I’ve been losing track of time a lot lately, mostly due to the fact that the last year has felt like an extended sabbatical from regular life. But when I saw that Tristan Thompson was in the news for allegedly cheating on Khloé Kardashian, I really needed to take a good, hard look at a calendar. Had I taken one too many melatonin tablets and woken up in 2019? Or 2018? Nope, it’s May 2021, and we are once again discussing Tristan’s questionable choices.
Unlike Tristan’s past cheating scandals, where he’s been caught red-handed with another woman, the current situation has been sort of a slow, messy burn. The woman at the center of it all is Sydney Chase, a 23-year-old who is—prepare to be shocked—an Instagram model. In a recent interview on the No Jumper podcast, and again on her TikTok account, Chase claimed that she had an intimate relationship with Tristan after meeting him in November of 2020. According to Chase, Tristan told her he was single, and they “hung out multiple times,” including going out in public together. Chase claims that when she found out he was actually in a relationship with Khloé, she “cut it off” with him. On the podcast, she was also asked about Tristan’s ~equipment~, and she responded “he has a peek-a-boo dick, but baby, it was good.” Aaaaand we’re officially in TMI territory.
@sydneychasexoYes the Tristan rumors are true… @haydenxrichelle @phonehomebabyet♬ Passionfruit – Drake
If any of that is true, it’s not good, but the actual cheating is really just the tip of the iceberg, somehow. Last month, in an Instagram live video with her friends, Sydney Chase shared several additional things that Tristan said to her during their relationship, and it’s all bleak. On the live, she said that Tristan asked her to send nudes, reading a message that said, “Yes baby I like that. I want to see what they look like. I’m curious.” Curious is a polite word for horny, I guess.
Chase also shared that Tristan told her she looked like Jordan Craig, the mother of his first child, and that Khloé is “not his type.” According to Chase, after she learned about his relationship and broke things off with him, he called her and said, “you’re what I like,” which is a major yikes. If Khloé is, in fact, not Tristan’s “type,” why is her putting her through all of this mess? Why did he date her in the first place? Think of how much nonsense we could have avoided over the years if Tristan politely ended things with Khloé after like, three dates. Instead, it seems like Khloé is on a permanent emotional rollercoaster over a man who has never given her the level of respect that anyone deserves in a relationship.
Getting back to Sydney Chase for a minute, she’s been adamant that none of this is really her problem. On her Instagram live, she said, “I ain’t sign nothing, you did what you did, that’s on you.” She has a point—if Tristan insists on doing this type of sh*t, he should really either make people sign NDAs, or maybe just choose women who aren’t actively trying to get famous online? Chase also added, “Tristan banged me, I did not bang him.” I’m not really sure that’s like, a scientific distinction, but I guess I get the vibe of what she means. If she really believed that he was single, and he was the one actively pursuing her, you really can’t blame her for being down.
In the two weeks since Sydney Chase initially spoke about Tristan in the podcast interview, things have obviously escalated. Chase stated in her TikTok video that Tristan contacted her when he heard about the podcast, in the hopes that he could kill the story before it gained publicity. Obviously, that didn’t happen, and Khloé reportedly found out about Chase’s story along with the rest of the tabloid-reading public. Since then, Khloé has done her classic routine of posting subtweet-y quotes on her Instagram story, but she also went straight to the source of the rumors.
Over the weekend, Sydney Chase posted a screenshot showing DMs she received from Khloé Kardashian. She covered the contents of the main message, but made sure not to blur out the message where Khloé asked her to keep their conversation private. Oops! Apparently Khloé forgot that she was dealing with someone who makes a living off of whatever clout she can get, so tbh she’s lucky that Sydney even covered part of the DMs.
Sure, Sydney has been messy by putting all of this information out in the open, but when it comes down to it, she’s just living her life. Realistically, any hot woman that comes into contact with Tristan Thompson could find themselves in this position, so good for her scoring some Instagram followers, and likely #spon opportunities out of this.
