Your Own Worst Enemy: Weekend Horoscopes Feb. 26-28

Bye, February. It’s time we started seeing March and holding out hope for a normal f*cking summer, where I can tan my pale, chubby quarantine body without fear of judgment since literally all of us have been mole people since last year. Who knows—maybe everything will be normal in a few months, and finding random masks in my pocket will be a silly memory come November. I’ll just keep counting the weeks and weekends till we’re there.

Maybe, just maybe, the planets have some hope in store for us?!


Time for listening, Pisces, especially when it comes to your partner. Use the weekend to really communicate, and concentrate on what your partner needs. Does he want pizza? To be told he’s so strong and sexy and deserves a head rub? It’ll help your relationship in the long run to talk about those feelings. Use Sunday to talk to your S.O. about any secrets you’ve been keeping. Like that you’ve been buying DoorDash with his credit card for months now and no, his account wasn’t hacked.


Time for a little self-reflection, Aries. Use the weekend to examine how you’re taking care of yourself both mentally and physically. If you haven’t left the couch in weeks and can’t remember the last time you had a salad, maybe it’s time for a little fresh air, a walk, and rejoining the world. Then again, if you’re happy and comfy coping that way, do you.


Holy creativity, Taurus; this weekend is all about artsy fartsy expression. Tackle a DIY project, or just doodle while sipping coffee and enjoying the morning quiet. On the romantic front, if you’re single, give someone you felt “meh” about a second chance; put yourself out there. If you’re paired up, connect with your partner while indulging your need for art this weekend. We hear the Met and Louvre are offering free online tours …


Organize your sh*t, Gemini. Use the weekend as an early form of spring cleaning, and go through all the clothes, shoes, and homewares that can be donated to the Goodwill or somewhere similar. The cleaning can also extend to your laptop. You don’t need 4872 screenshots of Yelp reviews for your boss’s reference. Use Sunday to try something new, like exercising or a new recipe. Opposite ends of the spectrum, but you get the idea.


Communication is key this weekend, Cancer. If you’ve been bad about answering personal emails, calling your mom back, or actually following through on plans with your bestie, this is the weekend to tackle all of it. You’ll also have a strong desire to learn sh*t on Sunday, so maybe it’s time to wade back into your Duolingo app and pick up French again. Who knows—maybe by December you’ll be able to travel again.


Tax season is coming, Leo, and it’s a good weekend to look at your budget and finances. We know spreadsheets are the actual worst, but maybe it’ll help to see in black and white just how much of your paycheck went to GrubHub, DoorDash, and Uber Eats last year. By Saturday night, you’ll be turning your focus to your family, so snuggle up with your S.O. and watch some true crime docs.


Be kind to yourself, Virgo. You’ve been extra self-deprecating lately, and you should use the weekend to tell yourself how awesome you are. Instead of looking in the mirror and saying, “damn, my ass got huge,” try “yo, I’m a powerful dump truck.” Morning mantras make all the difference. If you’re having trouble being positive, make time to hang out with that one friend who always makes you feel awesome.


Don’t ignore your intuition this weekend, Libra. In fact, the universe may be so loud that you’ll want everyone else to just STFU. Lean into being alone and go for a walk, soak in a tub, or lock yourself in the spare bedroom. Sh*t, even going for a quiet drive sounds amazing. If you’re single, be careful with any new matches. Their intentions may be less than amazing.


Make some killer plans this weekend, Scorpio. It’s been f*cking forever since you left the house, and so long as you promise to wear your mask and not get too drunk in public, you can reward yourself with some friend time at a brewery or brunch spot come Saturday. Nursing your hangover on Sunday will provide some much-needed introspection, so listen to the planets and maybe see if you can muster the strength to volunteer or do something nice for someone else.


The moon is shining a light on your career this weekend, Sagittarius. Use Friday for a meetup with your boss for a frank discussion about reviews, raises, and her f*cking attitude in that last meeting. Maybe not that last part, unless your boss is really chill. Saturday and Sunday raise opportunities to do something constructive, like rearrange your bathroom cabinets and get your sh*t organized.


Do something new, Capricorn. This weekend gives you a chance to not only leave the f*cking house, but to go somewhere or do something you haven’t before. Go for a hike and don’t complain. Try that restaurant that got terrible Yelp reviews. Volunteer to work on a Sunday. Buy a bunch of houseplants to nurture.


Trust your gut, Aquarius. If your relationship has felt a little distant—even rocky—lately, use the weekend to explore that sh*t and talk it out with your partner. Something could be off and totally fixable after you both lay your cards on the table. If you’re single, use the weekend to peruse the current dating pool. You may be pleasantly surprised by what you find.

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Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson