In most states, betches wake up on Sunday morning with a colossal hangover and no plans to get out of bed until Monday—but not New York betches. New York betches are more passionate about Sunday brunch than Jonathan Cheban is about deep-dish pizza. I mean, you just can’t fake that kind of enthusiasm. No matter how strict of a diet you’re on, it’s totally possible to find a sick brunch spot that will cure your hangover without ruining your health kick. Here are the best ones:
Westville has a few locations around the downtown area, and their menu is literally perfect for a group of hangry girls who needed their egg white omelet like, yesterday. The line is never too bad and there are enough vegetables on the menu to make you forget about the box of Joe’s pizza you devoured last night before passing out. For people who aren’t dieting, their challah bread French toast is bomb.
2. The Butcher’s Daughter
Butcher’s Daughter is the type of place that basically requires you to take at least three Xanax pills to wait in line behind 20 vegan models and a couple Nolita hipsters, but if you have the time and patience, it’s worth it. Butcher’s Daughter advertises as being vegan but they totally serve eggs and other normal brunch items, so don’t worry about needing to cure your hangover with tofu and soy butter. Plus, in the summer they serve boozy popsicles that literally taste like frozen Sangria. It’s a must.
3. Freds at Barneys
Whether you’re an actual uptown betch or you just spent the night at some guy’s apartment on the Upper East Side, Freds is literally the most underrated brunch spot. Their salads are huge enough to make you forget that you’ve been counting your calories all week, and their French fries are unreal if you can convince your friends to split them with you. It’s also just an amazing dining experience, so put on your best romper and pretend you washed your hair this weekend.
4. Coco & Cru
There’s nothing betches love more than hot Australian accents and basic avocado toast, and this place does both perfectly. It’s an Australian-inspired café, so you’ll feel pretty cultured while eating food that is delicious and pretty healthy. The green bowl is filled with roasted green veggies and a poached egg, and is honestly delicious. They also do brunch all day so you don’t have to worry about getting out of bed before noon.
5. Foragers Table
Foragers is all about farm-to-table dining, so you know all the ingredients here are fresh and aren’t loaded with shit. Their brunch menu is easy to navigate for people on the strictest diet (get the Super Green Egg White Omelet) or people who don’t give a fuck (get Orange Blossom Pancakes, extra syrup). They also make a ton of freshly squeezed juices and have great cocktails made with fresh ingredients and herbs. You’re basically getting drunk off organic mint leaves.
If you’re looking for an Instagram-worthy brunch on the Lower East Side, Dimes is your place. They make these amazing healthy bowls with acai and chia seeds and the rest of that superfood family, and they also have amazing toasts with almond butters, seeds, berries, and anything else you could want (to photograph) for brunch. They also make their own sick brunch cocktails, like the Dimes Carajillo and various mimosas depending on which fresh juices they have that day.
7. Ellary’s Greens
Ellary’s Greens is as healthy as it sounds, but it’s possible they have the best brunch food in the West Village. If the Jack’s Wife Freda line is giving you a pounding headache, Ellary’s is usually less busy and the food is super fresh. They do healthy yogurt parfaits and house-made granola, and if you’re feeling like you want a diet break, go for their blueberry-lemon waffle or their apple-filled French toast. They also apparently serve bacon kale mac & cheese, which might be healthy, or might just be bacon mac & cheese with a kale leaf on the side. Get back to us on that.