What Your Bitmoji's Outfit Says About You

I’ve always been the kind of person who’s super into any kind of shit that explains personalities. Whether it’s astrology, numerology, or the results of a fucking BuzzFeed quiz, I live for any information that pinpoints why people act the way they do. (It’s because my natal planet positions include Jupiter in Scorpio. Or because the legendary Elle Woods “we’re both Gemini vegetarians” quote really resonated with me at a young age. Or I’m just a narcissist. Who knows!) Anyway, I’m basically ready to throw all my star charts and psychology books away, because I’ve discovered that there’s really only one guide to truly understanding a person, and that’s a Bitmoji analysis. With the latest Snapchat updates, Bitmojis are a seriously integral aspect of daily life. Like, your Bitmoji probably gets more face time than you do. It’s not just a customized cartoon, it’s the single most representation of your entire life and soul. *Kourtney Kardashian voice* You can learn everything you need to know about someone by looking at their Bitmoji. I mean, obviously, your Bitmoji is going to be a little bit prettier than you. That’s expected. However, if your Bitmoji is way blonder, tanner and significantly thinner than you, you’re clearly out of touch with reality. On the other hand, if your Bitmoji is a carbon copy of you, you’re probably fucking hilarious and someone I’d like to drunkenly make brunch plans with in the bathroom of a club. But the biggest clue is your Bitmoji’s outfit. Here’s what your Bitmoji’s outfit and styling says about you.

Your Bitmoji Is Wearing Something From Forever 21

Choosing a Bitmoji outfit from Forever 21 is the exact same as choosing a real outfit from Forever 21. You tried on everything else in every other store in the mall, and now you’re supposed to start getting ready in an hour so you grab the first thing you see that doesn’t have a slice of pizza screen printed on the back out of sheer desperation. It’s not the worst thing you’ve ever worn, but it’s definitely not your first, second, or third choice in the grand scheme of life.

Your Bitmoji Is Dressed In Something Practical

I’ve literally never seen anyone actually use any of the practical Bitmoji outfits, which is probably because all of my Snapchat friends are still posting Snap stories of a bunch of drunk betches screaming Bieber in the back of an Uber. If your Bitmoji has a suit on, you’re way too uptight and need to pop a Xanax immediately.

Your Bitmoji Is Rocking Activewear

When in doubt, athleisure is always a great choice. It’s just such a shame that in Bitmoji world, you have to wear the generic version of Skechers Shape Ups.

Your Bitmoji Is Wearing Your Work Uniform

If your Bitmoji is in scrubs and your actual job is a nurse, you probably take your job too seriously. In this instance, it’s actually okay because it’s a really good way to avoid having to wear any of the other horrendous Bitmoji outfits.

Your Bitmoji Is Wearing A Bitmo-Tee

In the real world, graphic tees are such a slippery slope. They’re either brilliantly hilarious (like ours, hi) or absolutely cringeworthy, and there’s really no in between. In Bitmoji world, all graphic tees are major red flags. If your Bitmoji is wearing a graphic tee, you probably still think it’s okay to Instagram screenshots of motivational quotes you found on Pinterest and you need to be stopped.

Your Bitmoji Is Dressed For The Club

You’d probably never wear this outfit in real life, but you want your Bitmoji to tell the world that you’re prepared to turn up at a moment’s notice. All of the clubwear options are a little bit too Instagram model-y for everyday situations, like when your Bitmoji is enthusiastically sipping coffee on a Monday morning, but it’s definitely not the worst option.

Your Bitmoji Has A Costume On

If your Bitmoji is dressed as a fucking cupcake, you need to reel it in. Like, we get it. You do drugs and listen to a lot of EDM.

Your Bitmoji Is Keeping It Casual

In real life, all of the casual Bitmoji outfits would scream Pinterest mom. In Bitmoji world, they’re kind of the only truly safe bet. If your Bitmoji is in something casual, you’ve given up on trying to find a cartoon outfit that you’d actually wear because you have better shit to do. (Or complain about, and not actually do.)

Hannah Chambers
Hannah Chambers
Hannah Chambers is one of those people whose entire personality consists of Real Housewives references, taking pictures of her dog, and drinking out of an obnoxiously large water bottle. You can find her work in Cosmopolitan, Bustle,, and more. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @hanchambers