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But when it comes to Khloé, this f*cking sucks. We all remember the fallout surrounding the Jordyn Woods controversy, and when Khloé finally decided to give Tristan another chance, it felt like things might actually be different. On this season of KUWTK, they’ve had mature conversations about having another child together, and it seemed like they had turned a corner, not just in their romantic relationship together, but as mature adults who wanted to build a life and family together. But that foundation doesn’t seem so stable when any 23-year-old with lip fillers and a big ass can cause Tristan to forget everything he’s supposed to be doing. Once and for all, it’s time for Khloé to choose herself, and leave Tristan behind.
Images: Jerritt Clark/Getty Images for Klutch Sports Group; sydneychasexo / TikTok; theshaderoom / Instagram
If you’ve been following pop culture for the past decade, you likely know by now that no one controls their images more closely than the Kardashians. There’s a reason the common saying exists: “The devil works hard, but Kris Jenner works harder.” The momager, by her own account—as documented in her “mem-wah”—runs a tight ship.
Before I continue: What’s most important to understand in the context of the Kardashians is that they are, first and foremost, a brand. A mega-brand, at that. And, like with any brand, image is everything, and must be upheld at all costs. Because if your brand suffers a PR fallout or an image crisis, the revenue consequences can be disastrous. (Just ask Victoria’s Secret.)
That’s why Khloé Kardashian’s recent blunder should be the family’s worst nightmare.
Not because the unedited, unfiltered photo of the third-oldest Kardashian leaked in the first place. She looks great—many Twitter users, in fact, said it was the best photo of her they’ve seen in years. (I just sincerely hope MJ is in a safe place right now.)
No, the blunder is that their reaction to the photo was so incredibly toxic and so obviously embarrassing, and deserves widespread ridicule—as well as a serious reflection on our part regarding to whom we give our attention and money.
As many people know by now, Khloé allegedly had her lawyers and even reportedly her sister Kim (!) reach out personally to Reddit and Twitter users who posted the photo—and tweets left and right were swept off the Internet faster than you can say “bible.” (Which is especially troubling when you consider the platform consistently lets off Nazis and death threat-spewing users scot-free.)
If Khloé and Ko. weren’t familiar with the Streisand Effect before—an Internet-age social phenomenon in which the act of suppressing information actually further draws attention to it—they certainly are now. The photo went viral, and Khloé released a statement decrying society’s bullying and impossible beauty standards, and how they have impacted her over the years. And that’s completely fair. I totally have empathy for her there. Getting called “the fat sister” by the media for years isn’t a fate I’d wish on anyone.
But she lost me when she acted like she’s a victim of society’s beauty standards in 2021 when she and her family are major perpetrators of the problem. It’s been more than a decade since the Kardashians came onto the scene as just a regular, albeit rich and connected, relatable family (rather than the fully formed brand they are today). Hundreds of millions of followers later, and with impossibly small, photoshopped waists and surgically enhanced behinds attributed to “hard work and exercise” (rather than the work of very talented LA-based plastic surgeons, or at the very least, personal trainers), the Kardashians have, for years, wielded a staggering amount of power over women’s self-esteem, and society’s beauty standards as a whole. Who do you think started the signature “Instagram face,”aka an oversize pout, button nose, and fox-like eyes? This, all while selling women products that capitalize on their specifically feminine insecurities—whether it’s body makeup, or contouring kits, or slimming shapewear. (Jameela Jamil was onto something when she dubbed the Kardashians “double agents for the patriarchy.”)
Like it or not, Kim, Kourtney, Khloé, Kendall, and Kylie brandish massive influence, and have, in a way, become “the standard” that women everywhere have emulated in the looks department—a standard that, to be clear, has been largely appropriated from women of color, from their signature features, to their style choices.
And if even the Kardashians—with their plastic surgery and trainers and personal chefs—are so miserable with their own appearances that they’ll sue over an unfiltered photo, what hope do the rest of us have? Why should any of us feel comfortable with our naked, unfiltered, unedited bodies if even a Kardashian can’t feel happy with hers?
What a message to send.
To me, the act of threatening legal action and having Twitter users’ accounts suspended for 12+ hours simply for posting an “unflattering” photo is self-hatred at its most distilled. (And it’s especially ironic when you remember that Khloé runs a brand, according to its website, on a platform of body acceptance.)
It didn’t end there, though: After the photo went viral, Khloé took to Instagram Live to show off her toned body, from a distance, in a dimly lit room. As if she had something to prove. As if she was saying, “I don’t look like THAT. There’s something inherently wrong with looking like that, and I need to prove to you that I don’t.”
