What Not To Wear In Your Engagement Photo Shoot

If Stacy and Clinton taught us anything, it was to not be fat, poor, or shittily dressed. Those same What Not To Wear OG show rules can and should be applied to your upcoming engagement photo shoot. If you don’t want to appear tacky in your save the dates (and future Facebook/Insta/Twitter profile pics AND holiday cards for the foreseeable future), there are lots of like, rules for what not to wear in your engagement photo shoot. To avoid looking fat, like a tablecloth, poor, or generally not cute in these v important pics, follow these rules and do not commit these fashion offenses.

1. Outfits You’ve Literally Never Worn Before

Now is not the time for fear for you to try on a brand new puffy shoulder trend or cold shoulder shit you’ve never seen yourself in. You want to look like you in your pics, so it isn’t the best time to break out the brand new shit you just bought. Wear something in which you feel comfortable, confident, and like yourself.

2. Matching Shit

Don’t. Nothing photographs worse than two people in matching plaid, or denim, or his and hers outfits. No one finds that shit cute. That shit is TACKY. Plus, according to photographers, if you and your SO are matching, it can be hard to discern who’s who in a photo—morphing your bodies into an amorphous blob capable of ruining small cities.

3. Six Different Outfits

You’re going to be tired and stressed and trying to remember to smile and getting real overwhelmed with the photographer telling you to stare at your SO and try not to laugh or sneeze or burp or whatever. Changing several times will give you way too many different photo looks and will stress you out. Having two to three outfits is perfect—don’t go for more than that.

4. Big Patterns

If you’re petite, you already know the rules about big, loud patterns. Do you want to look like you’ve been drowned in a 70s curtain? Nope. Also, a big pattern will move the focus from you and your SO and more onto the loud Anthropologie printed dress that may have worked for someone with Emily Ratajkowski’s body but like, not yours, sweetie.

5. Anything With Logos

The things you wear in your engagement photos should be things you wouldn’t be embarrassed to walk around a trendy European country in. If you know anything about, say, Parisian street style, you know that they find logos and graphic tees loud, tacky, and quintessentially American (and not in a good way). Apply these rules to your engagement photos, and pretend you’re trying to impress a bunch of snotty French style watchers. Plus, you’ll look like a walking advertisement for GAP or Nike in 10 years when you look back at them. Nobody wants that.

6. Ill-Fitting Clothes

Don’t think that this is your big moment to break out the high school jeans you still pretend to fit into. Likewise, don’t wear something you know swims on you in an attempt to look skinny (I feel you, but don’t). The camera captures everything, including your muffin top. Don’t embarrass your parents (again). And as far as too-big shit is concerned, if it needs to be hemmed at the leg, folded over your wrist, or constantly adjusted so as to not fall off, skip it. If you want to look 10 pounds heavier, be my guest.

7. Athleisure

Unless you two met at yoga and now own a yoga studio and like, literally live and breathe fucking yoga, please don’t wear your athleisure outfit to your photoshoot. Lululemon can wait till after the shoot is over. These pics are the harbingers of your wedding. They are destined to be on fridges, coffee tables, garbages, and other places of honor in people’s homes. Don’t ruin the integrity of these expensive snaps with leggings.

8. Neon Anything

This went out of style several years ago (thank God), and you should have donated it all to the poor and unfashionable anyway. If, for some reason, you really need to wear neon yellow or green in your engagement photos (are you in a laser tag arena?), rethink it. They create weird colors on your skin, making you look oddly pale or orangey tan. If you’re going for a “vampire that likes to rave” thing, though, go for it.

9. Orange

Just don’t. Photographers say it’s literally the most unphotogenic color. Plus, you’ll look like prisoners which, if you are, maybe go for it, and I can’t wait to see you both on an upcoming episode of Prison Wives.

Images: Giphy (3)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson