The sassy men’s epidemic continues on Love Island (and no, I wouldn’t have it any other way). Ace’s maniacal island-side behavior gives me something light and fluffy to be fired up about that isn’t the shit going down on the news, so in that way, I have to applaud him. Mind you, as soon as that krumping starts, the applause stops.

I wish Ace would put his back into finding a relationship instead of worrying about dictating who has the right to come and go from Fiji like he’s the whole damn citizenship board. First, his not-so-covert campaign to oust Jeremiah, and then his weirdo fixation to ditch Amaya??? And all the way, his loyal peasants are bowing at his twinkle toes like Ace is actually making points when, in reality, he’s throwing that thing (that thing being his ego) in a circle.

I get it, Nic. Ace’s grill is blinding, but can the boys please start saying more sentences that didn’t come out of Ace’s mouth first? Since Ace’s mean mugging gives Gru a run for his money, I’m ranking Ace Greene’s Love Island bromances from least to most minion-like.

Love Island USA Season 7 Male Cast Ranking: Ace Friendships On The Show

TJ

Thomas John TJ Love Island

I don’t think Jersey boy TJ (that’s his name, right?) is particularly fucking with Ace, but that’s mostly because I don’t think TJ fucks with anybody in Fiji, lol. After that brutal Casa kissing challenge, maybe TJ could actually use a little lesson from the Ace-meister in charming the group.

Austin

Austin Shepard Love Island USA

Austin was actually the only brave soul to say out loud how cliquey Ace was earlier in the season while venting to Jeremiah. But NGL, I was a little disappointed when Austin was super thankful to Ace and his main cronies for saving Austin over Jeremiah when he knew damn well that was a weirdo decision.

Pepe

Pepe Hannah Love Island

I feel like Pepe is there for the ladies, and rightfully so, so he knows the easiest way to stay focused on that is by staying out of the boys’ politics, AKA letting Ace lead the way without saying a peep.

Taylor

Taylor Ace Love Island

Taylor’s jonesing to get rid of Jeremiah for “toxic behavior” was especially odd considering how close he was to Hurricane Huda before, during, and after her season of meltdowns. It’s almost like someone coerced him to feel that way…

I mean, Huda was the one who could not stop tracking down Jeremiah all over the Villa. Watching Taylor deliver the marching orders to dethrone Jeremiah and blame it on “America” (especially considering they barely spoke one on one) felt like some Tywin Lannister repping for Joffrey-type shit.

Nic

Nic, Ace Love Island

Sorry, mamacita, you are Ace’s elite employee!! Metaphorically: Ace says twerk, and Nic says how hard. Literally, Ace has beef with Amaya; Nic tells Cierra they should’ve sent her home. I get it. It’s nice to have a bestie, but Ace’s low-key jealousy of Jeremiah for being six feet of sexy somehow became Nic’s side hobby, and I didn’t like it one bit! If Nic had to recouple with Cierra, a Casa queen, or Ace, he’d cohabitate with Ace to save his spot on the show, period. Still <3 u cutie.