Will A Guy Lose Interest If I Let Him Sleep Over Without Sex? Ask A Pro

Email your questions about life, love, and ghosts to headpro@betcheslovethis.com

Dear Head Pro,

I met a guy while out with friends, we hit it off, and I gave him my number. He texted me the next day and asked me on a date. We decided on going to see a band we both liked, but that wasn’t until the following week, so he also asked what I was doing that upcoming weekend. I already had dinner plans with girlfriends, so we just left it at the band date. In the meantime, he texted me every single day (always mentioning our upcoming date in some way) and we talked quite a bit. We had a really good vibe and rapport going, lots in common, and there was no question he was interested. That weekend rolled around, and since I liked how things were going, I invited him to meet me and my friends out after the girls’ dinner was over (even though our “official” date wasn’t until the following week). He did, and fast forward to the end of the night, I ended up going home with him.

We didn’t have sex or do anything freaky, I know I wasn’t awkward or clingy, and things seemed totally normal the next morning…but I didn’t hear from him afterwards. I texted him a few days later to confirm our date, and he said he was sick and wouldn’t be able to make it. No apology, no offer to reschedule. He still tried to make small talk, but clearly the vibe had changed. Is it normal for a guy to lose all interest in a girl (who they have been heavily pursuing) as soon as she goes home with him (even if sex isn’t involved)? What’s the protocol here?


Getting Ghosted

Dear Getting Ghosted,

Some of my favorite things about the emails I get: 1) When girls include several hundred words of background info, as though enough qualifiers will make whatever’s happening not happen. 2) The use of “fast forward” and then doing anything but.

Anyhow, yeah, you got ghosted. That’s about all there is to it, and it had nothing to do with going home with him. People like to point the finger at sex/sleepovers as the reason a relationship goes south, but I think that’s only because as people, we’re uncomfortable with vaguaries and instead want to tie results to actions in our heads. In reality, it’s not that simple. If anything, sleeping with you gives a guy a peek behind the curtain at an existence he’s decided he doesn’t want. Sharing a bed with someone makes shit real, whether you’re fucking or not. If a guy’s on the fence, that little sneak peak into the future of the would-be relationship can be enough to make his decision.

So no, going home with him didn’t cause him to lose interest, it just made him lose interest faster. That’s life, unfortunately. Most people who meet and get to know you will end up not liking you all that much. If that weren’t the case, everyone would have as many real friends as they do Facebook friends.

Non-sexual kisses,

Head Pro

Dear Head Pro,

To make a “long story” short… takes some skill. Let me start off with asking my main question at hand. The ultimate Pro of pros… an Army Pro/ Military/ Service whatever, they are all PROS!! (I can’t say that I blame them though. I mean they are traveling around the U.S. or Europe 80% of the time. DAYUM LUCKY ;D )

ANYWAYS… We officially met just BEFORE he left for the “service.” I went off to college, fell in “love”, got dumped, and 7 years later we reunited. He came home for a week for the Holidays.  of course I let him contact me (duh) (which was a little difference since this PRO had a time line of 1 week). Loving the single DGAF life  I didn’t think anything of it & just thought “sweet he will be gone in a week” *PERFECT HOOK UP* That is…Until we actually hung out. He made more than an effort to see me, clearly into me in front of his friends & we hung out just about every day he was home. I did made the first move though, because time was running out & I was impatient *yolo (no regrets!) it was hot & perfect.

Then the night he had to leave came up & we hung out all night “talking” & making out but surprisingly not sex. (Betchy, but maybe I wanted to make him wait another year?). We stayed up until he had to leave for the airport to the east coast (stupid military base). I played it cool of course. I’ve kept my side home base guys occupied & interested. However, military man has texted/contacted me everyday since he left. I thought it would just die down & we would see what happened in 4 years (when he is out). but now that HE has kept  in contact everyday has made me question whats going on.

I think I need a slap of hard cold winter reality. Tell me I am being ridiculous & that he is doing this to MANY girls so I can stop rethinking this stupid service boy. I mean.. if he REALLY wanted me to come visit him he’d pay… right?

Uncle Sam’s the Man,

Betch X O

P.S. I have more detail for my story but I don’t want to publicly publish it because it would reveal my Identity (as if this already hasn’t…. )


Dear Uncle Sam’s The Man,

Ugh, this fucking email. It makes me want to quit the internet. Certainly, a great deal of respect is owed to the men and women of the armed forces, who voluntarily enlist to do some of the world’s most dangerous jobs for relatively little pay. That said, the military is not a Viking River Cruise. They do travel around the U.S., but most bases tend to be in the middle of Bumfuck, Nowheresville. If they happen to be in Europe, that’s probably because they’re about to get deployed somewhere like Kabul, which is decidedly less cosmopolitan.

As far as what’s going on, it doesn’t seem that complicated. He digs you, but it would be unreasonable to expect him to spend some of his modest earnings on a fucking plane ticket. when you strip away all the bullshit back-patting in your email, you’re describing a pretty typical scenario: Guy and girl meet, get to liking one another, and then someone has to move far away. That’s kind of it.

You have a non-problem. You’re talking about an online relationship you don’t have with a guy who’s not your boyfriend who lives too far away to ever visit. If you enjoy chatting with one another, there’s no harm in continuing to do so. Maybe things will blossom between you, maybe not. I have no fucking clue if he’s “doing” “this” to “many” girls. Besides, why is that your default assumption? Just calm down and continue to enjoy your correspondence.

Calm down, you’re not the only girl who thinks Fleet Week is on fleek,

Head Pro

Email your questions about life, love, and ghosts to headpro@betcheslovethis.com


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