What The Hell Is Up With All These People Running Marathons?

Since when has everyone become a fucking runner? Seriously. It’s aggravating that so many people are able to run 26 point whatever that decimal is like it’s nothing.

What’s ten times more aggravating is that they have no limits to the ways they let everyone else know they’re runners. What does that even mean? You’re a runner? Seems like you’re just really good at running your mouth about how much better your life is now that you found your true calling.

Weird, where were you when the track team needed you? Becthes aren’t fooled by runners’ claims that it’s a “way of life”. No, it’s a way to stay skinny so you can eat and drink like there’s no tomorrow and not have to feel guilty about it. They’ll just “run it off tomorrow.” It’s disgusting how many posts on social media there are of people tracking their miles and displaying the amount of calories burned. You did that and can drink three whole frozen margaritas and have a bagel the next day? Betches would kill for that luxury, but we won’t spend hours running for it.

We all know that if we had one wish it would be that calories didn’t make you gain weight, instead being dumb did. We also would have a second wish that was granted after making such a great wish and make old Miley come back (#MissYouMiles).

Runners are annoying because they constantly talk about it like it’s their job. They’re not paying you to do it, so you can relax. You’re obviously running away from your problems (pun intended) because there’s no way you would spend all that time training if you weren’t looking for a distraction.

At the end of the day, we have to remember that we don’t need to succumb to this ridiculous lifestyle and that we are just fine sticking to the elliptical, spin and yoga. Just remind yourself that they are setting alarms we wouldn’t dare set and they have to be missing out on getting fucked up, cause there’s no way their hungover bodies can handle all that exertion.

There’s only one type of marathon for us #Netflix.


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