Ronnie Ortiz-Magro Somehow Avoids Felony Charges In Domestic Violence Case

Someone call Sammi Sweetheart, because Rahn needs to stahp. Just kidding, I would never wish that on Sammi, she needs to stay far away from the bad man. She actually turned down joining Jersey Shore: Family Vacation, where she’d probably be making roughly $80,000 per episode just because she didn’t want to deal with Ronnie, and apparently with good reason. Earlier this month, Ronnie was being a loving, caring partner, father, and role model, as per usual. Oh wait, just kidding. He allegedly hit Jen Harley, threatened to kill her, chased her around with a knife, then barricaded himself in their Airbnb with his infant daughter while Jen ran to the neighbors for help. He then resisted the police, threatened the police, had to be tased, and was arrested.

Insanely enough, this is very on-brand for Ron and Jen, who brought in the New Year by Jen throwing an ashtray at Ron’s face. They also had several pretend burglaries, Jen gave Ron a black eye, and also ran Ron over with her car.

Ron was originally arrested for kidnapping, which sounds about right, considering he locked his baby in the house with him after brandishing a knife (allegedly) and refusing to come out for the police. I listen to true crime podcasts, I know how the law works. But now he’s been hit with five misdemeanor charges: domestic violence, brandishing a weapon, child endangerment, resisting arrest, and criminal threats. Which is actually positive for him since he didn’t get a felony. This is the bar we’re setting now. I’m sorry, when is it enough? Ron has always been a loose cannon and completely aggressive and violent, but he continues to outdo himself. Remember when he destroyed all of Sammi’s things after HE cheated?

That was absolutely nothing compared to how bad he is now. There is security footage of Jen trying to hide from him, even checking the neighbor’s car trunk to hide in with her baby. This is just completely sick and horrible. Ron claims that there was no knife involved, but even without a knife, the situation is really f*cking bad. Jen says Ron lost his mind after doing a ton of coke, which she’s said about him before, but also he’s supposedly sober now. But also, that’s not an excuse?? I mean, when I do coke I tell a bunch of long-winded stories, I don’t kidnap babies and threaten my loved ones.

Ronnie’s attorney told E! News, “The facts and circumstances around Ronnie’s arrest have been misreported and exaggerated, like we mentioned in the past. We are happy the District Attorney’s refused to file any charges and we look forward to addressing this matter with City Attorney; until then, we will make no further comment.”

Jen’s attorney, meanwhile, told E! News, “Everyone acknowledges she was the victim. We don’t contest with what the authorities have done with the charges. We believe her injuries were serious, and could have easily a felony, but the charges he is currently facing shows that the authorities agree that she was the victim of a crime. Her injuries are significant. I don’t think the change in the charges is going to effect the restraining orders she has against him (in LA and Vegas).”

Let’s really just hope this is the end of this story, because nothing good can come of Ronnie and Jen staying together.

If you or someone you love is involved in a potentially violent domestic situation contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or online here.

Images: Shutterstock.com

Ronnie Ortiz-Magro Was Arrested On Insane Charges

Ronnie Ortiz-Magro from Jersey Shore has gone f*cking crazy again, only this time it’s not in a funny drank-too-much-and-cheated-on-Sammi-Sweetheart type of way. Around 3:00am this morning, multiple 911 calls were placed saying that a woman was running through the Hollywood Hills shouting that someone had taken her baby. One neighbor said the woman came to their front door after they witnessed her being attacked by a shirtless man. When the police arrived the woman, Jen Harley, Ronnie’s on-again/off-again girlfriend and the mother of his daughter Ariana, said that Ronnie had been chasing her around with a knife and was currently inside their rented Airbnb with their baby. She had sustained some minor injuries.

EXCLUSIVE:
Jersey Shore’s Ronnie Ortiz in handcuffs after 3am domestic violence incident. Woman reported being assaulted + that Ortiz had her baby inside home. Police say he wouldn’t come out so they broke down door to rescue baby. Coming up live on @FOXLA #JustOneStation pic.twitter.com/Iy6xNg2CJr

— Gigi Graciette (@GigiGraciette) October 4, 2019

When the police knocked on the door of the home, Ronnie refused to come out. Fearing for the baby’s safety, police busted the door down… where Ronnie tried fighting them and was “extremely combative.” Yikes. I don’t need Law & Order: SVU to tell me that assaulting a police officer is a bad idea. He was subsequently tased, handcuffed, and taken to the hospital for an evaluation. He’s since been released from the hospital and will be facing domestic violence and kidnapping charges.

