How To Survive The Full Work Week: Weekly Horoscopes

Lucky for all signs this week, everything is pretty chill. Sure, last week you were basically on vacation all week long even if you were technically at work. Who just puts Fourth of July on a Tuesday? Thanks, 2017. This week is one of slow transitions, nothing should feel too out of place and Mercury isn’t in retrograde or some shit so don’t worry about your whole world getting a shake up. It’s cool, it’s calm, it’s super casual. Basically, it’s your normal life in the most normal way possible.


Um, do you feel a Pinterest project coming on? As the artisan of the zodiac, you’re feeling especially craft this week. Even if you don’t usually DIY, hosting your own paint and sip or something will scratch that creative itch while giving you a chill way to drink with your friends. Let’s face it, after last week, you might need a slight break from hitting it so hard and your wallet could use the break too. Find a way to be creative and social while also drinking frosé. You’re not a bore whore, you’re just more into the kick back than the rage for this week. Totally fine.


Your pace is pretty quick. You’re all over the place just living life, running errands, and trying to maintain an active social calendar. You’re quick to say what’s on your mind this week, which is probably a pretty good thing. You’re not about to beat around the bush with some creepy guy who keeps @-ing you on Tinder. You’re also not going to let your coworkers walk all over you as they try to slip out for more summer fun while you cover their shifts. You ain’t about that life this week. Standing the fuck up for yourself now will let everyone know where they stand with you once and for all.

Stand Up For Yourself


As per usual, Gemini betches are split between two lives this week. Half of you wants to throw some cash around. After all, you work fucking hard for that money and basically deserve to splurge. The other half of you is worried about having the funding to do something you really want to do in the future. Split the difference this week. Do some shopping or whatever makes you happy, but then put a decent chunk in savings so you can afford that study abroad semester or lengthy Caribbean vacation or whatever it is you have your eye on in the future. Don’t worry about going all cold turkey on not spending anything so you can have something in the future. A girl’s gotta eat, right?


The Sun and Mars are basically giving you shots of bee pollen this week, meaning you’ll be especially energized without ever having to see a sketchy LA doctor who inoculates you with that shit in a supply closet. Wait, what. NVM. Anyway, you’ll have a lot of energy to keep the summer fun of last week rolling into this week. This week you’ll reach meditation levels of clarity so you know exactly what goals you want to reach and how to get there. Plus, you’ll have enough energy to start putting some of those plans into action. Nice.



You feel, like, really weirdly off your game this week. As a Leo, you usually want to be the life of the party with lots of attention and a take-charge attitude. This week, you’re kind of okay will taking a back seat on pretty much all of it. Sure, it’ll feel super weird and like you’ve totally lost your mojo because you’re not out and about really going after everything you want. It’s chill, though. With your birthday around the corner, you’ll be well-rested to hit it hard and get back to 100% you.


You’ve been grinding away lately without anyone really taking notice. Which is fine, it’s not like you NEED the attention or anything. Whatever. Well, this week, all your hard work will come to fruition and pay out some big dividends. Whether it’s just good karma or an actual raise at work, it’s about time you got recognized for not calling in sick when you’re just hungover and for always asking your boss if they want a coffee when you’re out getting your own. In fact, results of all that tedious effort will be bigger than you even imagined.

Liz Lemon


Like, how may times did you see Wonder Woman? If you say just once, I don’t really believe you because you’re really going for it with the superhero attitude this week. You’re not backing down from big challenges and the position of the Sun is casting a flattering light on you for pretty much whatever you do. Even if you’re really not doing anything different, bosses, friends and basically everyone else will see you as super. Don’t try to fight it and just use all of that fun attention to your best advantage.


You’ve been having, like, really deep and intellectual conversations lately and you’re totally not mad about it. This week, your craving to learn will increase. Like, you might even want to pick up a non-fiction work instead of your regular best-seller beach read before heading out on your next vacation. Your desire to know more about the world and others around you is totally heightened. Kind of like how Kylie wanted to “realize stuff” that one time, except, you actually will be doing that and no one will roast you for it.



With Venus opposite your sign, you’re all about the bargain this week. Not like, shopping—well, I guess that too. But your powers of negotiation will be on point. Want to rework your schedule in the office? This is a great week to plead your case and ask for some more vacation. Also, if you have an impending DTR with a summer fling that kind of turned into more this early in the season, just go for it. Your powers of persuasion will  make sure whatever you want the relation to be will become a reality.


After a July 4th week of a lot of social interactions with acquaintances and people you don’t really give a shit about, your focus on your besties and family will return this week. Be forewarned, Mars is making you a little more judgmental of the life choices of others. If you can’t keep your strong opinions to yourself, try to put a little space between you and the person you’re casting shade on for a minute. Some time apart will give you a better perspective.



With Mercury opposite your sign, you really feel like your opinion is the most important and valid in the room. You might want to put that attitude in check at work before tensions with a coworker arise. Don’t keep that shit bottled up, though. Picking a trusted source to vent to is especially important so you don’t, like, explode. Likewise, don’t run your mouth to just anyone. Not all betches can be trusted this week. Especially since most people are kind of bored with their own lives and would like nothing more than to stir the pot.


The party is following you wherever you go. You’re fun, flirty and attention-grabbing this week. Hell, blame the summer heat, but even your sex drive is up. Part of all this makes you panic because you feel like you should be working harder and striving for you goals nonstop. Hey, give yourself a little break for the next few weeks. You’ll get back on track with the plans for the future and all of that shit before summer is over. You rarely take time to just enjoy your life and live in the moment so that’s basically all that should be on your agenda right now.

Hair Flip