In one fell swoop, the Kardashians alienated women everywhere and showed themselves for who they really are: self-hating, fatphobic hypocrites. And while that might sound harsh, they are a brand, after all. And as far as I’m concerned, Kris Jenner and her krew need to rapidly evolve with today’s times before their brand gets left behind in the 2010s, just like Victoria’s Secret.
Images: Jamie McCarthy/WireImage
I stopped following all the Kardashians on social media when Khloé used “anorexic” as a compliment in 2018. It was the final nail in the coffin (shaped nails) of their toxic behavior and hindrance to the positive body image movement of which they once fancied themselves as champions.
But you don’t have to be following them to be keenly aware of their most recent content catastrophe, all provoked by an unfiltered, unphotoshopped, and by all standards very nice photo of Khloé in a bikini. It doesn’t look like the Khloé we know from TV and Instagram. It looks like the Khloé that may actually exist.
The photo is said to have been taken on a recent family vacation to Palm Springs, and was either leaked by an assistant or her grandmother (whose grandmother hasn’t taken a photo of us we don’t approve of?). But it’s not the photo for once that’s making headlines: It’s the aftermath.
After its initial posting, the offending bikini pic was removed faster than an accidental like on your ex’s Instagram, with the family allegedly working overtime to scrub any traces of it from the internet forever (a gargantuan feat, even for a family with such a firm grip on the media and its inner workings). Sister Kim herself even got involved, allegedly direct messaging people to request its removal, citing the image, taken in broad daylight, as being “doctored”, taken “in the worst lighting”, and a “copywright infringement” as opposed to the truth, which is that it’s just not an image Khloé has carefully curated for the world to see.
On its (contoured) face, this is just another effort on the famous family’s part to control their narrative and image, but dig a bit deeper and it’s all just extremely sad. The Kardashians, what with all their yacht-loads of external validation (a combined 80 gazillion Instagram followers and “likes,” a slew of homes, so much money, access to any and everything) are no further along—and in fact, they seem frighteningly behind—people without an ounce of their resources, money, and fame to find a shred of self-worth. The timing of the incident, right before news also broke of Kim Kardashian officially becoming a billionaire, pretty perfectly drives home that sentiment.
The sadness I feel about Khloé, who has spent years (and, as she laid out on Instagram on Thursday, her entire life) publicly striving to achieve a version of herself that she finds “worthy” is twofold. Look at that photo and you’ll see what we have been conditioned by society and media to believe is the ideal body: a flat stomach, curves in the exact right places. These are things that I—and most people—don’t have! And yet she is so ashamed of it, writing on Instagram that it “doesn’t capture your body the way it is after working so hard to get to this point” with its non-Barbie doll smoothness (thank you, Diet Starts Tomorrow for that analogy) that her sister—who, by all accounts, has plenty more to do with her time than reach out to random people on social media—is doing everything she can to hide it.
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It’s equally as sad to learn that Khloé has obviously not found her own version of self-acceptance and has not done the internal work necessary to love, or at least make peace with, the external. The message being sent to millions of young (and not-so-young) women who look up to her and her sisters is that this more-than-acceptable body is simply unacceptable.
Even her response is sad, going on Instagram Live to prove that “this isn’t photoshopped” when in reality the only difference in the Palm Springs image is a bit of skin texture. It’s impossible to comprehend what it’s like to be ridiculed by the media for the way you look, but the reaction—one that can only be compared to that of a leaked sex tape as opposed to simply acknowledging that it’s a bad photo and moving on—speaks louder than a caption could.
It’s also impossible not to examine this incident as it pertains to her clothing brand, Good American, whose Instagram bio literally reads “representing body acceptance”. Often heralded as “expensive but worth it” by legions of fans on TikTok and actually impressive in terms of size offerings compared to most other fashion brands, here we see a true inability for Khloé to practice what she preaches.
Whereas many of the models in Good American’s marketing materials represent a more realistic body image, a recent campaign image of Khloé looked more like one of those Stretch Armstrong dolls of the ‘90s, all elongated limbs and a distorted body shape. She wants to be a champion of body diversity—just not when it comes to her own body.
