It’s Monday again, and that means one thing: UGH. Back to the work week. Whether you spent your weekend living out your weekend horoscope and doing a bunch of drugs at a festival or just drinking a lot because it was finally kind of nice out, going back to the grind probably has got you down. Or is that just me? Whatever. We can’t really help you with your struggles in any concrete way, but we can tell you what the stars have in store for you this week. So strap in and chug some water because Friday is a long ways away.
Aries
Mercury is changing signs right now. If you studied mythology whatsoever you would know that Mercury is the messenger god. Homeboy wants you to get the message that things are going to be busy as shit for the next few weeks. You’ll be running all over the place and, weirdly, it’ll feel like your thoughts are running too. Take a second to be a true millennial and engage in some self-care or whatever bullshit we’re calling drinking tea and painting your nails these days.
Taurus
Venus is in your sign and like the razor commercials say, you’ll feel like someone’s fire, someone’s desire. Heyo! This is a great week to go shopping because you’ll basically fall in love with yourself and how you look in the mirror. You’ll also be more motivated to socialize because basically everyone you meet will also be falling in love with your charming personality and hot AF body. It’s best to attend any event where much clothing isn’t required.
Gemini
With Mercury, your ruler, in your sign starting this week you’re feeling your absolute best. Something about your birthday month always puts you in a good mood, probably because it’s the start of summer and you’re getting a shit-ton of attention just for surviving another year of life. If you have to give a speech or presentation this week, this is the best time to do it. Your confidence is at a high for the year and everyone pretty much thinks you can do no wrong.
Cancer
It’s kind of a mixed bag for you this week. Venus is making you want to be social and charming, but Mercury and the Sun want you to hide out and take alone time. It’s one of those times where you definitely are hyped for plans when they’re being made, but when it’s time to shower and get ready you suddenly don’t want to text your friends back. I mean, that’s probably how you are most of the time, but the struggle will definitely be more real this week.
Leo
Leo is usually take-charge and a leader, but this week you’re wanting to take more charge of your life when it comes to social shit and your goals. Some weekend Instagram posts gave you serious FOMO, so you should work on making jealousy-inducing summer plans so you’re not the one stuck at home in the future. Likewise, if there’s a status or position your reaching for, it’s best to make those moves now, as this is a time where others see you favorably and you’re feeling your most persuasive and fun.
Virgo
That lucky betch Virgo still has the Sun at the top of her chart. You’re still being cast in a super favorable light and everything you do seems to be #blessed. Now Mercury is moving to the top of your chart so you’ll have more pull with people in positions of power. It’s a good time to ask for more days off for summer vacation or gain some favor with your superiors. Take care of that stuff now, because Venus is starting to attract more travel opportunities for you this week.
Libra
When Venus is in Taurus, that’s actually good news for you as well. Meaning you’re actually in luck this week even though your sign is being kinda boring. Venus is attracting more wealth to you. Instead of blowing it on a weekend trip, try to stay home for the next few weekends so you can save up for something truly epic in the future. Little purchases are adding up right now, so be careful that you’re not throwing your money away on stupid shit when something better, and more expensive, is awaiting you in the future.
Scorpio
Things are on the mend with you and a significant other or one of your friends. Yeah, that person you have been feeling weird around? It’s time to clear the air this week so you both can just move the fuck on or forward. Since Mercury is changing signs this week, cue the existential crisis or pre-existential crisis. Have your mom or bestie on speed dial. You don’t really need advice, you just need someone to talk to so you can work your shit out on your own.
Sagittarius
You’ll be much better at explaining shit to people this week. Whether that’s telling someone how you feel or pitching a new idea or proposal at work, everything you say is going to come out clear and be well received. Venus is also promoting good relations with your coworkers, so if you’ve been putting off asking Linda to cover for you while you take a vacation, this is the best week to ask.
Capricorn
Your focus on health is getting stronger—probably because you got tagged in some unflattering Instagram pictures during Memorial Day and you realize winter did ya dirty. Up your green juice intake or switch your daily Diet Coke to water. Whatever is going to make you feel better about yourself, just do that. Feeling better and healthier will put you in a better mood and more likely to handle some not-so-great news headed your way.
Aquarius
Your mischievous side really wants to come out and play in the month ahead. You’re just craving to get into some trouble of some sort. Instead of starting an illicit affair with a married man or firing up Tinder just to mess with poor, lonely losers, channel that desire to add excitement to your life in a different way. Plan something fun and different outside like beer olympics or a pool party. That might sound lame, but you need something somewhat exciting and adventurous that won’t fuck up your life to keep you out of really unnecessary drama.
^I hope you liked that gif. You know who you are.
Pisces
You’re in a rebuilding time right now. Something in your life didn’t go exactly as planned so you need to re-channel your energy and efforts into something you can control so you know it’ll go right. Things are on the upswing, though. Venus is drawing more and more social invitations your way. Don’t be afraid to stack that calendar for summer. The more you have to do right now, the happier you’ll actually be.
