What's The Right Way To Tell Someone You Have An STD? Ask A Pro

Head Pro’s private parts are clean as a whistle. Email him your questions at [email protected], and follow him on Twitter and Insta at @betchesheadpro.

Hello Head Pro,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for only a year, but we get along really great. In my opinion, we have a healthy relationship. We can communicate well about most things, we are polite to each other, know our boundaries and it’s just going fabulous. We haven’t had a fight either. The only thing that makes me uncomfortable is that he likes to party. From what his friends have told me, he has calmed down since he started dating me, a non-partier. I really like him, and it makes me feel weird when he goes out to parties and raves.

He has invited me to both types of events, and I’ve gone to a party a couple of times and I disliked the atmosphere and how people act at parties. I try to just kinda ignore everything that’s happening, but I can feel that he’d like me to drink something at a party. At the party, I just stood by his side, it was uncomfortable because I was the only one who didn’t drink. He drank just a beer, but from the ways his friends at the parties were shaming him for only drinking one BEER, I got the hint he usually does way more. He is so polite and a great guy, but this party side of him makes me feel really uncomfortable. He knows that I don’t party and respects that. He is always up to do whatever I want to do, but when he asked me to go to a party, I said yes because I felt that this is one thing he’d really like to me do so I went. He almost never asks me to do things, ever.

Should I decline to go to any more parties with him? I felt bad bc last time I went, we hung around his drunk friends and he realized I was super uncomfortable and asked if I wanted to sit down. We sat in another room and just talked and had funny conversations, but I felt like I drew him away from the event he invited me to and I felt like I just wanted his attention. I didn’t, I just don’t drink or anything so I didn’t know what to do. Do you have any advice?

Thank you,
[Name redacted]

These are always tough. It’s totally fine to not drink or party in college. Honestly, judging by what I remember of my GPA, it’s probably good and beneficial in the long run. That said, If you’re going to get through college (and life, really), you’re going to have to learn how to be around drunk people in a social setting. And I feel you, being the sober Sally SUCKS. Drunk people are annoying, and college people are annoying, so a group full of drunk college students is hell on Earth if you’re sober. But drinking together is a HUGE social bonding agent in our society, so avoiding it altogether for the rest of your life would be almost impossible. You gotta find a way to deal. I suggest meth.

As far as this particular boyfriend, though, I don’t think you need to do anything different. Not because either of you needs to change, but because this relationship isn’t going to last. If your boyfriend was such a prolific frat star before he met you, I extremely doubt that anything has “changed” within him since you got to school (I’m assuming you’re a freshman, because only a freshman would send this email). He hasn’t traded his partying days for domestic bliss, he’s just trying something new—dating you, that is.

Newness and/or novelty is the beating heart of the college existence, or at least it was for me. Most people remember their senior year most fondly, but I’d take freshman year over senior year any given day. That time is getting awfully small in my rearview window, but I can still remember the sheer NEWNESS of it all: the crisp fall air, the dipshit clothes I wore, the way the frats lit up the letters over their door, the music playing on the dancefloors, the foamy, shitty warm beer in solo cups, all of it. New place, new people, and (most importantly) a new you. Every day it was something, a new adventure. It was sensory overload, honestly, but that was fine because you’re 18 and an idiot you WELCOME an onslaught of information like that. Figuring out how the machine works is a lot more exciting than being a cog in it, and I’ve been chasing that dragon ever since. Nothing else measures up.

And honestly, going out is a huge part of that. When you’re that age, the most exciting new things of all are people, and parties are where you find them. As someone who had a pretty tame social life in high school, partying quickly embedded itself in my DNA. At night, you didn’t have classes or financial aid issues or gnawing memories of all the times you looked like an idiot in front of the entire school. You could be a GOD if you wanted, living life like a Kardashian and rolling around with your own personal soundtrack playing in your head. No opportunity to go out is too small. Hear music bumping from a dorm or house? “Bro, what if there’s Natty Light and heavy-titted women in there?” ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.

So yeah, you don’t need to do anything—you’re not doing anything wrong, and neither is he. You’re both going to figure out what you want, and you’ll both decide what’s more important soon enough. Going to parties and figuring out how to enjoy yourself without booze would probably do you some good, but it’s not a requirement. My guess is that your boyfriend will eventually decide that his social life means more to him than spending his college years playing house with a tee-totaling girlfriend. I could be wrong, though, like back in freshman year when I thought I could pull off oversized Nautica polos and Timberland boots.