Looking at the images Khloé did choose to share drums up toxic feelings, too. Despite knowing that they’re likely doctored, despite knowing everything I do about feeling good in my skin and the pitfalls of comparison especially on social media,, there’s a small part of my brain that’s jealous of the woman in this image, with her flawless skin and exposed rib cage. As long as we continue to glorify images like this one, and these women in general, the longer it will be before shifting beauty standards and healthier relationships with our bodies will trickle down to us, the masses.
If nothing else, perhaps this might be a moment of reckoning for anyone who still views these women as body image role models. It’s high time we all realize that the Kardashians, with their weight loss tea spon con and usage of skinny as the ultimate compliment, are anything but.
Images: Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images; khloekardashian / Instagram
The other day, my friend showed me a picture of this girl we went to college with. Or, to explain it more accurately, my friend showed me a picture of a plastic blowup doll with enormous fox eyes and evil villain eyebrows and lips that even Kylie Jenner would probably describe as “too much”. She legitimately looked like a sex doll and Ursula from The Little Mermaid‘s love child. And this is what a very pretty, very human-looking girl we know is trying to pass as not only a photo of herself, but a photo of a real human being.
As much I as I wanted to laugh at the photo because it was so absurd, it actually made me feel really sad for her. The amount of fillers/Facetune she used to cover up her face really says it all about where her self-esteem is at. And why do so many women and men we know do this to themselves? Because we see celebrities and influencers do it. This is now somehow the bare minimum standard for women online.
Now, as we know, the people MOST to blame for singularly destroying the self-esteem of millions of normal bodied women (and men!) worldwide, are the Kardashian/Jenner clan. Who OF COURSE are at it again.
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Khloé Kardashian decided to post a totally normal and anatomically plausible photo of herself posing on some totally normal, straight stairs to show off her hard work at the gym. #squats #gym4lyfe #goals. Oh wait, just kidding, she instead decided to once again completely Facetune/warp the sh*t out of her body to perpetuate the idea normal bodies aren’t good enough and we should all get plastic surgery and use photo editing apps. Sigh. Let’s just talk about everything that doesn’t make sense about this photo.
1. Ass to Body Ratio
Soooo her ass sticks out so much that she somehow is able to prop herself up via her butt without any of her body touching the wall? Is that right? Her top half is turned more away from us so the rest of her (ass down) looks bigger in perspective. But it’s still just way too much. How would she able to walk with this thing? She would topple straight over.
2. Spine Bending
Anatomy isn’t a huge issue when you’re a Kardashian, but damn girl, drop whatever yoga class you’ve been doing in quarantine because that is quite the spine bend. I mean, talk about scoliosis, are you in pain? Like, I used to belly dance and I’ve seen some crazy f*cked up backbends that women can do, but their regular spine while standing does not do a full almost-right angle. I mean. WTF?
3. Hi, Remember Organs?
I know, I know, body parts and organs are just not *sexy* anymore. But here’s a quick remember of everything that is supposed to fit inside Khloe’s four inch waist.
These kind of photo edits are scary, because everyone looks thinner in profile like this, especially angling the body away from the camera. However, it’s just a little TOO drastic to be believable. And even if we were going to pretend iT’s ThE aNgLeS, remember that angles are ALSO not real life. This is not what anyone looks like, unless they are starring in anime.
4. Stairs and Walls DO NOT BEND
This one is just for you guys that STILL like to pretend this isn’t edited. Depending on the angle of the camera, stairs and walls can have lines going at a diagonal, but it would be a STRAIGHT diagonal. You can hold a camera crooked, but it would not warp a solid structure unless you’re using a fish eye lens (which this clearly is not). It’s always sooo interesting to me that straight lines get conveniently wobbly just around the Kardashian Vortex. These lines tell us that the stairs and bricks WERE straight riiiiiight up until they get near Khloé’s waist and butt. INTERESTING.
5. Blurs
I had to blow this up a bit for you to see it, but this is a telltale sign the photo has been tampered with QUITE a bit.
The blue shadow is fine, that’s just bouncing light, but the glowing blue edge around Khloé’s back and ass IS NOT. That comes from smudging the body around back and forth to achieve the desired silhouette. And look how curved those bricks are too. You’ll notice the blue glow is more severe on this spot, and only minimally on her front area/arms.
