Featured Image Credit: Sabrina Carpenter / YouTube
Topics: Entertainment, Music, Sabrina Carpenter
Ilana Frost
Topics: Entertainment, Music, Sabrina Carpenter
The Sabrina Carpenter Cinematic Universe is not a safe space for those with he/him pronouns. If there’s a m*n in a modern era Sabrina music video, chances are he’s gonna dramatically die by the end — that’s called 1. having a healthy budget and 2. feminism. While seemingly every celeb and their mother’s getting engaged, thank heavens us chronically single misandrists still have Sabrina and her ruthless (hilarious) art.
Why do all these dudes die in Sabrina’s videos? Well, some of them seem to represent specific ex-boyfriends who’ve broken her heart, but some of them are just your everyday douchebags who simply gotta go. The videos feature Shawn Mendes dupes, cat-callers, manchildren, etc.
In Sab’s latest video, “Tears,” she even gifted us alternative endings that show Music Video Man dying in several different amusing ways. The dedication! The innovation! As a girlie who’s deeply invested in this anti-men cinematic universe, here’s my ranking of all the times Sabrina Carpenter killed off men in her music videos.
In the “Manchild” video, Sabrina keeps the Man Death simple: An average Joe-type guy drives off a cliff and his car flips a bunch of times as she runs off with her girls and a puppy. It’s silly, goofy, satisfying, and I have no real criticisms… I just really love all the other ones!
Advert
In the chaotic-as-fuck “Tears” video, a man dies in a variety of unique ways (thanks to all the fun alternative endings), which I respect. The guy’s presumed dead at the beginning of the video after he and Sabrina get in a car accident, but evidently, he makes it out… only to die at the end. “You died earlier I thought,” Sabrina says in one version of the ending. “It’s a thing, someone has to die every video. Sorry. We’ll always remember you though.” She proceeds to murder him with a stiletto because “you have to give the people what they want!”
In an alternative ending, lightning strikes a tree as the dude approaches Sabrina. She warns him to move over, but alas, he fails to listen and goes bye bye when the tree falls on him. “I told him to move over,” Sabrina says, unbothered. And in another version, a piano just randomly falls on his head, and Sabrina cringes, but doesn’t seem too concerned.
Advert
Sabrina Carpenter and Jenna Ortega making out and then discovering that they guy they’ve been fighting over is suddenly dead… That’s visual poetry. In the Death Becomes Her-inspired “Taste” video, Sabrina and Jenna’s curly-haired dude winds up dead in a pool, gushing blood. We see his tombstone, which reads “In Loving Memory of Beloved Boyfriend” and Sabrina and Jenna giggling at his funeral. (The guy allegedly representing Shawn Mendes adds another unhinged layer to this.)
Our winner is “Feather,” of course! Sabrina made cinematic history with the “Feather” music video. The pop queen nonchalantly bops around with her headphones on as several annoying men around her suffer hilarious consequences for their actions — cat-callers get run over, obnoxious gym bros fight each other to death, and a creepy-ass photographer dies in an elevator after Sabrina casually jams his tie in the doors as they’re closing. The juxtaposition of the violence and Sabrina’s breezy attitude is just too iconic. (And I’m forever obsessed with that cunty black tulle top and veil fit.)
Advert
Looking forward to the next Sabrina music video death <3.