Now that the US government has p much confirmed aliens are 100% real, it feels like what shred of a grip on reality people had left has vanished. It’s like every bananas theory (we’re living in a simulation, the Matrix is real, skinwalkers are among us and are trying to crash commercial planes) have been given credence.
But celebrity conspiracy theories? Those manage to reach an entirely new level of cray. Probably because celebrities already seem larger than life and unreachable, but oftentimes wild theories emerge because of a meme or joke that ends up on the QAnon side of the Internet. Welp!
Here are some totally, hilariously bonkers conspiracy theories ranked by just how plausible they might be. I measured using a scale of #freebritney (1) to the Titanic never actually sank (10.)
Gaylor
The theory: Taylor Swift had a doomed romantic relationship with friend (now frenemy) Karlie Kloss.
Ranking: 6
Peruse #TaylorTok for a mere 10 minutes and you will inevitably stumble upon this long-held theory. From thinking pop juggernaut “Cruel Summer” is about Karlie Kloss to grainy-ass photos of the two allegedly kissing, there is “evidence” abound. While it’s unclear if something happened or if the two are just friends turned foes, neither have confirmed, denied, or even addressed the rumors. The closest Taylor has even come to blatantly addressing her sexuality is a 2019 Vogue interview, discussing LGBTQ+ ally track “You Need to Calm Down” when she said she didn’t know she “could advocate for a community that I’m not a part of.” Based on the evidence this one isn’t that out of the realm of possibility. But we’re with JLaw on this one; what happened here?
Prince Harry Isn’t King Charles’ Son
The theory: Prince Harry isn’t King Charles’ son, but the product of one of the late Princess Diana’s alleged affairs, specifically Major James Hewitt.
Ranking: 2
Rumors and conspiracy theories surrounding the death of Princess Diana have been a constant since her death in August 1997. But another rumor has persisted, that of the Duke of Sussex’s paternity. So much so, Prince Harry even addressed it in his bombshell memoir Spare.
“Pa liked telling stories, and this was one of the best in his repertoire,” Harry says in the book. He goes on to write that King Charles used to joke, ”Who knows if I’m really the Prince of Wales? Who knows if I’m even your real father? Maybe your real father is in Broadmoor, darling boy!” Harry continued that he didn’t hee hee very much at the joke and found it degrading and “unfunny” for several reasons. Aside from being hurtful, he notes that the timeline for this one doesn’t even add up because his mother’s affair with Hewitt didn’t start until years after his birth. Still, people push the narrative because of their matching ginger hair. But if you look closely, you can tell Harry is all Charles.
Khloé Is OJ Simpson’s Daughter
The theory: Khloé Kardashian is not the daughter of Robert Kardashian but of former football player/actor/alleged murderer OJ Simpson, friend of the Kardashian family.
Ranking: 2
A theory so popular one of its parties has actually acknowledged it and denied it blatantly! (Not that it takes much cajoling for OJ to talk to the press.) This long standing rumor has been supported mainly by lookalike photos and the fact Khloé looks the most dissimilar to the rest of the Kardashian clan. In 2019, Simpson took to the Internet to deny the theory and refute any romantic or sexual interest in Kris Jenner. Here’s the thing though, OJ Simpson may or may not be known for lying. That being said, I think this one has little evidence to stand on. While Kris Jenner may have cheated on Robert Kardashian, it was with Todd Waterman, not OJ.
Larry Stylinson
The theory: One Direction’s Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson were involved in a secret relationship and forced to keep it quiet due to management.
Ranking: 5
“Rainbow bondage bears” and fake pregnancies, this conspiracy theory has it all. “Larries” emerged pretty early on in the One Direction fandom and believed (still do!) Harry and Louis were not only bandmates, but star-crossed lovers. Further, Larries believe the two constantly sent each other secret messages via interviews, social media, and stage performances like the aforementioned weird but probably innocuous rainbow bear.
Thrown on stage during their “Where We Are” Tour in 2014, the bear originally missed the stage, but then somehow showed back up in plain view wearing full bondage gear for a number of tour dates throughout 2014-2015. Harry and Louis then allegedly dressed up the bear like gay icon Freddie Mercury and kept it going throughout the duration of the tour. The joke was later attributed to the crew, but the rainbow bondage bear, or RBB as it’s been dubbed amongst Larries, has been interpreted as a subtle acknowledgement of their relationship and inspired a legion of Larry fanfic writers.
