An Investigation Of What Was In The Box Melania Gave Michelle

As a woman who copied both the great Jackie O in sartorial choices and Michelle Obama in word choices, it should come as no surprise that the Slovenian robot Mrs. Trump tried once again to fake some humanity.

Mrs. Trump aka our current FLOTUS *internally screaming* handed Mrs. Obama aka former FLOTUS a large, stupid looking (because it was so large) Tiffany box. Presumably, in order to thank her for her services, and as I said, to appear human since she clearly isn’t. (No human person would marry a man who wants to fuck his daughter. Facts.)


After the exchange went down, Michelle Obama epitomized what we’ve all been feeling, re: this transfer of power/downgrade/spiral into the abyss of hell.

Michelle Accepting The Box:

Michelle Obama Inauguration

Melania: Zomg, zank you for zee speech. Here is box. 

Michelle: K.

And then…

Michelle Not Knowing WTF To Do With The Box:

Michelle Obama Inauguration Box

Michelle: SOS

One more time for the people in the back.

Michelle Obama Confused

This shade was, hands down, the only good thing to come from that day. So good that I’d say the USA doesn’t even deserve it, considering that we’ve created the maelstrom unfolding before our eyes. But the real issue at hand, besides all the other thousands of issues plaguing us atm, is: WTF was in that box?

Even though our president would declare that I have “little credibility!” to make these claims, fuck it. Here are some ideas: