Once upon a time (re: all 2020), the idea of having plans—any plans—seemed like a dream. After spending every second inside, simple errands like going to the grocery store or picking up a prescription became an event. Now that you’re vaxxed and the CDC says leaving your house is like, kinda okay, you’re faced with a dilemma you never thought you’d be in again: canceling plans you have no intention of showing up to. Maybe you wanted to go out but now you’re in your comfy clothes and can’t fathom putting on heels, or perhaps the thought of listening to your friends talk about work sounds like, well, work. Whatever it is, you’re in the market for a “get out of plans” excuse, and luckily, your answer has been written in the stars.

Whether you’re a perpetual bailer (shame) or this is your first time (awww!), your astrological sign already knows how this is going to go down. Whether you tell the truth about wanting to stay home, lie through your teeth, or destroy your friendships to avoid having to say “I don’t want to go to brunch,” your zodiac sign is very telling of how you’ll get out of your commitments. Does that make you less of a piece of sh*t? No. But hey, at least this way it’s not your fault you suck! You can blame it on the universe!

Aries

Doesn’t it blow that you were the one who made these plans? You were the one who literally begged everyone to keep their Friday night open so you could all chug margs and talk sh*t about the Aquarius in your group, and now you’re just kinda not feeling it? Even though you’re basically the leader of your group (duh), it’s kinda exhausting having to be the fun one all the time, right? Luckily for you, you have the easiest excuse to get out of plans in the entire zodiac: You’re the ringleader, and you’re usually the one pulling the strings, so yeah, you deserve to bail. Be honest, upfront, and tell everyone you’re exhausted/sick/not feeling like hanging tonight. They’ll give you sh*t, but you kinda DGAF. Plus, it’s nice to leave the peasants wanting more, right?

Taurus

Whether or not you actually wanted to be a part of these plans when they were made (uh, spoiler: you didn’t), you’re now absolutely not on board. I’m sorry, a club/brunch/shopping? In this humidity? Granted, the fact that you’ve been stressing about canceling for two days is making everything worse, but it doesn’t matter. You absolutely cannot and will not go. Unless, of course, you think everyone will be mad at you. Do you think they’ll be mad at you? They won’t… right? F*ck. Now’s the perfect time to play the “I’m not drinking/on a diet/on a budget” card and avoid any attempts by your friends to create new plans that will fit into your new strict, sober, vegan, spending-zero-cash lifestyle. It’s not your fault, they just don’t understand. *Sigh*

Gemini

Gemini! I truly wasn’t expecting to see you here. Welcome! Have you ever canceled a plan? I mean, I know you think about it. Like, all the time. You literally fantasize about bailing on pretty much everything. But actually doing it? That’s a different story. While you tend to dread events you don’t want to go to, by the time you’re there (and okay, two shots in), you’re the life of the GD party. It’s kind of cute that you think this time will be different, TBH. As much as you want to, you know you’re not doing to ditch—the FOMO is far too real for you. Might as well start heating up your curler, baby. Because you’re going out tonight, whether you like it or not.

Cancer

You honestly can’t decide if you want to go out, and that’s why canceling plans is so tricky for Cancers. On one hand, the thought of getting dressed and getting drunk with your frenemies sounds kind of dreadful. But on the other hand, not doing that also sounds kind of dreadful. So no matter what you do, you’re going to have a mediocre time at best. Yay for overthinking! You’re no stranger to bailing on plans, so why don’t you just do what you always do: blame your cancelation on something petty, like feeling bloated, or the fact that Jessica (who is definitely going to be there because she already posted that she was in the Uber) didn’t like your recent picture, and honestly? Rude. You just aren’t up for that kind of hostility tonight.

Leo

You’re dressed. You’re wearing falsies. You’re already three vodka sodas in. And yet, for some reason, you’re not feeling that usual tingle in your vagina that says “I’m going to have a f*cking blast tonight.” Granted, you’re not one to cancel plans—and you’re the first to give anyone who tries major sh*t—but like, does going out even sound that good? Luckily, since you’re usually the one calling the shots (and buying them), it’s simple to be like, “Sorry guys, I have a headache. Have fun,” and turn off notifications for the rest of the night. Sure, everyone will bad mouth you behind your back, but that’s only because without you, your friends will be buying their own drinks and going home by 10pm. Enjoy your night off, Leo. You earned it.

Virgo

Dreading the drunk plans you made last week that are looming ahead, Virgo? That checks out. Even though you love having people depend on you, you could really do with a night off. The problem is, you were the one who made the reservations. And created the dress code for the evening. Annnnnd sent out the itinerary. You know if you bail, your perfectly envisioned night of bar hopping will turn into your idiot friends going to the same bar they always hit up and drunk crying in the corner. But why is that your fault? You’ve spent so long planning for this night, now that it’s here you’re kind of over it. Either fake a stomach bug or go along with the night, moping on the dance floor when half the people show up sans costume and take a cab home by 11. Either way, you’re in for an obnoxious evening.

Libra

You’re not one to back out of plans. Seriously, you’re not. You hate those people who just like, disappear when they start dating someone new and bible, you’d never do that. And you mean it! And even though you swiped with a 10 while you were getting ready and he asked you out at the same time you were supposed to meet your friends, that doesn’t mean you’re going to bail on your girls just to get laid. Honestly, anyone who does that is THE worst. *Phone buzzes* Awww he said you look beautiful. I mean duh, you do. But that was nice of him to—*phone buzzes.* Oh my God, he’s so funny. Maybe you’ll just see him for a drink like, after? *Phone buzzes.* He has a Tesla? *Phone buzzes* And he’s on his way to see you. Sh*t. Well, your friends will understand, right? I mean, this could be ~the one.~ I know, I know… you said that about the guy with the beard last month, but this time is different.

Scorpio

Aww, Scorpio! This isn’t your first time canceling plans, but it is your first time actually thinking through the decision. More often than not you just pick a fight to get out of something or blatantly ignore what you were supposed to do in an effort to avoid going to coffee with your new internet friend. So, the fact that you’re even thinking through this decision is like, very big of you. Congrats! I mean, you probably already canceled your plans by saying something like “hungover,” “feeling ugly,” or “I hate you,” but still. Good on you for thinking of others!

Sagittarius

How does a Sag cancel plans? They just don’t commit in the first place! You’re not a piece of sh*t on purpose, but what do people expect? You to just agree to go to something when you don’t know how you’ll feel, if you’ll want to go, or if something better will come along? Pshhh, as if. While you’re not one to commit to anything, if you do RSVP yes and change your mind last-minute (which you will, obviously), you’ll just pretend your phone broke, your car wouldn’t start, or you suddenly came down with a serious case of sobriety. Next time, just remember: If you never agree to anything, you’ll never have to lie your way out of it.

Capricorn

Your friends know you to be the definition of driven, which is why you have the perfect excuse to get out of plans: Goal chasing, baby. Since you’re already the one in your group who got a promotion, snagged a #SponCon, discovered an ab, and got verified on social, it’s not surprising if you blow off a happy hour to “get some work done.” Whether you say you got called into the office, received a last-minute assignment, or have a meeting you just have to take with a *top secret* marketing firm, no one will think twice when you bail for the sake of your own success (even though it’s only because they all want to mooch off you). That fact that you’ll ~actually~ be at home, smoking weed and masturbating to Bridgerton can stay between you and me.

Aquarius

As one of the Queens of Canceling on Plans, you’ve got bailing down to an art form. You don’t need me to tell you how to do it, because honestly? You’re basically a pro. From claiming a family emergency and tagging yourself at a hospital to saying you have a last-minute work project and staying logged into Slack all day, you’re no stranger to creating excuses to get out of sh*t. So, put your feet up, let everyone know your cat is sick, and enjoy a night off with Netflix and not wearing heels. Your friends probably don’t even know you’re allergic to cats anyway, let alone that you don’t have one.

Pisces

If there’s one sign that has a hard time following through with bailing on plans, it’s Pisces. No matter how many times you say you just want to stay home, you don’t want to spend money, or you have work in the morning, no one really cares—they’ll all just yell at you until you order an Uber for the entire group. While sure, you could just like, try to say no, will you actually stick with it, or will you find yourself at a club at 2am nursing a watered-down vodka and trying not to think about the fact that you have to wake up in four hours? The only way for you to successfully get out of sh*t is to color your hair, fake your own death, and flee to another country. That way, you’ll get at least a few years before another plan comes along, and you’ll start the cycle all over again. But it’s that or standing your ground and honestly, running away just sounds easier.

Images: HOMME PRODUCTIONS / Stocksy.com Giphy (12)

“Why do all you girls put your sign in your dating profile?” I was on a date (yes, success!) and we veered into the category of “other people on the apps.” I made fun of all the pictures of dudes with fish, and the number of men seeking “ethically” non-monogamous relationships. My date wanted to know why the women he saw on the apps cared so much about his astrological sign. He thinks it’s full B.S., even less meaningful than a Meyers-Briggs or Enneagram delineation. 

Ok, Does Anyone *Really* Date Based On Astrology?

It might seem like nobody is actually dating based on their zodiac sign and it’s all for the memes—Teen Vogue ran an article saying astrology doesn’t matter—and yet, next down on the Google search, was a piece from the same outlet on who one should date based on astrological signs. Still need more proof to know you’re not the only one filtering out Scorpios? Bumble says their star sign filter is their most used qualifier. MTV says one third of the young people (Gen Z) use astrology to determine their compatibility with a date.  

I took to the internet to ask who believes the fault is in our stars when it comes to love. I got a wide range of responses. Maud Waterman, a Los Angeles based filmmaker, instead of bread baking or TikTok content creation, used her free time during the pandemic to study astrology. She says, “I’m definitely a believer! If you had asked about a year and a half ago I would have been a skeptic, but I did an unfathomable amount of studying (yeah, I’ve got textbooks) over quarantine and I now use astrology in my daily life.” I heard from several astrologers who operate in person, on the internet, or even on TV. I heard from an aura photographer (which I guess is a thing), crystal specialists, and psychics. What color is your aura, do you think? I hope mine’s purple.

I heard from skeptics who think, like my date, that it’s all a bunch of hocus pocus, and people like Michelle Davies—a life coach and editor of The Best Ever Guide to Life—who used to believe in astrology until it started negatively affecting her relationship. She says, “It’s because I was looking at our relationship dynamics through the lens of astrology, disregarding that certain things can be worked at through free will and effort.” Now she can think of astrology as a suggestion, but not a mandate. 

I won’t name names, but some people have been dumped for their obsession with astrology, and there are people who swear by it anyway and would rather die (or stay single) than date an Aries. I interviewed two experts for further information on the psychology behind astrology and how it relates to the psychology of love: Clarissa Silva, Behavioral Scientist/Relationship Coach, who can be called a skeptic; and Maria Shaw, psychic astrologer and reality star, who has done readings on the eighth season of 90 Day Fiancé. 

Ask The Experts

Even if you’re the most diehard horoscope checker, Silva says, “Astrological signs are labels, not dating deal breakers.” She adds, “Determining actual compatibility is far more complex.” I agree that it makes sense that one little piece of the personality puzzle is not enough to seal your fate, even if they are a Scorpio. 

Shaw agrees. She says that, even if a reading shows that two people are not meant to be together, she would never tell someone what to do in their relationship. She also believes that you can’t simply look at someone’s sun sign to know compatibility. You need to do their full “star chart,” which entails using accurate info about the time, place, and day you were born. This gives a full picture of one’s past lives, present personality, and future path. 

But What If You’re Dating A Skeptic… Or A Sagittarius?

Can you still use astrology to inform your decisions about the relationship if the other person thinks it’s woo-woo nonsense? Shaw says, “Use the astrology as a tool for yourself. Don’t push your opinions to get them to believe.” That said, you can still arm yourself with all the information, should you so choose: “Knowledge is power,” she says. If you simply can’t go on a second date without the full astrological picture, Shaw advises, “Get their birth information, find out about them, and decide if you want to go forward on this. You want to know where this thing is gonna lead.”  She does emphasize getting consent from the person before charting their stars, but says it’s okay to use the information to inform yourself on whether or not you want to stay in a relationship—much like any other information you might find out in your routine pre-date social media stalking.

Silva, on the other hand, warns that this kind of judgment “can result in meaningless or erroneous predictions on compatibility.” She elaborates, “Astrology provides a layer of the complexity of personality but can’t make predictions on compatibility and long term happiness.” She says you can use astrology “as an entertainment source or a source of providing hope or direction for those that seek out this as guidance,” but that astrology is quite literally fake news: “a pseudoscience because it hasn’t passed the rigor of scientific inquiry to qualify as evidence-based.” Believers are going to say that something as intuitive as astrology cannot be studied by science, but many skeptics are going to insist on peer-reviewed evidence before committing to a life led by the stars. 

Shaw has patience with the idea of skeptics. She says people who are getting wrong information are either not looking at the full picture or are getting information from a suboptimal source. Some websites copy info from other sources or from looking at only the sun sign instead of the sun, rising, and moon signs, not to mention the planetary alignment at the time of your birth. Still, when I summed this up on my next date with the skeptic, his eyes rolled so hard they got stuck that way and he had to go to the doctor (not fact). 

Does Astrology Matter?

So, here’s why people use star charts to guide them in their relationships: either they truly believe in it, or they find it fun. None of us knows what we’re doing, so any guidance that gives us the answers we seek is going to be welcome. Just like I really shouldn’t be dating Slytherins anymore, someone might take a personality profile of a Taurus and use it as a reason to say, “Thank you, next.” Conversely, maybe a Ravenclaw with a Hufflepuff rising like myself can read an Aquarius’ profile and swoon, while knowing his sign won’t guarantee he isn’t a dick whistle. 

As for me, I’m an astrology agnostic. I can’t know whether or not my tendency to multitask and chat is due to my being a Gemini or some other mix of nature and nurture. But isn’t it fun to dream? As we ended our call, Shaw said that, according to the planets, “We’re coming into a romantic period. We’re going to see people getting back to being romantic and wooing people. People want to fall in love and be in love.” Aw.

A skeptic might say that we’re getting into a romantic period because we’ve been locked in our houses in our sweatpants all winter. But either way, isn’t it nice to imagine that, as the plague recedes, there are people out there, maybe a soul mate or, as Shaw put it, “a past life connection,” ready to “walk your path?” Whether it is written in the stars or not, as we head into a potentially disease-free summer, full of starry nights and warm breezes, I wish you love, or, at least, some fun with a handsome Pisces. 

Image: Lucas Ottone / Stocksy.com

A full moon in Scorpio? Get ready for drama. Scorpio is known for its intensity, its need for intimacy, and its love of everything mysterious and unsaid. So get ready for all of that. With Scorpio taking the lunar wheel, you can expect all the shit you’ve been hiding under the surface to come bubbling up in some form or another. Your mission? Deal with that sh*t. Before it deals with you.

Aries

Lower the gates! This week, Scorpio’s desire for intimacy might just give you the push you need to lower those walls. It’s time to let people in. Not saying you have to post your business for the world to see, but have you considered confiding in a friend about… literally anything? Could be worth a shot!

Taurus

Time to let go of that one past relationship you still haven’t let go of, even though it’s like, way overdue. You know exactly the one I’m talking about. Light a candle. Burn your former flame’s name and throw the ashes out to sea. Wait… no… that actually sounds even more obsessive. Maybe just delete their number?

Gemini

Is it time to inject some realism into your dreamy Gemini life? It looks like it. This week, it’s time to give yourself a dose of Scorpio’s signature brutal honesty. What are you even doing right now? What path do you want to take? Stop f*cking around and make a choice. Scorpio says so.

Cancer

When water meets water, the creativity flows. And that’s exactly what’s happening with this month’s Scorpio full moon. The sudden surge in creative energy means you’re definitely going to want a notebook nearby to write down all of your incredible ideas. This sh*t is genius-level.

Leo

This full moon it’s time to ask yourself—what are you holding onto that you can let go? Scorpio is great at getting to the root of problems and seeing what lies beneath, making now the perfect time to examine (and dispose of) negative attachments. Or just keep them and stay attached forever! Your call!

Virgo

Thanks to Scorpio, your filter is fully on the fritz this week. Oops! Try to find an excuse to keep your camera off during your boss’s latest boring-ass non-sequitur now, because there is no hiding your true emotions this week. It’s not your fault. Your eyes just roll like that sometimes.

Libra

A Scorpio full moon is the perfect time to make like Eminem and clear out your closet. Literally. Scorpio gets you more in touch with your true feelings, meaning you’ll have an easier time determining what truly “sparks joy,” and what can safely head off to your latest Goodwill donation. Hint: anything you haven’t worn since *before* the quarantine can definitely go.

Scorpio

A full moon in your sign? It’s transformation time! You know that “new you” you’ve been working on? Now is the perfect time to shed cocoon and emerge as a beautiful, vaccinated butterfly. And yes, that does mean this is a great week to treat yourself to a haircut or COVID-safe facial. Say the moon told you to do it.

Sagittarius

Listen to your intuition this week, Sagittarius, because it’s at an all-time high. If the vibes are off, it’s time to GTFO. This week’s full moon has you particularly in touch with your own intelligence, so if you’re telling yourself something, it’s probably true. Unless you’re drunk and think it’s a good time to cut your own bangs. Then I’d say hold off.

Capricorn

Welcome to the new world, Capricorn! This week is all about getting into your community for you, Capricorn, whether it be swinging by a local farmer’s market, checking in on your favorite coffee shop, or just actually engaging with your overly chatty neighbor. It wasn’t so long ago that literally all of those activities were forbidden by the CDC.

Aquarius

The full moon is giving you the confidence you need to flex in the workplace, Aquarius, so don’t be afraid to unmute. Now is the perfect time to utilize personal and professional connections to get ahead in your career, as you just so happen to be extra personable and charming these days. Good for you!

Pisces

Share the wealth, Pisces! This week, you may feel compelled to share knowledge you’ve acquired recently with others, whether it be showing your dad how to reset the router over FaceTime (for the millionth time), or making a shareable social media graphic about a topic that’s important to you. It’s time to share your genius with the world!

Images: Julian Myles / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

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You hear that? That is the New Moon in Aries telling you it’s time to GTFO of your pandemic funk and start taking action. You know the thing you’ve been putting off for an entire year because *gestures broadly at everything* well, now is the time to start making moves. Aries is the start of the astrological new year, and the New Moon is the perfect time to start something, well, new. Or better yet, to take on a new attitude about something you thought you’d already made up your mind about. Like maybe Monday morning meetings could have *some* value.

Aries

Ouch! Is that an old wound? A New Moon in your sign means some unresolved conflict, or even childhood trauma, may come to the surface so that you can finally put it to rest. You can’t accept the New Moon’s powers if old shit is holding you back, so let it go! That man at the mall has probably forgotten all about the time you accidentally called him “dad” in Sam Goody back in 1999.

Taurus

Stop ignoring your intuition, Taurus! With the New Moon in Aries, your intuition is on fire and your gut is primed to point you in the right direction. Your only mission is to not second guess yourself when you feel the urge to do something different for a change. Unless that urge is to swipe right on someone holding a dead fish in their photo. Some things are just non-negotiable.

Gemini

This month’s New Moon will be delivering tons of opportunities straight to your doorstep. Your mission will be to decide which are worth pursuing, and which will need to be returned to sender. Follow your gut instincts, and go with the route that stimulates you the most intellectually. Wouldn’t it be nice to use your brain again after an entire year of Netflix?

Cancer

Look at you, Cancer! Manifesting and sh*t. The other signs are jealous. With the New Moon in Aries, you’re getting exactly the boost you need to send you rocketing directly toward your goals. And the best part? You’re actually going to enjoy it. As long as you don’t let yourself stress over every little thing. (Easier said than done, we know…)

Leo

Class is in session, Leo! This Aries New Moon is all about opening your mind to new ideas, concepts, and ways of doing things. Keep an eye out for unlikely teachers in the form of family, friends, strangers, and even coworkers. As crazy as it may sound, they do occasionally have good ideas, and you might be interested in hearing them. If only to incorporate them into your smarter, better idea, of course.

Virgo

The New Moon is all about bringing what was once in the darkness to light, meaning you might find yourself dealing with some emotions that you’ve been trying to suppress. Grab a tissue, grab a snack, and let it all out. It’s better to let the moon make you sensitive for a few days than to bottle it all up inside. Unless you want to end up the villain in Hulu’s next big true crime series.

Libra

New Moon means new relationships for you, Libra! If you’ve been patiently waiting for your pandemic prince to arrive: good news! Now is the time to actually make that happen. Connections will come easily to you this week, meaning it is the perfect time to post up in the park with your cutest sundress and hope someone hot accidentally throws a frisbee your way. The rest is history.

Scorpio

New Moon, new you! If you weren’t feeling the whole “health and wellness goals” thing back in at the start of the traditional new year, you might feel a sudden desire to learn all about macronutrients as we move into the astrological new year this month. Besides, who actually works out and eats healthy in winter? Seems very suss…

Sagittarius

This month’s New Moon is all about opening your mind to new possibilities. Now is the perfect time to revisit your goals, either for this year or for life in general. Have you been dreaming big enough? Beyoncé didn’t become Beyoncé by settling for being the lead vocalist in one of the most iconic girl groups of the 1990s. That was just a first act.

