You're Doing Just Okay, Sweetie: Weekend Horoscopes September 11-13

Holy sh*t, it may be cool enough for us all to wear jeans and go pumpkin picking this weekend. All hail fall, the official season of basic bitches everywhere. You love to see it. Grab your PSLs and get your Instagrams ready. Sh*t is about to get real. Covid? Never heard of her. JUST KIDDING. The pandemic isn’t over just because we all thought we’d be done with this by Memorial Day.

Virgos continue to have an amazing month, but will the rest of us be able to actually enjoy ourselves?


You’re such an inspiration, Virgo. Your mom was right—you ARE a great person. Use the weekend to connect with the friends who think you’re all of the above literally no matter what. Find a patio where they can talk about how great you are and shower you with compliments. Everyone needs it sometimes. Saturday night and Sunday morning you’ll be craving some alone creative time, so it’s a great opportunity to write a poem about your cat (or whatever gets your creative juices flowing).


Reach for the stars, Libra. You’ll want to examine where you are in your career this weekend, so make a pros and cons list and a checklist for your job goals. It’ll help you reaffirm the direction you want to head in life, obv. By Sunday, you’ll want all your focus to be on your family and house, so use the day to tidy up and binge watch something with your S.O.


If you’ve been debating taking the plunge with online classes or an MBA, this may be the weekend to seriously consider those options, Scorpio. I mean, since we’re in the middle of a pandemic, maybe a career in the health care field is the right move, ya know? Use Saturday to research some course options and talk it over with some people you trust. Sunday you’ll want nothing at all to do with wondering about the future, and everything to do with self-comfort. Take a long bath, go for a jog, binge watch all of Chef’s Table then try to cook something—whatever.


The moon is all about sharing, so it’s a good time to examine joint assets if you have them, Sagittarius. Sit down with your roommate, S.O., parents, dog, or whoever you’re living with and discuss the household budget. How are your finances looking? If the answer is “I’m just living life”, “yolo”, or “my stocks will bounce back”, it may be time to buckle down. Sunday is for putting all that serious sh*t aside, though, and going for a long car ride where you embarrassingly listen to your old emo-kid albums and enjoy the weather. No one knows your pain like Dashboard Confessional!


Focus on your romantic life this weekend, Capricorn. Whether you need a date night on Friday or a long snuggle into Saturday morning, you absolutely need to pay some mind to your S.O. If you’re single, it’s time to explore what you want in a partner or if you even want a partner. It’s 2020—you do you.


Treat yo’self, Aquarius. Friday and Saturday the planets want you to focus on some self-love, so whatever you need to feel your v best. Like, if it’s scream-singing to Taylor Swift, fine; if it’s making a video montage of your cat, cool; if it’s rewatching season 8 of Game of Thrones so you can try and figure out where things went wrong, whatever.


Omg, paint something, Pisces. Whether you grab an adult coloring book, decide to try your hand at sculpture, or just want to doodle in a notebook, Friday night and Saturday will be prime for creativity. Sh*t, steal your boyfriend’s guitar and sing a song you wrote. Come Saturday night, you’ll want to pamper yourself with pizza rolls, a bath, and a trashy novel.


Take care of your nest, Aries. Friday night and Saturday, the planets are highlighting your home and those closest to you, so spend some time nurturing both. Make a small family dinner, or just plan to sit and soak up each other’s awesomeness. Sunday is for exploring your neighborhood via food and walking around, so put both in your day planner and get out of the house.


Time to finish your college memoir, Taurus. If you’ve been trying to write, well, anything in the last few weeks, Friday night the stars will help you out. Plan to pour yourself a glass of wine and get your inner Hemingway on, minus, ya know, the crippling alcoholism. Saturday and Sunday are all about family, so go shopping with your mom or something.


Put your money where your actual needs are, Gemini. Unfortunately, the universe wants you to examine your spending this weekend, so it may be time to finally use that app that tracks where tf your money is going. Buying an expensive, well-made dress is one thing; getting takeout every other day and nickel and dime-ing yourself to death is not the move.


Hop aboard the emotional rollercoaster this weekend, Cancer. Unfortunately for you, you’ll be feeling even more sensitive than usual Saturday and Sunday, so allow yourself some alone time and just know that things may bother you more than normal. We recommend a really uplifting crime drama or survival program to get you feeling better about yourself.


Listen to your gut and, yes, your weird-ass dreams, too, Leo. This weekend will bring lots of naps and sleeps (TG), all of which will be filled with hidden messages from the universe (or, more accurately, your subconscious). Write that sh*t down and make your friends interpret it while you take turns swigging wine out of the bottle. It’ll be super fun and everyone can get a glimpse into how weird your brain is.

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Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson