This just in, y’all: 2020 might actually be my year after all! Am I saying this because we finally found a vaccine for COVID-19 and can now shed our mole-people skin and live our lives doing truly wild things like breathing indoors amongst other people without covering our mouths and noses? Lol no. Am I saying this because my clip-on bang extensions finally came in the mail and I am about to look fire AF for my next zoom happy hour? Still no (but only because as my mother, hairdresser, the checkout girl at Walgreens, and Sweetest Betch You’ll Ever Meet tried to tell me, I look like a prepubescent boy with bangs). I’m saying this because Cole Sprouse is back on the dating market! That’s right: #Bughead is dead. In the irreverent words of Dylan O’Brien: 2020 is f*cking relentless.
After months of speculation, will they/won’t they articles, and a thorough breadcrumbing of the general public on their relationship status, we finally have confirmation that Cole Sprouse and Lili Reinhart have broken up. Yesterday Cole took to Instagram to post a picture of what was either a nature candid of Lili or stock image from Taylor Swift’s “Cardigan” music video with a caption detailing the circumstances of his breakup. In the post he wrote:
“Lili and I initially separated in January of this year, deciding to more permanently split in March. What an incredible experience I had, I’ll always feel lucky and cherish that I had the chance to fall in love. I wish her nothing but the utmost love and happiness moving forward. All I’ll say about it, anything else you hear doesn’t matter.
Also her movie comes out soon! I’m sure she’s just as incredible in it as everything else she does. Thanks guys ❤️”
Let’s take a minute to unpack this. First of all, I love that he took the time to clarify the exact date range of their romantic demise. It’s like he knew I was going to research the astrological significance of this time frame so I could use this as a reason to justify why I was ghosted in the spring. Also, the phrasing of a “more permanent split” feels very much like they both felt the weight of COVID and the CDC’s wild guidelines for safe sex during a pandemic and decided their relationship wasn’t worth salvaging—at least not if it meant f*cking through a sheet. Sad!
I will say, as far as breakup posts go, this is very mature and very sweet. He even took the time to plug her new movie! I can’t even get my ex to complete my Venmo request for his last bar tab, let alone get him to do something like encourage people to support my life’s work. For shame.
Cole’s post comes after a rocky year for the couple—like, rockier than the G&G plotline during season three of Riverdale. First there was the now infamous W Magazine cover shoot from the summer of 2019 where the two dressed in Twilight cosplay and looked absolutely miserable together, sparking rumors that the two of them were donezo, only for them to take to Instagram posting THE SAME PHOTOS with the captions “you don’t know sh*t” and successfully trolling us all. We were then treated to a year of musings about the couple’s relationship status, religiously stalking their Instagram feeds looking for any shred of evidence that the two were more than just amicable coworkers.
Then, earlier this summer, Cole was accused of sexual assault by an anonymous Twitter account and, despite speculation of a breakup, Lili rushed to his defense on Twitter. It was later discovered that this account had made multiple false claims and there were no charges filed against Cole.
Which brings us to August 2020. In an interview with Refinery29, Lili talked about upcoming projects and her mental health. She spoke about how the coronavirus has affected her mentally, specifically saying, “The last couple of months have probably [been] the most emotional few months of my entire life and my therapist [told] me, ‘Your body’s going through withdrawal from love.” She went on to say: “You’re used to having this exchange of happy chemicals between you and the person that you’re with… In moments of my life, I have dropped every ounce of pride that I had just to be like, ‘Love me. Please take the pain away for a day, a second, an hour,’ just so I can feel that fix again.”
The internet, along with every tween Riverdale fan (and myself), took this to mean that the two had finally called it quits. Lili was quick to clarify on Twitter that her comments were taken out of context and she would like us all to kindly back tf out of her business, thx. She clarified that in the interview she was not talking about being depressed over her breakup, but rather the depression she’s struggled with over the last few months.
A day later, Cole officially confirmed their breakup on Instagram. So, there you have it folks! Cole and Lili are no more. While I’m sad for them, I’m THRILLED for the added angst that’s about to go into their characters’ Riverdale sex scenes. Now, if you need me, I’ll be here googling photography and meadery conversation starters, and other ways in which to slide into Cole’s DMs.
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Images: @colesprouse /Instagram (1); @lilireinhart /Twitter (1); @dylanobrien /Twitter (1); giphy (1)