he said there’s a bigger chance that he’d be invited to Brittany and Jax’s wedding than to Lala’s. According to James, he and Jax tend to bounce back after ripping on each other and screwing each other over. Credit to James for being the only person in this cast ever to notice that this is literally what eventually happens with every cast member ever. It’s called the Circle of Life.
Jax and Brittany have yet to make a formal announcement about who’s invited to their wedding. However, I think Kristen making the announcement makes more sense. Jax saying who isn’t invited to the wedding would just devolve into him going on another tangent about how he has changed SO MUCH and NO ONE ELSE HAS before hawking protein powder or an electronic toothbrush. And Brittany is too nice to say anything until she’s left with absolutely no choice. So who better than Kristen to insert herself into drama that doesn’t concern her and f*ck up people’s lives? Nobody, that’s who.
We’ll have to keep watching and following on social media for more wedding developments, but one thing we can be sure of is there’s going to be plenty of drama.
Images: kristendoute / Twitter; itsjameskennedy / Instagram
As you all know, one of the main plot lines of this season of Vanderpump Rules is that James Kennedy got fired from SUR, meaning his See You Next Tuesday gig was taken away from him. Some say it’s because of his drinking problem and the fact that he lashed out at Katie. Others say it’s because Kristen Doute is the one who brought James into the show, and now that she’s third fiddle to her more entertaining ex, she’s obsessively trying to take him down. In my professional opinion, it’s a little column A and a little common B. But no matter the reason, the demise of See You Next Tuesday and the revolving door of Tuesday night programming at SUR have become a plot point this season.
Those who have a completely unhealthy obsession with Pump Rules, like I do, have noticed that James has been showing face at SUR on Tuesdays again. This obviously could be a huge deal. Did DJ James Kennedy get his job back? We investigate. *insert Law and Order: SVU theme here*
One of the stipulations of James getting his job back was that he give up drinking. So far on this season, we’ve seen him put the booze down and noticed the almost instantaneous change. Funny how James actually targets the locus of his toxic behavior by giving up drinking, and yet Jax thinks self-actualization is buying tampons for Brittany and making her a sandwich. But back to James. Look at the above picture of him taken at SUR. He doesn’t look Litney Houston at all. He’s holding a cigarette, but anyone who’s ever tried to take an Insta story when drunk knows that it’s physically impossible to look sober in a picture when you are not.
Then we have the most recent Tuesday night event at SUR, which has been taken over by Tom Sandoval, for reasons unknown.
Ugh, calling that drink a “Tsandy,” really Tom? Also, compared to the iconic See You Next Tuesdays and Girls Night, Spicy Tequila Tuesday sounds super anti-climactic. So the fact that James was there is super interesting to me. My first thought was, wouldn’t James be so bitter about his successful Tuesday nights getting replaced by a much lamer event that he wouldn’t want to show face there? But then I thought, what if this is a cover-up for the fact that James Kennedy is turning tables on Tuesdays on the DL? Sure, that Instagram says DJ Mickey is spinning, but the fact that James was present at all makes me wonder if they are ramping up to something.
While James has mostly been photographed with fans and not DJing, there is this Instagram from Guillermo, WHICH HAS SINCE BEEN CHANGED, which appeared to be a nod to James’s former Tuesday night gig.
The original caption read,” not Tuesday’s Night at SUR without around”. And then it was changed to “Celebrating national Pasta Day.. today is all About The Pasta.” Exsqueeze me? Why did Guillermo change the caption? Did somebody get mad that he leaked a potential spoiler? Or did somebody else throw out an ultimatum? I guess we’ll never know, but the picture at least is a clear sign that James has not fallen out of favor completely with the management at SUR. But the fact that Guillermo changed the caption so as not to endorse See You Next Tuesdays makes me think there’s something more going on.
There’s also this tweet from James that proves he has gotten his DJing job back at SUR, even if it isn’t on his coveted Tuesday nights.
YO! HELLO!! IM DJING AT SUR TODAY AND IM GONNA FREESTYLE MY HEART OUT ???? fr tho I’m spinning at 4pm ???? come to SUR today
— James Kennedy (@itsjameskennedy) December 9, 2018
At the end of the day, what’s the difference between a Sunday afternoon and a Tuesday night? I feel like it’s mostly semantics at that point if James is going to be allowed to DJ at SUR at all.
So I don’t have concrete signs that See You Next Tuesday is a thing again. However, Elle Woods didn’t have concrete evidence that Chutney killed her father. Instead, she used context clues to get Chutney to admit guilt. And that’s obviously a solid way to concur that See You Next Tuesday may very well be making a comeback. I rest my case, betches.
gzsur, tomsandoval1, stevemartini / Instagram