Capricorn

The New Moon is giving you the reason (and motivation) to get your spring cleaning under way. The New Moon is all about newness (say that five times fast), and nothing makes things seem new-er than when they are clean. Of course, you could also just go out and buy all new sh*t, but that seems kind of expensive and unnecessary. Do you, though!

Aquarius

The New Moon has you standing directly in your power, Aquarius, so now is not the time to hold back. This is a time for speaking your mind and getting what you want, even if you have to ruffle a few feathers. It’s not like you haven’t pissed people off before. And it’s not like you won’t piss them off again…

Pisces

Beware of over-spending, Pisces! The New Moon is making you extra sensitive, and you may try to fill the void with stuff. Unfortunately, as much as we’d like to pretend a giant order of new skin care products from Sephora will fix everything, it actually will not. Save the money and work on yourself instead. It’s free.

Images: Brock Wegner / Unsplash; Giphy

Welcome to the season of Aries, a zodiac sign that, like my 16-month old, seems to revel in presenting sass and attitude to deal with everyday problems. I see you, Aries. Live your truth. The rest of us will be on an emotional rollercoaster this weekend, it seems, although communication and romance are not looking horrible for most of us. Silver linings! Let’s dive in.

Aries

Steer clear of people and things while you’re in a bad f*cking mood all damn weekend, Aries. Like, it’s best if you make a mimosa and sit on your porch/balcony/floor and calm down. You can also try and burn off that rage by running on a treadmill or letting your mom talk at you for a few hours. Both burn calories. I think.

Taurus

Take time to do the sh*t you really enjoy this weekend, Taurus. Like, sure, your Crockpot is great, but maybe this is the weekend to tackle that multi-level Dobos torte you saw on Great British Baking Show. Maybe cooking between one and five of Julia Child’s original recipes is something you’ve wanted to do for, like, ever? Even if you mess up, doing an activity that gets you away from binging episodes of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives will be worth it.

Gemini

Treat yourself to some alone time this weekend, Gemini. Yeah, it’s nice to get away, but the real purpose here is to keep you away from drama on Saturday. If you get involved, it’s going to be a Teresa/NJ Housewives situation. You are in a good spot to get sexy and sassy with your partner, though, so maybe channel the drama into the bedroom in the form of some role play.

Cancer

Break out the helping hands, Cancer, cause you’re all about being nice this weekend. Those feelings will prove useful throughout Saturday and Sunday, since the moon will be pushing you to tidy up the house in the name of spring cleaning. You’ll also feel the urge to reach out to family members that need a little extra comfort right now.

Leo

Use your words, Leo. This weekend, the stars want you to use all your powers in the realm of communication to tell your fam, friends, partner, etc. how you feel. The universe is actually going to align to help you perfectly express yourself, so take advantage of that sh*t. Like, if you’re given the powers of communication and a strong grasp of language, don’t use it to argue with dumbasses on the local news’ Facebook page (even though that can be super fun).

Virgo

You’re feeeeeling yourself this weekend, Virgo. Own that sh*t and grab some friends to bask in your awesomeness with you. Just watch what you say—your words, thanks to the moon, have some power behind them this weekend, so be careful not to be flippant or nastier than usual. Luckily, by Sunday you’ll still be feeling confident, but your words aren’t as likely to piss people off.

Libra

Relationships, ahoy, Libra. You’ll be super focused on your romantic relationship this weekend as well as how you’re treating yourself. Are you being nice? Taking care of yourself? Are you listening when your partner talks to you? Do you cheer him on when he’s playing Mario Kart or Call of… Whatever? Time for the important convos.

Scorpio

You’re so in tune with your feelings this weekend, Scorpio. Celebrate by not crying into a pillow and, instead, shouting out your front door about how great you are. It’s also a prime weekend to treat yourself. Go for a spa day or just lie in bed and shop online for a few hours. I mean, it is tax refund season…

Sagittarius

Frustration is fun, isn’t it, Sagittarius? Yeah, well, get ready for a boatload of that sh*t this weekend, thanks to the moon f*cking with your feelings and making things hard for you. The good news is that this can be somewhat solved with friends and day drinking! Make plans and leave your moodiness at the door.

