Even though it feels like Satan’s armpit in New York rn, fall is fast approaching. But with every new season comes a new wave of people trying to make fetch some batshit beauty trend happen. Hello hairy selfie nails? Fucking wave eyebrows? It’s a wonder God doesn’t just smite us all rn and start over with the human species. Honestly, would not blame Her one bit. That said, there are a few trends that if I saw a person rocking them on my Instagram news feed I wouldn’t immediately report that person to Instagram HQ for personally victimizing me with their beauty choices. I’m kind like that. Anyways, here are 5 beauty trends that are about to be all over your Instagram this fall.
1. Metallic Accents
If you would have told me three months ago that this metallic/glitter trend would still be going strong this fall AND that I’d be into I would have told you to lay off the bath salts. But I guess it wouldn’t be a Monday unless I decided to lower my standards try something new, and metallic accents are about to be everyfuckingwhere this fall. They were all over the runway during Fashion Week and I have a feeling they’re also about to be all over the J train at 8am during my morning commute. Tbh I’m barely in the mood to speak words to humans before 11am, and I’m certainly not in the mood for you and your iridescent eyelids assaulting my retinas that early in the morning. The key to metallics is to be subtle AF with your makeup. Think gold eyeshadows and shimmery nail polish—make the metallics the statement piece of your look.
2. Graphic Eyeliner
We’ve said it once, we’ll say it again: Winged eyeliner is done. It’s cancelled. And thousands of thots just screamed into the void. During Fashion Week makeup artists ditched traditional eyeliner techniques for more graphic lines paired with fresh faces. 100 percent this look is not for your 9am department meeting (or so I am “gently” reminded by HR), but it could take your after work happy hour game to the next fucking level. Again, the eyeliner should be the statement of your look so don’t try pairing this shit with a crazy lip color or glitter eyeshadow. Instead pair the blunt, clean lines with barely-there makeup for a chic AF finish.
3. Black Bows
For those of you who have been dressing like Blair Waldorf since 2012, just waiting for preppy-bitchy-chic to come back into style (as if it ever wasn’t) then get ready to lose your fucking mind because black bows are making a huge comeback for fall. This is not a drill. This hair accessory is about to blow up your Instagram feed with girls who are trying to exercise their daddy issues make a bold statement with their look. It’s a low-maintenance way to upgrade your everyday look. Plus it’s cheap AF to pull off.
4. The Natural Glow
Apparently this fall is going to be all about “fresh faces” and “looking natural”. *shudders* But if you think for one fucking second I’d let my coworkers see the actual face I was born with, then you’ve lost your damn mind. Even though contouring might be over forever (someone needs to notify the Jenner/Kardashian Klan ASAP), there’s still a shit ton of makeup that goes into looking natural because no one just woke up like that. Use hydrating creams and highlighters to get that clean, clear complexions and natural looking, healthy glow.
5. Vampy Lips
You know what they say: if it ain’t broke then don’t fuck with my vampy lip color. Tbh I don’t think I can imagine a world where dark lipwear isn’t in style and I’m feeling v blessed that I don’t have to this fall. There’s a reason this shit is timeless: It’s chic and edgy, it looks good on legit any skin tone, and you will 100 percent find me rocking this lip color from now until Memorial Day. We suggest using NARS Audacious Lipstick in deep aubergine because the color is amaze and that shit will never come off no matter how many vodka sodas you drink at happy hour.
