Netflix has done it again with its latest hit, Squid Game, which is trending on the streaming platform and also all over the internet. It’s like, you make plans for one weekend and suddenly you can’t keep up with the discourse on Twitter, Instagram, and in your own group chats. Life is so hard when you’re trying to stay culturally relevant.
I decided to combine two things people can’t stop talking about, Squid Game and astrology, to bring you a breakdown of which character each zodiac sign would be. Full disclosure, I am only six episodes in, so these characterizations could be completely wrong by the last episode. And for that, I don’t apologize—there’s only so much fictional death I can take in one sitting. Another full disclosure, this will contain spoilers.
Aries: Jang Deok-su
Aries are known for their temper, and IDK anyone who needs anger management classes more than this guy over here. The guy is assertive, perhaps to a fault, and is definitely the leader of his little group—even if he rules mostly by brute force and intimidation. An Aries through and through, if you ask me.
Taurus: The Salesman
Patient and analytical, the salesman has some sneaky Taurus traits. He doesn’t flinch when slapping all the participants right in the face, and is totally unflappable. Taureans don’t like to be pushed, and I would not push this guy. And just like the bulls of the zodiac, the game presented by the salesman is the definition of all-or-nothing.
A little obvious, yes, but also the most fitting. Spoiler alert, the doctor is completely two-faced, and sorry Gemini, but so are you. Geminis are extroverted and clever, similar to how the doctor is able to sweet-talk his way into the group of gangster types. And just like the doctor, Geminis’ downfall is that they’re nosy, just like how the doctor wouldn’t give up trying to find out the next game. Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand why he’d want to know… just saying, you know what they say about curiosity…
Cancer: Ali Abdul
Cancers are known for being one of the more loyal zodiac signs, and Ali is nothing if not loyal. I mean, he literally saves Seong Gi-hun in the first episode. He didn’t have to do that! He didn’t even know the guy! Too pure for this world. Pour one out for a true ride-or-die.
Leo: Seong Gi-hun
Leos have perpetual main character syndrome, and our man Seong Gi-hun is the main character, so there you go. He doesn’t have the biggest personality, but still, others are drawn to him, perhaps because of the warmth he shows towards his other players—like when he tries to learn all their names and actually get to know them. I mean, the gangster team wasn’t doing that.
Virgo: Cho Sang-woo
Virgos are anal and analytical, just like our good old friendly neighborhood embezzler over here. Always a man with a plan, Cho Sang-woo is the one everyone, even Seong Gi-hun, turns to to try to get them out of any given game alive.
Libra: Hwang In-ho
I realize this is a bit of a hot take, especially since I am a Libra, but if you think about it, it tracks. Libras are known for upholding fairness and equality, and I mean, that’s this guy’s entire gig. Plus, the dark side to Libras (in addition to being indecisive, which this guy is not), is that they can be manipulative, either wittingly or unwittingly. And it doesn’t get more manipulative than having hundreds of people drugged and taken to a mysterious location to play a series of games to the death!
Scorpio: Hwang Jun-ho
Not going to lie, it was tough to choose a Scorpio between Hwang Jun-ho and Han Mi-nyeo, because the lady is a total Stage 5 clinger and vengeful when it comes to relationships (although whether or not she’s successful at vengeance remains to be seen). But, ultimately, Hwang Jun-ho is just as secretive (I mean, the guy is literally secretly infiltrating the game) and persistent, not to mention, as far as enacting revenge goes, he is the one really going to the extremes here and risking it all.
Sagittarius: Kang Sae-byeok
Kang Sae-byeok, like a Sag, seems cold and unemotional at first, because she sticks to herself (also a Sag trait) and doesn’t want to get involved with the whole mushy feelings aspect of the group. Cosmo says Sagittarius prefer to think rather than feel, which I mean, hits the nail on the head for our pickpocket girl.
Capricorns are the mature, responsible friend, which I’ve got to assume is Ji-yeong to an extent after growing up without parents (because she… uhh… murdered her dad, but still). Ji-yeong, like Capricorns, took a while to warm up to people and kind of seemed like a bitch at first when she went off on that one guy about praying, but by the end, she proved to be quite sensitive. I won’t spoil it, but if you’ve seen that episode, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about when I say she’s sensitive.
Aquarius: Oh Il-nam
Aquarius are kind of loners who are a little detached, and the old guy was a bit of a loner, even if it wasn’t by design. He’s upfront, like Aquarians—in the marbles scene, when he knows he’s being played, he says it. Aquarius are known for being innovative, which Oh Il-nam definitely is, particularly when it comes to tug-of-war. And like Libras, they care about justness and fairness, like when Il-nam stood up on the bunk beds during the nighttime massacre to beg everyone to stop fucking killing each other. (That last statement may not age well per the spoiler I accidentally read, but I stand by it for now.)
Pisces: Han Mi-nyeo
I mean, is there a more Pisces Pisces to ever Pisces on this show? Talk about emotional and impulsive. I feel like this woman is pretty much always screaming for one reason or another, so there you go. Not to mention, she was completely idealistic about her little tryst with Jang Deok-su. Lady, of course this guy is going to ditch you the second he gets a chance! Anyone could have seen that coming.
Images: YOUNGKYU PARK (7); Courtesy of Netflix (6)