It's Holiday Party Season: Weekly Horoscopes For December 10-14

It’s the second week of December and you know what that means: we’re officially in holiday party season. Will you be the life of the party, or the coworker who pukes in the break room and gets alcohol banned from work events forever? Only the stars can tell. Read your weekly horoscopes for December 10-14 below.


This week you’re not here to make friends. You’ll be feeling an urge to keep things absolutely 100, no matter how many hurt feels it may cause. If you’re headed into a situation where a dose of truth serum might not be the best move (i.e any work event with alcohol), fire up the old group chat and get ready to run to the bathroom and express your deepest annoyances there. It’s a sacred space.


We’ve got two words for you, Taurus: self-care. It’s time to take a hard look at your jam-packed pre-holidays schedule and see what events are actually necessary, and which ones can be cut. Yes, it would be nice to go to every holiday party, help your friend move, and solve world hunger, but it’s not going to happen, and trying to squeeze it all in will make you f*cking insane. Megan can find someone else to help her move her couch. You wouldn’t have been that good at it anyway.


It’s time to explore all the options cuffing season has to offer! You’re going to feel particularly inclined to settle down this week, Gemini, so if you have someone to settle down with, it’s time to have the dreaded “what are we?” talk. If not, beware that your urge to cuff might blind you to some serious red flags. You’re not actually desperate enough to start dating someone who still comments on Insta models’ photos. Not yet, at least.


You’re in the mood to get your health and fitness in check this week, Cancer, so take advantage of it! When was the last time you actually wanted to meal prep? Sign up for that after-work yoga class now before you lose the motivation to go. Considering how many calories you’ll be consuming at your office holiday party coming up, any healthy choices you make now will be much appreciated.


You’re ready to party, just in time for office holiday party season! Lucky you. You’ll be in the mood to put on your most festive ugly Christmas sweater and party with 10-20 of your most esteemed coworkers and colleagues. Just remember that this is still like, a professional event, and getting on top of the printer and forcing people to do shots with you might not be appropriate.


You’re on the brink of overextending yourself with holiday cheer this year, Virgo. Sure, you want to accept every holiday party and winter-related activity invitation that comes your way, but you do also need to sleep. As an added bonus, cutting out unnecessary holiday events means less money spent on bullsh*t secret Santa gifts for people you barely care about.


Get ready to dig up your old Fall Out Boy CD, Libra, because you’re feeling emo this week. Don’t worry, emo is a very valid emotion. Take time for yourself and give yourself space to do whatever it is you need to start feeling good again. And yes, that does include crying in the shower to Death Cab.


Trust no b*tch this week, Scorpio. Your bullsh*t detector is on high, and it will serve you well. ‘Tis the season to be shady, after all. If your f*ckboy’s story about texting “his cousin” at the dinner table, or your sister’s story about how she “accidentally” borrowed your favorite dress doesn’t add up to you, that’s probably because it’s a f*cking lie. Act accordingly.


I hate to tell you this, Sagittarius, but it’s time to take a real look at your finances. Preferably before you go out and buy extravagant presents for everyone you’ve ever met (and yourself for good measure). Can you actually afford to treat every member of your family to a spa day? Do you really need to do a holiday photoshoot for your cat? These are questions you should ask yourself before proceeding to checkout.


Be careful, Capricorn, because the end of the year has you low-key losing your sh*t. While you’re usually known for keeping it together even in times of crisis, emotions are running high this week. Don’t be surprised if you end up having a good old fashioned cry in public. Once it’s done, do yourself a favor and treat yourself to [insert your favorite unhealthy food here]. You’ll be back to your usual self (aka dead inside) before you can say “happy new year!”


Oooh aren’t you popular this week? You’re going to get an influx of texts, event invites, and Instagram likes and hey, you don’t hate it. Try to use this newfound popularity to make connections and, most importantly, get free sh*t. Now is the perfect time.


I know it’s crazy to start any projects before the new year, but you should really start some projects this week. You’re feeling the powerful combo of both motivation and creativity, and you can’t let it go to waste. Buckle down and get started on your 2019 goals now, and then you’ll be that much further ahead come January 1 when all your friends are just starting their sober month.

Images: Giphy (6)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.