Here Are Your Weekly Horoscopes For October 16th-22nd

This week, the stars and planets back off their bullshit a bit, so you’re mostly in the clear from any major catastrophes. This week, the only New Moon in Libra for the year occurs. You’re like, “sure, great but WTF does that mean for my life?” Well, it means you should make a short-term goal that you can easily achieve in the next four weeks. Do you, like, really need to lose three pounds? The next month is the best time for you to make a plan, put it in to action and execute. You know, so you can gain it all back right in time for Thanksgiving.


It might just be because it’s cuffing season, but your desire to commit to something is flaring. Normally, cancelling plans is NBD, but in the next four weeks, people bailing on plans or flaking out on whatever will really grind your gears. Likewise, you should be committed to, well, keeping the commitments you make. Your ability to follow through will totally be noticed by someone with some authority over you, and they’ll be super impressed.


The New Moon affects your job and your health in the next four weeks. It’s kind of shitty, but if your health suffers, so does your work, usually. Maybe keep an extra packet of Emergen-C in your desk and also keep that hand sanitizer nearby. Getting sick right now would be the worst, because fall weekends are some of the best all year. You don’t want to sniffle through the tailgate next weekend, do you? Yeah, no. Eat a vegetable. Wash your hands. Stay away from anyone who sneezes.



The New Moon takes place in a part of your chart that has a lot of control over your love life. In the next week, it’s probs best that you take a good, hard look at where you stand in your romantic life, and if you like where you are or if you need to make a big fucking change to get you where you need to be. So take this week as one of reflection. Next week, you’ll start manifesting your romantic destiny as you put your new plan into action. TBH, you probably already have a decent idea of what you need to do to achieve more happiness, so like, why aren’t you doing that?


Not to sound totally lame, but the Cancer betch is sort of the homebody of the zodiac. Like, there’s nothing you love more than a night in sweatpants, cuddled up with Netflix. Sure, you get out a lot to be social, but all the memes about cancelled plans speak to your soul. This New Moon kinda fucks with your head when it comes to what makes you feel cozy, safe, and at home. Just because your opinions on that shit might be changing doesn’t mean you need to fight it. If what you’re comfortable doing isn’t making you happy, you need to break out of your blanket burrito and make a big change.

Yes To Staying In More


A Leo usually has high standards for herself and the people around her. When the people you trust disappoint you, though, you can take it pretty hard. This week, it’s important you communicate your expectations with others. Do you need your boyfriend to go down on you more? Do you need you bestie to stop flaking out on brunch plans? Work on expressing your feelings to people since they’re not fucking mind readers—even though they should be. It might save some of your relationships and keep you from just cutting people off cold turkey leaving them wondering wtf happened.


The New Moon is in your money chart, betch. Is that good? Mmm, well, not really. You’re feeling a lot of guilt around your finances—whether it be you think you’re asking too much from mom and dad or you just figure you need to control your spending habits. Most people run from talking about or even looking over their finances. That should not be you this week. You need to figure out the root of the problem and address it in the next month. Otherwise, you’ll be zeroed out by Christmas, and no one wants to be the shitty friend who can’t afford nice presents for others.

Dave Chappelle


The only New Moon in your sign for the year happens this week! This is giving you a keen sense of clarity about your life. You’ll see yourself more objectively. So whether you have a lot of false confidence or you’re too self-deprecating, that will become increasingly clear over the next week. Once you figure out a way in which you can improve upon your already amazing personality, you should make a small but consistent effort to incorporate that change in your life. Even if it’s something small, like not leaving your friends on read or showing up on time to plans, the benefits will be huge later on down the road.


The New Moon happens in a hidden part of your chart so you’re not quite as outwardly contemplative as the rest of the signs over the next four weeks. In fact, deciding that you need to change something in your life might sneak up on your in some sort of Inception-type way. Like, someone will make a one-off comment about you this week and you’ll really take it to heart. Instead of thinking that person was making a personal fucking attack on you, figure out why it bothered you so much and go from there.

Offense That's Rude


Something might feel a little off in your group chat this week, as the New Moon affects how you see your friend group dynamic. Are your friends the type of quality people you really want to be around? Or, if quality isn’t necessarily what you want, are they the type of degenerates that are always fun to party with but also, like, hold your hair when you puke? It’s important to figure out if you’re just hanging with these bitches because you met them during orientation or if they’re really ride or die.


The New Moon is at the top of your chart, so it’s prime time for you to make some long and short-term goals about where you see yourself this time next year. Do you see yourself dating the person you’re with now in a year’s time? Do you see yourself sitting at the same shitty desk? Do you see yourself reading your horoscope on your same couch in your fugly apartment? If the answer is “No” to any or all of the above, it’s best you figure it out now and start taking tiny but substantial steps to be in a new life location in 12 months.



The New Moon wants you to be less boring and start expanding your horizons. Sure, you’re not the most exciting sign in the zodiac, but you could definitely work on spicing things up a bit in basically every aspect of your life. Start thinking about plans this week to try something new, even if it’s just a different workout class. Or maybe start looking at flights and schedules for that dream trip. The change of pace and scenery is going to open you up to the opportunities you’ve been itching for.


You’re generally pretty contemplative, so the New Moon will kick that into overdrive starting this week. The New Moon happens in the area of your chart that focuses on sex and reproduction, ew. Do you really want kids and your bf says “hard pass”? Are you being totes satisfied in the bedroom? Should you freeze your eggs? These questions are usually the harder ones to come to grips with, but you might want to tackle them now while the stars have your back when making a decision.

Biological Clock