The Dune Popcorn Bucket
I have zero interest in sci-fi, but I do have an interest in Timmy Chalamet and Zendaya, so of course, I ventured to the movie theater to watch all six hours of Dune: Part Two. Let me just say about this popcorn bucket: It was rare. I was there. Why make eating popcorn easy when you could make it almost impossible? Beauty is pain. High art is uncomfortable.
Demi’s Box Of Fruity Pebbles
I’m still scandalized by this unhinged Secret Lives of Mormon Wives scene. As everyone who ~religiously~ watches this atrocious show recalls, Whitney, the devil herself, exposes Demi’s sex secret: fruity pebbles. Now, are the pebbles for making Demi’s pee taste like candy? Or does she insert them in her vag? Something else? We’ll never know… or maybe we’ll find out in season 2. Box of fruity pebbles, you will always be famous.
Sabrina Carpenter’s Pink Fuzzy Handcuffs
So happy for all the blessed kiddos who were handed pink fuzzy handcuffs at a Short n’ Sweet show, but it should’ve been me. The handcuffs (referenced in the “Juno” lyrics) are Sabrina’s hyperfeminine, whimsical album embodied, and they shall live on in the pop culture history books.
Zendaya’s “I TOLD YA” Shirt In Challengers
The “I TOLD YA” tee deserves an Oscar for her crucial role in the steamy tennis drama. Tashi wears her, Patrick wears her, and Zendaya even wore hers IRL. The tee’s lore is insane! She was inspired by a pap shot of John F. Kennedy Jr. wearing an “I Told Ya” shirt, likely referencing the “I Told You So” buttons at John F. Kennedy’s 1961 inauguration. This movie was so educational… I learned all about politics and throuples.
Coconut Trees
Jake Shane should do an impression of coconut trees being overwhelmed by their newfound fame after all the Kamala Harris memes. This year, we all learned a life lesson that will stay with us forever: “You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? *giggles* You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you.” Imagine explaining the coconut tree x BRAT x Kamala Harris TikToks to pilgrims.
Chappell Roan’s Emotional Support Hydroflask
Nothing is more sacred than the relationship between a Gen Z woman and her emotional support hydroflask. Chappell’s famous turquoise water bottle has been there for her through thick and thin — the hydroflask has seen countless festivals and even made an appearance at the VMAs. Real Chappell stans are aware of the Instagram account dedicated to the redheaded supernova’s water bottle: @chappellroanwaterbottle.
The Paris Olympics Chocolate Muffin
The muffin heard ’round the world. Thank you Norwegian swimmer Henrik Christiansen, one of our BOTY nominees, for bringing this life-altering Paris cafeteria chocolate muffin to our attention and getting me invested in something sports-adjacent. Did I pay a stupid amount of money to try one myself when a matcha shop in NYC got a shipment of them from Paris? Yes (and it was, like, fine), but to be fair, that does make me better than everyone who’s never experienced it.
The Barbie Flip Phone
Unfortunately for this should-be-famous flip phone, we as a society have fully transitioned from Barbies to BRATs, but I still wanna give her her flowers. Mattel and Nokia served pink nostalgia with this beauty, and while I wanna be the type of girl who actually wants a flip phone, I am just like the other girls and my troublesome TikTok addiction won’t allow it.
Kim K’s Salmon Sperm Facial
I really don’t mean to objectify or insult salmon sperm, but I’m still not over Kim K getting them injected into her face to look younger. I guess this is better than eating poop, which she once said she’d consider doing if it made her look younger… Apparently, these little swimmers support collagen production, but I do not like this image one bit and I’m hoping we just leave it in 2024.
The Timothée Chalamet Lookalike Competition Trophy
Wonka Timmy (a guy named Miles Mitchell) took home the approximately 20-or-so-foot tall trophy at the infamous Timmy Chalamet look-alike competition in NYC. Honestly, having that in your living room is more of a flex than an award show award. I hope he shows that to his grandkids in 60 years and I hope the actual Timmy is the male Meryl Streep at that point.