Add to that the matching tattoos (Harry has a rose, Louis has a dagger.) Larries even think that Louis’ baby might’ve been a fake diversion to distract from the theory. Allegedly the two were unable to reveal their relationship due to scrutinization and evil management (ahem, Simon Cowell). Elements of this one might be entirely detached from reality, but after going down the rabbit hole… some of the math is mathing.
Free Poot Lovato
The theory: Demi Lovato has a secret twin named Poot who has spent their entire life locked up in a basement.
Ranking: 1
The power of one poorly Photoshopped photo to create such widespread chaos! Demi Lovato was walking a red carpet in late 2014, when a fan took a poorly lit, fairly unflattering photo of her. The image somehow made it to social media, was Photoshopped, and a story surrounding the photo was created: Poot Lovato is Demi’s secret twin, who was forced to live in a basement their entire life. There was even Poot fanfiction circulating Tumblr back in the day. Unfortunately this hilarious theory is not real, but that hasn’t stopped Demi from frequently paying homage to the conspiracy, even putting it on her birthday cake this year.
Beyoncé Is Actually Ann Marie Lastrassi
The theory: Beyoncé isn’t Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter, but an Italian woman named Ann Marie Lastrassi posing as a Black woman to push the “deep state” agenda of BLM.
Ranking: 1
Beyoncé is no stranger to conspiracy theories. Long standing beliefs about her membership in the Illuminati and her faking her pregnancy with daughter Blue have been on the Internet for some time. But one rumor takes the cake, or should we say torta. Back in 2020 (a dark time!) Florida congressional candidate KW Miller sent out a tweet claiming Beyoncé isn’t a Black woman, but an agent of the deep state agenda pushing the narrative of BLM. This was likely in reaction to her powerful and iconic 2016 Superbowl performance and her outspoken acknowledgment and support of the Black Lives Matter movement. Aside from being an off-your-rocker belief, Bey has existed as a very Black performer for decades. She didn’t just up and appear during the BLM movement. Also Beyoncé has obtained her ancestry results and she’s the descendant of a slave and slave owner. Which, if you did a simple fact check and read Vogue you’d know, KW!!! As much as I’d like Beyoncé to make me some bolognese, this one is a fake.
Avril Lavigne is Dead and Was Replaced
The theory: Avril Lavigne died in 2003 and was replaced by a body double named Melissa Vandella.
Ranking: 2
Self-proclaimed “Avril Rangers” have pushed the theory that the real Avril is dead and has been replaced by a double named Melissa for over a decade. However, most of the evidence to this theory is perpetuated by hyper-zoomed photos of Avril and a close examination of her moles. Dermatologists exist, people! The OG rumor likely stems from a Brazilian blogger, who has since apologized and deleted their original post. Avril has repeatedly denied the theory as well and seems fairly perplexed, laughing at it and saying, “I don’t know, it’s just the weirdest rumor. Everyone says I look the same.” Gracefully aging queen!
Lea Michele Can’t Read
The theory: Former Glee star and rumored diva Lea Michele can’t fucking read.
Ranking: 9.5
Perhaps my favorite of celeb rumors (outside of Katy Perry being JonBenet Ramsey) this so-nutty-it-might-be-true rumor hasn’t exactly been squashed. Lea Michele continues to poke fun at the rumor by acknowledging memes and even getting in on the fun on TikTok. But technically… she hasn’t really proved that she can read! Scripts can be memorized!
Let’s backtrack. The rumor can be traced back to 2017 via pop culture podcast One More Thing, which, at the time, was breaking down the late Naya Riveria’s memoir. Lea’s former Glee co-star made a number of allegations about atrocious on set behavior by Lea, and the hosts began to wonder why she hadn’t refuted any of it. “Maybe she can’t read,” host Robert Ackerman half-joked. And a theory was born. Since then many have deep dived on social media finding more and more evidence backing up the alleged claim. From Michele’s insistence on memorizing music via recordings to her two books being literal picture books filled with photos, this girl truly might not be able to read! It didn’t help that bestie Emma Roberts went on Watch What Happens Live and did not deny the rumor. When asked by notorious shit stirrer and Bravo Daddy Andy Cohen if it was true, Emma laughed, “We’ve never been in a book club together!” A-ha!