The disturbing event comes just 12 hours after the couple interviewed on the street with TMZ, saying they were back together after a month apart and were getting ready for a CBD company launch party that evening. Seems like he partied just a little bit too hard!! BUT HERE’S THE F*CKING GAG: When asked about Jersey Shore co-star Mike Sorrentino, who was recently released from an 8-month prison stint for tax evasion, Ronnie said, “he’s jacked, have you seen him? I feel like I want to go to prison for 8 months, he looks good!” CAREFUL. WHAT. YOU. WISH. FOR.

Ronnie Magro Gif

Ronnie and Jen have had a very tumultuous relationship from the beginning. On New Year’s Eve, Ronnie filed a police report over Jen chucking an ashtray at his face, leaving him bloodied. Later that day, she reported that when she arrived home, he had broken into her apartment and torn the place to shreds, punched a hole in the wall, smashed a bunch of glass, and flipped her furniture. (Sound familiar? I wonder if he tried to dump her mattress out of the house too.)

A few weeks prior to that, Jen’s Las Vegas apartment building released footage of Rahn punching out the security camera installed in Jen’s front door. Last October, Ronnie called the Las Vegas police, saying that Jen punched him in the face and gave him a black eye, but didn’t follow through on pressing charges.

Do you need a neck brace from all the whiplash yet? Good, there’s more. Only a month ago, Jen went on an Instagram story tirade where she claimed that Ronnie cheated on her, even posting a now-deleted photo of him snuggling up next to another girl on a boat. She also accused him of being abusive and a bully. She said that she’s bullied by MTV and Ronnie’s Jersey Shore cast members because they’re “protecting their asset.” She pointed to his short-lived romance with Keeping Up with the Kardashians regular Malika Haqq as proof that he’s abusive, posting an Insta story where Haqq said, “his love language is very aggressive, it’s verbally aggressive, it’s physically aggressive, it’s just the way he expresses himself.”

Clearly, she’s not wrong and this is a terrible relationship for everyone involved, especially 18-month-old Ariana. It seems like this will be the straw that breaks the camels back, but then again, Ronnie and Jen got back together after she dragged him from a car, so who really knows. Kidnapping and domestic violence charges sure won’t be a walk in the park for Ron, though. Maybe he’ll get swole in prison, but I wonder if they get enough yard time for him to maintain his tan? Either way, this is sure to f*ck up any potential Jersey Shore seasons that may be in the works.

In all seriousness, if you or someone you love is involved in a potentially violent domestic situation contact the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or online here.

Images: Shutterstock.com; Giphy; GigiGraciette / Twitter

Ronnie And Jen Are Starting The New Year With New Assault Charges

Happy 2019, everybody! While some people might set resolutions to lose weight or stop sh*t-talking their boss on gchat, the worst people to ever come out of the great state of NJ, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Jen Harley, decided to start their new year with new assault charges. That’s right, everyone’s favorite walking felonies are having a doozy of a 2019 so far, and it feels like a roller coaster ride. But not like, a fun roller coaster. Like the roller coaster you wait on line for for 4 hours, then goes upside down more times than you expected, and instead of it being awesome you throw up on your crush next to you. (Not that that’s ever happened to me, right SIX FLAGS?!). Since it’s such a wild ride, I’m here to breakdown WTF is going on with Ronnie and Jen. But please know that by the time this article is published, they could have already gotten back together and conceived another oops baby.

Let’s begin our beautiful tale on New Year’s Eve. While I was insisting that people take pictures of me with “my date,” aka a stranger’s Westie named Toby at the all-couples party I attended, Ronnie and Jen were out finding new ways to make a nine-month-old baby learn the meaning of shame. According to E!, “they got in a huge fight and she threw something at his head.” Please make a mental note, as this will play into the story later. The article doesn’t say if their daughter Ariana Sky was present for this fight, but I can only imagine she was, because Ronnie will want a witness to testify on his behalf. Even if he has to subpoena her.

She certainly can throw things, huh?

Next, TMZ reported that Ronnie is a person of interest in an alleged burglary at Jen’s house. Apparently Jen returned home after their altercation to find that her house had been ransacked, and the flat screen TV was smashed. Oh no! How will they watch themselves verbally abuse each other on Thursday nights? Tbh I’m a little suspicious of this break-in, considering Jen called Ronnie saying she had been burglarized earlier this season on Jersey Shore. How many fake times can one person’s house be broken into before they learn to dump their toxic relationship lock their doors?!

