What’s Wrong With Being Confident: Weekly Horoscopes August 17-21

Thank you, Leo New Moon! This week we’re all getting a mega-dose of glam Leo energy, leading to a 100% chance of feeling the f*ck out of yourself. If the pandemic has had you feeling bloated/dusty/acne-prone, this is the week to bust out of that mentality. Sure, you may still be bloated, dusty, and acne-prone, but like Summer Roberts once said, it’s all about confidence, Cohen. Confidence.


That fire that’s always raging within you is getting even bigger this week, as the Leo New Moon pushes you to be bigger and better. That means more creativity, more risk-taking, and less f*cks to give. We’re genuinely scared for anyone foolish enough to try and stop you.


Is there anything a Taurus loves more than getting their house in order? (Besides an enormous bowl of comfort food.) This week is all about domestic bliss, aka making your space as comfortable as it possibly can be. Don’t be afraid to rearrange your layout or Marie Kondo the f*ck out of your desk. Oh, and if you end up spending the entire week Zillow-scrolling and imagining yourself as a Selling Sunset broker, that’s fine too.


Well hello Miss Popular! This week the world is literally obsessed with you. People are hanging on your every word, liking your every tweet, and commenting on your every ‘gram. It’s honestly exhausting, but such is the life of a celebrity. Just don’t forget the little people, k?


New moon, new you! This week is all about opening yourself up to exciting new possibilities, even if they’re not quite what you’d envisioned for yourself. Newsflash: literally nothing is what anyone envisioned for themselves right now, so why not take a risk? While still following CDC guidelines, of course.


Leo…welcome to your moon! This week is all about celebrating yourself. Indulge in your favorite foods, post a sexy selfie, set aside time for your favorite workout (or give yourself the day off). It’s all about reminding yourself that you f*cking rule, even as the world is going to sh*t. That’s a pretty big accomplishment.


What makes a Virgo tick? You’re about to find out. The Leo new moon has you diving deep into your own mind, and you may find yourself plagued by life’s most pressing questions. What is the meaning of life? What happens when you die? And most importantly…if I get an amazing tan in quarantine and no one is around to see it, did I really get a tan?


Team Libra, assemble! This week you are craving your crew as the Leo new moon puts you in the mood for some collaborative vibes. So strap that mask on your face, grab the biggest round towel you can find, and plan an outdoor hang with the ride-or-dies. You know, the ones who haven’t been posting pics of themselves at a party every other weekend. (**Cough** Kaylee **Cough**)


The Leo new moon has you seeing all the possibilities for your life, Scorpio. So what path do you want to take? Give credence to your daydreams and fantasies this week as they could be showing you your true life’s purpose (or that you’re just really horny and or hungry).


Lay off the pressure, Sagittarius. You love to learn, but you also hate to be a beginner. This week, let yourself do something that—say it with me now—you’re not naturally good at. Pick up that dusty guitar, clean off those oil paints, or even *gasp* stretch your body. You’ll become an expert in no time (and then you can pretend it was always this way.)


Keep an eye out for an intriguing offer that could set you on a whole new life path. It may come in an unexpected way, or from an unexpected source, but it could be exactly the thing you need to get out of this pandemic rut. Oh, and pro tip: it’ll probably be something that kind of scares you.


Feeling distracted? Blame the new moon. Sorry to your boss, but this week your social and romantic lives are taking center stage, and your ability to concentrate on work is basically non-existent. Might as well go ahead and reschedule those Zoom meetings now…


Yoga mat collecting dust in the corner of your room? Not anymore! The Leo new moon has you in the mood to sign up for a Zoom fitness class and then actually attend said class. Shocking, I know. Take advantage of this newfound desire for a healthy lifestyle and see if this whole “endorphins make you happy” thing actually holds up.

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.