Dear Head Pro,
Why do guys give me their number? It's annoying, obvi I'm not going to text them first, so it's basically not going anywhere. Do guys seriously expect me to text them first? Or are they just giving me their number to be nice? Why can't they just get my number? If I text them first will I seem desperate?
Dear Dumbfounded Betch,
Eh, I don’t think anyone does that “to be nice.” How would that work? “Here, take some of my private contact information as a gesture of goodwill. Also, as an invitation to send me pictures of your biscuit.” There are a couple of reasons why guys do this. One is that they legitimately think they’re such a catch that you can’t help but want to text them. I mean, how would such a popular guy manage it if he took all the phone numbers he was receiving unsolicited? “Dogg, my Motorola Razr only holds 400 contacts. I mean, shit.”
The second (and more likely) reason is that guys these days are fucking spineless. If you ask for a number, you could get rejected. But if you offer one up? The worst that can happen is that she doesn’t use it, and then you can rationalize it because all women are BITCHES and WHORES. I really hate the nouveau-masculine “a real man knows how to build his own furniture” types, but dammit sometimes they get it right. If you want to talk to a girl, fucking ask her. (Head Betches Note: Please refer to #76 Hating Guys Who Give You Their Number for a detailed examination of this phenomenon)
Dear Head Pro,
I'm going to skip the ego-stroking and get right down to it (see what I did there?)
No, I don’t actually. You can’t make an innuendo out of something that’s already an innuendo.
Yes, this is your proverbial “boy meets girl” situation, but it is considerably complicated by a number of things, which is where you and your sage advice will hopefully come in.
It’s also not “proverbial” when it’s, as you claim, distinct from the thing referred to in a proverb or idiom.
I met this guy at a music festival about a month ago, and we hit it off immediately, blah blah blah. All you need to know is that substantial bonding occurred.
Nope, “music festival” was all I needed to know.
The catch? We live about six hours away from each other. This would not be a problem if we had lost touch by now, but we haven't. We've had a constant stream of texts day-in and day-out ever since that fateful weekend.
Again, I am trying my best not overstate it, but it's truly creepy how much we have in common, and this is something that we've talked about and have both acknowledged. So, my question for you is, where does this leave “us”? In the hands of fate? While neither of our current living situations are “permanent,” who's say where each of us will live in a few years to come? We both share an interest in moving to the west coast some day, but that's not the most reliable of jumping off points in terms of figuring out a future together.
My instincts are telling me not to back off solely based on how much I truly do enjoy talking to him, but the long-distance thing definitely is not in the works. Will he end up just being my “texting buddy” that I talk to about music and life?
Wanting what I (Literally) Can't Have
But, is it truly that “creepy” how much you have in common? I mean, you’re both festival-going folk, so you already share an interest in ruining the Metro and my apartment building with your filthy fucking feet and paint-covered clothes, as do all of the other people at that festival. Since you were at the same festival, you clearly share the same shitty taste in music, again, as do all of the other people who were there. Is it really that implausible that, in an altered state at a massive gathering of people with similar lifestyle preferences, you met someone with whom you clicked? Wow, you met someone at a festival who likes drugs and talking about inane shit. Cupid has clearly spoken.
Furthermore, as you mentioned, you live SIX HOURS apart. That’s two fucking time zones. That’s a transatlantic flight. Assuming you drive at 60 mph, that’s 360 miles you could go in any direction. Do you know how large of an area that is? I do, it’s 1,054,500.737 square kilometers. Are you telling me you can’t find yourself another neo-hippy in an area of over one million square kilometers? True, you don’t know where you’ll be in a few years (well after you’ve both likely forgotten about one another), but that’s not a good reason to invest in something. Who knows, maybe in a few years I’ll get Candice Swanepoel pregnant, but you don’t see me draining my bank account to follow her around the world for the opportunity. That’s what credit cards are for.
Dear Head Pro,
There's this one guy in my group of friends who has a crush on me…I guess…but he's a Nice Guy, and I don't see him as more than a friend. When he asks me on dates, I'll tell him that I'm busy, hoping that he'll take a hint, but he just doesn't. He keeps asking me out, and I don't want to be mean and tell him I don't like him because that would be so awkward. Well anyway, I recently met this new guy who I really like. We've gone on a few dates and hooked up, and when Nice Guy found out he flipped out and deleted me as a friend on Facebook. Our group of friends thinks I'm a bitch for leading him on, but I don't think I did anything to intentionally lead him on. I don't flirt with him. Anyway…is there any way for me to get this guy back as a friend. He's not responding to my texts or calls, so I don't really now how to go about this.
Christ, have you not read anything that either I or the girls have written about THIS EXACT SAME SITUATION? You cannot get him back “as a friend,” because he never was. He wanted to date you. That wasn’t even a secret! You’re both better off without each other. Also, fuck your friends for putting it all on you. He was the one grasping at straws the whole time. Next time grow a sack and put the guy down before it gets to that point.
Dear Head Pro,
I just met some kid about a week ago and we've hooked up three times. I want him so bad and that's why I keep refusing to have sex with him. I am a betch and I will win but I just don't know how to accomplish this. How long should I wait to have sex with him? I want him to crave me, does that mean I have to act like I don't want him?
Please let me know so I can dominate him and make him my betch!
I think if you’re putting this much thought into when you should sleep with a guy, you probably aren’t in a place where you should be sleeping with anyone. Still, if you want to intellectualize it, you should look more at the quality of your interactions than the quantity. Are you doing things together outside of the bedroom? If you do, does he seem to enjoy himself, or is he just kind of going through the motions until he can go spelunking in your ladycave?
Girls misunderstand the whole “make the guy wait” thing. It doesn’t work because sex is some kind of on/off switch for us. It works because the closer you get to someone on an emotional, personal level, the less likely you are to cut and run. Think about it, you’re much more loyal to your best friend than you are to the guy who makes your sandwiches at subway. Yes, the guy wanted to have sex with you for purely selfish reasons from the word go, but in a perfect world he’ll want to even more after he waits. Not for the simple fact that he couldn’t have it, but because you’re no longer just a sex object and instead someone he actually wants to share it with.
Also, fuck you for that last line.