Wedding parties are sooo grade school. Ranking your “best friends,” holding their social calendars hostage, forcing them to spend all this money to ensure they look less attractive than you. It’s giving, “You can’t sit with us!”
The dated concept of bridesmaids and groomsmen should be abolished in general, especially when you’re in your 30s. I got married at 34 and had no bridesmaids. My husband and I each only invited two good friends and their partners, who were able to wear whatever TF they wanted. We are still friends with these friends. I can’t say the same for most people who’ve been bullied into being in weddings (🙋🏼♀️ Sup, Misty*). Wedding parties are meant to celebrate those closest to you, yet they’re the leading cause of friendship break-ups! Isn’t it ironic, Alanis?
So, if you’re in your 30s (or any age, really) and on the fence about having a wedding party, please consider the following:
✅ No one actually enjoys being in a wedding, and if they say they do, they’re liars.
Have you ever heard of anyone excited to be in a wedding?
And no, Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses doesn’t count. That was a MOVIE and pure fiction. If you were actually in 27 weddings, you would be broke and definitely wouldn’t have the closet space for all of those heinous dresses! The math ain’t mathing, Katherine!
Getting asked to be in someone’s wedding feels like getting drafted to be in the army. You don’t want to do it, you can’t really get out of it, and you might die (of alcohol poisoning).
✅ It’s statistically irresponsible
Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, and I would bet 50 percent of friendships end because of a wedding. Ask any former bride or groom if they’re still as close with everyone from their wedding party. I guarantee you they had at least one massive falling out. Now that former friend is in all of their photos: Standing next to them as they say their vows, in the background of their first dance, and destroying countless photos.
You’re paying *SO* much money for you and your partner to look the hottest you’ve ever looked. Don’t be a statistic by letting this picture-perfect day get photobombed by someone you used to know.
✅ Save your friendship, not the date.
Your best friends change as you get older. They move away, get married, and/or have kids. Sure, you still text, but if you’re being honest, you’re just not as close as you once were.
I hate to break it to you, but your best friend from high school/college/summer camp/that one job/ isn’t still your best friend. So don’t cut the string your friendship is hanging by, by making them part of your wedding. Spend that money on doing something you’d both enjoy, like seeing the Eras Tour!
✅ You don’t have that many friends.
The older you get, the fewer friends you have. In your 30s, you realistically have like three friends (maybe six if you count their partners) that you consistently see. Everyone else drops down in friendship rank. It’s not personal; it’s just what happens.
Don’t pretend you’re still besties with someone you honestly have not really hung out with since asking them to be in your wedding. You’re putting them in a super awkward position.
✅ It’s archaic
The concept of bridesmaids dates back to ancient times when the bride’s dowery (money the groom would get for marrying her) was literally strapped onto her (garter, I’m assuming?). So her bridesmaids wore the exact same dress and veil to confuse thieves from kidnapping the bride and stealing all that money. In other words, a bridesmaid’s sole purpose was to risk their lives for the bride!! Well, at least, according to Wikipedia.
Now we don’t have doweries. We have Zola. And while bridesmaids no longer risk their lives for the bride, they do risk their employment, relationships, and bank accounts for this expensive, dated role.
✅ It’s cruel to their wedding date
My husband was in three (!) weddings the year we got married, and as much as I love his friends, it was torture. When your partner is in a wedding, it’s basically like you’re going to that wedding alone. 0/10 do not recommend!
✅ Stop the cycle!
I get it. You were a bridesmaid/groomsman more times than you can count in your 20s. So it’s only fair that now that you’re in your 30s and getting married, you get revenge –– sorry, return the favor — by having everyone whose wedding you were in be in your wedding.
It doesn’t have to be this way! Only you can prevent wedding parties. Stop the cycle. And just say no to having bridesmaids and groomsmen. Your future self will thank you — and so will your friends!