And finally, last night, People reported that Ronnie filed a police report alleging that Jen threw an ashtray at his head. She was mad about something she saw on his phone (obviously some other girl’s nudes), lunged at him, and as he left, she threw an ashtray that busted his nose and lip. And of course, this all happened at a strip club! This location reveal doesn’t change my earlier assertion that Ariana was there, because these are the kind of people that would definitely bring their baby to a strip club.  Teach ‘em early! But seriously, who would start their year off at a strip club? You have a small child! Just order Postmates and stay in with your kid! If Ronnie really didn’t want to start a fight, perhaps they should have had a family-friendly dinner at IHOP instead. At the very least they probably have less ashtrays there.

There you have it! It looks like 2019 is already looking bleak for the Ortiz-Magro-Harley clan. But hey, I’m sure 2020 will be Ronnie and Jen’s year!

Images: Shutterstock; Giphy (2)

Are Ronnie And Jen Having Another Baby?

For about five minutes yesterday, I thought the world was ending. Why, you ask? Well because Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and the woman who dragged him from a moving car his girlfriend Jen Harley announced they were having another baby. Sort of. They both shared pictures of a pregnant Jen, which she captioned “baby bump debut,” and he captioned simply with the pregnant woman emoji, which is something I find disturbing enough on its own, let alone in reference to someone who should have been sterilized. I thought we had hit our limit for terrible sh*t that could happen in 2018, but Ronnie and Jen having another baby would put us over the limit.

View this post on Instagram

Jen???????? #Photos

A post shared by Ronnie Magro (@realronniemagro) on

So I started figuring out what I would write in this article other than “those f*cking morons” over and over again (I tried, but my editor said I couldn’t!), when it turns out the whole thing is a hoax! These are OLD pictures from the LAST time their unprotected sex resulted in an accidental child that they will irreparably damage and then not pay to send to a therapist. Jen adjusted her caption to clarify the whole thing.

View this post on Instagram

BABY BUmp Pics !! #arianasky one year ago we shared we were pregnant with our baby girl ! We never posted these pics!! Enjoy! Sorry for the pregnancy confusion!! #happyholidays

A post shared by J Harley (@tt_kittymeow) on

Are you really sorry, though? Because if you didn’t want to confuse people, I’m pretty sure you would have said from the start that these pictures were from last year. Don’t play coy with me, tt_kittymeow. I see right through you. So what was the point of this? Did they want people to question their intelligence all over the internet? Perhaps they weren’t getting enough attention because it’s been a minute since they physically assaulted each other, and a pregnancy hoax was the only thing their little pea-sized brains could think of?

So, since they’re not pregnant (praise Jesus!), I’m going to use this article to BEG of them to never have another child. Just last week Ronnie was referring to a woman that he was willingly flirting with as a “Jewish Rag Doll.” I don’t even know what that means or how it is insulting, but I am OFFENDED. So sorry she tempted you into doing embarrassing things on TV when you have a girlfriend and a child, and no free will of your own, right? Always blame the woman!

And let’s be real, should the inventor of Ron-Ron Juice and a woman who was banned from Planet Hollywood really be rolling the dice by mixing their genes into another person? Ariana Sky will be lucky if she’s able to dodge the rage issues and alcoholism inherent in her DNA, but lightning doesn’t strike twice. To put it lightly, a second child would be… screwed.

Not only should these two not have another child, but they shouldn’t even be together as a couple. They should be separated by the law and many, many states. Maybe one of them should even move to Asia? I’m pretty sure they’ve only been dating like a year and a half and he’s managed to call her a hoe and threaten to show her sex tape to her 11-year-old son, and she’s accused him of being addicted to cocaine and then dragged him with a car while their child was in it. He had to get a sling! Those don’t look good on guidos! Normally these are things I would make up about people to make a story funnier, but sadly, every incident I’ve reported here is true. I’m actually glad I wrote this article because it’s reminded me that I’ve been meaning to call Child Services on them for a while. Brb.

So in summation, it is NOT true that Ronnie and Jen are having another baby right now, but I’m sure we’ll be reassessing next year. The holidays + lots of alcohol + hate sex = bundle of joy. So let’s all cherish this second child-free time while we can.

