Dating in 2025 is already scary enough. Between ghosters, cheaters, and guys who think Andrew Tate is “misunderstood,” it’s a war zone out there. But now, on top of all that, we apparently have to worry about men who are already married. Love that for us!
I recently started talking to this guy on Tinder (I’m not taking any questions at the moment) who told me he was a photographer. Putting that red flag aside, we made plans for a cute little coffee date, and just as I was deciding which sweater would make me look the perfect balance of effortlessly hot and “not too slutty just yet,” he hit me with: “Just so you know, I have a wife and a 3-year-old.” Sir. What?? Why are you here? What is the reason? Where is your child??
As horrifying as that was, I now see why the TikTok girlies have started dousing themselves in glitter before their first dates. No, it’s not because they just love a little sparkle (though, honestly, valid). It’s because married men hate glitter.
@damn.it.dalia Just to be safe #glitter #darkhumor #dating #datingtips #marriedmen #girlsgirl ♬ Girls Just Want to Have Fun – yourmusic4ever💯
Here’s the logic: If a guy is cheating, he’s probably trying to be discreet. And nothing says “I was with another woman” like a suspicious amount of sparkle all over his face, clothes, car seat, and soul. Glitter is the tattoo of the craft world — once it’s on you, it’s never coming off. Which means if he has a secret wife or girlfriend, she’s going to start asking some very pointed questions when he comes home shimmering like a disco ball.
I’m not sure exactly who started this trend, but I really do have to hand it to her (because I just know it was a woman). Why? Because this level of strategic dating warfare could only be born from a woman traumatized from dating men. And it really is a great tactic — imagine a grown man having a full-blown panic attack in the shower, scrubbing at his neck like Lady Macbeth because his wife is about to ask why he’s glowing like a damn fairy.
And although I’m still feeling inspired by how smart women are, I can’t help but also realize how tragic it is that women have to literally booby-trap themselves just to protect each other. We’re not leaving clues for fun — we’re leaving them so some poor girl doesn’t have to find out her husband is on Hinge from a friend of a friend in the DMs. That’s how bad things have gotten.
So yeah, I will absolutely be stocking up on glitter spray before my next first date. Not just because it’s cute but because if I ever get another “btw I’m married” text, at least his wife will know exactly who to blame.
