Listen, after a long day scrolling on my phone, the last thing I want is an aggressive object poking me for attention. Sometimes I’m not in the mood for a penis, or a dildo, or any phallic device of choice to wiggle its way inside of me. (Erotic stuff, huh?) As shocking as it sounds, physical intimacy doesn’t require penetration for it to be considered sex.
Non-penetrative sex can look different for everyone, but it mostly means stimulating genitals without shoving something inside one of the body’s holes. Ever used a vibrator on yourself or a partner? You’ve enjoyed non-penetrative sex, you dirty dog!
Unfortunately, I don’t have time to break down the complex history of reinforced misogyny to explain why, as a society, we’re so penis-obsessed. In the interest of time (TikTok isn’t going to scroll itself!!), I will prove to you how delightful non-penetrative sex can be. That way, you won’t ask any annoying follow-up questions because you’ll be far too busy basking in the glow of your post-orgasmic romp in the sheets. To this end, I talked to sexpert Javay Frye-Nekrasova about what sex positions she recommends and how to pull it off — in a preferably sexy way.
Benefits Of Non-Penetrative Sex
Considering most people with vulvas don’t orgasm from penetrative stimulation alone — 82 percent to be exact — more people should add in non-penetrative activities if they’re interested in experiencing the big-O.
“Non-penetrative sex is highly beneficial for exploring different forms of stimulation and better attuning to your body to learn what types of touch and stimulation you enjoy and find pleasurable,” sex educator Frye-Nekrasova tells Betches.
Non-penetrative behavior also allows you to engage in sexual activity when things might not be right for penetrative play. Like if you’re on your period and don’t feel like getting messy. (Or if you have an STI. Or are hyper-sensitive to direct and physical stimulation.)
Why Did We Stop Dry Humping?
When I was a teen saving myself for Jesus (haha, jk, I was a depraved little sinner), I relied on dry humping to satisfy my horny needs. But why did I stop?!
“Most of us that stopped dry humping did it because we were conditioned to think it wasn’t a valid form of sex because it was non-penetrative,” Frye-Nekrasova says. “We live in such a phallic-centered society that if a penis isn’t directly involved and erect and stimulated, it is not seen as sex.”
Damn, peens are always ruining something. “When you expand your definition of sex and are open to all the different ways we can experience pleasure, dry humping will be back on the sexy time menu.” Thank God!!! (And you too, Jesus lol.)
The Best Non-Penetrative Sex Positions
Thigh Humping
Hump someone’s thigh while they are seated in a chair. “This is my favorite one to do in a super sexy way because it can start as a lap dance that moves into passionate kissing with some humping,” Frye-Nekrasova says. *Chef’s kiss* Delectable.
Side Cuddling
Side cuddle with some genital stimulation. “Laying in bed with your partner, you can start cuddling, and as you get closer and more into the moment, you can start stimulating the little spoon by rubbing the clitoris or stroking the penis,” Frye-Nekrasova says.
Scissoring
Though scissoring is often thought of as an activity that only queer women engage in, anyone can scissor. Also known as tribbing, the point is to rub genitals together. “This is a great option as a way to get partners aroused and get the penis erect for penetrative activities later in the sexy session,” Frye-Nekrasova says.
