Who Will Be Your Halloween Hookup? Weekly Horoscopes For October 29-November 2

It’s Halloween this week (though every civilized human celebrated it last weekend), and what’s scarier than not knowing your future? Here’s everything that you need to be on the lookout for astrologically this week, so you can focus on eating candy and getting too freaked out during your scary movie Netflix-and-chill sesh to actually hook up. Here are your weekly horoscopes for October 29-November 2.


You’re always in the mood to keep it real, but how real is too real? Like, did Kerry really need you to tell her that’s the ugliest effing skirt you’ve ever seen, or that her boyfriend has “small dick energy?” Probs not. Take a second to check yourself this week, Aries, and make sure your truth bombs are all ones that really need to be dropped.


Your desire to hang with people and your desire to never leave the house are at odds this week, Taurus, so why not combine them? Wednesday is literally Halloween, aka the perfect opportunity to invite a couple cool people over to watch scary movies, eat copious amounts of candy, and drink a little wine. Or drink copious amounts of wine and eat a little candy. Or have copious amounts of both. Do you.


There should be a national warning sent out about single Geminis this week, because you guys are going to be flirt machines. I mean, even more so than you usually are. Fire up the apps, Gemini, because this week you are charming, attractive, and (for some reason) down to make conversation with strangers. If you’re a Gemini in a relationship, now is a really good time to say all the sh*t you’ve been worried about these past few months, while your communication skills are still on point.


This week is all about self-care for you, Cancer. Honor the sudden urge to start a new diet, or try a new fitness class. You’re on a health and fitness kick that you’ll actually be motivated to see through, so don’t wait! Sign up for that 6am yoga class and then buy yourself a new pair of leggings as a reward for even entertaining the idea of a morning workout.


You’re having a style moment right now, Leo. You’re going to be looking and feeling great this week, with your creativity cranked all the way up to “Lady Gaga.” You’ll feel confident enough to try out some new outfit combos—maybe even a power clash—and you’ll pull them all off. Trust your gut, and be sure to use #OOTD on all your Instagrams. The world deserves to see these lewks.


You know that one friend from high school who you always see online and wish you’d kept in touch with? This is the week to call them. While going over five years of boyfriends and breakups and jobs and bullsh*t can seem overwhelming, this week you’re feeling chatty and communicative enough to take that on. Time to slide into your long lost friend’s DMs and set up that FaceTime date. They’ll be back in your life ASAP, and who doesn’t like having one more person to talk sh*t with?


I’ve got two words for you, Libra: Happy hour. This week, you are going to be feeling social every damn day, meaning you cannot wait until Friday to pop off. Nope. This is going to be one of those weeks where Monday through Thursday partying is on the table, and that means scoping out the best happy hours near your work place and lining up your partners in crime. Just remember to drink water. You still have to work in the morning.


This week is all about making that paper, Scorpio. You’ve got a lot of activity going on in your finances right now, and this is the week to sit down and figure it tf out. Take some time to sit down and look at your expenses. It might be hard to look at exactly how much you’ve spent on Starbucks this year, but it’s necessary if you want to ever go on that Bali vacation you’ve been dreaming about.


You’ve heard of “no new friends,” but have you heard of “wait actually, I probably do need some new friends”? This week you’ll be open to the possibility of maybe—potentially—adding someone new to your friend group. Pay attention to the girl across the bar rolling her eyes at the same rando’s conversation, or that chick you always see on your block with the amazing shoe collection. Either could end up being your new BFF or, at the very least, someone new you can text all day instead of working.


Okay Cap, you need to take a f*cking breather. You’re racing through sh*t at an insane pace right now, and there’s no way you’re going to keep up. Plus, there’s no way you haven’t made some p egregious errors in your haste. Take a moment. Take a breath. Do a meditation tape, and maybe go back through last week’s work with a fine-tooth comb. You’re bound to have missed something.


We’re one week away from an election, Aquarius, and your social justice-y ways are definitely going to be cranked up to the max. Figure out what you can do this week to feel useful. Maybe find a candidate or a cause that you’re into and do some phone banking for it? Dare I say, knock on some doors? You’ll burn off some of that excess election energy, and a few well-placed canvassing Insta stories will show the world you don’t just tweet about sh*t, you actually do sh*t. It’s a win-win.


Your ambition is through the roof this week, Pisces, meaning it’s time to pull out the old vision board and start making some lists. Identify a couple projects for the upcoming year that would make you really happy, whether it be snagging that promotion or finally re-doing your apartment. Whatever it is, take some time this week to outline how exactly you’ll make that happen, then execute. Just make sure the goal is specific and reasonable. Hate to break it to ya, but there’s no way for you to “become Ariana Grande.” It’s just…not possible.

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Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.