Khloé, you did the work, your body looks awesome, JUST LET IT GO. And stop making my weird friend from college feel so insecure about herself that she’s achieving super villain status. You are (unfortunately) some kind of role model to the rest of us, so DO BETTER.
Images: Giphy, FreePik, Instagram
If you’re familiar with our Photoshop Fail series, or really just if you ever go on Instagram, you’re probably familiar with the time-honored Kardashian tradition of Facetuning the sh*t out of all their pictures. From slimming their waists to stretching their legs, the Kardashian-Jenners have used every editing trick in the book to convince us that they look like completely different people. And out of this whole over-smoothed family, Khloé Kardashian is the Facetune warrior at the forefront of face-changing technology.
The problem is, Khloé clearly doesn’t know where to stop when it comes to editing her photos. Over the last six months of quarantine and social distancing, we’ve all found new ways to keep our minds occupied, and lucky for us, Khloé has provided our brains with a fun logic puzzle: struggling to recognize her in every single photo she posts. This year, she’s taken the photo editing to a whole new level, so much so that when this photo popped up on my explore page last week, I actually did a double take before realizing who it was.
Yes friends, that is Khloé Kardashian, from the shoot for her new collaboration with Ipsy. I don’t know what kind of editing software they used here, but it looks like she went through some bizarre algorithm that’s supposed to make you look like Beyoncé and Ariana Grande at the same time. Who is this woman, and how did we get here?? Let’s take a walk down memory lane—or at least back to May of this year.
When Khloé posted this set of photos, the internet reaction was intense, with many people proclaiming that Khloé had gotten a “new face” in quarantine, and others pointing out anomalies like the mysteriously missing necklace chain, her eyes being too large (and uneven), her massive, extremely white teeth, and her signature beauty mark not being visible.
I always suspected that there was more editing going on here than plastic surgery, and the other shoe dropped in August, when Khloé was shown in a KUWTK confessional interview from the same day. Same outfit, same hair and makeup, but her face looks almost completely different. So, for all the guesses about her quarantine procedures, it turns out Khloé just edited the f*ck out of her photos, as usual. Did she not realize we were all going to see a video that would expose the editing?
But while her photo from May was one of the more viral instances of Khloé’s photo editing addiction, it’s far from the only face she’s introduced us to on the ‘Gram. Last September, she posted this photo that honestly makes me physically uncomfortable to look at. Not only is her skin way too smooth, but her eyes are a telltale sign of too much Facetune. No one’s eyes look like that. The whites are way too white, and the irises look like they’re glowing from the inside. Idk why people insist on doing this, because it looks unnatural AF.
In February of this year, Khloé switched things up again with this overly edited shot featuring her in a denim bodysuit and bob haircut. Her makeup looks flawless, which is probably mostly real, but KoKo’s face is just not that symmetrical, and her jaw is not that sharp. We all have eyes!
This example from August is an interesting one, because it’s a pic of Khloé with True. Thankfully, Khloé didn’t Facetune her toddler, but she was up to all her usual tricks when it came to her own appearance. It’s a grainy selfie, but she definitely still smoothed her face and enlarged her eyes. But more importantly than the technical breakdown, she just doesn’t look like herself. That’s the problem with Khloé’s Facetune usage—it’s one thing if you edit all your pictures to look like the same version of yourself. But something is wrong when I have to double check every single time that it’s actually Khloé.
And just last weekend, Khloé kept us guessing once more, with these photos featuring her in latex pants and a printed corset. She looks amazing, except for the fact that her face has been remixed yet again. She looks extra tan like in her Ipsy photo shoot, but gone are the high cheekbones and eye shape that made her look like a completely different person. In this post, she actually included videos from the shoot, which would normally be a Facetune giveaway, but there’s clearly a heavy filter over the video, so Khloé may actually be getting smarter about her tactics.
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Man this heat wave is intense!! Isn’t it October??? Lex, This ones for you 😉
The wild thing about all this is that at the end of the day, I don’t even think Khloé Kardashian has had much plastic surgery done. I’m sure she’s played around with fillers, and maybe some light procedures here and there, but for all the fuss about her getting a “new face” every couple of months, it really all comes down to editing. The issue is, we all see Khloé on TV and in photos that haven’t gone through her editing process, so she’s not actually fooling anyone! But still, I’m excited to see what new and interesting editing tactics she can come up with next.
