Your 2019 Valentine’s Day Horoscope

Happy Valentine’s Day, betch! No, this is not a singing telegram or an excuse to celebrate the most cliche holiday in history, but take it as you will. You know what they say, life is like a box of chocolates at the end of the day, right? TBH, I don’t completely hate the idea of Valentine’s Day, and you’ll probably think it’s narcissistic for me to say, but my name is Valerie, and well, I simply refer to this national holiday as “Val day,” because V-day clearly doesn’t suffice. Anywho, I’m still wondering whether or not people actually enjoy this holiday, or if they celebrate because they’re given no other choice.

Either way, stuffing your face with candy hearts and chocolate-covered strawberries doesn’t seem so bad, right? Besides, don’t tell me you need a boyfriend for a little self-love, because Cher Horowitz had absolutely no shame sending herself love letters, flowers, and candy just so Christian could see how desired she was, in case he didn’t already know. (I totally memorized that line.) Funny enough Clueless star Alicia Silverstone was born with her sun in charming Libra, and I’m pretty sure she would do the same in real life. Why? Because Libras WOULD, and let’s face it: that’s one of the many reasons why they’re so adorably charming.

Speaking of irresistible, Valentine’s Day will be overflowing with celestial zest, and I’m pretty sure you’ll be reveling in its charms. For starters, Aquarius season is always lit, especially because it gives us the liberty to be completely and authentically ourselves. In fact, the more quirks the better. Where’s your will to be weird? On another note, the moon will be in curious Gemini, which means more reason to tease, taunt, and wrap your Valentine around your little finger. Also, Venus, the cosmos’ very own Regina George and planet of love, will be dancing through serious Capricorn—so maybe she’s not so much dancing, instead she’s probably doing the tango, or something more sophisticated.

Anyway, here’s what’s in store for you this Valentine’s Day, according to your zodiac sign:


Calm down, betch. With the moon gossiping through your third house of communication and thought process, you could easily start stressing over the fussy details, but do yourself a favor and take a chill pill. Besides, you’re on a mission this year, and you’re not in the mood for any shenanigans. On the contrary, you want someone who can wine and dine you this Valentine’s Day after showing you off to their executive hotties. You know what time it is, Aries.


Venturing into unknown territory, Taurus? You’ve been in the mood to take risks, and I’m totally rooting for you, betch. Besides, Mars is turning up in your sign, and not to worry, the cosmos are on your side this Valentine’s day. Crushing on someone who isn’t your type? Even more reason to go for it, betch. You’ve had enough of the routine, and you’re ready for a revolution. Don’t think twice about it.


Listen, betch: you may or may not be in your feels this V-day, but it’s not the end of the world. (By feels I mean you’re in your thoughts, which means you’re probably overthinking things.) However, this doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time either. All I’m saying is, make sure you do you, and forget the rest. You’ve had a lot on your plate as of late, and I think it’s time you take a break. Take a nap right here!


In the mood for something subtle, betch? With the moon sleepwalking through your 12th house of dreams, you’ll likely be in the mood for something low-key this Valentine’s day. Besides, looks like you’ve been making things pretty official with your S.O., so why not make it a swanky night in? Candle-lit dinner and a romantic comedy? Chocolate covered strawberries are always a must-have.


There’s beauty in the details, betch. Fun fact: you might be feeling a bit indecisive this V-day. For starters, you’re missing your girls, and you’re also head over heels for your S.O. Valentine’s Day bash? I know how much you like to have your cake and eat it, too. Besides, that way you can celebrate with everyone you love. It’s always a party when you’re around, Leo.


You’re feeling as bougie as ever, Virgo. With coquettish Venus strutting through your flirty fifth house of romance and creative expression this Valentine’s Day, you’ll have zero shame hogging the spotlight. Dozens of roses? Fact. As long as the champagne is chilled, of course. One thing’s for sure: Love is in the air, and the energy is steamy AF. Get your red party dress on, betch. You’re feeling red-hot.


Taking a walk on the wild side, Libra? Perhaps. Although, with your ruling planet Venus dazzling through your domestic fourth house of home, you’ll likely be in the mood for cozy candle-lit dinner alongside your S.O. this Valentine’s Day. Who knows, maybe you decide to take a romantic getaway! As long as you’re comfortable, Libra. Besides, it’s always Valentine’s Day when you’re around.


Sexting is your jam, Scorpio. Although, take it easy on the flirting, betch! Venus in Capricorn won’t make time for you to lead anyone on. Besides, everyone knows you’re a soul stealer, and lord knows you’ve had plenty of victims, right Scorpio? All I’m going to tell you is, make sure your new S.O. is mentally stimulating. You’re looking for someone to merge with…mind, body, and soul. Nothing more, nothing less.


You’re feeling yourself, and I don’t blame you, betch. With Venus strutting through your second house of values, money, and self-worth, one thing’s for sure: you’re in the mood to splurge and indulge in the finer things. Also, you’re oddly obsessing over the details this V-day, so make sure you tell your S.O. what’s up. Truth is, you’re in the mood to celebrate, and you’re not doing anything less than going all out. Period.


Get down to business, Capricorn. You’ve got no time to waste, and with gorgeous Venus sprinkling her dazzling charms over your head this Valentine’s Day, you’ll be as irresistible as ever. I’m not kidding. Charisma through the roof. Besides, you’re looking for the real deal this year. What you see is what you get, betch. You’re cannot settle for anything less. It’s as simple as that.


Turn up, Aquarius. It’s your birthday season, and the moon is dazzling your fifth house of love, which means you’re looking for one thing, and one thing only: to be swept off your motherf*cking feet. Mind you, you’re not the emotional type (not even close), but that doesn’t mean you don’t love being center of attention. Don’t be a sellout, betch. It’s Valentine’s Day. Go play.


Aside from being a walking contradiction, Pisces, you also love what you can’t have. (Admit it.) Have a good time, but whatever you do, don’t make a move on someone in your immediate circle. Granted, no one said your coworker isn’t a total hottie, but trust me, you’ll regret it later. In the meantime, how about tapping into your repressed artist? You know what happens when you get creative, Pisces. Go find your muse this Valentine’s Day.

Images: Sharon McCutcheon / Unsplash; Giphy (5)

Valerie Mesa
Valerie Mesa
Valerie is an astrologer, writer and third-generation witch. Her favorite things to write about are mysticism and sex; the Moon is her muse.