Welp, we’re a little over a week into the new year, and, uh, not much has changed. We’re fresh off the whole brink of civil war/coup/overthrow of democracy, but that was like, to be expected, right? Like, the way 2020 went, we’re lucky the new year didn’t start off with a gigantic sea monster, or super-sized murder hornets, or all of those things teaming up with the MAGA crazies to storm the Capitol together.
Maybe we can look forward to a semi-peaceful weekend…?
Friday is for friendship, Capricorn. If you can do so safely and without making a bartender or waiter question their safety and sanity, head out to your fav local spot and drop some dollars to help out your friendly neighborhood watering hole while gossiping with your besties. Recover from the hangover that always comes with being 30-something on Saturday by lying low and sleeping late. The stars are promising some weird f*cking dreams, so you have that to look forward to.
Your gut is talking to you, mostly about boring sh*t like work, Aquarius. Try actually listening and, maybe having a chat with your boss about where you can improve and earn, like, double your salary. Saturday and Sunday are opportune for catching up with friends, so make time for phone dates or having a bestie over for dinner and lots of wine.
Your intuition is tingling all weekend Pisces. Listen to whatever it’s saying and go with it, even if it seems weird. Like, if it’s telling you to be nice, maybe let your S.O. watch one of his fav new shows instead of subjecting him to more Bridgerton. Saturday and Sunday are looking successful workwise, so even if you find yourself weirdly wanting to catch up on that work project, it’s fine. Plus, it’s a weekend, so you can drink while you do it.
Time to get emo, Aries. The moon is making you feel way more sensitive than usual, so plan on turning off your phone and cuddling up with a book and a beer, or whatever. By Saturday evening you’ll be feeling more like yourself, so get out and do something a bit different. The stars want you to experience new sh*t, so either take an interesting hike or order a new cuisine that you’ve been thinking about trying.
It’s all about relationships this weekend, Taurus. Plan to spend Friday night with your S.O. or, if you’re single, plan to make an effort to meet someone special by swiping whatever way is necessary. Saturday and Sunday are for deepening your commitment, so if you’re paired up, plan on some deep convos and lots of sexy time. Maybe it’s time to break out the sexy winter pajamas, amirite?
Time for a little you time, Gemini. Use this weekend to pamper yourself and make commitments for the new year. If you want to get in shape, use Saturday to find a walking trail. If you want to learn to cook, it’s time to rewatch all of Ina Garten’s shows. All that self-love may be a bit exhausting, so use Sunday to hang out with your partner or best friend.
Build something with your bare hands this weekend, Cancer. The moon is firing on all cylinders to make you feel creative af, so lean in and paint a picture, tackle a DIY project, or start a home decor blog where you talk about how many plants you haven’t killed. By Saturday night, you’ll be all out of artsy ideas and will feel the urge to power down and relax, so reward yourself with a personal pizza, murder documentary, and time with your vibrator.
It’s all about home this weekend, Leo. After work on Friday, work on cozying up your space with more throw pillows, or just cleaning up the piles of clothes and face masks littering your floor. Saturday and Sunday are for letting inspiration strike in your creative headspace, so take a walk outside if it isn’t really f*cking cold, embrace nature, then journal about it. If that seems like too much work, just watch some kind of nature documentary and call it a day.
Introspection is the name of the game this weekend, Virgo. Take time to sit, write, paint, or cook your heart out on Saturday as your creativity and ability to express yourself through like, any medium will be second to none. The vibes continue on Sunday, so keep knitting or baking, or watching YouTube videos on how to do those things without actually having to do them.
Check out your budget, Libra. It’s a new year, so this is a new chance to get your finances in order. Sh*t, maybe you’ll file your taxes on time this year and get that merit badge for being an adult, too. Saturday and Sunday are all about communication, so call your mom, brother, or best friend and catch up on the daily gossip.
You’re charm-city this weekend, Scorpio. If you’re single, it’s a great time to schedule a date, since the stars are making you irresistible. Don your cutest mask and get out there, slugger. If you’re paired up, plan a date night that won’t suck. We suggest subjecting your S.O. to Bridgerton and bad wine. Turn your attention to money matters on Saturday and Sunday. It’s time to save up for the impending civil war.
Sleep in and reflect on all the weird dreams you’re about to have, Sagittarius. Maybe you’re actually in a dream now, and it’s still 2020, and this has all been a nightmare. Saturday and Sunday you’ll want to share your well-rested and spirited self with others, so spread the joy and head out for a hike or socially distanced adventure with some friends.
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