Capricorn

Travel this weekend, Capricorn—especially if you can do so safely (see: wearing a mask and not being an asshole) and responsibly. Maybe that cute town a few hours away has been calling to you. Or maybe it’s time to say f*ck it and drive across the country, eating your way through the states that no one cares about unless they love greasy food.

Aquarius

Check in on your money matters, Aquarius. It’s better that you take a look at your spending before your dad does when he helps file your taxes this year. Like, it’s best we just avoid that discussion about responsibility all together, right? Sunday, it’s best to chill at home, order in, and kick your feet up. The upcoming week is going to be emotionally exhausting.

Pisces

Get weird with your S.O., Pisces. It’s been a while since the two of you unplugged and just spent an evening or full day soaking up each other’s awesomeness, so plan for a fun date night, cuddling, movies, and lots of interesting sex, k? The stars are also pushing the two of you to tackle some joint projects and adult sh*t together, so maybe it’s time you created that joint checking account? Or don’t. He doesn’t need to see all the weird sh*t you buy.

Images: Alvin Balemesa  / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

Is it any surprise that we’re entering Aquarius season just as we’re inaugurating a new President? And people try to say astrology isn’t real. This progressive, innovative season is the perfect time for you to take on big ideas, challenge your thinking, and get involved in something you care about. Not sure if you’ve heard, but there’s kind of a lot going on right now. Pick something and dig in!

Aries

Your genius is on display this week as Aquarius season takes hold, and nothing is too crazy for you to throw it out in a brainstorm. Did Steve Jobs invent the iPod by holding back? This is the week to trust your instincts, and follow your brilliant brain wherever it leads. Even if it’s just to a Wikipedia page on serial killers (again).

Taurus

The only place to go is up, Taurus! The move into Aquarius has you fully awaking from your holiday-food-induced slumber and you are ready to take on the new year! Use the momentum Aquarius season brings to push through the daily slog of work so you can actually get to the fun parts. Like giving your two weeks’ notice to start your dream job.

Gemini

You’re an air sign…Aquarius is an air sign…can I make it any more obvious? Now is a time of expansion for you, Gemini. Lean into your airy qualities. Where the wind goes, you follow. Now your free-spirited nature is at its absolute peak, so go out there and have a little fun. Geminis already have a rep for being crazy. Might as well earn it.

Cancer

Aquarius season has you pulled in two different directions, especially when it comes to relationships. Lucky you. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself exploring the answers to age-old questions like, “Do I want to be single forever, or married tomorrow?” or, “Should I sleep with my downstairs neighbor because quarantine?” and of course, “Do I like him, or is he just tall?”

Leo

Aquarius season will be felt particularly hard for you this year, Leo, so get ready. Now is the perfect time to really shore up who is part of your inner crew, and who needs to be moved off of Close Friends. You’re going to be making major strides toward your future self, and there’s no room for stragglers or hangers-on. (And yes this does include literally all of your exes.)

Virgo

Aquarius has you extra motivated on your own health and wellness routines, and may be even opening your mind to more new age remedies. Not saying you should opt for local honey over the COVID vaccine, but there’s no harm in lighting some incense, grabbing a crystal, and seeing how that makes you feel.

Libra

Cupid is visiting your sign a little bit early thanks to matchmaker Aquarius, so get ready for a major love life upgrade. The bad news? Any negative feelings you’ve had about your current romantic situation will become impossible to ignore. The good news? All the time you spent texting that person you were only so-so on can now be focused on finding The One. Or at least, someone with a better sexting vibe.

Scorpio

Aquarius season has you embracing hygge energy, so don’t be surprised if you feel the sudden urge to look up crock pot recipes and beginner knitting videos on Pinterest. Embrace your inner 1950s housewife by tackling some home projects, cooking projects, or anything else that would make your home ec teacher proud. Just make sure whoever you live with knows this sh*t is only temporary.

Sagittarius

Aquarius season has your intuition on high alert, so don’t ignore any gut feelings or bad vibes that cross your path. Airy Aquarius is allowing you to open your mind, step back, and see the big picture. And guess what? Some things look different when you’re not up close. Like that haircut you gave your roommate in quarantine. Yikes.

Capricorn

Classic Capricorn. This Aquarius season, your mind is on your money and your money’s on your mind, meaning it’s time to pull back on some of that birthday month spending. That laser facial will have to wait until next year, I’m afraid. If you haven’t already, now is the perfect time to set some financial goals for 2021, and take a good hard look at your budget for the past few months. Who knew one person could spend that much on La Croix?