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Images: Vivien Killilea/Getty Images for Abyss By Abby; khloekardashian, Ipsy / Instagram
Welp… never thought we’d be adding “Keeping Up With The Kardashians gets canned” to our 2020 Bingo card, but here we are. Yesterday’s news that the famous family’s 14-year, 20-season-long (and like, 12-season-TOO-long) series would finally be ending came as anything but a surprise. Kim was first to drop the bomb on Instagram, basically telling fans that even they were sick of keeping up with themselves.
Kim thanked her fans in a lengthy message that could have easily been said in one sentence. She mentioned the global success that resulted from the show, including the spin-offs that brought us the Rob & Chyna content nobody asked for, and Scott’s fake attempt at actually doing manual labor by flipping houses.
Oh, and she also dropped this gem, saying, “Without Keeping Up With The Kardashians, I wouldn’t be where I am today,” which we (and by “we” I mean Ray J) all know couldn’t be further from the truth. But speaking of Kris Jenner, who exploited her daughter for fame by way of Kim’s very viral sex tape (genius move, tbh), the show’s cancelation sparked a wave of concern as to what the momager-slash-marketing-puppeteer will cook up next considering this big announcement is prob just part of the next major business scheme.
What if this announcement that KUWTK is getting canceled is just a publicity stunt for their new spin-off pic.twitter.com/b8ApV9nteZ
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) September 9, 2020
While previously spending her time hiding pregnancies, plotting family feuds and selling her kids’ sex tapes, Kris’ schedule just opened wide up, so, like, what now?
Here are some of our theories that you also didn’t ask for:
She’s Becoming A Real Housewife
No joke, I’ve been manifesting Kris’ permanent spot on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills for the past 24 hours. This is actually a legit rumor going around that Kris is set to take her place as Bravo’s newest housewife of Beverly Hills, and fans are here for it.
#KUWTK is Kanceled? Kris is already plotting her comeback #RHOBH pic.twitter.com/YaB0x3iLCr
— Queens of Bravo (@queensofbravo) September 8, 2020
Since we watched Kris’s talk show flop right before our eyes, we know she won’t be taking after Kelly Clarkson any time soon. So consider her cameo on the show earlier this year, when she attended good friend Kyle Richards’ benefit party, her audition.
I can just see her intro tagline now…
She’s Managing Addison Rae
40-something-year-old Kourtney Kardashian and 19-year-old TikTok star Addison Rae’s friendship will forever live rent-free in my mind, because… how? Addison started hanging out with Kourtney because her son Mason was a big fan, but Kris Jenner came in and was all, “Hold my Tito’s.”
The fact that the Kardashians have begun conquering the TikTok world, using Addison as their gateway, is a sheer genius tactic that only Kris Jenner is capable of crafting. By being taken under Kourtney’s wing, Addison is exposed to even more fame, which is the perfect opp for Kris to benefit from Addison’s success… all while Mason’s friends taunt him with hot TikTok videos of his mom.
It’s a win-win, really.
She’s Producing Another Spin-off
Not gonna lie, “Keeping Up With The Kousins” has a pretty solid ring to it. Now that an entire army of Kardashian offspring has been created, this is Kris’s chance to document Mason’s booming TikTok career, North taking over the Sunday Service biz, and Dream’s life-altering decision to become emancipated from Blac Chyna. (Just spitballing some potential storylines.)
It might take some heavy convincing to get baby-less Kendall on board, but just imagine her future baby announcement segueing into the series premiere…
She’s Kanye’s Campaign Manager
I know our country is the saggy butt of a running joke and all, but how else do you think Kanye was able to secure a spot on the 2020 Presidential Election ballot in like, four states without some mastermind trickery and a deal with the devil? And who else do you think is brokering those deals between Satan, hmm?
Since Kanye’s smartest move to date has been un-endorsing Donald Trump, Kris has been secretly hustling the newfound “Birthday Party” in an effort to put an end to America’s two-party system, which would be her second most impressive accomplishment to date.
She’s Working On The Coronavirus Vaccine
Not to start rumors or anything, but it wouldn’t totally surprise me if Kris was part of a global vaccine scheme that contributed to the world domination of all humankind.