Dear Head Pro,

I met a guy on a dating app while out in another city for business. He seemed normal and I was bored of work talk so we met up for a drink. Long story short, my original “just a quick drink” plan turned into a 6hr hang out session and we did “stuff” (didn’t sleep with him though). Not sure if that even counts as a one-night stand—clearly new territory.

I thought we had a surprisingly good connection and it was actually a lot of fun. I suggested we meet up again and he seemed interested and asked for my availability but it never materialized because he would be hot/cold/busy with work and disappear only to apologize later. Plus it was long distance so it meant advance schedule checks and plans.

He finally called me a few weeks ago to say he was not trying to brush me off but really needs to focus on his life because I called him out on the vanishing act. And he ended it saying we should stay in touch and he will let me know when he is in my neck of the woods. We have not spoken since. Usually I would write this off right away but…

Anyway, I’m headed back to his city on business again shortly. Should I text him or let this be? Thinking the latter because while it would be fun to see him and I want us to get to know each other better on a non-physical level, it would be much nicer if he got his shit together and put in some actual effort someday. Thoughts?

Lol no, fuck this guy. Saying “let me know when you’re in town” doesn’t mean anything more than when you run into an acquaintance you forgot about and tell them “we should get coffee some time!” It’s small talk. The social code mandates that we buffer bad news with good; that we end negative sentiments on an uplifting note. He needs to “focus on his life,” but you two should “stay in touch.” That’s just filler, something people are programmed to say to the point where it’s practically a reflex.

Besides, this guy’s a fuckboy anyway. Only a fuckboy gets called out on his mild ghosting and then IMMEDIATELY finds a way to make it about himself. “Ah yes, once you pointed out that I stopped talking to you after we did some hand and mouth stuff, I realized that I have too many demons to juggle right now. Thank you for helping me to see the light. And no, I’m not available next Friday. Or the next.”

You hung out literally once, in a city where you don’t live. I think you’ll be alright trolling for someone new on Hinge.

Dear Head Pro,

I am a sophomore in college and for the past month, I was hooking up with a senior in one of my classes. He is way more experienced that I am and I know that he sleeps around a lot. I never let myself develop any kind of feelings for him because I doubt this will turn into anything and things were pretty casual, but I do like hanging out with him. We hooked up a decent amount of times (initially drunk and then towards the end a couple of times sober) and now that we are on winter break, he occasionally snapchats me flirty things and has done other things to indicate that he is into me.

Today, I got an anonymous text through a notification service saying that I should get checked for STDs because someone I have slept with tested positive, and obviously I’m really freaked out. Unless someone is playing a joke on me, the only person who could have sent it is this kid. Is it crazy of me to think he owed me more than an anonymous text telling me to get tested, leaving me with absolutely no information just because he was scared or embarrassed? After I am tested, is it ok to confront him telling him how messed up that was of him? Lastly, despite all of this and being upset by his actions, I don’t think I am necessarily over him.



Holy shit! Not that you might have herpes; that happens all the time. But there’s an APP for telling people your dick’s on fire? At first I thought you went to some bizarre dystopian school where they kept a registry of who slept with whom, because otherwise there’s no way for the service to know who to text. Then I read your email again sober, and it all made sense. That’s a pretty innovative technology!

Unfortunately, no I don’t think it’s ok to confront him about it. He made sure you were notified (albeit in a roundabout way), and that’s kind of all he owes you. More information would be nice (is it like, AIDS, or just regular gonorrhea?), but other than that he didn’t do anything wrong. Fucking around without protection is reckless, but unless he was sitting on these results, he wasn’t doing anything malicious. You didn’t have anything exclusive, and you in fact went out of your way to do that thing where girls say they never get feelings and then immediately start over-investing in meaningless shit like shirtless Snaps. Then, your last line really seals it.

However over him you are (or aren’t), I think you’re probably more upset at the fact that he had to get dick disease from someone else. Like, even if you KNEW that he was probably sleeping around, seeing evidence of it (in that fashion, no less) stings worse than the clap. Get checked out pronto (obvi), and then move the fuck on. He’s clearly not worth your time.

Head Pro’s private parts are clean as a whistle. Email him your questions at [email protected], and follow him on Twitter and Insta at @betchesheadpro.