Images: @realronniemagro, @tt_kittymeow/Instagram; Giphy

Ronnie Magro’s Baby Mama Was Arrested For Domestic Battery

You know when you’ve gone to barbecue with your  infant child and you’re driving home and you and your partner start bickering? Having a bit of a lover’s spat, perhaps?

K, what about the part where you decide to kick said partner out of your car and as he’s trying to get out of the seatbelt, you just take off, so he is being dragged in the street by the vehicle in front of his infant daughter?

That’s where our fav Jersey Shore nightmare couple differs a little bit than the rest of us. Jen Harley was arrested last night for domestic battery after getting in a huge fight with Ron while driving home from a barbecue. The fight allegedly turned physical (while driving an infant? Really?) and Jen pulled over to let Ron out of the car. Instead of like, you know, actually letting him get out of the car, she allegedly drove off while he was still partially in the car and stuck in the seatbelt, resulting in him getting literally dragged and apparently injured.

So first she drags him on Instagram for being a cheater and a cokehead and now she (allegedly) drags him physically on the streets of Las Vegas. It would almost be poetic, except that domestic violence is always horrible.

RadarOnline reports that Jen’s bail has been set to $3,000, but the emotional scars will last forever for their 2-month-old child. And probably the physical scars for Ronnie.

This is why certain dumbasses should not procreate. I would love to know what they were fighting about—perhaps the most recent episode of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation where Ron once again solidifies how much he can’t stand Jen and doesn’t want to be with her? I mean, so then you like, break up and stop hanging out at barbecues together. You don’t attempt to run them over with your car. In front of your child. I could totally be a family counselor with that kind of logic.

Let’s hope these trash bags find some help soon, or I can just imagine how that baby is going to grow up—if they don’t kill each other first. Hope Ronnie has a speedy recovery.

Images: Giphy (1)

Ronnie Magro From ‘Jersey Shore’ Is Going To Be A Dad, & You’ll Never Guess Who The Mom Is

What a year it’s been for the cast of Jersey Shore. First came their terrible one-night reunion special that literally nobody watched. Next, news of a revival broke. Now, Ronnie is going to be a dad. I can see it now: anytime Ronnie embarrasses his future kid, he’ll be met with a whiny “Rahhhhhn, stahpp!! You’re embarrassing me!” Now that I’ve said that, I cannot wait to follow this child on Instagram.

Ronnie revealed the news to UsWeekly, and he’s reportedly having a girl. And when I said you’ll never guess who the mom is, I meant it literally: it’s Jen Harley, some woman who apparently has been Ronnie’s girlfriend. (Not sorry for the clickbait.) Wait, I thought he was dating Khloé Kardashian’s friend Mallika? *checks Google* Oh okay, that ended in February. So sometime between last February and now, Ronnie started dating Jen. All I know about Jen is that her Instagram handle is “tater_tot_kitty” and she has atrocious grammar, two things which I deduced from spending a full 15 seconds on her Instagram. But I think that tells me all I really need to know.

 

Thank you to everyone who has been supportive with advice & encouragement. People keep saying becoming a parent is the part of life. I’ve been blessed enough to have SOO MANY best parts of my life #NotSureIfThatMakesSense I couldn’t be more excited to be taking this next step in my life! #IHearItsLikeHavingAPuppy #ExceptItCries #Talks #EventuallyDrives #EatsEvery2Hours #ShitsEvery23Mins #Naps40TimesADay #Needs4DifferentEducations #GoesToProm #YupICanSeeHowItsLikeHavingAPuppy #MyDogsPromNightWasTheBestDayOfMyLife #ThanksEveryoneWhoHasBeenSupportive #SpecialThanksToMyOtherHalf

A post shared by Ronnie Magro (@realronniemagro) on

Okay, first of all, Rahn stahpp with the hashtags. Like, this is just ridiculous. “#IHearItsLikeHavingAPuppy”? “ExceptItCries”? No. Cease and desist. This is all kinds of bad, and I don’t even have the time to get into it. First off, puppies cry—anyone with a dog will tell you that. Second off—no, I told myself I wouldn’t get into it. Please, Ronald, before you bring a child into the world and start teaching her social media, fix it.

Ronnie, if you’ll recall, will reportedly be filming Jersey Shore Family Reunion, so I wonder how that’s going to work with his girlfriend six months pregnant with his child. Definitely not stressful at all for her. What if this is like, the guido version of the Kardashians, and some MTV exec is making all the Jersey Shore castmembers get pregnant so they can raise the next generation of Jersey Shore? Just a thought.