Just four episodes into The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, I’m already consuming enough educational content to get an honorary degree in all things Utah Curls Culture. Mormon Wife Demi (who is verifiably a different person than Ben Affleck’s cousin by marriage Jen Affleck and Jessi the hairdresser despite looking virtually identical) taught me two things. Firstly, how to single-handedly dismantle a “minion chihuahua fest” led by Secret Lives favorite villain Whitney Leavitt. Secondly, my new favorite word gaggy, which basically translates to extremely cringe. If there’s one group that’s especially gaggy on Hulu’s new Salt Lake hit, it’s all the messy men who are somehow providing just as much problematic storyline as the women, both on camera and long before the show ever began. Ranking the husbands from Secret Lives of Mormon Wives from least to most gaggy has me thinking I may just remain single forever.
Conner Leavitt
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Even though Whitney is quick to point out how Taylor Frankie Paul’s “soft-swinging” has been a bad look for MomTok, her own relationship has caused plenty of scandal in the MomTok inner circle. Whitney admitted on Secret Lives that she had previously denied rumors about her husband having a secret profile on Tinder. It turns out the rumors were true, and that Conner’s online cheating was the real reason (in addition to what Whitney describes as Conner’s “porn addiction”) that the family temporarily moved to Hawaii. Dealing with a porn addiction is one thing but escalating the problem to seeking validation outside of your marriage and with catfish photos from high school no less??? Unforgivably gaggy. Sorry Whitney, I know you asked everyone not to judge him, but that’s kind of my job here so Conner wins the lowest slot in this ranking.
Zac Affleck
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The fact that Zac has Ben Affleck’s personal phone number isn’t enough to excuse his Debbie Downer energy in the friend group. He basically made Jen uninvite half of the girls from Luca’s baby dedication and conveniently those uninvited were the “sinners.” Jen has also described him as “a little bit controlling” and not supportive of her being an equal breadwinner, even though she’s told everyone she wants to be able to provide for her family in a way her mother couldn’t. On top of all of that, Jen says she’s on SLMW that she’s overwhelmed taking care of their children which is only made worse when Conner begs her for gambling money in Vegas. Not to mention he hasn’t even used the family plug to introduce his wife to Mr. Gone Girl. Too many flops at one time, I fear.
Dakota Mortensen
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Dakota’s relationship with Taylor Paul has clearly had its highs (making haters mad by being hot on main) and lows (Taylor’s arrest for domestic violence) so it’s obvious there’s probably room for improvement here. Yes his dancing and backwards hats are EXTREMELY gaggy but doesn’t change that jawline, okay? Some of the moms like Mayci have said they’ve seen some v bad behavior from Dakota, like calling Taylor a “whore” and allegedly cheating on her at the beginning of their relationship. Yet, watching Mormon Wives it appears that the couple has come a long way leading up to the birth of their child. Dakota dotes over pregnant Taylor, so hopefully they can continue making up for both of their past mistakes now that their child is here.
Jace Terry
@mikaylamatthews“You girls keep me young, ugh I love you so much”♬ Mean Girls – irinkats_
I, like many ogling onlookers who have quickly become obsessed with this social circle, thought Jace and Mikayla were super cute at first glance. Then fans did the math on Mikayla and Jace’s age gap which revealed Mikayla was 16 when she got pregnant with their first child. Jace, on the other hand, was 21, as confirmed by Mikayla on TikTok. Yeah, that part of their love story gonna be a no for me dawg. I mean, it’s technically not illegal in the state of Utah but that doesn’t mean anyone has to like it.
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Bret Engemann
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It wouldn’t be a Mormon show without another eyebrow-raising age gap and whiplash-inducing relationship history between two of the show’s stars. Bret, who was previously married multiple times including to RHOSLC’s lesser Angie, is 16 years older than Secret Lives star, Demi. Demi addressed the “controversy” about her relationship by explaining that even though she’s known of Bret through family friends since she was nine years old (he was already on his first marriage with children) they didn’t cross paths interpersonally. They reconnected as adults on Instagram, but Demi was married so she didn’t make a move. In fact, she submitted her now husband to be a contestant on The Bachelor. Despite their messy origins, she says their falling in love after her divorce was “like a movie.” A v dramatic movie, but a movie nonetheless.
Jacob Neeley
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Honestly, Jacob is coming in #2 simply because he just seems normal AF. Plus, he stepped in to be a parent to Mayci’s first child Hudson after Mayci’s partner passed away in a tragic car accident. I’m not sure it gets any more wholesome than that.
Jordan Ngatikaura
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Jordan is Jessi’s husband, who you will remember brought a flask to The Affleck’s family event. Though that didn’t go over well in that circle, it made me think Jordan is low-key a goodtime girl and therefore the top of my husband ranking. Jessi seems like one of the happiest in her marriages, plus Jordan has no problem with Jessi running her salon business, JZ styles, and edging her way into the influencer group. He’s employed, he’s super involved with his kids, and he’s not had a problematic TMZ article written about him yet. Jordan, please don’t make me regret this.
