Wine-Infused Coffee Is Here To Get You Through 2017

At last, a shining light has emerged in the darkness enveloping America. Some geniuses in Napa Valley have invented wine-infused coffee, and while I normally have zero patience for combining things that are perfectly good on their own, I’ll make an exception on the grounds that caffeine and alcohol are every betch’s truest passions.

The coffee, called Molinari Private Reserve, is the result of an experiment between Napa caffe owner Rick Molinari and Wild Card Roasters. It took two and a half years to perfect the glorious recipe, which involves literally soaking coffee beans in red wine before drying and roasting them. Tragically, you can’t actually get drunk off the stuff, but apparently it tastes like coffee with a “blueberry note.” Also, the more milk you add, the more it tastes like wine, so you’re basically required to add a fuckton of milk and nobody can criticize you. But like, you still won’t get drunk. So.


Other news outlets have described the combination of alcohol and coffee as “improbable” and a way to “biologically confuse” yourself, because they never attended a party in college. Honestly, who among us hasn’t doubled-fisted instant coffee and wine when the occasion called for it? Or put Bailey’s in their morning latte? Or chased shots of rum with one of those Starbucks bottled frappuccino things?

Amateur Hour

Since you’re clearly going to want to get your hands on this, you can buy the coffee at the Molinari Private Reserve website or, if you can convince your dad to pay the airfare, go all out and drink it in Napa Valley. Then follow it up with real wine, obviously.