K, this is a stretch, but it’s true what they say: “The devil works hard, but…” you know the rest.
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Images: Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com
On Tuesday, the Kardashian-Jenner family announced that, after 14 years and 20 seasons, Keeping Up With The Kardashians is coming to an end. Obviously, this is great news for some and heartbreaking news for others, but no matter how you feel about this family, it’s a big deal. The Kardashians are some of the most famous people on the planet—in total, the family has more than 850 million followers on Instagram—and through their show, they’ve brought us some of the most iconic pop culture moments of the last decade. Will you ever forget about the time Kim lost her diamond earring in the ocean? I, for one, will not.
So, how do we go about wrapping our minds around the Kardashian legacy? Of course, they’ve amassed tons of money and fame, and we’ve gotten some high-quality reality television, but Keeping Up With The Kardashians has had a massive impact in so many areas. As a way of looking back, here are all the ways our world might be different if Kim hadn’t made that sex tape, and E! had never taken a chance on this messy AF family.
I Would Only Be Able To Name Like, One NBA Player
I’m well aware that millions of people follow basketball religiously, but I am not one of those people, and I’m guessing most of you reading this aren’t, either. Through their dating patterns, the Kardashian-Jenner sisters have done a ton of work for NBA player awareness. I may not know anything about Lamar or Tristan’s stats on the court, but I know exactly how they betrayed Khloé, and I think that’s what really counts. Likewise, Kris Humphries will always just be that guy who Kim K was married to for 72 days. I love sports!
We Wouldn’t Have To Deal With Foodgod
The Kardashians already have a huge family, but over the years, they’ve introduced us to a whole cast of supporting characters on KUWTK and its spin-offs. While some of them are great additions (Scott, Malika), and others are just an average level of thirsty (Larsa, Stassie), there’s one who transcends his friend-of status and has become a true menace to society: Jonathan Cheban. From his desert-level thirst on camera to his beyond-obnoxious Foodgod persona on social media, Jonathan truly is all of our sleep paralysis demon. I’ve been blocked by Foodgod on Instagram and Twitter for years, which was actually a blissful period, but recently I’ve discovered his TikToks, and reader, I have not slept in weeks.
Jordyn Woods Would Be A Total Rando
Speaking of supporting players that KUWTK brought into our lives, remember Jordyn Woods?? When the whole Tristan and Jordyn mess went down last year (yes, that was only last year), the only reason it became such a huge deal was because Jordyn was Kylie’s BEST friend, and we watched them together on the show for years. And in 2017, when Kylie got her short-lived spin-off Life of Kylie, Jordyn was basically the second lead character. At the time, people joked about Jordyn being broke without Kylie’s friendship, but with plenty of fame and 11 million Instagram followers, she’s doing just fine—she just starred in a viral music video! She paid her dues at the Kardashian Institute of Best Friendship, and now she can basically do whatever she wants for the rest of her life. Happy for her!
Fit Tea & Facetune Might Not Exist
Okay, so that’s probably a little extreme—I’m sure if it wasn’t the Kardashians, someone else would have come along to promote unrealistic beauty standards and sow the seeds of body dysmorphia. BUT there’s no denying that the Kardashians have done an excellent (and by excellent, I mean terrible) job of this in recent years. The Kardashians have consistently caused controversy for their endorsement of products like appetite suppressant lollipops and waist trainers, as well as photo editing that toes the line between Photoshop and straight-up CGI. While their show is ending, it’s not like their Instagram accounts are being taken away, and I’m sure Khloé will continue to have a different face in every post. It almost feels normal at this point, which is pretty scary when you think about it. This must be a great day for Jameela Jamil.
We Wouldn’t Have Some Iconic Phrases
Even if you’ve never watched an episode of KUWTK (as some of my friends have recently confessed to me), chances are you’re still familiar with some of their oft-quoted lines. My personal favorite to throw into everyday conversation is probably “don’t be f*cking rude,” but there are many to choose from. If your best friend’s man is being shady? “This is a case for the FBI.” If you cook more than one meal for yourself in a week? “You’re doing amazing, sweetie.” And if your annoying aunt is complaining on Facebook about wearing a mask in JoAnn Fabrics? “Kim, there’s people that are dying.” All in all, the quotes are probably KUWTK’s most positive legacy.
Contouring Might Not Be As Popular
Look, the Kardashians obviously did not invent contouring. Drag queens have been doing this sh*t forever, and it’s far from the only thing that Kim and her fam have appropriated and put their own branding on—but that’s a different topic for a different day. But still, it seems unlikely that contouring would have become such a mainstream beauty technique if it wasn’t for Kim Kardashian. Hate the girl all you want, but her makeup always looks flawless!
Okay, so looking back on it, maybe it’s time for Keeping Up With The Kardashians to go. All good things must come to an end, and it’s clearly debatable whether this show was actually good. I’ll always cherish the memories of Kim hitting Khloé with a purse, and digging her fingernails into Kourtney’s back, and getting divorced after 72 days, but it’s time for them to hang it up. Who knows what’s next for this big f*cked up family, but they can put KUWTK to rest knowing that it literally changed the world.
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Welcome to another day in quarantine, where every day is the exact same thing. Like that movie Palm Springs on Hulu (cannot recommend enough, BTW). In keeping with every single day being the exact same, guess what also hasn’t changed? Khloé Kardashian posted a face to Instagram that was definitely not her own.
But before we get to today’s aberration, I just want to point something else out. Remember a couple months ago when Khloé posted a *literally unbelievable* photo of “herself” aka the scary cyborg she morphs herself into via Facetune and claims is real life, and I broke it down for you? Amazingly, there were still some people that thought the photo was real life. Wellllll. Unfortunately, because Khloé seems to be unaware that she is extremely famous and on an extremely famous TV show, Keeping Up With The Kardashians themselves provided receipts for said photo.
S/O Dylan Hafer for the comparison and best commentary ever.
It turns out the only real thing about this photo was the boob highlight. Which hopefully if you’ve been reading these articles, you spotted from a mile away. Does she forget that she is ON TV and everyone knows exactly what her face looks like? This isn’t like models or influencers where the risk of us catching them in the wild is minimal. We see her real face every week on our TV screens!
It just could not be more different, these are not the same people?! Also, why is she removing her signature mole? But that’s not why we’re today, kids. Because yesterday, Khloé posted this.
WHO is this? What’s so weird is this isn’t even the same person in her other edited photos. Legitimately, every picture she edits completely differently which really sells herself out.
I cannot stress this enough, this looks nothing like her real life face OR her previously edited face. Her eyes are big and stretched out, her skin looks like plastic with no shape under her eyes, her nose is slimmed out, her face is angled into a point, and her neck has a strange bulge in it from trying to sharpen her jawline. And her face does not match the skin color on her hands AT ALL. I honestly would have no idea who this even is.
But don’t worry, we also got THIS today:
I would say this is maybe another angle of the chick from the last picture, but once again it does not match up. And it looks nothing like real life Khloé. I know the angle is different, but even still:
It’s not the same person. Her eyes are at least double the size, her nose is a totally different shape, her lips are enormous, she thinned her jaw and her neck, and even her eyebrow shape has changed. Once again, these features make you look LIKE YOU, you cannot just change them at random!
Here is my problem with this amount of editing. Khloé is beautiful on her own without it. Not to mention, although we hate to admit it, the Kar/Jenners are fashion/societal icons and, for a lot of people, role models. As problematic as they are, they’re a huge part in why being curvy came back into style—but then they consistently undo any positive influence they had on beauty standards when they perpetuate this scary cyborg puppet version of women as if that is what is or should be considered attractive. And the most toxic part is that, in actuality, they don’t even have it themselves and can only achieve these looks through plastic surgery, expensive treatments, and then polish it off with complete bullsh*t photo editing. It is the definition of toxic and I hope that one day Khloé will feel good enough about her REAL face and REAL body and REAL mole to truly own who she is. I’d way rather see Khloé be herself than continue to see these many changing faces and bodies that she thinks are cute but in real life are SCARY.
Do you guys agree that you’d rather see the real Khloé than these many edited versions of her? When does Facetune go too far to you? Why do you think people do this to their photos when we can easily provide receipts? LMK!
Images: Vivien Killilea/Getty Images for Abyss By Abby; dylanhafer, khloekardashian / Instagram
