Your Betchy Weekly Horoscopes, February 6-12th


It’s about damn time you had an overwhelmingly positive horoscope. Spoiler alert, this is not that week. Okay, so, some things will go well for you. You’ll probs feel the love in your friend group and stay busy with social activities. Friday’s full moon could really wreck your shit as far as relationships go. Maybe pass on drinking your weight in tequila on Friday night and starting a fight with your boyfriend. Save that for Saturday and you should be fine.


After a pretty shitty winter of literal and metaphorical shade, we bring back some sunshine to your life this week. The Sun is at the top of your chart this week giving you some much-needed positive attention. The full moon on Friday might make you a little more visible than you bargained for. Like, expect a casual drunk tweet to get an abnormal number of likes and retweets. So don’t like, tweet anything stupid that will get you fired from your job. In fact, maybe you should stay off social media altogether if you’re drinking.


Let’s face it, the last couple months have been kind of a bore-fest. Like, the holidays are cool, but the combination of shitty weather and everyone’s general bad mood has significantly cut down on the fun you could be having. That changes this week and your social life gets more exciting again. Thank god. As we get closer to Friday’s full moon, expect to have a clumsy streak. You might burn yourself with a curling iron, and yes, the burn will look like a huge hickey. Or you might sneeze while putting on mascara. Yikes. Just be careful out there.


Boss Bitch

Venus and Mars are at the top of your chart this week, which does wonders for your career. Mars makes you ambitious AF, and Venus paves the way for you to have smooth interaction with your superiors. People are also going to turn to you for some type of advice this week. No, you’re not fucking Dr. Phil, but you can help a sister out. Just do your best to pass on your worldly wisdom.


Fuck this noise (you casually say to yourself after reading this horoscope). The Sun is still opposite your sign so you’ll still be tired as shit all week with like, little to no motivation. Also, Friday is a full moon which means things will be a bit off in the 48 hours leading up to the weekend—like the kind of off where you get in the shower with your socks still on. Expect to be stressed AF basically all week. K, don’t kill me. Survive this week and we’ll work on a more positive outlook for you.


You’re trying to keep everything as smooth as Nutella this week. OK, maybe forget I mentioned Nutella because you’re in the process of creating better habits for yourself right now, i.e. not eating half a jar of Nutella a night. You might be doing a dry month (ew) or just trying to lose the three pounds you gained on Super Bowl Sunday. The full moon on Friday will stress you out, making you want to fall into your old habits or text an ex or some shit. Fight the urge and you’ll really thank yourself next week.


Thinking about Valentine’s Day quickly approaching isn’t even going to kill the party for you this week. Did I just remind you? Uh, sorry. Anyway, the good news is most things are actually pretty kickass right now, and this week is just a fun, sexy time for you. Libra betches still can’t escape the wrath of the full moon, though. It’s going to cause tension between you and your S.O. or one of your close friends. Once again, not great news for Valentine’s Day. Which, like I said, is right around the corner.


The full moon this weekend has your mind kind of fuzzy. Unfortunately, you’ll be able to focus on less important things like school and work and responsibilities, and the important stuff like your friends and social life will be an afterthought. Gross, right? You also have to be on guard this week about what you say. One of your classic snarky comments (which are usually welcome and always hilarious) could land the wrong way with a coworker and land you in a meeting with HR. Keep the snark limited to your group chat and not the office—just this week, though.


As a lucky Sagittarius this week, your romantic prospects actually look really promising as we inch closer to Valentine’s Day. Don’t make it weird with someone you’ve yet to DTR with. Just be chill and don’t work yourself up too much about it. Like the rest of the signs, the full moon this weekend kind of fucks some stuff up. Getting lost in your own thoughts and some sort of emotional drama might make you more clumsy than usual.


You’re doing some casual soul-searching this week, like, trying to decide what things are really important to you and shit. Woah, deep. You’re probably trying to figure out what direction your life should take, probably concerning a new path or career. Whatever it is, remember that your besties have your back and actually are open to talking and working things out with you. The full moon might bungle your finances, though. Whatevs. Just make sure to keep an eye on your bank account and don’t forget to check your mail for important tax papers and shit.


You’re a strong, badass betch this week. While it’s kind of a mixed bag for a lot of the other signs, you’re actually having a super decent week. Things will go smoothly at work and school because you’re a combination of charming, prepared and diplomatic. Nice. Things could slightly take a turn for the worst with Friday’s Full Moon. Just like, don’t bring up anything controversial with your friends or try to settle a roommate disagreement. Things could escalate in a really bad way. Just be cautious.


Unfortunately, you’re feeling kind of powerless this week. Like, you’re dying to make some changes, but you’re feeling like you don’t have much control over the situations you’re trying to change. Literally the worst feeling, right? It’s a good time to take a look at your goals and really try to make changes with things you can control, like watching Netflix on the treadmill instead of in your bed. The full moon on Friday might cause tension with most of the other signs, but being an excellent communicator as a Pisces will allow you to help others smooth things over.