I didn’t expect my TikTok FYP to get any weirder than Plankton singing “Pink Pony Club,” but then came Jack Schlossberg, political correspondent for Vogue, grandson to the late JFK, and self-proclaimed silly goose. With his current role and previous credentials, you might expect this negroni sbagliato-level stunnin’ man to be discussing the election, climate law, and various policies held by candidates. You wouldn’t be wrong, but you likely would be a lil surprised to learn this happens in the format of varying accents and characters named Anthony, Wade, Joshua, and Jimmy. You’re confused? No, trust me, I AM CONFUSED. But I am here for the barely contained chaos that is Jack Schlossberg’s social media presence. Here are his most unhinged moments on TikTok, Twitter (*sigh* X), and Instagram.
12. Serenading me to “Because of You”
Okay, so it’s not very unhinged, but it is definitely worthy of his title, “Silly Goose.” In this TikTok, Jack is simply singing along to the classic Kelly Clarkson song “Because of You.” (My go-to karaoke song.) But he’s doing it with… a smile? Like Jack, do you not comprehend how fucking heartbreaking these lyrics are? Also, the small little hand gestures are odd but a welcome addition. (Not to mention the sheer length of this video.) This is a man who missed the Vine era and thinks he is making a full-length documentary here. Comment royalty goes to @bratgirlgarden, who wrote, “Me in my room while my parents were getting divorced downstairs.” Same, girlie.
@jack.schlossbergBecause of You♬ original sound – Jack Schlossberg
11. Asking the real questions about AI
As a writer, I’m sick of people asking me if I’m worried about AI taking my job. Instead, we should be asking the kinds of questions that Jack brought to X, namely, “Is it sexual?” We’re all thinking vertically, and my man Jack is horizontal as fuck. I need a philosopher, physician, or psychiatrist to answer these questions for me so I can sleep peacefully again!! We love a man in STEM.
Question about AI —
Is it sexual ?
We’re are ALL sexual beings, that’s just a fact.
If AI is non-sexual, does that limit its potential ?
or make it unstoppable ?
— Jack Schlossberg (@JBKSchlossberg) June 3, 2024
10. Motivate me, Jack!!
Set the scene: you’re in Walmart on a Wednesday afternoon, pretending to get ingredients for a green smoothie but really looking for double stuffed Oreos, and aware of the clock ticking down to your Zoom call. Then you see a man in socks doing the moonwalk as Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean” softly plays from his iPhone. Oh wait, is that JFK’s grandson? Yes, ma’am. He instructs viewers not to give up on their dreams, but I’m wondering when he gave up on washing those filthy socks. Those are not entering my apartment, even attached to this hunky man.
@jack.schlossbergNever give up♬ Billie Jean – Michael Jackson
9. Little Schloss is strutting
Okay, there is no way Jack Schlossberg is unaware of his effect on the internet. Because this strut is masterful, like, let’s not even pretend he is trying to show off this shirt, as who??? It is about those snug yet loose little biker shorts and what they suggest. And just in case you thought he was a one-horse town, he turned around to display the cake. But what makes this TikTok so unhinged isn’t the Swift-worthy strut, the AC/DC track, or even the top hat-clad skeleton in the corner; it’s the mysterious reflection of the woman filming. Who is she?? Internet sleuths do your work!!
@jack.schlossbergfrom WAY DOWNTOWN BANG !!!!♬ Back In Black – AC/DC
8. The pasta rant
In this 19-second monologue worthy of a high school drama basement, Jack argues about the origins of pasta. Erm, why? I’m not sure, but you can bet I rewatched it half a dozen times. Jack is arguing about whether pasta was invented by Italy or China, given its descent from noodles. Either way, I want to cook this man a bowl of Gigi Hadid vodka penne pasta and watch him eat it slowly. Also, why is he arguing with himself? I’m a lil concerned, but nothing a sprinkle of parmesan cheese on his abs won’t solve.
@jack.schlossberg♬ original sound – Jack Schlossberg
7. Revealing his inner poet/sk8r boi
Jack is a man of many talents — that much should be clear to you by now. A political correspondent, a heartthrob, a silly goose… and a poet? In this TikTok, Jack recites “She Walks in Beauty” by Lord Byron (booking a tattoo appointment immediately) as he waveboards. The waveboarding gave me some nasty flashbacks to my high school years, but the poetry is hot. Rumor has it that he inspired Taylor Swift’s “The Tortured Poets Department,” I may have started that rumor, but pls spread it further for me. Once again, who is the mysterious woman filming and giggling? Also, this should be used as his audition for his own Calm story time a la Harry Styles.
@jack.schlossbergShe walks in beauty by Lord Byron♬ original sound – Jack Schlossberg
6. How clean are pigs?
Another day, another classic Jack rant. Today’s topic is the Pigs Are Clean Animals logic. Idk who ruffled his feathers that day, but someone got to Jack, and he felt the need to clarify this issue on TikTok. Once again, it’s Jack versus Jack, and watching this video makes me very sus of his new political correspondent role… unless the pig is a metaphor for someone else… Of everything, I love the caption most of all: Let pigs be pigs, PLEASE. Yeah, let them!!!! Justice for dirty pigs, am I right?
@jack.schlossbergLet pigs be pigs PLEASE♬ original sound – Jack Schlossberg
5. Was Jesus ripped?
Twitter was invented for people like Jack; I stand by that claim. On the 8th of April, he took to the app to share his musings on Jesus’ body type. Did the man need a protein shake? Did he skip leg day? Once again, Jack is posing the questions we never thought we cared about. My favorite part of this is the Millennial sign-off of “Talk soon, Jack.” I hope we do!
Jesus Christ’s body type — my thoughts:
Jesus was thin.
Most popular guy of all time — not jacked. Toned, but not big.
So my question is — did Jesus want to put on muscle but couldn’t ? Or was he lean on purpose ?
Talk soon,
Jack— Jack Schlossberg (@JBKSchlossberg) April 8, 2024
4. VOTE this election 🙂
So there isn’t much unhinged about this video, which features Jack honoring a recipient of the award for courage on behalf of the Kennedy family. He’s suited up, listening with that serious face and speaking to a crowd without a single silly goose moment. What makes this so unhinged is how out of place it is on his social media. I wouldn’t be more surprised if Meryl Streep had a cameo in House of the Dragon or if Travis Kelce shared his A Court of Thorns and Roses fanfiction. But listen to Jack and go vote!!!!!
@jack.schlossbergVOTE this election 🙂♬ original sound – Jack Schlossberg
3. Jack saved my life!!
Until today, the song “How to Save a Life” had always been firmly associated (against my will and better judgment) with that one Grey’s Anatomy episode. You know, the one you likely brought up in therapy within the last six weeks. From now on, it will be Jack singing in a hospital room. Are you okay, sir??? Who are you saying “Hit it” to??? When will you cover Chappell Roan??
@jack.schlossbergStep 1 you say we need to talk♬ original sound – Jack Schlossberg
2. New York City’s newest tour guide
When this first popped up on my carefully curated FYP, I assumed there was a glitch in the matrix. A random rambling white dude mansplaining NYC to me? Skip. But then I realized it was Jack, and I was so confused yet so encaptured. Jack has revealed his acting dreams, and he’s got this character down all too well. Is this an Easter egg that he’s running for mayor of NYC? Is he the new global ambassador of Brooklyn? Is this a snippet from New York’s new tourism campaign? I need answers!!!
@jack.schlossbergNYC = USA 1st capital♬ original sound – Jack Schlossberg
1. The family drama
As one of three loud, opinionated daughters, I live for family drama. I lap that shit up like an iced matcha latte. Slurp, slurp. It shouldn’t be surprising that Jack is comfortable with confrontation (teach me your ways) and ready to tear down his uncle Robert F. Kennedy Jr., a third-party candidate. But not only does Jack publicly support Biden and shit on his uncle (comparing him to a steroid-loaded racehorse), he does it in character!! With various accents! I’m giggling and learning at the same time, as it always should be. I want this man on SNL immediately. Someone call Lorne Michaels!
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