Aquarius

Welcome to your season, darling! The post-holiday haze as officially lifted and you are ready to embrace all things you! For your birthday month this year, the universe got you the extra gift of Mercury, Jupiter, and Saturn all also teaming up in your sign. This means now is a major opportunity to reinvent yourself and rebrand as whoever you want to be. Just don’t actually tell people you’re “rebranding.” It’s a bad look.

Pisces

With the Sun’s spotlight on your neighbor Aquarius, now is the time to go deep. What are you hanging onto that cannot remain for one second longer in 2021? It’s never too late to drop something that’s not serving you, and Aquarius is bringing you the clarity of mind to finally see what’s necessary, and what has to go. Now go apply this influence to your closet…

Images: Giphy

We’ve got our a big lunar eclipse in Gemini this week, so get ready to see both sides of every story. Hidden information will come to the forefront, shaking up your perspective and leaving you open to new ideas and possibilities. In short, your favorite true crime show is about to get very, very interesting.

Aries

Competitive? You? Only a little. This week, be sure your competitive nature doesn’t scare away a potential future collaborator. Kinda hard to expand your professional network if you’re kneecapping anyone who gets your boss to laugh on Zoom. It’s just not a good look.

Taurus

The Gemini eclipse is bringing you some much needed grounding this week, Taurus, just in time to wind down 2020. It’s time to take stock of all the things you’ve learned this year. Even if it’s just how many days you can wear a pair of joggers before they start to smell.

Gemini

A lunar eclipse?!? In your own sign?!? Shit is about to get lit. This week all eyes are on Gemini. Your posts are poppin’, your tweets are going viral, and your inbox is filled to the brim with DMs. It’s almost as good as being able to go out to the bars in a hot outfit again. Almost.

Cancer

The year is winding down, and lucky for you the lunar eclipse in Gemini is putting you in the perfect mood to close the book on 2020. Not that anyone is eager for it to stick around. Whatever loose ends are left between this holiday and the next, get on top of them now so come the end of the month you can focus on sending 2020 off the right way (completely blackout in your apartment with the only people you’ve seen since March.)

Leo

You’ll find yourself uniquely situated heading into second lockdown as the lunar eclipse lights up your house of technology and teamwork. Can somebody say “Zoom happy hour?” Now that you’ve done virtual Thanksgiving, maintaining the rest of your social life virtually should be a breeze.

Virgo

All that work you’ve been doing since before we’d ever heard the words ‘COVID-19’ finally comes to fruition this week, but perhaps in a way that is different than what you expected. Be sure to celebrate your accomplishments with a large glass of wine. Or two.

Libra

Just because we’re all going back inside doesn’t mean you can’t still expand your horizons. Ever heard of a thing called the internet? You’re using it right now. With the moon in Gemini, your mind is open, making now the perfect time to sign up for an online class, take on a new project, or just like, actually finish a book. There are probably still a few from high school you never quite got around to.

Scorpio

Cuffing season has officially come for you. With the moon eclipsing in your house of relationships, there’s basically no way you come out of this week without declaring your love for someone or something. Just in time to have to spend your money on an expensive gift!

Sagittarius

You are making it official this week, archer. The lunar eclipse is giving you the push you need to lock it down in both your personal and professional life, so the only question is which will you choose? Or better yet, can you do both without freaking out, self-sabotaging, and ending up with neither? (Hint: the answer is yes.)

Capricorn

Well hello Marie Kondo! This week’s lunar eclipse is bringing efficiency back into your life, and some order back to your bedroom closet. Take advantage of this celestial worker bee mode to do all the boring sh*t adults do, like sealing your windows for winter or cleaning your oven. Then get sad that you’re the adult who has to do all this boring sh*t now.

Aquarius

The holiday spirit is hitting you hard this week as the lunar eclipse gets you feeling festive as f*ck. Whether you’re celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or you just really like winter sh*t, get ready to go all in on holiday tunes, twinkling lights, and a 60-80% increase in your cookie intake. Happy holidays!

Pisces

A quarantine within a quarantine? And they said it couldn’t be done. You’re keeping it even lower key than usual this week, meaning you might want to tell your friends that if they don’t hear from you for the next week not to freak out. Especially if you’ve all been watching The Undoing.

Images: Giphy (12)