Dear Betch, Who Should I Bring to My Company Christmas Party?

Dear Betch,

I'm having a dilemma regarding who to bring to the company Christmas party. I'm newly single, got skinny and hot and getting a lot of attention.

Guy 1: GORGEOUS, amazing body but the dumbest person I have ever met. Honestly thought that 8 ounces of alcohol was equivalent to the .08 legal limit. No. He is so good in bed, and I want nothing to do with him socially so perfect rebound. Guy 2: the back burner to guy 1. Even better body, ugly face and still lives at home. Has a job at least. Can totally out play me in the game (help). Guy 3: Totally date able, dresses really nice, can hold a conversation but I'm not really drooling over him. Thanks for free dinner last week! Guy 4: mechanical engineer. Not cute. Makes good money (obviously) and is a decent kisser.

Ugh such a dilemma. I already paid for my plus 1, and the girls at work won't leave me alone because they think I'm single, miserable and alone with 10 cats, when little do they know I'm going in to work late because I just got home from guy #1 an hour before.


Business Betch

Dear Business Betch, 

I'm going to ignore your blatant bragging about being hot, skinny, and super desirable because it's obviously based largely in insecurity and I don't even have time to address that shit.

As to your dilemma, I'd go with guy #1. It seems you guys have the best time together and you don't give a shit about a long term relationship so you don't even have to worry about it being too soon to invite him to shit. Also, he's hot so you can show him off as arm candy and it's a Christmas party so everyone's getting wasted and  not particularly interested in getting to know the IQ level of some coworker's date.

Guy #2 lives at home so I don't even know why you're still talking to him. Guys #3 & #4 you should give three dates to interest you and then chuck them (if you don't at least have a strong desire to have sex with someone after three dates you never will). 

Have fun being the post breakup betch. It's a magical time.


The Betches


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